


Tied up and Dead to the World

by HurtTheOnesILove



Category: Blink-182, CKY (Band), Foo Fighters, Nirvana (Band), Slipknot (Band), Stone Sour
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:41:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 132
Words: 157,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28940880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HurtTheOnesILove/pseuds/HurtTheOnesILove
Summary: Lauren gets the chance of a lifetime to intern for her idol, songwriter and musician, Amelya Ricci. Giving up her entire life seemed easy but how she handles being around the rich and famous, is a whole other story.***most chapters will be written in either Lauren or Amelyas point of view.***
Relationships: Bam Margera/Original Female Character(s), Corey Taylor/Original Character(s), Tom Delonge/Original Character(s)





	1. Chapter 1

Lauren shook slightly as she walked up to the crowded bathroom airport mirror and examined her reflection. She looked like she just spent ten hours on a plane from NYC. Sighing she leaned down to the sink and splashed cold water on her 28 year old face, throwing her hair up in a messy bun. How bad could this be?! She was interning for a pretty famous songwriter and musician, Amelya Ricci, and she was nervous as hell. The black dress shirt hung loosely to her body- her jeans tight against her skin. Her makeup was non-existent- and now her hair was damp around her face. She didn't want to look like she was trying too hard but also didn't want to come off as a bum.

Lauren sighed loudly again and grabbed her duffle bag, leaving the bathroom and walking towards outside world of the LAX airport for the first time. According to the email she was to be out front at 11:30am, looking for a red mustang convertible. Wondering briefly who was picking her up she thought back to how she ended up here.

****  
It all began with a Facebook post. She was in her final year of school for her masters in music theory- and had recently become sort of obsessed with the musician who she was writing her final project on... a 45 page detailed report on musicians who work in the background as songwriters, specifically the girl responsible for 60% of her favorite songs, ranging from all genres- Amelya Ricci. Laurens obsession became more intense after finding Amelya on social media and following her work over the remainder of the school year. At 3 weeks from graduating she saw the post that made her heart stop slightly.

What's Up Facebook Addicts?! One of the record companies I work with closely is looking for a fresh-out-of-college employee and they asked me to find the golden goose. So, here's the deal. You send me your resume, credentials, and an essay telling me why you deserve the job. I'll read thru them next week. If I chose you then you'll spend six months shadowing me. Yeah, ya heard me. Go where I go and do what I do. If you can hack it and learn something- the jobs yours. Good luck.

Lauren immediately began working on it and by the end of the day had it submitted. In her essay she talked about her love of Blink 182 and how she followed them on social media, listened to their albums hundreds of times and how Amelya herself was her favorite song writer.

It was two weeks before Lauren got an email from the record company saying she was chosen out of 650 applicants. After hyperventilating- she read on further, the email included when she was to fly out, where to go and what to bring.

*$2,500 cash for food, shopping and other expenses to cover six months  
*2 weeks of clothes- including bathing suits  
*passport and drivers licence  
*duffle bag only (no big suitcases)  
*cell phone and charger  
*signed contracts

Now- here she is, standing out in the sun at LAX ready to vomit for the third time today. She watches people of all ages hugging and laughing, so happy just to be together. Lauren left everything behind for this job- and no matter how crazy it sounded she had never felt saner. Her boyfriend had been expecting her to be home over his break when he came home from the middle east but now he would be joined by an empty bed. Her parents just bought them a beautiful condo a year prior and didn't understand how she could leave everything for an unknown life when hers was mapped out already. They complained for three weeks about the "fund it yourself" internship and the "maybe if your good enough" job.

A red convertible roared in front of her, pulling her deep out of her thoughts. There, in front of her, was the glamour and sex appeal of the music industry, Amelya. She quieted the Rob Zombie blasting from her speakers and got out of the car. Sunglasses covering her eyes, black tank top and denim shorts the only clothing covering her body, beside the flip flops on her feet. Her nails were perfectly French manicured, her tan skin tight and her long black hair cascading down her back and shoulders as she approached.

"Hi, I'm Mia." She said in a surprisingly deep voice, like one of those girls from the late night 1-800 commercials. "Get in." All Lauren could do was nod.

****  
In all reality this was the last thing Mia wanted to be doing today. It took her an hour to pull herself away from the man that fills her nights, and it wasn't like she needed the money. She took on some young kid for a summer almost every year- but this time it just felt different. She thought back to this morning and wished to go back as the girl climbed into her car, looking like she was going to puke. Shooting her a second forced smile she put the car in drive and blasted the music, leaving the airport and flying down the highway towards her home away from home.


	2. Driving In Silence

Lauren's P.O.V.

I kept myself steady as I made my way into her car, placing my duffle in the back seat. With my seatbelt securely on I examined Mia's features as she began driving, while turning the music back up to deafening levels. She was totally beautiful, even at 36 years old, and I couldn't wait to learn from her. I had so many questions but she didn't once make eye contact with me or even seem to acknowledge my existence in the five or so minutes I studied her.

Relaxing, I began staring out at the world around me. The sun shined brighter than I even thought possible and it smelled so different from home, cleaner somehow. I wish I spent time studying the roads and landmarks so I had some clue as to where I was going. She flew down the highway along the coast at illegal speeds, driving as if she spent years competing in NASCAR. She made it seem effortless and I wondered if that was just her as a person or if I was still starstruck.

About an hour and a half into the drive she turned the music off and spoke to me, making me jump a little at the change in volume. "So, I have to pee, do you have to go?" I laughed nervously, trying to figure out if I should tell her my bladder has been screaming at me for almost twenty minutes.

"Yeah. Absolutely. That would be great." I said and she chuckled, pushing the sunglasses up on her head and lighting a cigarette.

"There is an in-and-out burger like, I dunno, ten minutes up the road. I was planning on stopping there and getting something to drink and going if you can make it till then." I nodded and she chuckled again. "Ya know, if you had to go all you needed to do was speak up. I swear I don't bite."

"I know... I'm sorry. I'm just nervous." I said, almost at a whisper.

"Don't be. Your with me for the next six months. Loosen up. But seriously, my bladder is gonna explode. While we are there you and I can go over your contracts before we can continue our journey."

We pulled up to the burger shop seven minutes later and we both ran to the bathroom like the car was gonna explode. I asked if my things were okay and she reassured me that everyone knew who's car it was. After getting milkshakes we sat down at a table in the back and she took my contracts, unfolding them and reading them over.

"Okay, so you have the non-disclosure one signed and the injury one from the record company one signed. Do you understand them both?" She asked me and I shrugged slightly.

"Basically I am not to say anything I hear or see while shadowing you and any injury or whatnot that happens to me- you and the record company are not responsible for. Right?"

"Yeah, basically. But I got one more for you." She said, digging in her pocket and unfolding a piece of legal sized paper. "This- is my personal NDA. It states that under no circumstances are you to ever discuss, write or any other such form of communication with any other person anything you you do, see, experience or learn, unless I authorize you to do so." I nodded slowly and signed it, causing her to place it back in her pocket with the others.

"Okay, so now what? Can I ask? Do you live around here?" I asked nervously, starstruck as someone with a camera took pictures of her from across the resturant.

"Me? Hell no. Two hours back up the highway. But, I left my cellphone on my boyfriend's dresser this morning and my dog at his house. I completely forgot today was 'the day' till my phone reminder went off. I am a little off my game this morning." She said chuckling. "And on that note it's time to get on the road."

We tossed the end of our milkshakes and got back in the car, this time the music low and light conversation taking place about the weather and traffic. When the song "dammit" came on I began to sing along and she turned it up a little till it was over, singing along with me. After, she clicked off the music and smiled at me when she caught me staring at her.

"I know I'm staring at you, I just can't believe you worked with Blink 182 all these years. Or any other band really... but I had posters of those guys in my room as a teenager."

"Yeah I know- that's what your essay said. So we are gonna rip this bandaid off now. Because if you can't handle yourself around someone you fantasize about- you won't be able to work with me."

"Oh I understand- I think I will be fine." I said quietly, wondering what she meant when she said that.

"We are touring with Blink in about a week. You gotta mentally prepare yourself."

"I don't think it will be hard after the initial shock. I mean Tom is the one I crushed on all these years and he's not in Blink anymore." I said sadly, making her smirk.

She turned the music back up, it was on some punk band I hadn't heard before, as we drove down beautiful streets and stopped in front of a gate. She punched the code and the gate opened, my heart skipping a beat as she drove up to the house. This is a house you would see in a fancy housing magazine. I was in awe.

She parked beside a black Porsche and hopped out of the car then stopped at the door, motioning me to follow her. Before she opened the door she smiled at me again and whispered, "Don't lose your shit okay? I'm kind of throwing you in the deep end. Don't puke!!" I nodded as she let us into the beautiful home, calling out as she walked, me following behind her.

"Hey I'm back. Traffic was a bitch." A German Shepard ran into the room, jumping up to her and licking her face as she pet him, hugging him close. "Heyyyy Ringo. What's up boy?" She said as he calmed him.

He then ran up to me and I knelt down, petting his soft fur and getting hundreds of doggy kisses.

"Hey babe, I missed you" I heard a voice say and I looked up to see Mia kissing the man I crushed on for over half my life.

Tom Delonge.

It didn't make sense. I knew he was married with two kids, I followed him on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook for crying out loud. But here he was, kissing the girl I idolized and I realized in that moment I wanted to be her even more. I stood again as the kiss ended and he flashed me an award-winning smile.

"Hey I'm Tom" he said simply as he stuck out his hand for me to shake.

"Lauren." I responded, shaking his hand and hoping my palm wasn't sweaty.

"I know. Your essay was pretty great. I told Mia she had to pick you. The rest just weren't as compelling. You are gonna learn a lot from this chick." He said, winking at me and throwing an arm around Mia's waist, fishing in his pocket and pulling out a cellphone. "I believe this is yours?"

"Thank you sir." She responded and he kissed her on the cheek. "So, introductions out of the way I definitely don't feel like driving home tonight so can we crash here?"

"mi casa es tu casa" he said. "Jen and the kids don't come home till tomorrow."

"You comfortable with that?" She asked me and I nodded. "Great. It's settled then. I'm gonna go put on my bathing suit cause your pool is bigger than mine and you distracted me last night from actually swimming."

"Yeah. Yeah" he responded, smacking her butt playfully as she walked down the hall, Ringo in tow. "Your memory is cloudy, you initiated." She laughed as she disappeared into a room.

I stood awkwardly with my hands in my pockets for a few minutes before he chuckled. "Shit. You wanna go swimming with us? I can show you to the guest room to change or you can just hang out in here. Up to you."

"Uh, yeah sure. I'll swim.....thanks." I said quietly and then headed towards the front door to grab my bag, Tom following along.

"This is probably insane for you.." He said, holding the door open.

"Yeah..... it is...." I said quietly, unknown of what to really say. I couldn't get over how attractive he still was at 43, and how his muscles still looked so hard. "I have the biggest crush on you..." I said and felt my face turn beet red.

"Aww..." he said hugging me briefly. "The shock will pass. I promise. Just relax. I'm just a guy who plays guitar. And Mia was so worried about being late this morning. She didn't want to let you down."

"She wouldn't have. This has always been my dream" I said leaning against her car as Tom lit a cigarette, offering me one which I accepted.

"She wasn't gonna take on interns after Blink broke up a few years ago. But..... New album, New tour.... the record company is breathing down her neck..."

"Yeah I get it."

"And honestly, between us, after the last intern went crazy and posted private things she learned while working with her on social media- she just....... She lost hope. But your essay touched her. I hope it all works out."

"Can I ask you something that's none of my business?" I said and he nodded, throwing his cigarette on the pavement and stomping on it with his vans.

"How does it work between you two? Ya know, with you being married? I mean I see you on Instagram sometimes with Mia sometimes.. but mostly with your wife... and I think I'm most shocked by that so far....." I stopped talking as he just stared at me, looking slightly irritated and I immediately wanted to punch myself in the face. I just screwed up everything. "I'm sorry.... forget it... it was way out of line....."

"No....no.... it's okay...." he said almost immediately. "Jen knows. And the kids know Mia is my best friend. If Jen is home during the week I don't see Mia. Worked that way for almost 20 years. If I'm recording, touring etc... I'm with Mia. If Jen is out of town I'm with Mia. But if Jen is home, I'm with her. And every weekend I'm with Mia when I'm not in Blink."

"I'm sorry for asking...." I said still feeling like it's all ruined before it began. "Sometimes I don't know when not to keep my mouth shut."

"I mean, you had to ask eventually right?" He said laughing as I finished my cigarette. " No biggie. Come on, let me show you to the guest room."


	3. Welcome to my Life

Mia's P.O.V.

The sun shone in the bedroom window signaling that it was morning and time for me to leave, but I couldn't bring myself to. Wrapped up in Tom's safe arms I knew I wanted to sleep the day away. Unfortunately, someone else had other plans.

*scratch* *scratch*

"Ugh...." I groaned. "Knock it off Ringo."

*Woof. Woof.*

I glanced at the clock on the nightstand and groaned again.

6:45 a.m.

It's too early for this shit. Tom pulled me close to him and I rolled over, burying my face in his bare chest.

"Wanna stay for breakfast?" He asked sleepily and I groaned, wishing I could.

"I wish I could baby but I gotta get back towards home. Meeting with Rick from the studio at 1pm for Lauren then off to Dave's for dinner I think. He keeps calling..."

"Excuses, excuses." He said playfully, kissing my forehead before finding my lips and crashing upon me.

"I know, I'm just terrible." I replied smiling. I kissed him once more before getting out of bed and walking into the large bathroom, starting the shower and stepping inside the large glass door. It was nearly seconds before he joined me for our last moments together for the next few days. As his calloused fingers ran down my sides and pulled me against him I bit my lip and interlocked my fingers with his own momentarily. I leaned my head back against his firm shoulder and he kissed my temple. The water cascaded over our bare skin and I turned around to look at him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"You are beautiful..." he said quietly, kissing my lips briefly and I chuckled.

"Thanks pal. You aren't so bad yourself...." I responded, making him laugh. I laid against his chest and enjoyed his arms around me, the hot water falling upon us and the steam of the area. "I can't believe I took on an intern. I'm insane.. probably stupid." I told him with a sigh. I knew I wasn't getting any younger, and the skills I had were transferable to others and I should always have an intern of some kind since I don't have kids- but I just didn't like my private life blasted all over the world. That is why I brought her here first. Tom and I might not make sense to the world, but it makes sense to us and that is what matters. He is my best friend, my biggest fan and my strongest motivation when I'm down, and I am his.

"No your not. She seems like a smart girl. Quiet, but I think that's probably nerves. You brought her here first so I say we just keep an eye out for a few days but I don't think she would do anything to wreck her chance to work with you."

Yeah, you are probably right." I said as we began washing up.

*Woof* *woof*

"Did you lock the bedroom door?" We both said at the same time and then our eyes widened as we heard the clicking of dog nails on the bathroom floor. Why I taught Ringo to open doors I will never know. Before we could react Ringo was in the shower with us, making me squeal as he tried jumping up to lick my face.

"Well, so much for a few moments together" Tom said laughing as I grabbed a towel and stepped out, a soapy and wet Ringo following behind me shaking all over the bathroom. "Ill be out in a sec."

I quickly dressed in black jeans and one of Tom's t-shirts, throwing my wet hair up in a messy bun and throwing my flip flops back on. I closed the bedroom door behind me and walked down the hall and out to the patio, letting Ringo out to go potty before we headed back towards home. Lauren was sitting out by the pool, feet in the water and talking on her phone. I waved and she smiled and waved back petting Ringo's head as he approached her. She hung up the phone and stood, just as Tom joined us outside, wearing cargo shorts and a t-shirt.

"Hey Lauren, we gotta get on the road, are you ready to go?"

"Yeah my bag is already in your car, you said early but I wasn't sure when, but I got ready around 5am."

I nodded and turned back into the house as I heard the stomping of kid feet running towards me. I smiled, hugging Tom's kids as they approached me, followed by his wife Jen who gave me a hug. The kids waved to their dad as they grabbed a stick and ran out to play with Ringo. We all watched for a few minutes before walking back into the house. Lauren looked uncomfortable as she sat down next to me on the sofa, Tom and Jen on the loveseat.

"Uh Jen this is Lauren, my new shadow. Lauren, Jen"

"Hey it's nice to meet you." Jen said momentarily leaning forward and shaking Laurens hand. "Tom told me about you coming. It's really great."

"Yeah.... I'm lucky....I got chosen...." Lauren stuttered over her words and Tom winked at me. We both knew how strange she felt in this situation, and we both understood.

"Well, we gotta get out of here. Big shit today.. no time to waste." I said standing and Lauren stood right up with me. I was glad she was following my lead.

"Are you taking Ringo? He's welcome to stay. When Tom comes up Friday he can always bring him home if it's okay. The kids really miss him when he's gone." Jen said quickly and I looked at Tom who nodded in agreement while looking at his wife.

"Yeah he's welcome to stay. Now I don't have to go home before the meeting."

"See it all works out. I'm gonna go unpack. Have a great week." She said standing and hugging me again before walking down the hall. Tom stood and walked outside with Lauren and I, wrapping his arms around me one last time and kissing me on the lips. I smiled as we let go of each other and climbed in my car, the engine roaring to life and excited to go.

"Drive safe baby. Ill see you Friday. Love you."

"Love you too." I said and drove down the driveway and thru the gate back out towards the open highway.

It was twenty minutes before Lauren spoke and she surprised me when she did. "Well, that wasn't awkward at all. I thought it would be." She said laughing, mostly to herself, making me chuckle. "It was so weird last night, eating Chinese food and talking 90s tv with a guy I was obsessed with. I laid awake for hours last night thinking about how normal he is- and how crazy I was for being so crazy over him. But I can see how much he loves you, and you love him."

"Crazy right?! When I met him he was just a punk kid. They had just released Dude Ranch and the record company put me on as their tour manager. I guess they thought I was 16, they were some local punk band and what we're the chances of them blowing up. First show of theirs I went to... maybe 500 ppl in the crowd. Now? 100,000. Easy. But they are still the same guys."

"And you guys have been......together all these years?"

"Uhh friends with benefits while we were on the road for years and it just evolved. Even though I work with so many other musicians Blink has always been the baby I spend the most time with. I go with them to record albums, I go on tours..... I'm like the den momma..." I said laughing. "But don't get me wrong. My life is... well. You'll see. My life is insane."

"How did you get the job of a tour manager at 16?!"

"Well... I emancipated from my mom at 16, my uncle hooked me up with a job and honestly I think they gave me that to keep me out of their way. I already had 50 songs recorded and out there by then.... so they knew I had talent, but they didn't want me working production at my age. It all worked out."

"I researched you for months and never heard any of that."

"I keep my personal life... personal." I stated, winking at her as she lit a cigarette.

"I can't wait to learn from you."


	4. On Our Way to Pacific Palisades

Lauren's P.O.V.

The highway stretched on and conversation flowed easily as we traveled back the way we came less than twenty-four hours before. Mia explained we had a meeting with the guy from the studio and then we were off to her house so I could settle in for the afternoon. I was finally beginning to relax around her and it seemed like we could become friends. She didn't speak about herself or her life, but instead spent most of the two hour trip to LA asking about my life and how I ended up in her car. I was realizing more and more as we spoke that she was an extremely private person. We filled the gas tank a few minutes before where she said we were having the meeting and I took that time to use the bathroom and freshen up. I was getting nervous, even though she reassured me it was strictly formality and all I had to do was introduce myself and she would hand over the contracts, then we would be on our way. I think she knew how nervous I was, but she never said a word.

When I walked back out to the car she was talking to a guy shirtless and covered in tattoos, with his back to me. Mia was laughing hard at what he was telling her, wiping tears from her eyes. As I walked up to her I realized it was Travis Barker. My heart started pounding and I stopped dead in my tracks, even though I was in the middle of the parking lot. Meeting Tom was hard enough but now Travis almost right after, I hoped I looked okay. I felt the urge to run back inside before they noticed me and throw up. I began to turn, trying to hurry and a car surprised me- almost hitting me and slamming on their breaks as they honked loudly, flicking me off. I gasped loudly then looked back at Mia who looked surprised.

"Hey! Did you get turned around?! Come over here..." she said loudly and I held my head down walking towards her, silently hoping the car hit me after all so I wouldn't have to die of embarrassment. I looked up again to meet her gaze as I joined her and she looked slightly concerned, but I smiled and she shrugged, looking back at Travis. "So this is Travis, as I know you know. Lauren is my new intern."

"Hey it's nice to meet you" he said sticking out his hand to shake mine. I shook his hand quickly and gave him a smile. "I was driving by and saw the car, knew I had to come bug her. You guys on your way to Ricks?"

"Yeah. Contract bullshit. Typical day." She responded and he nodded.

"Matt and I are going surfing down in Malibu tomorrow if you wanna come along." He said winking at me and I swear my heart stopped. I wasn't this nervous around Tom, I just didn't get what was going on.

"I don't......surf....." I stammered out and he chuckled.

"We'll teach ya..." he said, winking again. Mia punched his shoulder playfully, shaking her head.

"Bet you will." She said and laughed. "Actually we got plans tomorrow. Some of us have to work for a living."

"Hey. I'm a rock star. I work my ass off."

"All you do is sit on your ass and bang on things. Anyone can do that." She said laughing harder. "Shit, I can do that. Mark and Matt can make me the new drummer "

"Bitch." He responded, playfully shoving her. "Alright fine- don't go surfing. But I will see you beautiful ladies at Marks later right?"

"Of course. And we are gonna kick your ass in volleyball tonight."

"You wish. Ok I'm out. Love ya." He said pulling her into a hug and kissing her cheek. She hugged him back and then went to take the gas nozzle out of her car so we could leave.

"Love ya too Barker."

"Nice meeting you!" He called out to me as he hopped in his truck and drove away before I could say a word.

I got in the car silently, my brain swirling. What was going on with me. He is just a person. A person who is good at playing drums. I have to work with him. My heart is still racing and I still felt weak. God he was attractive. Not that I didn't already know that.... I always thought Tom was the best looking..but I also never saw Travis up close. God brain, please shut up!!! And now we are going to MARKS house tonight?! TONIGHT?! How was I gonna get my brain to shut up all night?!. How was this going to work?! I made a mistake coming here. I'm not ready.... I'm not worthy...

Mia got into the car and started it, looking over at me and laughing slightly before looking concerned. "You okay?" She said grabbing my hand momentarily, pulling me out of my head.

"Yeah..... I just wasn't expecting..... I didn't..... God, I'm sorry. I feel like I keep screwing up." I said with tears in my eyes.

"My first intern threw up and passed out when she met the guys. If you don't puke on the talent you shall be fine. They are quite aware ppl take the job with me to work with them. It's normal to be nervous."

"But tonight we are going to Marks house? What if I make an ass of myself there?" I asked appealed as she lit us both cigarettes. I took a few large drags as she began driving. "What if I can't do this?"

"Uhh.... you are not my first intern. I'm prepared. Your gonna spend a lot of time with them in the next week. By the time we get on the road you will know them as people and the rockstar side of them isn't as overwhelming. At least for most. I've only sent three interns home in fifteen years."

"Yeah.... okay.....thanks. Sounds logical. I'm sorry I don't know what that was. I have never felt that before." I admitted and she squeezed my hand again.

"Looked like a panic attack to me. It's gonna be fine. If you can handle eating dinner with Tom, you can handle dinner at Marks. I just learned about it myself, honestly. We will grill steaks and stuff, play volleyball in the pool, have some drinks and just relax. Matt will be there, Travis and his kids and of course Mark, his wife Skye and their son. The kids will prob be inside playing video games the whole time." She said laughing. "But it's a way to just relax and get to know them. They are great guys. And I'm sure they will embarrass the shit out of me."

"Ok I'm a lot less nervous now."

We pulled up in front of a sleek black building with the words PIZZANA in silver lettering. She shut off the car and walked inside, with me in tow, waved to the hostess and walked to a table in the back, where two elder gentleman sat eating paste and jelly with toast. She sat down after shaking their hands, and I sat next to her saying hello as I did so.

"Eww, Rick, how can you eat that shit?!" She said shaking her head in disgust. "You make me wanna become a vegetarian."

"It's the chef's speciality." The older of the two men in their sixties said and she shook her head in disgust again, clearly cringing when he took another bite.

"I'm about this close to leaving. You want these contracts or not?" She said rudely, holding up her two fingers with only a hairs worth of room between them for dramatic effect.

"Yeah yeah, give um here." She passed the papers across the table and he looked over them quickly, nodding his head and putting them into his suit jacket pocket. "Do you understand the contracts you have signed?" He asked me and I nodded. "Do you understand that if you breach the contracts we will take legal actions?" I nodded again. "Okay good, now scram Mia, I want to eat in peace."

"You don't gotta tell me twice. Later old man." She said getting up and leaving without another word, me in tow.

Once we were in the car she visually shook her whole body in disgust in overdramatic visual effect. "God that was nasty!" She said loudly and lit a cigarette.

"What was that?" I asked and she looked at me shocked. I shrugged and she slowly nodded, seemingly remembering I was not, in fact, from around here.

"Pureed liver and blood pudding on toast. Fucking gross." She exclaimed, throwing the car in drive and skillfully driving like a maniac once again. "LA people are gross as shit."

"Aren't you from LA?" I asked and she laughed.

"No sweetie. I spent my teen years in Compton, the ghetto. My mom was a drug addict. I ate ramen and drank koolaid, just like the rest of the poor people."

"How did you end up working with Blink then?" I said, dying to hear the true story of Amelya and she shook her head. I knew she told me she emancipated at 16 and that was how she got the job... but I always assumed her wealthy parents got her a job. I also assumed her wealthy parents are how she was able to write music from age fourteen that popular musicians used to make some of my favorite songs. How did she get there???

"Story for another day sweetie, for now let's go to my house." She said simply, blaring the music and drowning out the world.


	5. This Is Home

Mia's P.O.V.

I took the scenic route home down sunset Blvd so Lauren could experience it for the first time. She was in awe of the sights but when we pulled up to my condo she gasped.

"Where are we?" She asked as I pushed the button in my car to open my garage door. Once safely inside, with the door snug behind us I got out and waited for her to follow.

"This is your home for the next six months. Welcome." I said and she gasped again when she made her way inside. "I'm gonna go to my office and check messages and whatnot, okay? Feel free to explore. Your room is right down the hall."

"How many rooms does this place have?" She asked and I laughed.

"6 bedrooms, 5 baths, home theater, wine cellar, pool, hot tub, fully stocked bar, fire pit....although one of the bedrooms is mine, another is my current roommate Alishas, and one is a home office. But yeah....." I said as I walked down the hall with her, pointing in to her room. "As you can see you have a private bath and a patio door out to the pool. Ill be upstairs just hollar if you need me or come find me once you settle in."

She nodded silently, walking slowly into her room as I headed up the steps to my room, grabbing a proper shower and putting on a black bikini, shorts and a tank top. I brushed my hair and threw it up then headed into my office, sitting in my oversized chair and pushing play on my messages.

The first few were from my manager, inquiring my schedule for bands that want me to come work on their album, one from my uncle Dave asking me for dinner Thursday since I can't make it tonight. There was one from Mark, obviously a butt dial, asking Sky if she knew where his keys were, followed by ten long minutes of static. I saw Lauren in the doorway so I motioned for her to come sit- thinking the messages were over but then it beeped and a message from Tom played.

"Hey pretty lady..You just left and I miss you. I bet right now you are in your bikini- ready to go to Dave's, sitting in your favorite chair, listening to message after message from your manager. I just wanted to tell you that I loveeeeeee youuuuu....... I'm living for the weekend baby. See you Friday."

I laughed along with Lauren as he spoke. He knew me too well. Then the machine beeped again and I looked at the machine with my eyebrows raised, wondering what else Tom had to say after I left.

"Hey. Mia! It's Mark. Mark.....Hoppus.... ya know from Blink 182. Listen, have you seen my keys?............just kidding. Ha. Bet you didn't think I knew I butt dialed you this morning did you?! But anyway, hurry up and come over. Skye said when my friends get here I don't have to clean and cook anymore. I'm bored. She took away my Xbox controller."

I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes, and when I finally pulled it together I realized Lauren was laughing just as hard. There was something wrong with him, I swear.

"Well it's early but I guess we should relieve him of cleaning duty. Are you ready?" I asked her and she shook her head.

"I should change and do my makeup and..." She started talking a million miles an hour and I cut her off.

"Let me stop you. Put on a bathing suit and throw clothes over it. Throw your hair up and fuck the makeup cause you're getting in the pool. Lighten up girl." Shrugging- she nodded, pulling up her white t-shirt to reveal a white bikini top. I nodded and stood, walking down the steps to leave.

"So you have a roommate?" Lauren asked me as we began the ten minute drive to Marks.

"Yeah. Her name is Alisha and she was my first intern, back in 2003. During the self-titled album tour. When she moved out here she had her own place- but after her boyfriend and her split a few years back she moved in with me and I hired her as my assistant." I said laughing. "I'm glad though, cause she's totally followed in my footsteps and has been touring with Green Day this summer. She should be back any day."

"Wow! Do you know them?!" She asked excitedly.

"Yeah, we go way back. Blink and Green Day toured together a few times, and we ran the same warped tour every summer before that. The guys are all still really close friends."

"What are they like?"

"Intense. Fun. Not for those who can't handle being fucked up all the time. Billy has the ability to keep you really drunk." I said as I got out of the car. There was quite a few cars already here and I wondered momentarily who else got invited. I took Laurens hand as we walked thru the house, waving to the kids that were running up the stairs and dropping my purse on the counter.

"Ready?" I asked before opening the door to head out back where I could already hear music and laughter. She shook her head no and then slowly nodded as I opened the door.

It was time for her first Blink party.


	6. Malibu Rock Party

Lauren's P.O.V.

The first thing I noticed when I walked outside is Tom, standing in the doorway and pulling me into a hug. "Didn't I see you this morning?" He said into my ear laughing and I laughed in response. God he smelled good.

"What are ya doing here?!" I asked surprised as he hugged Mia quickly, kissing her on the cheek.

"I decided to come be your tour guide. So come with me and I'll introduce you to uhh... everyone." Tom put his arm around my shoulders and winked at Mia, turning me around from the doorway so I could see into the backyard more clearly.

The backyard was huge, with a pool with a hot tub and waterfall, huge grill, tables and seating for thirty, and a huge yard where several kids were playing soccer. There was a few people here already and I instantly cursed Mia for telling me not to dress up, although everyone else was in beach wear or bathing suits. I recognized Tom's wife Jen in the pool with a beautiful blonde- who I think is Marks wife if I remembered her correctly from instagram.

We walked over to the grill where Mark was standing with Travis, drinking beers. Mark flashed me a smile as we approached.

"So, I don't know if you know, but this is the guys from Blink 182." Tom said dramatically, laughing as he did so.

"Hi. I'm Mark." Mark said to me, shaking my hand and then handing me a beer.

"Oh... She knows. She's Lauren, the intern." Tom responded before I could and I just laughed.

"How did your first Hollywood meeting go?" Travis asked me and I shrugged.

"It was okay. We went to some restaurant and they were eating this paste on bread and it took ten seconds. Not how I imagined it." I said and Travis nodded as if he understood.

"It rarely goes how you think. I used to picture office buildings with huge conference tables and leather chairs that leaned back." Travis said and I chuckled.

"Omg me too!" I exclaimed, making Tom and Mark exchange looks between the two of us.

"What.... what is happening here?!" Mark asked and Travis laughed.

"Man, we go way back...." he said to Mark making me laugh harder.

"How did you guys meet?!" They both asked at the same time and I winked at Travis.

"Its our secret" I said to Tom, causing him to hollar for Mia and excuse himself to go find her.  
"Guess I lost my tour guide of the back yard." I said, pretending to be sad and Travis laughed, holding out his arm.

"Come on, I'll escort you." He replied to me and I chuckled, slipping my hand against his skin, walking around with him. We watched the kids play soccer, and he pointed out his son as well as Marks and Tom's, telling me how they all grew up best friends and even though Tom isn't in the band anymore they all stayed really close. I noticed Mia's dog Ringo playing out past the soccer field with a pit bull that Travis said was his dog, and those two were also best friends. "Its insane because Mia has always been part of this family. This is our family. Matt isn't here yet but he's part of it too. I'm glad you could come experience it."

We then walked over to the pool and he ran up behind Tom, who was talking to his wife, and pushed him in- getting me soaked as he hit the water with a huge splash. I started laughing along with everyone else as Tom resurfaced, pulling his wallet and keys out of his shorts and handing them to Jen, who took them as if they were toxic, shaking the water off and laying them on a table.

"Tom!! I'll avenge you!!!" I heard from behind me. I let go of Travis and turned around just in time to see Mark running full force at him. I squealed as he grabbed him from behind, them both going in the pool with a even larger splash.

I looked down at my clothes, now completely drenched and Jen laughed as I wrung out my shirt. "You'll get used to it". She commented and I looked back at the pool to the guys all wrestling, the kids jumping in to play along with them.

I spotted Mia sitting at a table across the yard with a few people, now in her bikini top and shorts, playing an acoustic guitar and talking to who I assumed to be Matt Skiba, the guy who took over when Tom left blink. I approached her and listened to her absent-mindedly strum a Green Day song while they talked about the upcoming tour. As I sat across from her she nudged her head over towards me, to acknowledge me.

"Matt, this is Lauren, Lauren this is Matt." He smiled in my direction and they immediately went back into her conversation. I tried following what they were saying but I knew so little of what they were talking about, I just sat back quietly.

"So have you been working with Amelya long?" A voice asked me and I shook my head.

"This is only my second day." I said, looking up momentarily and trying to figure out who it was I was talking to. He looked familiar but I wasn't sure.

"God, remember your first day hon?" He asked the girl sitting next to Matt and she started laughing. "Fucking mess is what it was. You fell right there in the tour bus."

"Shut the hell up!" She said, throwing an empty beer can at him. "That was years ago. I would like to think by now I don't freak out over you rock god's anymore."

"She totally does.." he replied, nudging me with his elbow, making me smile. "We just got back from touring and every night she was like, 'omg I can't get over how incredible you are out there.'" He laughed, making her cover her face with her hands as her cheeks went beet red. "She still can't control it."

"Well I haven't done a show yet so I have no clue how that will be." I said quietly and she looked up at me, biting her lip.

"My suggestion is, bring extra panties" another guy said loudly which caused Mia to stop talking. She looked over at us, raising her eyebrows and sighed.

"Seriously Tre?!" She said with a disgusted face and everyone laughed. She handed the guitar to Matt, stood up, took off her shorts and threw them at the girl. "Come on Lauren, let's go play volleyball" she said to me and I pulled my clothes off quickly, putting them on the chair and following Mia over to the pool. The guys were sitting on the side smoking weed as we walked down the stairs and into the water. Mia went over and hit the joint before handing it to me. I hit it quickly, trying not to cough as I handed it to Matt, who walked over and sat beside Mark. It was my first time smoking weed and I had no idea what is was going to do to me.

After smoking several joints for about twenty minutes, we set up for a game of volleyball. Travis picked me, Tom, Matt and Tre for his team vs. Marks team of Skye, Mia, Jen, the girl from the table (who I now know is Alisha). I have always been mediocre at sports, so I was insanely nervous about playing, but way more nervous about being around everyone. I still couldn't figure out where I knew that guy from, he did look like someone I've seen before.

****  
Our team won, with me doing almost no work, 5-4. As it got dark, the back lights came on, illuminating everything, and I was feeling incredible. I don't know if it was the beer or the weed but I wasn't nervous anymore. The kids all went downstairs to watch a movie and as I walked out of the pool and Travis snaked his arm around my waist- I had never felt more alive.

We grabbed some food and sat around talking at the tables, now all pushed together to form a huge mega table. I was seated next to Jen on one side and Skye on the other. They were telling me stories about their kids and I was smiling politely. I wish I had something to add to their sweet stories and I loved that they were being so friendly with me but I was more interested in the other side of the table.

I watched Mia sing, with Tom's arm around the back of the chair, his fingers absent-mindedly caressing her shoulder, while the one guy played 'Nothing Else Matters' by Metallica. Her voice was incredible and I was in complete awe.

Then, as he started to sing along with her as she got to the chorus I realized who he was. Billy mother fucking Joe Armstrong. The fucking lead singer of Green Day. I almost puked right then and there. Here I was talking to him like he wasn't some sort of rock legend.

The more Jen and Skye spoke to me- or thru me to each other at this point- the more mentally crazy I got. I couldn't believe I was sitting here with these people, eating salad and steaks, drinking beers and just enjoying the night. It had been the longest two days of my life but somehow the most amazing. All I know is, I never want it to end.


	7. The Party Continues

Lauren's P.O.V.

Eventually Jen, Skye and Alisha went inside to drink wine and watch a movie they were all dying to see. They invited me, and I briefly considered it, but I was too invested on watching these people across the table. Travis had located drum sticks and was playing against a beer bottle and the table, Billy was playing guitar, and they were all singing to Nothing Else Matters. I couldn't help but be enamored by their talent.

When the song was over Mark turned the stereo up and ran up to the pool, jumping in with another huge splash. Tre, who I quickly found out was the Green Day drummer, ran in after him. Both had a bottle of hard liquor in their hand. Travis lit a joint and walked off into the grass while talking on the phone and I just sat there, still mentally recovering from the night before me. Billy poured himself a shot and offered me one, which I accepted. I don't know how I even had the voice to say yes.

"To rock and roll. May it never die" he said with a wicked smile, raising the shot glass and kicking it back before pouring another. I followed suite and within five minutes we were five shots in.

Mia and Tom were lost in quiet conversation, his arm still around her shoulders, the focus only on each other until they stopped to take shots along with us. As I watched them Mia winked at me, kissed Tom on the cheek and walked around the table to sit beside me.

"How are ya doing hon?" She asked and I nodded.

"I'm alright. I just never.... ever...... I just can't even....." I tried to speak and she just gave me a friendly smile and wrapped her arms around me in a hug.

"Its okay sweetie." She said into my ear as she rubbed my back. "You're doing great."

"I'm having a lot of fun., I just don't know if I'm worthy of being here" I admitted to her as she leaned back in her chair again, taking a joint from Travis as he returned and sat on the other side of me.

"Good, I'm glad you are having fun. And you are worthy, remember that. It's important. Ask Travis, Alisha actually fainted right on the tour bus. It was fantastic." She said laughing.

"No shit man. Amelya said she was getting an intern pushed on her by the record company and she was a huge blink fan. We were touring with Billy at the time and Mia didn't tell the poor girl shit. We were parked behind some warehouse in Chicago...Mia rented a car and picked the poor girl up at the airport... drove to the buses, mid tour. She walks her onto the bus and there sits me, Tom, Mark and Billy. And of course we are all shirtless cause it was balls hot and the air conditioner broke. Alisha just goes, 'you're them', punks on the table and BOOM. On the ground she went. Woke up three hours later." He said hysterically laughing and pointing to her as she walks outside and sits in Billys lap.

I looked around to see Mia, Tom and Billy all cracking up as well while Alisha sticks her tongue out at Travis.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny. Don't you all ever get tired of telling that story?!" She said chuckling. "Girl, word of warning, don't do anything embarrassing. They don't know how to keep their mouths shut." She said to me taking a long swig from the bottle.

"Awww.... don't be a sour puss." Mia said, still laughing. "You made out all right. You have been my assistant for what, five, six years?! I think we earned the right for us to tease you."

"Hey, wanna go get drunk in the hot tub?" Travis asked, leaning in my ear and I nodded. He took my hand, grabbing a full bottle off the table and lead me over to the hot tub, getting in beside me.

"So, have I embarrassed myself yet?" I asked him and he shook his head.

"Not quite yet. But give it time. Once Alisha tripped over a wire on stage and cut Mark's mic. Luckily it was sound check but holy shit- the girl is clumsy."

"She's my roommate, I think."

"Technically, but she spends most of her time with Billy. They have been together for last couple years. I think it's getting serious- she never went on tour with him before.... and she just did months of tour management for him."

"Oh... I wasn't sure if that's why she went or not. Mia didn't tell me about them or her or.... really anything. I also thought he was married."

"His wife left a few years ago. But no, that's not while she got the job. He is serious about his music- it comes first. She had to be good to do the job. He wanted Mia but she said no. So he asked for Alisha, which honestly is second best. Or so I hear......"

"Well..... I mean Tom and Mia, they worked together first... before...."

"Yeah. But that, right there", he said pointing to them, his arm still around her as they laughed with Billy and drank, "That's love. Took them most of their adult life to admit it, took Jen years to accept it, but it's real and it's magic. I'm sure one day she will open up and tell you all about it."

"What about you?" I asked as he took another swig from the bottle before passing it back to me. I couldn't believe it was almost half gone.

"What about me?" He asked and I just raised my eyebrows. "Ah... no. I have two ex wives but no relationship. Not in a long time. It's hard to date when they don't get the fact that I'm on the road 9 months a year, and in the studio for three."

"How does Skye do it?" I asked and he nodded as Tom and Mia joined us.

"Skye and their son are on the road with us. In the summer I take my kids too."

"Hey guys, it's fucking hot in here." Mark says as he slips in beside Tom, putting his arm around his friend. "I'm sweating my balls off already. Rub them Tom, tell me if they are still there."

"Oh Mark, I yearn to..." Tom replied getting in front of him and going under water momentarily, making everyone laugh. "They are still there big boy." He said, raising his eyebrows and getting out as Jen approached.

"Hey babe, ya ready to go?" She asked and he shrugged, grabbing his stuff slowly off the table and his clothes to go change.

"We should probably head out too Lauren." Mia said and Mark groaned.

"If everyone goes home then I have to clean. Don't do that to me." He said to Mia who pointed to Jen. Marks face lit up and he hollered out. "Jen, can he stay the night? Please? Ill bring him home tomorrow!" He begged loudly and she sighed.

"Did you ask your mom if he could stay for a slumber party?" She replied and Tom laughed, sitting his stuff back down on the table.

"SKYE!!!!" Mark yelled loudly and she walked up to Jen and Tom, hands on her hips.

"Can Tom spend the night?! Please???? I promise he will help clean the yard tomorrow..."

"You two are ridiculous..." Travis said laughing as he slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me close. "If he stays, Mia stays, then I don't have to beg to keep you around longer." He whispered huskily in my ear, making me blush.

"If it's okay with Jen, it's ok with me" she said and both full grown men both gave Jen the pouty lip till she sighed again, looking defeated.

"Fine. But not too much candy. And don't call me in the middle of the night to come get you if you get a belly ache." She said faux mad but laughing and both guys ran over and gave their women bear hugs, making them laugh before hugging each other while jumping up and down.

"Race you to the pool!" Mark screamed and they took off, doing cannon balls into the cool water below.

"Take care of him Mia." Jen said and Mia nodded as she got out and wrapped a big white towel around her body.

"I always do." She said, hugging Jen before walking over to Billy and picking up the guitar again.

As Jen and Skye headed back inside I suddenly realized Travis and I were alone. His fingers were softly rubbing against the skin on my waist beneath the water, and I kept drinking more and more of the bottle, even though I had only drank a few times in my life. I was wrecked, that I knew for sure. But I also knew Travis was really turning me on.

"So, where were we?" He asked and I chuckled nervously.

"I think we were talking about relationships and touring." I said, wishing I could of went with I don't know but my brain was too foggy. I wanted to see where this conversation was going.

"Yeah. So like I was saying.....shit. I'm drunk... but it's not like I don't have human needs, it's just, I don't wanna come off as an asshole and say 'Hi, wanna have casual sex for a few months' but I wish I could." He said, almost at a whisper right in my ear, I could smell the whiskey on his breath and feel the heat his voice blowing on my neck.

"You wouldn't come off as an asshole...." I responded, putting my hand on his free arm and rubbing his skin. I didn't know what I was doing, it's like my mind had no control of my body. I tried thinking about my boyfriend and failed.

"I'll prove it." He said and then pulled my body to him, pulling my leg over his so I was straddling his body, my breasts pressed against his bare chest, his arm around my waist, his other hand on my thigh. "Lauren, wanna go back to Mia's and have casual sex all night?" He asked and I nodded, biting my lip. I felt him growing against me and when he crashed his lips against mine I moaned. "Alright, but for now we should go chill so we aren't getting worked up and fucking in here." He said, adjusting himself and getting out of the hot tub with me, walking over to the table where everyone was sitting.

"Lauren, I'm probably crashing here. But you are welcome to go back to my place for the night. I'm good to drive." Mia said and Skye shook her head.

"No. No one is going anywhere. We have six guest bedrooms here, everyone's crashing. The kids are all in the basement having a slumber party, so if you are beat just go up the stairs and find an open door." Skye said and everyone laughed. "Except Tre and Matt, Tre's wife picked them up."

"Well I'm not nearly quitting." Billy said, picking up a bottle, everyone following suite- including me. "Party till sunrise, what do ya say?" The bottles all clanked together and the pact was set, even though I was pretty sure by morning I would have alcohol poisoning.


	8. Honest Mistake

Mia's P.O.V.

The sun peaked it's way thru the curtains and I rolled over, avoiding the new day like the plague. I knew it had to be early afternoon, but I didn't care. I wrapped my arm over Tom's bare stomach and laid my head on his chest, and he kissed my forehead and pulled me to him as we drifted back into a comfortable sleep. I could stay in this moment forever but I knew he had to get home at some point today.

His showing up yesterday had caught me by surprise, but I couldn't of been happier. As the night dragged on- Jen she told him to go spend time with me, which I was thankful for, and we spent most of the night forgetting our names and playing music with Mark, Billy and Travis. Lauren, Skye and Alisha sat by watching, looking so fascinated by the acoustic show in front of them. Tom and I crashed as the sun came up, and I wondered how Lauren made out after I went to bed. Her and Skye seemed to be really getting along which made me happy.

A phone started ringing on the dresser and Tom groaned before picking it up and answering it sleepily. He spoke for a few minutes and then put it back on the dresser.

"Was it important?" I asked and he shook his head before kissing me again.

"Laurens boyfriend. He was pretty stoked that I answered her phone. I told him when I find her I would give her the message to call him. He is a staff sergeant in the United States Marine Core and stationed in Iraq. Seems like a pretty cool guy."

"She never mentioned him..." I said sleepily as I kissed his shoulder and closed my eyes again.

"We should get up." He said and I groaned.

"That's a terrible idea." I said and he laughed. "Why would you suggest something so vulgar?!"

"Well at least to give Lauren her phone......and find mine I guess. And go clean the yard up for Skye." He said while rubbing my bare back and I sighed.

"Damn you and being responsible. Seriously." I said and playfully slapped his chest. "I could lay here forever."

"No you couldn't, eventually you will have to pee, or eat...... but I am happy you showed up at Marks last night. Skye invited Jen and the kids and she asked me to come along. You had plans with Dave so...... I was pleasantly surprised."

"As was I." I said quietly and rolling over then standing up, looking for my bag so I could get dressed in the mess of clothes and bed sheets on the floor. Once found I put on a dark red bikini, pulling a super short sleeveless white dress over it. "I'm so glad we showered before bed." I said to Tom as he got dressed in black cargo shorts and a white atticus t-shirt. We cleaned up the room, made the bed with fresh sheets and held each other close for a few minutes before emerging from the room to start our day. As we got to the living room Mark was on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket, playing video games. Tom squeezed my hand and mouthed 'love you' before walking over to join his friend.

I walked out into the back yard where Skye was laid out in a lounge chair in a bikini. The back yard showed no evidence that a party ever occurred and I was highly impressed at how quickly she cleaned it up without help. I pulled off my dress and laid in the chair beside her, smiling as I looked over at her watching me.

"The backyard looks great Skye. I told you I would give you assist when I got up." I said and she shook her head.

"Mark and I got up ten minutes ago. I didn't do it. When we went to bed it was still trashed. Billy and Alisha got an uber around seven a.m. then we went to bed. I guess Lauren and Travis did it. If so, can I keep her?" She asked and I laughed.

"I'm starving..." I whined as my stomach growled and she chuckled.

"Mark woke up- ordered 20 pizzas, sodas, breadsticks and wings, then went to play video games."

"Where are all the kids? They can't be sleeping still...." I said suddenly baffled.

"The girls went to the mall with Jen around 9am, and the boys are at the skate park. It's just us four and the two upstairs who may finally be sleeping. I know they woke us up."

"Wait, Lauren and Travis???" I asked and she chuckled.

"Uh, yeah. Her moaning woke us up- they chose the room beside ours."

"Oh my god..." I said laughing. "Interns...." I couldn't believe she was already sleeping with him. It almost never ends well, which means soon I will be sending her home. "Travis is such a manwhore..." I told her and she nodded in silent agreement.

Then... I thought about Jen, driving two hours home at eleven last night and then coming right back up this morning. It didn't make sense. "Sooo wait? Jen came back this morning?!"

"Yeah, apparently. She texted my phone telling me she had the girls at the mall. Said she would take Tom when she was done tonight."

"She could of stayed over......"

"Yeah....but she's the other woman in this environment. You know that. It's awkward for her."

"Me too.........." I replied and she nodded, patting my leg and diving into the deep end of the pool.

Now I was wondering something I should keep to myself..... who the hell is Jen seeing up here cause I know she didn't do all that driving...


	9. Second Wife

Mia's P.O.V.

It was nearly five pm when Travis and Lauren did their walk of shame. Mark, Skye, Tom and I were playing cards and eating leftover pizza when they emerged in the kitchen, both looking rough around the edges. Lauren said hi quietly and walked into the bathroom, shutting it behind her and the guys both started laughing as Travis laid his head on the counter, his arm over his head.

"What's wrong buddy? Rough night?" Tom asked him and I smiled, shaking my head.

"Looks like your dry spell is finally over pal." Mark said and Travis just laughed, flipping him off.

"Ugh. Guys...shut up. That chick is wild. 5 times man. I'm too old for this shit." Travis groaned at us, looking exhausted and his face red. "I need to go home and sleep for a week. Il'l see you tomorrow at noon for sound check."

"Wait, for what?!" I asked and Mark shrugged his shoulders in confusion.

"The show. We have a show tomorrow guys. Come on. Mia, you are the tour manager. How are you not aware of this?"

I laughed, checking my calender in my phone. Lo and behold, sound check at noon tomorrow- performance from 8-10pm. "Well shit, I guess we do. My phone would of told me in the morning. Calm down."

"Well I didn't know!" Mark yelled, walking over to the calender on his wall next to the fridge then laughing. "Oh yeah. We do. Shit. Oops."

"Glad I reminded you. Otherwise Matt and I would of been replacing the bassist." Travis said grabbing his keys and walking out of the kitchen, hugging me, Lauren and Skye on the way out. "Tomorrow guys. Don't forget!" He yelled as he shut the front door.

"Like we would forget to go to a show...." Mark said and I pointed a finger at him, smiling. "Again......" he added- pointing back at me and we both cracked up.

"Wait?! You forgot a show once?!" Skye asked and I nodded, wiping tears from my eyes.

"Way back! Right after the dude ranch album came out- me, Mark and Mia were smoking weed and skating, just hanging out. Rick, our manager, pulled up- freaking out cause we missed sound check and had five minutes till we took the stage. He was pissed at us for weeks. We were so high." Tom told her and everyone laughed.

"Worst tour manager ever....." Skye said, pointing at me and I shook my head. "I swear the reason she traveled with you is because you guys needed a tour mom. Mia took such good care of you all."

"Still does...." Mark added, bumping my fist.

"Yeah.... but her being on the road with them has never bothered you?" Lauren asked quietly, sitting down next to Skye.

"No. I mean... I met Mark a few years later... she's always been like a sister to them. The guys love her. She welcomed me with open arms. Plus....she could put up with these assholes." She said, pointing to Mark and Tom.

"Eww Skye! I do not think of her as my sister!" Tom said loudly and then kissed my cheek sloppily. "She's my muse. My super sexy, super talented, muse."

"And your second wife..." Jen added, walking in the room putting bags on the counter and grabbing a piece of pizza. The girls ran past us and out back with Ringo.

"I got enough of me to go around!" Tom replied and Jen laughed, sitting on his lap.

"God! I so couldn't put up with you full time!!!" I exclaimed, making him grab his chest in faux pain. "I like the motivated musician side of you... but I don't know how Jen does the boring day to day life."

"He's too much of an egomaniacal lunatic when he's in rock star mode. I don't know how you handle it!" Jen replied laughing and high fiving me. "He's too full of his own shit. Skye deserves a metal for having Mark full time."

"We're sitting right here!!!!!" Mark said loudly to us- making Tom laugh.

"I don't know, our boring, non-touring, non-writing, non-party life is dreadfully boring." Skye said sighing. "People like you.." she said pointing at me, "they can't do boring and domestic. It has always been really hard for me to go from MTV cooperate down to being a wife and mom. That's why we raised him on the road. I couldn't do soccer games and baking cookies."

"Good to know half of me is boring..." Mark commented and Tom laughed again as the girls continued to ignore him.

"I hate going on tour. I went once and it sucked. That tour is when I finally accepted Mia, as I'm sure everyone but Lauren remembers.." Jen replied sadly while squeezing my arm briefly.

Everyone nodded and we fell into an uncomfortable silence. The days of that tour were hard. Jen and I were fighting all the time. It was hard to do my job when she took away the most fun part of touring- being with Tom. I spent most of the tour hanging out on Travis's bus and we became really close friends because of it. It's also the tour where I punched Jen. Good times.......

"Well Lauren, let's get home. I think you need to sleep the night off." I said as I looked over at my intern, sleeping on the table, head in her hand. Once I stood to leave, Lauren got up along with me. I waved bye to everyone, walked outside and put my purse in the back of my car. I threw my hair up in a messy bun and put my sunglasses over my eyes as the late afternoon sun shined on my face.

"Hey.... Wait up woman!" Tom said as he came quickly out of the house, Lauren dragging slowly behind him. Tom pulled me into a long hug and kissed me goodbye, saying he would be over Friday to spend the weekend with me. We had plans to go to a party at Billys that night. I kissed him once more before getting into my car and put the top down. He leaned into the car, kissing me again, and then leaned across me handing Lauren her phone. He found his in Marks kitchen after we woke up.

"So while you were with Travis, your boyfriend called. He's a nice guy. I told him you were sleeping." He said, winking at her and she groaned, putting her hand over her eyes. "Drive safe baby. Love you. Good luck tomorrow."

As I drove out of the gate and down towards home I lit a cigarette, offering one to Lauren which she accepted. I wanted to ask her about what happened with Travis, or about her boyfriend. I hoped they got the hook up out of their system and she could be professional. I would find out at the show tomorrow.


	10. Bruised

Lauren's P.O.V.

The first thing I did when I got back to the house is close my door, get naked and take a long shower. I had bruises on various parts of my body already starting to form and my body hurt everywhere. I felt like I was hit by a bus, when in reality it was just great sex.

Scratch that, amazing sex.

I didn't know sex could feel like that. The ways he grabbed me and moved me and pushed me, the way he pulled my hair and commanded me so I could do what he liked....... it was the best sex of my life.

What was I doing?!

I have been with Amelya for three days now and it seems like every day is more insane than the last. I know I have a boyfriend.... a super long term boyfriend who I love with all my heart.... but I also want to do that with Travis again...  
and again....  
and again..........

Oh, what the hell?!

I don't want to do anything to screw this internship up and I know she's mad at me because she didn't speak to me the whole way home. Or maybe it's all in my head. I know her and Tom were happy to have another night together..... maybe she is feeling just as sore as me.

As I dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt I laid on the huge bed, looking out the double glass doors of my room, staring at the sun setting on the ocean. I took a few pictures of it and one of myself, posting them on instagram with the caption <3 LA. A few minutes later my phone went off that travisbarker commented on the picture of me saying "looking good". I blushed.

I scrolled thru my phone, seeing a selfie Tom and Mia took of themselves sticking out their tongues. Laughing I went to my contacts and dialed Brian, hoping he would answer. After 3 rings he picked up and I was so relieved to hear his voice.

"Hey baby, what's new with you?"

"Uh.. not much, I went to a party at Mark Hoppus's house last night. It was cool." 

"I nearly shit my pants when I called you and Tom answered your phone babe. I am so jealous of you. Hanging out with my hero's."

"That's not all. Billy Joe Armstrong was there. And Tre. And they were singing and I literally watched them for hours. I did shots with Green Day and Blink 182."

"God that's cool. When I come home in the next few months I'm thinking of coming out to see you if it's cool."

"If we are here. I think we will be on tour. I honestly have no clue. It's been the longest three days of my life."

"Well I gotta run baby. But I love you. Thanks for calling me. I'm happy for you."

Before I could say anything in response the phone was disconnected once again. I saw instagram notifications and opened it up to see Travis, Mia and Skye were all following me now as well as going thru my pictures, liking and commenting on them.

Realizing how hungry I was I walked out of my room and into the living room where Mia sat on the sofa- phone in hand and glass of wine beside her. I sat in a chair opposite her and she poured me a glass of wine, stretching to hand it to me, which I accepted.

"I know it's late but I was thinking of going out for Italian if you want. Or I have some popcorn and we can watch a movie. I don't eat much at home- the housekeeper keeps the fridge and cabinets stocked though. Anything you don't see and you want put a note on the fridge and she will get it." Mia told me and I nodded.

"I'm pretty sore so a movie and popcorn sounds awesome. I don't know how you go like that every day."

"Well tomorrow we have the concert, so I really should stop by my uncle's the day after. You will like him. He's a huge influence to how I ended up where I am. He asked me over tonight but I didn't want to leave you here alone- and honestly when we got here you didn't seem in the best shape to go anywhere."

"God.... no..... I wasn't. I am so scared you are gonna send me home...." I admitted and she sighed.

"I don't care if you and Travis have sex. I care if you are getting overly involved and something happens and there is drama between you two. I had this intern who got involved with someone, they split and she blasted personal private shit all over the internet. It was a disaster. But, you signed a contract. Just be careful."

I gulped and nodded, looking down at the white shag carpet beneath my socked feet. This place was incredible. I knew I loved my boyfriend and I have no clue how I let myself get caught up in Travis so quickly.

"I had never drank hard liquor before. Or smoked weed. I was so bombed last night Mia... but I had the most incredible time." I felt bad admitting it all to her but she smiled softly and nodded her head, putting her phone in her lap and giving me her full attention.

"Yeah you seemed pretty caught up in the rock God stardom. Wait till you see them in concert tomorrow. Wait till you are standing ten feet away from them while they are on stage and you realize how God like they truly are." She said chuckling. "I literally would pull Tom off stage and our clothes couldn't come off quick enough when we got to the bus. I was addicted to it."

"Do you miss him being around?"

"You have no idea. But..... he made his choice. And I love him to death so we still see each other."

"I really waited for it to be awkward between you and Jen, literally all night. Tom would kiss your cheek or hug you... and I would look at Jen and if she was looking it was never with sadness or anger. And I guessed it was a good act to be honest. Then today when we left you went first and she said to him 'tom your such a dick you didn't kiss your girlfriend goodbye.' He said like 'well you are on my lap' and she stood and told him to hurry before you left."

"Really?" Mia said, looking shocked. "I mean I know she has accepted it but.... I don't know... I always thought part of it was just that. Indifference. Or acceptance."

"Yeah and I was looking for my purse and as he ran out she said to Skye ' he isn't gonna see her till Friday why would he not say bye?!"

"Well.. that's something......" She responded, obviously bewildered. I realized for the first time she really had no clue how Jen truly felt about them, even after 20 years.

"Can we take a picture together? My boyfriend asked me before I left to get one and I hadn't felt right asking...."

"Yeah of course. Speaking of which..... Marine huh? Sexy as hell too. I stalked your instagram. You know how to pick them."

"I met him in 9th grade. He was a senior... the only guy I have ever been with. Other than Travis. He is the one that turned me into a music freak. When he left after graduation that music became my life."

Mia stood up, walking over to me and sitting on the arm of the chair. She was wearing black yoga shorts and a black tank top with the blink logo on the front in white. Her hair was down and in messy curls, but she looked beautiful, even with no makeup or jewelry.

We took some pictures, one with her phone and a few with mine and then she told me to post the last one and tag her in it. She was kissing my cheek and it was adorable. She also posted the one she took, us together smiling, and the caption read meet my new intern @laurenscott. She is an amazing woman and I can't wait to show her the rock world. See everyone at the blink show tomorrow. Xoxo

Then she made some popcorn while I put my phone on charge, and we settled down on the sofa to watch a scary movie. With all the lights out I noticed it was pitch black outside, plus being in a strange house it scared me more than it should. About two thirds into the movie something banged behind us and I screamed loudly, making Mia jump a mile. She turned on a light to see Alisha standing in the hallway, looking just as scared as us.

"Jesus woman! You scared the crap outta me!!" Mia yelled and Alisha laughed.

"You?! I thought the house was empty. I just came home for clothes. I'm headed back to Billys. Do you need me at the show tomorrow?"

"Nah. I got Lauren. It's her first rodeo. But I do need you to...."

"Yeah yeah I know. Phone calls, meetings, contracts, appointments. I got you."

"I was gonna say pick up my guitar tomorrow. It's ready."

"Already on my schedule. Honestly, what would you do without me?"

"I don't know but I'm glad your home. When you were on the road I was half crazy."

She smiled and went upstairs, and we settled back down, finishing the movie. Once Alisha left, Mia and I said goodnight and I headed back to my room. I was buzzing from the wine and full from popcorn, with the sole intention of going to sleep.

My phone was lit up as I laid down and I unlocked it to see an array of notifications and text messages.

I had over one hundred new followers on Instagram, which surprised me. Tom, Jen, Mark and Alisha had all followed me, which made me happy. I wondered if they followed every one of Mia's interns or if i was special. Tom commented on the pic of Mia kissing me, saying Hey now! :) while Travis and Mia commented with hearts. I also had comments on the picture from people I didn't know- wondering where I came from and how I knew Mia. I felt almost famous.

A few people from college and back home also texted me, asking me how I knew the rock stars commenting on my pictures and how I ended up in LA. I shut it off and went to sleep, feeling like I was someone special.


	11. The Forum- Sound Check

Lauren's P.O.V.

My alarm went off at 8am but I wasn't ready to move yet. I got a shower and got dressed, deciding on jeans and a white tank top. I did my hair and makeup, cleaned up the room and took a selfie- sending it to Brian- telling him to wish me luck working my first rock show tonight. Mia still hasn't said much as to what I am supposed to do today- so my guess was attach myself to her backside and pay attention.

In the living room Travis was sitting on the sofa with Ringo beside him. I was instantly glad that I got ready before coming out of my room since he was here. It was nearly eleven and I assumed we had to go soon. Mia was in the kitchen talking on the phone. She looked stunning. Her long hair was still curly and flowing down her back, sunglasses on her head as a makeshift headband. Her makeup was flawless and she was in black leather pants and boots and a black bra. She had a shirt over her shoulder and as I walked into the room she hung up the phone, pocketing it and sighing loudly.

"Morning. Grab a muffin off the table. We gotta get going." She spoke quickly and I realized her in work mode was going to take getting used to. She threw on a black t-shirt with a blink logo on the front, the words 'band staff' on the back. Then she walked over to me and handed me one. "Throw this on real quick. I got your backstage pass here also. Don't lose it." She put her pass around her neck and then headed towards the door. "Meet ya outside."

I looked at Travis with my eyebrows raised and he chuckled. "She's stressed. Our opening act, a local punk band, just cancelled at the last possible second. The record company gave her a free pass to get whoever to cover. So she's been calling bands she knows to fill in." I changed quickly and put on my pass, grabbing a muffin and walking towards the door- halting in front of Travis. He wrapped his arms around me in a hug, kissing my cheek. "You look amazing. Don't let her get to you, I am pretty sure someone is coming thru. Record company is gonna be paying them serious green tho."

I let him go but I didn't want to cause honestly he smelled amazing. "Who did she get?"

"Unless Mike says no, she got Green Day. They were her first choice, but Mike really doesn't want to do a show. Billy is working on it. They just got home two days ago and Mike was about to go on vacation."

"When did you find out?" I said as we headed outside to the black SUV parked out front.

"Six this morning. Our manager Rick called Mia to tell her then called me. I came over to help make calls. The band that cancelled- the lead singer od'ed last night. He's in the hospital."

Travis and I got in the back seat, both lighting cigarettes. Mia was in the passenger seat, back on the phone- thanking the person on the other end over and over. Then she gave Travis the phone. The driver was a 6'4, 300lb mass of mussels. Mia introduced him as RJ, head of security while on tour.

After Travis hung up Mia sighed. "Thank Fuck for Green Day." She said loudly and Travis nodded. She turned to me and watched as I ate my muffin. "Ready to lose your mind?" She said to me and winked. "Oh, by the way, put your instagram on private." I nodded and quickly did as she asked- but then I saw why. Travis posted a picture of us from the party, he had his arm around my shoulders, talking in my ear while I was smiling. The caption read photo taken by marks wife. I had an amazing time hanging out with this chick and I know it's the first of many more awesome nights. Lauren-welcome to the family.

My heart felt like it momentarily stopped for a sec. I looked over at Travis but he was looking out the window. The 400 or so comments were horrendous- and right there I knew why my ig needed to be private. Some people simply wanted to know who I was- any many more people already had my account info shared and why I was with him. Some thought the picture was innocent while most tore me to hell. My heart was beating faster than I thought possible. How do they deal with being in the limelight all the time?

"Woah.... I was called a gutter slut!" I said out loud and Mia turned around grabbing my phone quickly.

"Look, don't read the comments. Ever. Seriously. Those tough people out there in internet land are mean as Fuck. Ignore them." She snapped. "Set your account to private and NEVER reply to their shitty comments. You have work in five seconds. Focus."

"But you never get hate...." I said and she laughed.... hard. RJ laughed too making Travis laugh. Mia held up a finger and a minute later as we pulled up to the venue she nodded.

"There. I just posted a picture of me and Travis. After the show read the comments. Trust me, they hate everyone. Just weed them out you will find good fans in the mix."

I quickly looked at the picture, it was of them in the ocean she was sitting on his shoulders, Ringo was in front of them and a wave was crashing behind them. She captioned it If we go down then we go down together. Travis already liked it and commented with a heart.

We passed hoards of fans outside the gate, knocking on windows and holding up signs. I never understood going to a show eight hours early just to catch a glimpse of a celebrity. Once safely in the back we got out of the vehicle and Mia grabbed my hand. "Come on. I have ten minutes to run down areas with you and then we gotta work." She said and pulled me over to buses and trailers. "There are the roadies trailers and their bus. All the amps, guitars, drum kits, stage equipment etc, is in these. All of these guys get here around 8am, set the stage, put up barriers, signs, etc. They make the show rock. Mad respect." She said and fist bumped an overweight man in his late 50s. "This is Rocko. Head of roadies. Before Blink he was with Black Sabbath. Man is a legend. Ever have a question, find him." He handed us both walkie talkies and gave me a handshake before Mia pulled me away.

"If we were on real tour the talent buses would be here" She said pointing to the place we were standing. But we all live close and tour doesn't officially start for a week so buses stayed parked tonight." We walked up stairs and into a building, down halls and up to a room. "Talent room. Where the guys hang out, eat food, drink, smoke, whatever..." She opened the door and Travis, Mark and Matt were all sitting around, eating sandwiches and talking. She shut the door and walked farther down, opening another door to see Billy, Tre and Mike smoking weed and drinking. She waved and shut the door again. "They all have their rituals..." She said shrugging.

We then went to the end of the hall and thru a huge doorway which led to the stage. I halted midstep- gasping at how massive it really was. The stage always looked so far and small when I would go to a show. She grabbed my hand again and walked me to the edge, where Mark will stand in twenty minutes and do a sound check. The view of the crowd looked like an endless sea of space. I was a a loss of breath. Men worked furiously behind me and I marveled at how they didn't stop to see this view.

Then the walkie came to life and popped me back into reality.

*stage clear for sound check blink 182. 5 minute call time. Over*

"Wanna go sit out there and watch soundcheck? They do two songs... It can be like your own private concert. I'm going down with Billy....you can join us......" Mia asked and I nodded, following her back to the rooms. I could barely contain myself.


	12. The Forum- Showtime

Lauren's P.O.V.

I sat next to Billy up in the stands, Mia temporarily busy with Rocko. I told him how excited I was to see him live and how lucky they were to get them to play on such short notice. He assured me they would of played at a seconds notice because Blink has bailed them out in the past. Then we started talking about social media and all the hate I was getting on social media which made him laugh.

"That's why our fans are better. No hate...." he said laughing. "Mia and the guys know how insane the blink fans get."

"I don't know.... I don't think it would be any different if it was you who posted a picture of us. It's probably just how they are on the internet." I replied making him raise his eyebrows.

"Normally I wouldn't do this but now I'm curious...." he said, pulling out his phone as we watched Blink take the stage. He pulled me close to him and took a picture of us. I was smiling like an idiot. Then he posted it on his instagram, tagging me. My phone alerted immediately and I looked at the picture (God I looked cute!!) And the caption. Watching Blinks sound check with this lovely lady @laurenscott. It's been a privilege getting to know her.. "I'm following you on instagram" he added and I blushed, accepting the request. "May the best group of fans win."

"1.....2.....1....2....testing.....we good? We're good" Mark said into the mic and I took a pic of them on stage as Mia walked up to us and sat down. I spent ten minutes in awe as they played thru a few songs, one of which a green day song. Mia gave Mark a thumbs up as they finished 'Dammit' and he pointed to Billy. "Your turn Bitch" he said laughing and walking off the stage. Billy laughed, standing and sighing loudly and waving goodbye.

"Well we have four hours till doors open. We can go hang out with the guys or watch the Green Day sound check. Up to you. It's my down time."

"Yeah... Mia- I'm good doing either. I took a picture of sound check, can I post it?" I asked, showing her the picture and she nodded.

"Yeah but not until after the show." I nodded and she pulled out her phone, looking at her text messages and rolling her eyes, showing it to me.

Mark: do we have to do this signing? I'm feeling anti-social... also where are you?

Mia: yes! Also suck it up... also watching Green Day sound check..

Mark: Travis wants to know if Lauren is with you....also be nice....also omw....also so is travis

"I think he likes you..." she said and I blushed. "Mention the boyfriend before he gets more involved okay? He's kind of a man whore but he does seem to actually like you." She added and I nodded. "I know he saw your instagram, he knows the guy exists... but if he makes more advances just make sure he knows. I don't want to see my friend get hurt."

"Okay. Got ya." I said as they approached. Mark sat behind me and Travis plopped down beside me, slipping his arm around my shoulders. Upon seeing that, Mia climbed the seat and got next to Mark.

"So Skye wanted me to ask you if your boyfriend is still enlisted." Mark said and I instantly felt embarrassed. "Her little brother is over there and she thinks your boyfriend is his boss's boss."

"Yeah he's a staff sergeant. His goal is to be in till he dies." I said, kind of vague about it but Mark pressed on.

"So why aren't you guys married?" He asked and Mia hit him making him look confused. Travis looked at me curiously so I sucked it up and answered.

"He proposed when I graduated high school, but I never wanted to be a soldiers wife. I wanted college, a career....a life outside of a base. He told me to follow my dreams and we would get married once they were fulfilled. That was ten years ago...." I replied and he nodded.

"Well if they are on the same unit her brother gets home right after we get back from his two-year tour in about 20 days. He's always welcome at our house if he comes to town for a visit."

"Thanks Mark." I said and he patted my head as Green Day started their sound check.

"Hey Mark Hoppus! We can play Dammit better than you!!" Billy yelled and Mark flipped him off as they started playing the song. I laughed as the song finished and they played one more before Mia gave them the all clear. Green Day would be on from 6:30 to 8:00, and Blink would go on at 8:30 till 10:00.

"Ok guys... signing time!" Mia said jumping up and we all stood with her following her down the stadium, up thru the hallways and outside to a fenced off area where fans stood on three sides screaming as Blink and Green Day appeared. I stood by Mia as the guys spent the next hour signing autographs and taking pictures with over one hundred people. I had a pocket full of black sharpies- and my only job was to make sure the guys didn't run out of markers. By the time it was over I wanted a nap.

Travis grabbed my hand as we headed back to the talent rooms. It was almost six pm and we had a half hour of downtime before Green Day took the stage. Once in the room I sat on the sofa, Mark and Mia sitting on the opposite sofa and Matt was in a chair by the door on the phone. Travis handed me a beer and sat down beside me, putting his arm around me. Mia winked at me as the guys fell into a comfortable conversation about cars and she checked her phone. I pulled out mine, but I couldn't concentrate on the screen, only Travis's fingers gently rubbing the back of my neck. It was driving me insane.

When Green Day took the stage I went out with Mia to watch them perform. She had me put ear plugs in because of how close we were to the speakers. It was incredible. We were down in the area between the security fence where the fans were and the stage itself, standing next to RJ for protection. They rocked the stage like I never thought possible and I couldn't believe how lucky I was. The last song of the night they did a cover of 'i wanna be sedated' and Mark ran on stage to sing along with Billy.

The second they said goodnight Mia took my hand and pulled me back up on stage- now behind huge curtains. "Do not leave my side" she said as we walked up on stage and she began supervising the set change that had to occur in a record amount of time. Green Days crew had it cleared and Blinks guys had it ready to go in a mere twenty minutes. Once complete she walked back to the side stage where Mark, Matt and Travis were, jumping around and getting pumped. I couldn't believe the hype. Even with the earplugs in I could hear the crowd screaming "BLINK! BLINK! BLINK!" In a almost hypnotic trance.

"How many tickets sold??" Mark asked and Mia smiled.

"Almost sold out Mark. 17,006 people out there!"

"Holy shit... let's do this!" He yelled as they high fived and the curtains opened- the stage lighting up as they took the stage and began the first chords of 'feeling this'. Mia put her arm around me as we stood right off to the side, next to the roadies ready to run out and save the day at a moment's notice. I was close enough to see the sweat bead on Travis's now bare back and chest as he slammed into the drums with a passion unlike anything I have ever seen. Being this close to the edge of greatness was like standing in the presence of God himself.

At the last song of the set Mia took a few pictures of the crowd and the guys, telling me I could do the same but to stay behind the line, which was a piece of tape that ran where we had to stay to not be seen. I grabbed a few shots as the song closed and they ran off the stage.

Backstage, the party was already strong. Drinks and weed were flowing when we walked into the room- the guys from Green Day had lines of coke cut on the table. All of them were hype from the show and full of energy. Mia was talking a mile a minute to people and I realized, so was I. The energy was addictive and I didn't want this high to end. Everyone was drinking and doing lines, and after some very strong peer pressure from Tre and Billy I did a line as well. I was flying. If this is what fame feels like I never wanna come down.


	13. Say Uncle

Mia's P.O.V.

I got home around ten a.m. and except for Lizette, my housekeeper, the house was empty. After the show last night I went to Billy's place to work on music and Lauren went home. She said she was totally wiped out, but honestly I think she was just high as shit from the weed and coke. I told her twice to slow down before she finally gave in and agreed to go home. RJ drove and Travis said he would stay with her, which I knew he would anyways. The guy seemed to fancy her something crazy.

I personally hadn't slept yet. Billy and I did lines, smoked a few packs of cigs and wrote a couple of really amazing songs. As the sun came up we cooked some breakfast and ate in in the pool on rafts. Then we wrote some more and did some more drugs. When Alisha woke up at 9:30 I used her car to come home. Before I left she reminded me to be at my uncle's by 3 and to bring the intern.

I was still pretty high when I got home so I took a shower and put on shorts and a tank top, threw my hair up and laid on my bed checking my phone for the first time since the show.

Tom: Hey sexy lady. Hope you kicked ass last night. Ill see you tomorrow. Love you.

I responded back with a heart and winky face then opened my other text.

Dave: Hey kid, don't forget 3pm. Bring the fresh meat.. or come early cause we miss ya.

I laughed and responded with an ill be there. Then I posted a few pics from the show last night on IG, commenting on Billys pic of him and Lauren with a heart and reading thru the comments. I was actually impressed that the only real nasty ones were Blink fans swearing she was whoring it out to get famous. Maybe Blink fans are a nightmare. Who knew??

I made my way downstairs and knocked on Laurens door, then opening it when I didn't get an answer. Her and Travis were wrapped up in the sheets, his arms around her. "Hey guys?" I said loudly and Travis looked up and smiled at me, still sleepy.

"Hey, your home. How was writing?" He said and Lauren stirred, looking over at me.

"Went well. Lauren I need you ready in an hour, I am taking you over to my uncle's house for food and music." She nodded and Travis raised his eyebrows at me as I shut the door. Lizette pulled fresh scones out of the oven and put them on a platter, handing me one with a latte as I sat in my favorite spot in the living room. I thanked her and sat quietly, eating the raspberry pastry and sipping the warm caffeine I desperately needed to get thru the day.

Travis sat across from me minutes later, petting Ringo as he did. "Taking her to Dave's? Holy shit that's huge. Her heads gonna explode."

"Yeah." I said quietly then looked up at him, studying his face. He seemed so much more relaxed and happy for the first time in years since the divorce. "Travis.... you know she has a boyfriend right?"

"Yeah...... yeah Mia... I'm aware......" He said quietly, scratching Ringos head as it laid on his lap. "We talked about it. I don't think either of us knows what this is. Right now we are just hanging out. Don't stress it......but thank you for looking out for me." He said kissing my forehead as he walked out the door to go home.

I nodded as the door shut. I knew those early years of Tom and I were just like that. Neither of us knew what we were really doing, just that we wanted to be together. The difference is I grew up in this world of music and she is experiencing everything for the first time. I knew it was all going to get to her. I didn't want her to go home with regrets or for Travis to get hurt in the process.

Lauren emerged from the bedroom almost an hour later and we jumped in my Escalade, putting Ringo in the back. We had a forty minute drive ahead of us and I wanted to explain my life to her along the way.

"So I wanna tell you first off, we are going to my uncle's house. His name is Dave Grohl and he's the..."

"Lead singer of the foo fighters!" She replied quickly, cutting me off. "Oh my god that's so cool!"

"Yeah. Well my dad- he's Kurt Cobain. You can not post that anywhere. Its private okay?" I asked and she nodded slowly, awaiting to hear more and lighting us cigarettes. "I stayed with Kurt on and off when my mom let me. When he really got famous, like 1989ish, she dropped me in Seattle and I didn't see her again till a year after he died. I stayed with my god parents, Ozzy and Sharon until she got clean and she took me back. It didn't take her long to start using again.... so Dave helped me get myself emancipated and start my career. That is how I began work so very young. In a nutshell." My hands shook as I spoke about my past and she sat back, seemingly deep in thought. After several minutes she quietly spoke.

"I'm so sorry...... now I get why your so private."

"It is what it is. I was fortunate that he made sure I was always well taken care of. I could of never worked a day in my life and lived just as I do now. But honestly, I need to be around music. Write it, produce it, play it...... it's my life."

"You didn't want to follow in his footsteps?" She asked quietly, almost afraid to overstep.

"No. The fame....the stress..... and the drugs... it killed him..... record companies pulling you from all sides. Not able to walk down a street without signing an autograph. It never ends."

"Did he..... uhh.... is that how you learned to play?"

"Yeah. He taught me guitar, got me piano lessons, vocal lessons........ I wanted to be a performer when I was little and he wanted it for me. When he got Courtney pregnant and married her that's when the drugs got bad and everything slowly crashed and burned."

"Where were you....when....."

"My grandmother's. My mom's mom. I woke up on the sofa and the tv was on MTV news... I woke up to the news report of his death." I wiped a tear from my eye and pulled up in front of a gate, punching in the key code.

"Jesus....." she replied.

"Yeah... I know. So, now you know. Maybe ill tell you more later. But that's the jist of it." I said getting out of the large suv, Ringo running around the house as Dave opened the front door, jogging over and hugging me tightly.

"Peanut!!" He exclaimed. "God girl I missed you." He turned to look at Lauren, pulling her into a hug. "Nice to meet you Lauren. Amelya told me all about you!"

"Umm... okay. Nice to meet you too." She said and he laughed.

"Common in ladies, my woman inside is dying to see you." He opened the door and I walked inside, hugging his wife who was waiting. "We were gonna do the cookout thing but then your grandmom took the kids to the zoo for the day so I thought we could go out, or order in. Whatever you wanna do."

"I'm seriously fine either way, you know that. I would be happy with pb&j." I said walking over to the wall and looking at the pictures of me and Kurt from when I was young, pointing them out to Lauren who gasped a little. "Told ya..." I whispered, winking at her.

"I can cook?" Jordyn suggested and I shook my head and she smiled. "Alright fine I won't poison you tonight. But next time you are getting a home cooked meal." She held up a pizza menu and I nodded and she shook her head walking down the hall to call it in.

We walked into the large kitchen and Dave hopped up on a bar stool in front of an array of bottles and empty glasses. "So kid, sit, drink, fill me in. I went to the show last night, it totally kicked ass."

"You did?" I asked surprised, pouring myself a glass of vodka and red bull. "Could of said hi."

"I'm not fucking with your mo-jo. Glad to see Skiba working out though."

"Yeah. It's good." I replied then looked around to see Lauren still in the doorway. "Lauren, come on. Come sit. Relax. I know I just fucked your head up and I'm sorry...."

"Talked about your dad huh?" He asked and I nodded.

"Hey wanna see them together?" He asked and she nodded. He beckoned us to follow him and we walked down the hall into his home office, and we sat on the sofa while he put a DVD into the player, lighting up the 62 inch tv.

There I was, 5 year old me, playing the song 'i would do anything for love' by Meatloaf, while Kurt sang, parodying the lyrics and making me laugh.

"I would do anything for fun  
I'd do some jumping jacks for claps  
I would do anything for fun  
Play in sprinklers that's a fact

But ill never forget the way I'm feeling right now, oh no, oh no,  
I would do anything for fun  
But I won't take a bath"

I start laughing so hard I stop playing and he asks me what's wrong like he doesn't know. "Your funny daddy" little me says and he starts tickling me, making me squeal. Right before it cuts out he kisses my forehead and says 'i love you peanut'


	14. Say Something

Lauren's P.O.V.

Friday morning hit me like a bag of bricks. Mia and her uncle drank several bottles of liquor and I drove her home, because she was beyond trashed. She also told me about her writing bender the night before, which wasn't helping her current state at the time. We got back to the house around ten pm and I tucked her into bed for some much needed sleep.

Then I stayed up till two am, listening to music she had written over the years with new knowledge. I always wondered where all the pain and heartbreak came from in her writing and now.... I knew.

Her and Tom's relationship also made all the sense in the world to me. Why would she go all in with anyone.... ever?! How could she ever be a parent?! How could she ever trust someone fully?!

Her heart was shattered  
beyond repair  
back in 1994

I awoke to laughter and voices of a happy conversation, and I looked at the clock expecting to have slept thru the day but realized it was only 9am. I got myself in the shower, dressing in denim shorts and a sleeveless blue shirt. Mia told me I had the day off- but I was welcome to come to Billy party tonight if I wanted. Once dressed I cleaned my bedroom, straightened my hair and did my makeup. Just as I was about to leave my room my phone rang, and I picked it up seeing it was Brian calling on video chat.

"Hey baby!" I said sitting on my bed. "How are you?!"

"Better now. How have you been doing?" He asked. I noticed he was in uniform, so most likely grabbing a few minutes while working at the base. I spent a few minutes telling him about the show and meeting Dave Grohl, hanging out with the guys and the party invite. "You are so fucking lucky baby. You should definitely go to the party tonight. Run free, enjoy your glimpse into the rock lifestyle. I just wish I could be there with you."

"Well actually Mark said you are his wife's brothers commanding officer. So, if you come home when he does Mark invited you to come by." I said and he raised his eyebrows and smiled.

"That's incredible baby. You talked to Mark Hoppus about me?!?! I would love to meet him, of course. And I know her brother, he is a good man."

There was a knock at my door and then it opened- Tom walking in- hat on his head, black t-shirt and black kackis- waving hi and once seeing me on video with Brian, smiled big. "Hey! What's up man!" Tom said sitting beside me on the bed and taking my phone. "How's things out there?!"

"Unusually quiet. How are things in LA?"

"Insane and dysfunctional..... but if they were quiet what would we write about?" Tom replied laughing. "Nice meeting you! Thank you for your service." He added, handing me back the phone and excusing himself, closing the door behind him.

"Sorry about that..." I said laughing at Brian's surprised expression.

"That was Tom DeLonge!!!! Holy shit...Where are you?!"

"Mia's, sitting in my room. I think he came in to see if I was up. Do you want me to show you around a bit?" I asked him and he nodded. I flipped the camera and opened my door, looking out first to see Tom standing in the dining room packing a bowl and laughing. "Hey, Tom- Brian wants to see where I'm staying, is it cool?" He nodded and I walked down the short hall and into the open concept living/dining/kitchen area.

As we got closer to Tom I noticed Travis and Mark sitting on the sofa with Mia watching television. I walked over and sat in one of the bar stool chairs and flipped the camera back so Brian could see me. Mia walked over and put her arm around my waist, saying hi to Brian. As she started to speak an alarm sounded in the background he had to go but soon after he hung up he texted me and it made both me and Mia laugh.

I am at a loss of words to describe how cool your life is right now. Fuck your lucky. Just sitting there, hanging out with Blink 182. Go have fun. I love you

"Aww, he's so sweet." She said kissing my cheek. "We were wondering when you were gonna get up."

"Yeah, seriously. We were gonna surprise you and go out to breakfast but you slept in. Then Travis stopped by to see if you wanted to hang out and around nine Mark showed up." Tom said laying on the lounge at the end of the sofa.

"Yeah but I am out the door when this movie is over" Mark added, hitting the bowl and passing it to Travis. I recognized the movie as Dogma, and it was almost over. They all cracked up at the scene with God and I laughed along with them. "I just came to.... uhh.... I forget now."

"Drop off promo posters." Mia responded and then they all started laughing. I realized they must of been smoking for a while- they were all stoned. The clock on my phone read it was a little after 11 am when the movie ended, and true to his word, Mark headed home. "Hey, Tom, I gotta go get something to wear tonight. In my room. Can you come help?" She said winking, and Tom patted Travis on the shoulder, handing him the joint they were smoking and followed her upstairs.

I was still sitting on the stool and Travis turned around, reaching his arm out and passing it to me but I shook my head. I was trying to stay in the right frame of mind- especially if I did end up going to the party tonight. My stomach was a barrel of nerves as it is.

"Wanna go grab some lunch?" He asked and I nodded. "They are gonna be busy for awhile." he added as he stood up.

We went to an Italian restaurant twenty minutes away. We had small talk over wine and talked food and childhoods over lasagna. Even though I insisted I pay for myself he covered it anyway. I didn't want him to think I couldn't pay my own way. On the way home he held my hand and we talked about Nirvana, Kurt Cobain and the videos I saw of Mia with her dad. She excused herself after the first one, but Dave and I watched a couple more. He also showed me a few of her as a teenager- the most impressive one was her at 13, in the studio with Marilyn Manson while he recorded a song she wrote right after her dad died.

"She is so damn brave...... and talented!" I told him and he laughed. "Minute of Decay is a heavy ass song to process as an adult. I can't believe a 12 year old wrote it."

"She is definitely a California dime....or a dove, as the Blink 182 song goes." He replied and I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Wait doesn't Tom follow that up by calling her a nightmare? And saying she's unpredictable and it is a mistake to be around her?" Travis laughed as we sat out front of Mia's now, neither of us in a hurry to go inside. "Now that I know about Mia and Tom, I don't know what that song means."

"Mark explained to me once it was the first song written about her. It was right after Jen found out about their relationship. Jen wanted Tom to end it and he was afraid of losing Jen but wouldn't give up Mia no matter what. And his Dad basically told him to keep going- but he should of made sure Jen could deal with it now he's gotta train her." He said laughing. "Bad word choice but it makes a great song."

"We should go in, the party is soon and I wanna pack a bag. I hate not having a change of clothes at a party." I wanted to get out of the truck, I wanted to behave... but instead here I was, inches from his lips again, seconds from losing control.

I moaned as we kissed passionately, losing ourselves for several minutes like love struck teenagers. When I pulled away we were both gasping for oxygen.

"How long till we gotta leave?" He asked breathlessly and I shrugged. "Fuck it, were gonna be late" he said pulling me back to him again.


	15. All that Glitters

Lauren's P.O.V.

It was ten minutes before we could let go of one another again. His hand was in my shorts, hitting the spot to make me moan and push my body against his expert fingertips, my hand rubbing his hard thick talent. I was getting close, so damn close, but he breathlessly laid his head against my own. "We gotta stop, or go to your room at least. We can't do this out here in my truck in broad daylight- no matter how much I want to."

I pulled back, sitting properly in the seat once again and feeling my heart beating faster than I knew possible. "I just know I want you inside me right this second." I replied to him quietly and he nodded, getting out of the truck and I followed him into the house. Tom and Mia were not in the living room as we walked thru into my bedroom and quietly shut the door.

Within seconds of the door shutting Travis picked me up and held me by my ass with one hand, ripping my shirt off with the other. He pulled my breasts out of my bra, biting my nipples slightly and sucking them hard as I moaned and ran my nails across his back. He threw me on the bed, pulling off my shorts and panties, pulling out his hard dick and shoving it inside me then picking me back up, pushing my back up against the wall as he slammed into me over and over until I came so hard I couldn't breathe. I was exhausted from my orgasm but wanted more and more as he continued to pound at my body and hold me so tight as he pulled me off the wall and held only my hips and I held onto his arms, my body leaned back. I could feel the tips of my hair on the carpet as I was supported my his hands gripping his arms- screaming his name as he came hard inside me. Once the afterglow had subsided I kissed him and headed into the bathroom, to take a quick shower before dressing for the party.

Travis followed me into the shower and as I ran soap over my body, his hands followed, lathering my skin and cleaning every nook and cranny. I returned the favor, touching his skin slowly and softly, before we stood under the water together and I wrapped my arms around his waist, leaning my head on his chest. He kissed my forehead and rubbed my back as we stood there- all my thoughts on how much I wanted this moment to last forever.

As we got dressed- Travis wearing a white sleeveless t-shirt, black hat and basketball shorts while I wore a black string bikini under a black sundress. Mia mentioned that a bathing suit is smart to wear because the chance of getting thrown in the pool is about 80%- I noticed he kept looking over at me and smiling.

"What?" I asked him as I put silver hoops in and brushed my hair.

"You're pretty." He stated and I laughed.

"Thanks..... I think."

"No I mean, your ten tons of sexy girl... but you are so innocent, and I'm so damn into you." He responded sitting on my bed.

I walked over to him and straddled his waist, putting my arms around his neck and kissing his lips gently. "I am into you too." I said, thinking about having sex again then mentally screaming at myself to control it. He kissed me back and then I got up again, putting black sandals on my feet.

I glanced at the clock and realized it was almost six and I really needed to get my mind under control. He grabbed my hand, pulling me back onto the bed and I laid beside him, his arm around me and his free hand softly touching my neck.

"I just want you to know I don't normally do this- fall for the girl I'm screwing. And I have no clue how this happened. But I really do like you." He said, almost in a whisper. "I know you have a boyfriend and I don't ever want to complicate your life. So if this is too much....."

"I love him...." I admitted, looking into Travis's eyes. "But I want this. I have never done anything like this in my life. But I have also never felt this alive before. I like you.... I know I shouldn't... I mean....." I spoke quietly also and he nodded as if he understood perfectly.

"I'm feeling super strong for you and it's only been four days. I think maybe.....maybe we should not have sex again till after tour and see where we are at. I don't want anything to complicate it. Maybe we should get to know each other more. Cause how I'm feeling... it's insane." He said, looking at my face- studying me for my reaction.

"I think we should do that. Cause I really fucking like you." I responded and kissed him once more. "No worries. We are golden..."

"All that Glitters luv, and right now your shining to me" he responded, kissing me again.


	16. Animals!!

Mia's P.O.V.

Tom and I left for Billy's around five pm. As we were leaving I heard her and Travis going at it and I shook my head, looking at Tom and smiling, raising my eyebrows. He hoped in the driver seat of his Porsche and I lit us a joint.

"God do you remember the early days?" He asked as the car pulled onto the road and our drive began. I nodded at his question. "We thought we were so careful." He grabbed my hand as he said this, kissing my fingers then taking the joint.

"Omg do you remember all those little things we would do? Like you would pretend to tie your shoe so we had to sit next to each other in the van..... or how we always had to go over setlists cause you could never remember...." I smiled as I spoke, both of us chuckling. "Or how when we were on the bus we waited for everyone to fall asleep and then fuck real quiet so no one would catch on."

"Oh god and how many times did you and I wake up together in bed and we told everyone you had nightmares?" He said loudly, laughing hard. "Then like... a year later when we were on break... when Mark and I had that two bedroom house in Venice... you were coming over and I told Mark we were going to map out the next tour in my room.... and he's like "Tom. I know you guys are fucking. Quit lying to me."

"Ah. You ass! I remember. Cause I brought a fucking atlas and Mark let me in... I said well I'm gonna go work on tour routes with Tom all night and he was like oh here- and handed me a box of condoms!!! Then when I gasped he's like "yeah I know and I don't care. You two suck at being sneaky."

"I'm sorry babe!" He responded, kissing my hand again. "Just seeing Travis doing the same thing cracks me up. This morning he said Lauren had a craving for italian and didn't want to go out into the city alone....That is so something I would of used."

"Yeah......" I said quietly then changing the subject. "I'm thinking of not going on tour. Billy asked me to stay and work on this album. Plus it's almost five weeks..... Alisha keeps asking to do it- I think I might let her." I sighed, throwing the end of the joint out the window and lighting us each a cigarette.

"Baby. Is it cause I'm not there? I know how much you love touring...." he asked, looking concerned and I sighed. Years ago I would of lied- or not mentioned my thoughts at all and just went on tour. I knew Jen was probably looking forward to me leaving for a few weeks but I just... didn't feel it like I used to.

"Honestly?" I asked and he nodded. "Part of it is how badly I want to work with Billy on this new album. But most of it is how much it bothers me when Matt sings a song you wrote about me. I just..... I dunno. It really bothers me. Takes the magic from our songs."

"Yeah... I get it. I tried watching the show on YouTube the other night- he has the guitar down perfect but I don't know. It just felt wrong. Like our personal shit is being told by someone else."

"Exactly! Like someone reading my diary out to the world. And I don't know if I can do it every night and not snap. So I'm pretty sure I'm sending Alisha."

The conversation ended as we pulled up to Billys, parking behind Tre's white Cadillac. I knew this was gonna be a rager of a party once it got dark so I always try to get here before it's mayhem begins. As we walked inside I was greeted by Alisha and Billy, drinks in hand for us.

"Welcome. Welcome. Glad you could make it." He said as he lead us into the dining room. We sat around the table catching up for a few minutes. "So, before we get completely trashed have you thought about our talk?" Billy asked me and I nodded.

"I gotta talk to Mark and Travis. I don't see them having a problem with Alisha going." I said and he nodded, winking at her. "I really wanna work on this album with you- it's an honor. Just don't wanna let my guys down."

"The honor is all mine, you know that!" He stated. "I've been dying to get you to collab with me for years!"

"She crazy fucking talented, isn't she?" Tom said and I smiled. I loved how much he valued my writing abilities.

"Dude, you guys wasted her talents tour managing for years! It took up so much of her time!" Billy said loudly, banging on the table. "But, I mean, I get it. I've seen ya naked..." he added, winking at me. "Girls got a thing for huge talent..."

"Omg I'm so out of this conversation!!" I exclaimed, burying my face in Tom's shoulder. "Ill talk to the guys tomorrow. My intern too. Cause she will be pissed that I'm keeping her from Travis."

"Well.... you two worked out..."Billy replied winking. "But yeah... she can hang around here and see how things are done."

"Plus, your still doing all the local shows.." Tom added and I nodded. "There is ten shows for her to go do."

I got up and went outside with Tom as more people arrived. The catering company was set up in the house, the open bars both in and outside were ready and as the sun set the music got louder. Within an hour there were over a hundred people walking around. Tom and I parted to go catch up with old friends- and I was thrilled to see Dave standing in the doorway when I went to get another drink.

"Heyyy.... how goes it?" I asked, slurring my words and he chuckled.

"Your drunk already..." he said. "Lightweight. Your dad would be so ashamed."

"Fuck you man... I have been here nearly three hours. Billy brings out the alcoholic in me I think." I replied, giving him a hug.

"Well point him out to me cause I need a dozen." I pointed in Billys direction, sitting by the outside bar with a bottle in his hand. "Tell Tom to come see me okay? I have a project for us." I nodded as he walked away and went inside.

Various celebrities were here, mostly musicians, as well as a few actors and tons of people from the music industry like producers, engineers, roadies and a couple well known groupies. I got a sandwich and found a seat on the sofa inside, next to David Duchovny. We worked together on a show called "Califorincation" when I was hired as an 'expert' to make sure the script was legit for the music world in season six. They even based the character 'Faith' on me (loosely) that they convinced me to act. David and I spent a lot together while on set, since he comes to a lot of rock parties and gets wasted with the best of us.

"Amelya! How goes it? Still banging what's his name from the no longer Blink band?"

"David. Yes... still banging him..every chance I get.." I replied laughing. "You know, anyone who doesn't know you and asks what your like in person... I tell them to watch the show. Because you are Hank sir..."

"That I am, pretty lady." He replied, patting my leg and standing up. "But I just saw Manson enter- so I'm gonna go do some hard drugs with him."

I was slightly annoyed that there was still no sign of Travis and Lauren... I wondered if they would even come. I knew she was terrified of a true celebrity rock party- but I wanted her to at least try. Mark will show up for a while I was sure, but this isn't his scene so much anymore.

I sat for a while, grabbing Billy's acoustic guitar off the wall and playing zombie by the cranberries and then glycerine by Bush. Some people sat around watching me play. As I started the chords to champagne supernova by oasis I noticed Travis, Mark, Skye and Lauren walked thru the room. I was super relieved to see them and quit playing, making a few people groan.

"Come on woman- play that song!!" David said, sitting back down beside me. I nodded and started the song over, playing and singing the song with perfection. I handed the guitar to David and stood, making my way outside to find Tom. The party was getting wild and I needed a drink. Or three.


	17. Stardust

Lauren's P.O.V.

We arrived at Billys house at almost 9pm. On our way we picked up Skye and Mark who decided we should have dinner before we go. I was a nervous wreck the whole way- and when we pulled up I could barely breathe. The house was massive and the music was loud even here at the gate where we stopped for vallet parking and security. I wasn't on the list, and I only got thru as Travis's plus one.

As we walked up the driveway and into the house we passed Tom's Porsche letting me know they were here. I marveled at the huge front door, Travis holding my hand as we entered into a huge living room, and I saw Mia playing guitar sitting next to the guy from X-Files. Travis and I stopped at the bar, getting rum and cokes, then we walked out back- hand in hand.

There must of been a hundred people outside. I recognized so many musicians- most of whom I only fantasized about- drinking, talking, dancing to music and swimming. There was two girls having sex in the hot tub and many more females walking around topless. Every fiber in my brain told me to go back to the truck- but instead I held Travis's hand a little harder and he squeezed it back- as if reassuring me. He kept me with him for awhile as he talked to people- never really introducing me unless the person asked. He said I worked for Mia and we were close friends, which I had to admit was clever, but do close friends hold hands?

When our drinks were empty I noticed Mia across the pool with Tom, his arm around her waist, talking to Dave- and when Travis told me he was gonna get us refills I nodded, saying I was going to Mia. I made my way around carefully, worried I was going to bump into someone or fall into the pool, but I was successful. When I approached she greeted me with a hug, as did Dave.

"Hey, how is your first hot shot party?" Dave asked me and I nodded, smiling, unable to answer. "Overwhelmed right?!" He asked and I nodded again, making him laugh. As we stood there, Dave and Tom talking about a collab- a man in all black walked up and grabbed Mia in a huge hug. When they let go I about died.

"Holy Fuck your Marilyn Manson!" I said loudly and then slammed my hands over my mouth- horrified that I said it out loud. Tom laughed and shook his head as he shook Manson's hand in a greeting- as did Dave. Manson extended his hand out to me and I shook it, with one hand still over my mouth.

"You must be Mia's new intern!" He said enthusiastically. "Travis was just telling me about you." He added and I could feel myself blushing.

"Why?" I asked and then I felt my face get redder. This is not how I expected this conversation to go. At all.....

"Cause I just stopped him to ask who you were since I saw you together. It's rare to see a woman at Billys party who isn't famous and still wearing clothes. You stood out.. that's all." He said to me before turning to Mia and slipping an arm around her waist. "I need you in the studio. I have vocals for you to swoon me with beautiful." She nodded. "You free Monday?" He asked her and she agreed. "Alright beautiful people I'm going inside to do drugs. Your welcome to come partake." He said winking before kissing Mia's cheek and walking away.

"Holy Fucking Shit! THAT was Marilyn Manson!" I said again and Tom laughed.

"Yeah, and right over there..." he said pointing "is Ozzy Osbourne and his wife Sharon, Mia's godparents." When he said that Mia looked over quickly and immediately headed over to greet them with Dave. "And look over there.." He said pointing towards the doorway to go inside, "Benji from Good Charlotte....." My eyes widened and I could feel my hands shaking. Tom wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pointed in another direction. "Over by the bar, Travis is hanging out with Macklemore. Fuck if I know why- I hate that fucking guy... but he is." Then he chuckled- pointing at the pool. "And right there is Mark Hoppus, fucking his wife in the pool!" He said loudly, people turning around to look. "Yeah Mark! Get it!" He screamed and Mark gave him a thumbs up as Skye moaned loudly making people clap.

"How does Billy know all these people?" I said to Tom and he nodded, as if understanding my question, his eyes never leaving the pool.

"These parties are legendary. Billy has a party, everyone who's everyone comes. These happen every time he comes home from tour." He said to me as Skye moaned louder and people took pictures. "Come on, I'm gonna go find my lady. You wanna stick with me or go it on your own?"

"I'll stick with you...." I said and he nodded, keeping his arm around me and walking around the pool and over to a table where Ozzy and Sharon sat across from Mia. They greeted Tom warmly, standing to give him hugs and then sitting back down and asking him to join them, which he did, sitting next to Mia and holding her hand. I stood behind them awkwardly, unsure if I should speak or stay silent. I was surprised at just how old they both looked in person. I remember being a kid and watching them on MTV.

"It's so good to see you two still together!" Sharon said as Tom kissed Mia and they both agreed. "Ozzy remember when she was little and we thought she was gonna marry Jack?" He chuckled and Mia shook her head making Sharon laugh.

"Marriage is not for me" Mia said and Tom laughed. "I'm happy being a dirty mistress."

"Muse." Ozzy stated frowning at her and Tom agreed. "They call you the muse." He stated again slowly. "Don't downplay yourself."

"There you are" Travis said to me, coming out of nowhere and wrapping his arm around my waist, handing me a drink. "I was looking for you." He kissed my cheek, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. I could smell weed and liquor on his breath. I felt faint, my heart was racing and I needed to go sit down. I took a few sips of my drink but it only made it worse.

"Travis? You gonna introduce me to your friend?" Sharon asked and Mia looked back and cursed under her breath.

"Fuck.... Sharon, this is Lauren- my new intern." She stated and Sharon smiled.

"Looks like you fancy her Travis..." she said winking. "Nice to meet you dear." I smiled and said you too but my head was definitely spinning.

I turned toward Travis, talking in his ear. "Can we go someplace quiet for a minute? I'm dizzy..." I asked and he nodded, taking my hand and leading me back into the house. There was people having sex inside while others watched- Billy playing guitar while others sang. We went upstairs and down the hall, opening a door that hit us with a cloud of smoke.

There was a leather wrap around sofa on three walls, and a giant glass table with cocaine cut on the surface, a pile of marijuana in one large glass bowl already pre-rolled and another small dish with pills. Marilyn Manson, the guy from X-Files and a few people I didn't recognize were sitting on the sofa, deep in conversation. Manson looked up as we stood in the doorway and motioned for us to come in. "Be right back" Travis said- shutting the door and taking me to another room, turning on the light. It was clearly a guest room, loveseat and tv on one side, dresser and a queen bed.

Travis shut the door behind us and turned off the light, leading me to the bed and sitting down, pulling me on top of him. I was careful not to spill my drink as my body molded around his. He laid back, putting his cup on the nightstand and then doing the same with mine, pulling me down to lay on him. I kissed him, rolling beside him.

"I just wanted a quiet moment...." I said embarrassed. "I don't want to keep you from your friends."

"Hey listen...."he said concerned, putting his hand under my chin so I would look into his eyes. "You are more important than anyone down there right now." He said quietly and kissed me softly on the lips.

I think... no.....I know..... I was starting to fall for him.


	18. Cocaine

Mia's P.O.V.

Around midnight the party started to fall into comfortable levels of life- most roadies and random celebrities bowed out, and people found their groups to slip into the wee hours of morning with. After a romp in the pool, Tom and I went upstairs with Billy to hang out in the private sector with Manson. David was just leaving as we arrived and he made sure to grab my ass when I got a hug bye.

I sat between Manson and Tom, doing a line and sitting back to smoke a joint. Tom and I kept a bottle of tequila tucked between us as we smoked, talking with everyone about our sexcapades in the pool and catching up on all the people I haven't seen since the last party.

"I kind of feel like an asshole for hiding up here, but I'm feeling fairly anti-social tonight." Billy said and I laughed. "I know who else is feeling it Mia- your girl Lauren looked like she was gonna be sick every time I saw her."

"God yes, when I met her she did go pretty fan girl on me. But I expect that reaction when someone sees me..." Manson said laughing.

"Don't be so full of yourself- emo drama queen!" I said laughing and he rolled his eyes. "Where did she go anyway? Mark took Travis's truck home so I know they are here somewhere." I asked and Tom shrugged. "Well I know you don't know babe, we were busy.." I added laughing.

"Her and Travis opened the door about an hour ago, but then left." Manson said doing a line and standing up. "I'm gonna go mingle guys. I'll be up later." As he opened the door Lauren stood in the doorway with Travis and he let them in before leaving, stating he got points for finding her on the way out. They sat where Manson had been, drinks in hand.

"You ok Lauren?" I asked her and she nodded.

"It all just.... overwhelmed me I think. I'm okay now." She said as Travis put his arm around her again.

"Well, we are gonna stay here tonight. Mark took the truck so I can have someone take you home if you wanna go."

"No I'm good now. Just needed a minute...." she said softly, looking over at Travis who winked at her. "I'm actually gonna go find the bathroom, ill be back guys.." she said standing up and walking out of the room, closing the door behind her.

"Travis! Holy shit man! You got her falling for you!" Billy said loudly and Travis laughed, nodding his head.

"Yeah man we made a pact to not fuck again till after tour. So we basically just made out for an hour like horny ass teenagers. I'm really into her.." he admitted and I looked over at Tom who smiled at me.

"Speaking of women- I'll be right back, I'm gonna go find Alisha." Billy stated, doing another line and leaving the room. Travis laid on the sofa and put an arm over his face, groaning.

"I gotta ask you two something...." he said and we both looked over at him, waiting as he sat back up and do a line he spoke words we already assumed were coming. "How did you know you had the one? I wasn't around in the beginning. By the time I joined the band you were three years into it. So.. how did you know?"

"Dude, we didn't. Not at first...." Tom said and I nodded. "We just.... needed to be together. We tried sneaking around for a long time. Jen was in college and we were always on the road and I don't know.... When I was home and she was back in LA... we made this pact that we wouldn't talk. We tried so hard to keep it casual... but I would miss her all the time."

"God.... I remember those days. And when you finally called me and asked me to come spend the weekend with you- that's when I found out Mark knew." I said laughing, remembering the conversation from the way over.

"But.... with Jen..... you two had a deal. You were only allowed to see Mia on the road and other Blink related stuff..right?" He asked and I nodded. "So when the band broke up in 2015.... what happened?"

"Honestly dude, she wouldn't take my calls. And I wrote the AVA song anomaly- sent it to her and she came out to see me... told me she was miserable without us... we both felt half our souls were missing..... and we admitted to each other that day what we could only say in our writings up until that...."

"What's that?" Travis asked and I looked over at Tom and smiled, remembering that day.

"We admitted we were endlessly, hopelessly, insanely in love with each other. Took us 15 years......" I said and Tom kissed me hard.

"Yeah it was a very many years of 'i like yous'" Tom added and I laughed.

"But, if you are in love with Mia- where does that leave Jen?" Travis asked- realizing for the first time he didn't know how all the pieces fell into place.

"Hey, don't get me wrong Travis... he loves Jen more than air- so when he told Jen he loves her but he would be fine without her if she left because him and I are rekindling..... she's the one who called me. She said he wrote music for days.... paced all night... he was never settled..... first night he slept well in six months was the day I came to see him...."

"Jesus man. I never doubted your love. But I think I'm falling for Lauren and it seems insane cause I barely know her. I feel insane." Travis said and Tom smiled, kissing my temple and lighting a joint. The door clicked and we all looked to see Lauren standing against the closed door.

"You...... your..... wait. Hold on...." she said, putting her hand over her eyes for a second before running her fingers thru her hair. "You serious?" She asked Travis and he nodded, and I watched as her face lit up. "I feel the same way... and I feel equally insane and guilty...." she stated walking over to Travis and sitting beside him, kissing him.

"I remember the guilt too....." Tom said and I nodded. "I used to justify it with fuck Jen! I'm a rock star and it's just sex...." he took a long swig of the bottle, handing it to me and I followed suite. "But, I was lying to myself. I was in love with Mia since basically the beginning. I don't think we said we loved each for..... ten years in our music? Maybe longer....."

"It was on breathe I think....." I said, trying to remember. "We had that rule no matter how we felt we wouldn't say anything other than I like you- we tried not complicating it. Then the AVA CD came out while Blink was on hiatus, and on breathe you were all sappy and kept saying you loved me. And I'm like... oh no he didn't... and I ignored it. Then Travis had the accident.... and our rules didn't matter."

"Damn... I remember walking into the waiting room and you had tears on your face and I just held you in my arms and you begged me to never leave you again...thru your tears you told me you loved me....and I told you I loved you. Then I promised you Travis would make it. I have never seen you so scared in your life."

"Fuck guys glad my plane crash could bring you back together permanently.... I didn't know...." Travis said and we nodded. "Speaking of that horrible time- talk about pep squad. Mia never stopped making me work to get better...i was suicidal and she was a pest till I got past it."

"I lived thru so much shit........" I said to Travis. "Only bitches give up......." I added and did another line, standing up.

"Well we are going to bed, ill see you guys in the am." Tom said standing up, grabbing a few joints and a bag of coke, grabbing my hand and I grabbed the bottle- leaving them and going into a guest room locking the door. Once alone he looked at me with his eyebrows raised and I nodded. "You got a small problem on your hands in there." He said and I nodded. "They are serious babe..... I think not doing the tour is a smart play..." I couldn't agree more.


	19. Good Talk

Mia's P.O.V.

Tom and I rejoined the party downstairs around five a.m. and did our best to sober up a little till the sun rose. Travis and Lauren got a ride back to my place sometime in the night, while Tom and I had our private party in the bedroom. I know they have feelings for each other- and I am not ever to stand in the way of that, but when Travis leaves Monday morning to go to Denver and start touring she needs to take that time away and learn from me. That's what she's here for.

We drove to Marks, arriving around 7:30 a.m., walking in and sitting in the living room. I had to tell him about Alisha going in place of me, but I wanted to wait till he woke up. We turned on the tv and got comfortable, passing out within minutes in each other's arms.

My phone rang, which pulled me out of a dead sleep. Tom was still knocked out beside me and I looked to see it was my manager calling me. I ignored the call and thought about going back to sleep till I noticed the clock read 1:58pm.

"Shit....baby... wake up...." I said and Tom groaned. "Babe it's two in the afternoon" I pleaded and his eyes opened, looking at me with surprise.

I got up and walked into the kitchen where Mark was sitting on the counter talking to Skye while she cooked. "Hey sleepy heads!" He said loudly, smacking a spoon on a pot with a loud BANG. "Long night?" He shouted at me and I put my hands over my ears.

"Shut the Fuck up!" I snapped and he laughed- loudly. "I came to talk to you..." I said, hopping up on the counter next to him.

"I'm sorry....." he said pulling me into a half hug. "You looked so cute this morning all snuggled up together.... we couldn't bare to wake you up."

Skye handed me a cup of coffee and some pills for my head- and I thanked her quietly, taking them quickly and willing them to kick in. "I wanted to talk to you about the tour...." I started and he nodded.

"Yeah I already know Alisha is going. Rick called me this morning. Apparently you signed a contract with Green Day and your manager overbooked you. It's cool. We will be fine." He said rubbing my back. I was stoked that my manager covered for me but I really didn't remember telling him about it. Regardless, I took the out.

"Thanks Mark. I feel like an asshole...." I said, laying my head on his shoulder.

"One thing though...." Skye said turning around to face us. "Keep your intern with you. I'm worried about Travis. He told me last night he was gonna marry her. I mean he was wasted but still.... when has he ever talked like that??" She said and I nodded in agreement.

"Consider it done Skye." I said and hopped down. "I'm gonna go. We still doing dinner tomorrow?"

"Yeah, always." He said hopping down and kissing my cheek bye, and then giving Tom a hug. "Bye you two lovebirds." He said loudly and I flipped him off, holding my head.

Tom and I spent a few hours out- going to lunch and to a movie- before we headed back to my place. Travis was stretched out on the sofa when we walked in and sat up as the door shut. "I gotta talk to you." He said, pointing at me and I sighed, already knowing what it was about. Tom headed upstairs and I sat on the sofa. "Your not doing the tour?" He asked and looked a little hurt, which made me feel worse. I shook my head and he sighed. "Just tell me this isn't because of Lauren..." he said and I shook my head again. "We really need you. I have never done a show without you. What am I gonna do without you?"

"Alisha has been on tour with you for years. Most of the time I never even did my job, she did it and I just was.... there. You know that. She's gonna be fine." I stated and he sighed again. "Look, this is not about you and Lauren. Although I think a few weeks apart won't be hard. We are doing the local shows when you come back. Okay?"

"Yeah...." he said, nodding. "Okay...."

"Good talk Travis..." I said and stood up. "By the way, where is she?"

"Phone call with the boyfriend." He said laying back out of the sofa. I gave him a look and he laughed, unpausing his movie. "Don't worry, I don't have a right to be jealous. But I heard you and Tom loud and clear..... and last night we decided till we can figure out our rules and boundaries, and until after tour... we need to just focus on being friends and getting to know each other."

"Good, I'm glad. I'm headed upstairs to shower. Love ya Barker."

"Love you too Mia.." he said- waving as I walked away.


	20. Cheater

Lauren's P.O.V.

Travis and I were making out when my phone rang.

We got back to Mia's in the wee hours of the morning- our pact out the window as we had sex for hours once inside my room. We passed out as the sun rose- waking up a few hours later when Travis's phone went off. He woke me to tell me about the tour- how I wasn't coming now- and then we had sex again, took a shower and got dressed- going in the living room to watch a movie and eat delivery (once in arrived). The movie wasn't on long when we began making out- my ringing phone separating us as it started to get heated

It was Brian

"Hey baby!" I said, answering the call, my legs still straddling Travis, my arm still around his neck. I gently kissed him once more than got up, walking down the hall- into my bedroom and shut the door.

"Hey beautiful lady. I just saw something insane and I had to ask you about it." He stated and I instantly freaked out inside. I stayed silent for a few minutes, waiting for him to speak again. "So one of my guys saw paparazzi pictures from last night at the green day party- did you know there is picture on TMZ of you kissing Travis? My guys recognized you from the pics I have of you here."

"Oh god..." I responded, feeling sick.

"I'm so happy you are embracing this and having fun but I gotta ask....do I have anything to worry about?"

"I mean, him and I are just spending a lot of time together...." I said quietly, wishing he wouldn't press further. "We were drunk."

"You know- it's been two years. I don't expect you to not have sex.... but I want to marry you in six months. We have been together 13 years- and I know I'm never home baby..... you see me six weeks every two years.... but in six months I can take the D.C. job and we can get married." He sounded desperate and I loved how he was still so serious about me..... but then anger came thru my guilt in a fury.

"Wait.... so you don't care if I'm sleeping with Travis?" I asked and he said no immediately. "You know how guilty I have felt??? I have been faithful for 13 years...." I stated quietly.

"I never expected you to not have sex baby. Just be home when I get home. Don't get an std- don't get pregnant- don't fall in love..." he stated and I wondered how this conversation is coming out after 13 long years.

"So do you do that? You have been sleeping with other people all this time!?" I asked, anger seeping thru more.

"Look baby- it's not important. I love you...." he answered and I rolled my eyes. "You are my woman- my soul- my life. Okay?" A year ago I would of agreed immediately- telling him I loved him also but wasn't in a forgiving mood.

"Yeah.... you know.... I'm gonna do me and you do you. When you come home we should talk in person about this. But I think right now I don't wanna talk to you." I said, hanging up.

I then opened up my camera gallery and found the picture of me, Travis, Billy and Manson that Alisha took last night. We were all out back- sitting at a table doing shots. The picture is of us toasting- all glasses rose and touching- tequila in the center. Travis has his arm around me and I looked so happy. I posted it on instagram, with the caption times never waisted- when you're getting wasted and tagged Travis in it.

I laid back on my bed, sighing loudly. To think- thirteen years I have been religiously faithful to a man I gave my virginity to. I thought of the men who have tried making moves on me- I never let them get close. I was called a stuck up prude all thru high school and college- and I accepted it- because I had a man who loved me. To think all these years I masturbated to Blink 182 posters while he hooked up with other women made me sick.

I'm a fucking hypocrite

Here I am..... falling in love with a man almost twice my age- having the time of my life- and I am mad cause he's halfway around the world sticking it in some random girls. Who cares?!

I can feel myself falling for Travis....  
Scratch that.....I know I am.  
When I'm with him the world turns into nothingness around us. I don't know what to expect from what is happening between us- he said the night in the hot tub that it's casual- but last night he told Tom and Mia he had feelings for me.

is this lust?  
or...am I really falling in love?

The clock read 6pm and I wondered if the food has been delivered yet. Pulling a hoodie over my body I walked out of the room and into the living room. Travis was laid out on the lounge, Tom and Mia snuggled up on the other lounger. There was bags of food on the table with plates, napkins and silverware. A child's play movie was on the tv and they were all laughing, enjoying each other's commentary of the film. I walked around the sofa, sitting down slowly next to Travis. He grabbed my hand, kissing my fingers and smiling at me.

"Hey Lauren, we waited for you to eat." He stated, sitting up. "Even though Tom's an animal and tried eating without you.."

"You could of." I said quietly and Mia sat up, scooting over to me and putting an arm around my back.

"You okay sweetie?" She asked quietly and I forced a small smile, nodding.

"Starving" I replied, rubbing my belly for dramatic effect.

****

The evening was amazing and the people who I have only known a week were quickly becoming my friends. We played a game- where one person plays the first 30 seconds of a song and everyone had to guess the song title and artist-writing it on a whiteboard. Mia was on fire- getting every one correct but one. I actually came in second, getting 42 out of 50. They said it was a typical game they played on the road when they started touring- while in the vans scrolling thru radio stations.

I went to my room around midnight with Travis right behind me. I took my hoodie and shirt off, so I could sleep in just a bra and shorts. Travis stood by the door watching me carefully. I took my hairtie out, my dirty blonde hair cascading down my back- making him raise his eyebrows.

I sat on the bed, exhausted from the past six days and looked over at him, still standing uncomfortably by the door, hands in his pockets.

"So, are you gonna stay with me?" I asked him and he closed his eyes for a moment, as if he needed privacy for an internal debate.

"You have no idea how badly I want to. But if I lay down in that bed beside you, we are gonna fuck again." He said, his face red- and his eyes looking surprised that those words were coming out of his mouth. In response I took off my bra and threw it at him. Catching it, he groaned and closed his eyes again, holding it tight to his chest and muttering curse words. "We made a deal...." he muttered and looked at me again, clearly at war with his body.

"And you are leaving for tour in two nights. So why don't we just have each other till then? I need you...." I groaned, laying back in the bed, grabbing the blanket beside me and closing my eyes. "I am feeling so mentally drained right now. My life is so fucked up. But you, Travis Barker, are the only thing that makes sense."

I could feel the tears in my eyes and I willed them back as he approached the bed, taking off his shirt and crawling over top of me, putting a hand behind my head, tangling his fingers in my hair.

"Then consider me yours.." he whispered, kissing me deeply.


	21. Stressed Out

Lauren's P.O.V.

My eyes fluttered open and the night came rushing back to me like a movie. I have slept with Travis a few times now and that..... that was not a hook up. The sex was never rough- it was replaced by desperate passion. Every touch made my body shake and every movement made me moan. Hours later, completely exhausted, we both fell into a deep sleep wrapped up in each other's arms.

I touched his bare chest with my fingertips while he slept, tracing the various pieces of art covering his skin. I didn't dare roll over and look at the time.... I didn't dare move an inch because he had to leave tomorrow and I was gonna really fucking miss him.

I closed my eyes once more, falling back into a comfortable sleep, listening to his heart beating in 4/4 rhythm.

****

When I awoke again, it was to a long, wet tongue in my face. I groaned and tried pulling the blanket over my face, and was met with resistance.

"Grrrrrrrr" I heard loudly and let go of the blanket, realizing it was Ringo who woke me up.

"Oh god, Ringo, go play...." I said burying my face in my pillow making him bark and jump on the bed, laying beside me. I rolled over and pet his head, realizing Travis wasn't in the room anymore. My heart pounded a little- wondering if he thought last night a mistake and went home.

I got up and took a shower- got dressed in jeans and a sky blue tank top, then quickly did my makeup before heading out into the living room. My cell was on the counter in the kitchen and I wondered if I left it there last night. I didn't see anyone so I picked up my phone and checked the notifications.

*10 missed calls from Brian  
*197 instagram requests  
*250 friend requests on fb  
*99 fb notifications

I hit clear and walked upstairs, checking Mia's office. Empty. Her door was opened and the room was spotless, also empty. I went back to the living room and sighed, sitting down. It was after 4pm and I was alone for the first time in a week. I didn't even see the housekeeper.

I tried turning on the tv but couldn't find the remote. Frustrated I pulled my phone back out and opened instagram. I was immediately met with a selfie of Travis in my bed, me sleeping on his chest. @laurenscott is gonna sleep the day away- but damn she looks hot doing it. I'm gonna miss her when I leave for tour tomorrow.

I was shocked- I had no idea we were going public- especially with me having a boyfriend and him being famous- but here we were. I kept scrolling after commenting with a heart. Mia posted a few pics of her, Travis and Tom at the skate park. At least now I knew where they all were. My phone went off and I chuckled as I opened my text.

Mia is on her way back. You liked our picture so I know your up. Miss you.

ok. I was shocked. I didn't know we were going public.

yeah... sorry. I should of asked you first. My publicist said I should post something of us- so it's not like I was taking advantage some groupie at Billys.

you mean the tmz thing? Yeah Brian called me about that last night.... it's fine tho. Miss you too.

I got up and walked around a bit, then sat on a bar stool with a bottle of water, opening my phone again. It was getting close to dinnertime and I was starving. Mia walked inside as I was texting my mom, letting her know I was fine.

"Hey, we are going out to dinner with....well...everyone. It's a fancy restaurant so if you wanna dress up a bit you have time." She said smiling as she sat down beside me. "Sorry we bailed on you this morning. I was dying to go out and do something so I drug the guys along."

"It's okay... I just didn't know. Where's Tom and Travis?"

"Tom is on his way back to his wife and kids for the week- and Travis is home showering and getting ready. He will meet us there."

"Okay.." I replied and stood up to go in my room and change. "Fancy fancy, or...." I asked and she shrugged.

"It's a five star Italian restaurant- I'm wearing a little black dress." She replied winking.

"Give me ten minutes" I responded.

I put on a red sleeveless dress that went to my knees. I rain mouse thru my hair, fixed my makeup to look more professional and put a necklace around my neck.

Taking the escalade, we drove the fifteen minutes to downtown LA and pulled up in front of an extremely fancy restaurant. Mia handed the vallet the keys and took my hand, walking inside- while Paparazzi took several photos of us. We were led to a large square table where several people were already seated, Mia squealing a little with joy when she saw Tom was seated next to Mark. I sat beside her, wishing Travis was here as well.

"I thought you were going home?" I heard Mia ask Tom and he shrugged. He was dressed in a black silk dress shirt and black pants, gel was even ran thru his hair. Mark was also dressed nicely- and Skye looked beautiful in her green dress.

"Jen won't be home till tomorrow morning so I went to Marks and got ready. Were you surprised?" He asked her, kissing her as she nodded.

Mia spent ten minutes introducing me to record executives, some roadies (including Rocko who I had met), and the guys from the opening bands that was going on tour with them. Wine was flowing freely and even though I thought I would be overwhelmed, but I was feeling fine.

Travis arrived a few minutes later- black t-shirt and black pants. He sat down, kissing my cheek and saying hello to everyone. Dinner was served- basically an Italian trio- and conversation was flowing. It had been almost two hours since we arrived- and once the meal was complete Mia told me we were going back home, inviting Mark, Skye, Travis, Matt, Alisha and Tom to come along.

Travis and Tom stood out front of the restaurant with us as we waited for the car- kissing us goodbye as we got in the car. The paparazzi was having a field day taking pictures and videos- God only knows what tomorrow's tmz would bring. Honestly, I didn't care anymore.

"Thanks for tonight Mia." I said as we pulled into the garage. "It was fun. Plus I was starving."

"The record company pays for a big feast before tour starts. But your welcome. Tomorrow morning we are going to Trent Renzors, to record with Marilyn Manson." She told me and I nodded enthusiastically. "Also.....Enjoy your last night with Travis. He leaves at 5am."

"Yeah, I will...... of course I will...." I said and she patted my arm then got out.

I went to my room, the house still quiet, and put on a bikini- determined to get in Mia's hot tub tonight. I threw a t-shirt and shorts on as well before leaving my room.

Mia was laying on the sofa with a beer in hand, her head on Tom's lap as he rubbed her bare belly. She was in a bra and shorts, her dress thrown in the floor at the bottom of the stairs. TMZ was on and they laughed at the 'reporters' commenting on the picture of Travis and I kissing as Travis came into the house.

"Turn that shit off guys. Come on...." he pleaded and Tom changed the channel. "Dont you two have any memories of the shit you were put in magazines for?!"

"Who cares..." Mia commented. "You made it public today- so Lauren is gonna have to get used to the camera ninjas. It was just speculation but you confirmed it."

"I don't care..." I said and Tom looked back and held up his hand for a high five. "They will be on to someone else soon I'm sure" I added and Travis shrugged.

"So, my lady, what do you wanna do?" Travis asked me, pulling me into a hug.

"I wanna get in Mia's hot tub." I replied and Mia nodded in agreement.

"I said that five minutes ago to Tom" she commented, laughing at the coincidence. "Unless you two wanna be alone" she added winking at me.

"No let's do it" I responded and we all went outside- the guys in their boxers Mia in her bra and panties and me in my bikini. We brought out 8 bottles of beer and decided to play 'never have I ever'.

"Never have I ever had a kid" Mia started and both guys groaned, drinking.

"Never have I ever performed music live" I said and they all three groaned- drinking again.

"Never have I ever kissed a guy" Travis added and Tom groaned loudly- taking a drink along with us.

"Never have I ever masturbated to a picture of me" Tom said and I glared at him....and then took a drink while Travis laughed.

"Never have I ever been married" Mia added and both guys groaned again, finishing their bottles and opening up new ones.

"Never have I ever seen Mia naked." I said and both guys groaned again- drinking, along with Mia herself.

"I think you two are trying to get us drunk." Tom said laughing.

"I got one. Never have I ever had sex with someone from Jackass!" Travis said, almost yelling. Tom punched his arm and Mia flipped him off, finishing her bottle.

"Never have I ever fucked an intern" Tom replied and Travis punched him back, taking a drink. Then he started laughing as Mia also took a drink. "What the fuck?!" He asked her and she laughed.

"Me and Alisha one night..... we..... well..... ya know." She replied blushing.

"Well Fuck, no wonder she got the job..." Travis teased and she shook her head.

"Well it's not like it's the only girl you have been with..." Tom said, reassuring her as she put her face in his chest. "Remember when we went to Bali for a week with Mark and Skye?"

"Wait.... what?!" Travis said, eyes wide. "That's one hell of a mental image right there!" He added, raising his eyebrows and giving Tom a fist bump.

"Ugh... ok time to get mean. Never have I ever fucked Paris Hilton" Mia said, staring at Travis with a mean look on her face. He glared back at her and took another swig.

"My turn?" I asked and they nodded. "Never have I ever....... had sex in public."

"Oh... come on!" Tom exclaimed- all three taking a drink, finishing their bottles. "Well, you won- you are still on your first bottle."

"And on that note- I'm headed home. I still have to pack and leave in five hours, if that." Travis said getting out and grabbing a towel, taking off his boxers and pulling his pants on. The look on my face must of been totally devastating, because Mia reached out and squeezed my hand.

He started to leave, saying goodbye but stopped in the doorway. "Hey...... uhh...Lauren? Do you wanna come home with me? I can drop you off in the morning.."

"Fuck Yes." I replied, a little too excitedly, getting out and pulling my clothes over my wet bikini. I was dying to spend one more night with him.


	22. Too Much

Mia's P.O.V.

"And they were never seen again....." Tom said as the back door shut, Travis and Lauren off to his place. I chuckled, grabbing his hand and pulling him close to me. Personally I just wanted the extra time with Tom. Having an intern around was a lot like having a toddler around. They always want me to entertain them and keep them busy- following me everywhere and being insecure of the world. Makes it hard to live life like I'm used to. Lauren isn't so bad yet- but Travis has been taking care of her. Now that he's leaving.... let the toddler behavior begin.

Tom kissed my neck, pulling me out of my thoughts. His hand ran over my body and I moaned as he did so. Just as his hand went inside my panties the door opened and I looked over to see Rocko, file folder in hand.

"Sorry Missus..... But I gotta go over stage plans and things with you. Alisha won't answer her phone." He spoke defensively, knowing he was interrupting a moment between me and Tom. I laid my head on Tom's shoulder for a second and then kissed his bare skin, stepping out of the hot tub and grabbing a towel from the cabinet, wrapping it around my body.

For the next hour and fourty minutes I discussed stage set-up, special effects, time lines for the evening and signings. Once he was satisfied he thanked me, packing his stuff up and standing. "I better get out of your hair love, I'm sure you will be getting back to what you were doing before the likes of me barged in." He said in his heavy British accent.

"Its fine man, have a drink with us first. You deserve it." Tom said before I could speak. He had gotten dressed in dry clothes, carrying some beers over to the table and sitting with us. "Alisha should be embarrassed for not answering her phone. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Tom's right. She should of met up with you days ago. I hate this shit being put off till the last second."

"Ill stay for a drink. But I am en route to get busses ready. Trailers loaded yesterday, just like you like miss."

"See, you don't need me, you know what I like and how to run the show. You taught me remember?" I said winking, thinking back to my first Blink tour.

I was just a baby in comparison. We did three shows- I was used to attending Nirvana shows where the stage was run like a well oiled machine, this was chaos. Roadies didn't know what they were doing and there was problem after problem. I called Ozzy, telling him how much I wanted to give up, touring life wasn't for me. He told me he would send his best man to me- and together we would make the band's live shows brilliant. It was twelve hours later I met Rocko. He spent the first day just watching everything, set up, take down, the show.... then he fired all the roadies- hired guys he knew and boom..... it's worked like a glove ever since.

"So, you two getting serious then?" He asked, pointing to a diamond ring on my left hand. I looked down at it and smiled, shaking my head.

"Tom gave this to me in 2015- when he left Blink for good. It was his promise that no matter what we were still together." I said and he smiled.

"You're a good man Tom... you gotta treat the missus as good as the wife. Especially this beautiful lady..."

"Oh, yeah man I fucking know....."

"Its a load of rubbish Skiba playing your songs. Breaks my heart. I remember you two writing some of those..."

"Its not just us then? I love Matt- him and I have written twenty songs together for Alkaline Trio. He's a great musician and a brilliant guitar player. The new blink album is genius and my favorite after Dude Ranch. But it just feels wrong for him to sing songs.....about me." I responded, Rocko nodding.

"Well.... you gotta give fans what they want. They don't seem to care...." he responded and all I could do is nod because I knew he was right.

And that's what truly sucked.


	23. You Never Go Ass to Mouth

Lauren's P.O.V.

It was an intensely quiet drive, mostly because I was nervous as shit. The stero was on low- some crazy sounding guy/girl rap duo singing about ugly boys. When we pulled up to the house I smiled. I don't know what I was expecting but this was really pretty. It also wasn't huge and extravagant like Mark and Billys was. I felt like I was in a rock museum in both of their places.

"Wow Travis this is nice." I said and he nodded.

"Welcome to house number three. Wife one got house one, wife two got house two. I'm thinking of never getting married again" he said chuckling. "I happen to like this one the best and don't wanna give it away."

He led me inside and up the stairs, showing me his bedroom immediately. I was a little more than excited till he pulled out a duffle bag and smiled, kissing my cheek. "I wasn't kidding I really gotta pack. But make yourself at home. It's nearly two a.m, I gotta be out of here in less than three hours." I nodded, laying on the bed and pulling out my phone, taking a picture of him, sitting on his bedroom floor- shirtless and packing.

"You're hot..." I said as I took another picture and he laughed. I mean like.... wow."

"Watch it woman.... I gotta get this done before I can go over there and enter you one more time!" He said, throwing a shirt at me.

"Who said I'm gonna let you be inside me?" I asked him and he threw another shirt at me. "Keep that up and you won't have shirts to wear on the road!"

"Who says I need shirts on the road?!" He responded raising his eyebrows at me. "Them young girls love my sexy bod. They throw themselves at me every night..."

"You're just trying to make me jealous...." I said and he laughed. "It's not gonna work....."

"Well I would love to reassure you- tell you that you have nothing to worry about.... but we never really had that talk so.... I'm free to do as I please." He said smiling. "Free to bone......." he added, zippering his bag and putting it by the bedroom door then jumping into bed beside me.

"You have to leave in two hours...." I said and he laid back on his arm, sighing.

"Yeah.... Denver girls are crazy. I think that's where the girls want you to go ass to mouth..."

I put my hand over his mouth so he would stop talking, crunching up my nose and shaking my head. "Ewww...... you never go ass to mouth....."

"Hey I'm just a horny rock star. I don't know any better. It's not me doing it- they like it....."

"Eww....."

"Unless we should talk about what this is..... then I guess maybe I can refrain from going ass to mouth....... just this once....."

"Okay..... we are really doing this ..... okay......" I responded, stuttering over my words. "What do you want this to be?"

"I mean.... I don't want you sleeping with anyone else. And I sure as fuck don't plan to. For the record I have never banged a groupie. It seems like too much responsibility."

"I don't wanna sleep with anyone else or for you to either. So we are on agreement there. But I do have a boyfriend who's coming home from Iraq for the first time in two years......."

"Right....." he nodded, scratching his head. "Well he came first so he's grandfathered in. Of course I'm sure he's pissed I told the world we are together....."

"I don't know I haven't taken his calls. I guess we will see.... he will be here when tour ends for a few days. If Mia is okay with it."

"Ok so what else.... are we labeling this?" He asked, rubbing my arm and I shook my head. He nodded in agreement.

"We shouldn't get caught up in all this..." I stated, laying my arm around his stomach. "I really like you and you make me happy....I don't wanna see anyone else- and when you get home I wanna pick this up...after Brian leaves. My feelings for you are strong."

"Good enough" he said kissing me, softly at first then deeper and more passionately than I knew possible. His hands ran over my body with urgency and I moaned as he stuck two fingers inside me.

"Dont stop...." I moaned as he pulled my clothes off, flipped me over and slammed himself inside me. My whole body shook as he held my shoulder with one hand and my hip with the other, our bodies slamming together harder and faster until we both exploded at the same time in sheer ecstasy, laying down on the bed and almost immediately passing out.

****

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

I groaned as I rolled over, Travis standing, pulling clothes on his body and pocketing his phone.

"Come on babe. I gotta leave in two minutes." He said and I nodded, standing up to look for my clothes. "God damn!" He said loudly as he flipped on the light. "Did I do that?" I looked confused then walked into the bathroom, examining my naked body in the mirror. Sure enough I had fingerprint bruises on my shoulder and hip, red welts on my breasts, thighs and neck from where he bit me. I nodded as he watched me examine hybrid skin and shook his head. "Sorry..... ill be more careful..." he added, looking embarrassed.

"I love it." I said and his face lit up a bit. "You could stand to be rougher....." I added and he picked me up and kissed me.

I located my shorts and bikini, unable to find my shirt. We left the house by ten after five. "It's still dark, it should be illegal to be up this early."

He dropped me off at 5:30, kissing me one last time before speeding off. I let myself into Mia's, to see Tom naked in the living room drinking a bottle of water. I stared for a good 30 seconds before shutting the door behind me all the way to alert him I was there.

When the door clicked he jumped, then laughed when he saw it was me, putting a hand over his package. "Hey...." he stated, taking another drink. "How was your night?"

"Not naked in the living room exciting but it was good..." I said walking past him and into my room. From the patio door in my room I could see Mia out back, getting out of the pool- also naked. Tom joined her in a moment, probably telling her about what happened inside and she laughed, looking in my door and waving before wrapping a towel around herself. A few moments later she knocked on my door and walked in.

"Hey, sorry about that. I had no idea it was already after five." She said and I shook my head.

"No..... I'm sorry..... cause I just stood there staring before closing the door." I responded making her laugh. "He is so fucking sexy.."

"Yeah.... he is. He really is. But we are gonna go shower and he's leaving. I hope you slept cause today is gonna be really rough on you. Studio work is not for the weak. I think your resume said you have experience?"

"I worked at the college radio station- we also had local bands come in to record demos. I would work the engineer booth- with supervision"

"Well we are finishing up the Manson album today. I have two songs to do vocals on. Probably take about six hours."

"Ok, I'm gonna shower and rest till it's time to leave I slept like.... an hour last night."

"I haven't slept yet myself..." she replied as Tom walked into the room, still covering himself with his hands. "Alright I'm coming baby.... " she said waving to me and leaving the room.

I opened instagram, scrolling thru pictures of friends and family. I saw one of Brian with a female co-worker, and I wondered if she was the girl he was sleeping with. They have taken hundreds of pictures over the years- saying they were best friends. I thought to Tom and Mia- and how I always thought they were best friends till I met them in person. My instagram was scattered with random pictures of my old classmates and family members, and I wondered why I followed them at all. Skye posted a picture ten minutes ago, Travis curled up on a sofa passed out. She captioned it he's love sick Denver- give him extra love tomorrow night. There were a lot of comments saying how cute he was and how he has looked so happy lately. I was just so happy that he was sleeping- and I held the picture close as I passed out.


	24. Out of my Element

Mia's P.O.V.

It was one a.m. when I got home, and the house was desperately silent. When I tried waking Lauren up to come to the studio with me she was shivering- I took her temperature and she had a fever. I had Lizette spend the day looking in on her, and when I called to check she was always fine and sleeping. Honestly, Manson agreeing, she was probably just exhausted. Going like we do takes a lot of getting used to and she came at an especially busy time in my life.

I looked in her room and saw her fast asleep, ear buds in her ears. I looked at her phone and saw she was listening to a pop-punk playlist. I took out her ear buds and put her phone on charge, then covered her with a blanket. Honestly I was worried about her health- except for Alisha, my interns don't get sick. Her head felt cool and I quietly left the room before I woke her.

****

I awoke the next morning to my phone ringing at noon. I saw it was Mark calling and I picked up quickly.

"Hey Mark"

"Hey, how are things at home?" He asked and that concerned me- since he never calls me on tour- then again this is the first Blink tour I have missed in twenty years.

"Good. Was in the studio into incredibly late last night. Lauren is sick so she slept all day."

"We miss you. It's been a ride from hell. Matt's bus broke down and he's with us now. Travis is also on our bus, spent all day yesterday sleeping. I got him up when we got to Denver and now he's outside skating."

"Well tour is off to a rocky start. What else is new? You are all gonna be fine. Anything I can do?"

"Well.... maybe tell Alisha we yell and we didn't mean to make her cry."

"Oh god Mark go apologize...."

"I will..... I will.... I get you back in 32 days right? Cause..... I need you....."

"It's 42 days Mark and yes ill be there. Alisha can do this...."

"Alright. Fine. Go be amazing and write amazing music. Love you Ricci!"

"Love you too Hoppus!!"

I got myself out of bed and took a shower, put on a black sleeveless shirt and jeans, then made my way downstairs. Lauren was in the kitchen, pretty sweaty, drinking a bottle of water in a sports bra and shorts- ear buds in her ears. I waved and she took them out of her ears, smiling widely at me.

"Hey." She said and I noticed the bruises all over her, my guess from multiple times of having sex with Travis. I remember his ex wives complaining about how rough he was. "Imma hop in the shower, but do you wanna go to lunch or something? My treat..."

"Yeah sure, we can. But why are you all sweaty?" I asked and she laughed.

"I woke up with all this energy- so I borrowed your treadmill for about an hour, then took Ringo out and ran the beach with him. He's sleeping in the back yard on the pool steps. I think I wore him out."

"Ok well I'm ready when you are. Then I gotta go to Billys if your ready to get back to work."

"Yeah. Absolutely. Sorry I don't know what happened yesterday. I slept like 26 hours. Now I'm great." She said and jogged into her room shutting the door.

I checked my phone, seeing pictures from a Metallica show Tom and Jen went to last night. Jen always looks miserable in pictures with Tom and it bothered me. I know she likes having her picture taken- but I don't know. It all is bugging me, her recent behavior anyway, and I hoped she would never hurt Tom. Travis posted video of him skating this morning and I laughed at the caption 41 more days. He was seriously counting down. Skye posted pics of Travis and Matt sleeping on their bus and of course she said Travis was lovesick. Maybe that is what was wrong with Lauren.

I could remember being with Tom on the road- every single day from May till November- almost every year. I kept my non blink months pretty busy with other projects, but looked forward to January when we would rent a house for two months and they would write, record and edit. That didn't happen every year-end but I loved the years it did. The first time Blink broke up was hell on me.

Lauren came back into the living room wearing a light blue sun dress, hair and makeup done and looking incredible. She sat beside me, leaning into the back of the sofa and sighing.

"Penny for your thoughts?" She said and I nodded.

I was just thinking about the first time Blink broke up. Tom and I had this agreement if Blink broke up- we were done too. So..... Blink split, and I was renting this apartment in San Diego, like five minutes from Marks and ten minutes from Tom's. Those two were so mad at each other it was all going to shit.... so when a friend called me and asked me to come stay with his wife till she gave birth- I ran. I am a RN, as well as a licenced mid-wife...."

"Wait." Lauren said looking confused. "When did you get your RN? And midwife??"

"I got my midwife cert when Skye found out she was pregnant so she could stay on tour. And got my RN in 2001, while on tour. I did it all online."

"Ok sorry go on... I was just surprised."

"It's ok. So my friend Jess is the drummer in CKY and I went to West Chester and spent a week there, helped her deliver her baby. I'm her godmomma." I said winking. "Well Jess's brother Bam and I started hanging out after that, and I ended up staying six months or so. I met Matt then too. We wrote some great music together for Alkaline Trio. Then Bam and Dunn had me go out to LA with them, work on the Jackass movie as a medic." I said laughing.

"Holy shit, the hot tub the other day. I wanted to ask who. It was Bam Margera. Oh my god..."

"Yep. The one and only. He really is a good guy. A little bit Gatsby or Wonka if ya ask me.... but his family is amazing."

"So then Blink just picked back up?"

"Eh.. well while they were apart for 17 months Tom got married, Mark got married, Skye and Jen had babies and Tom and Travis had another band. But yeah- they kissed and made up."

"Wait.. I know what your talking about. The song 'there is', it never made sense to me cause he had just married Jen and had a baby, I assumed it was just a random song."

"Nope, he came to see me, and I guess Bam and I were kissing... I don't really know he won't talk about it- he went home, locked himself in a room for a week, went on a bender and wrote an entire CD. Took it to Travis and the band was born.... He was really hurt. When Mark called me to tell me Blink was touring again I said no. So Travis shows up at my new apartment in downtown LA and played me that song then had me call Tom. Wouldn't leave till I did."

"Jesus....."

"Yeah but I'm glad he did. When it all went to hell again and they broke up the second time I went back to West Chester for a few months, then got overly involved in a ton of music in LA, worked on some tv shows, just.... stayed busy."

"Alisha said the plane crash was the worst thing and the best thing. Whatever that means."

"Well, yeah. Maybe a week before it happened Travis and I were hanging out here, I just bought this place, and he was forcing me to listen to Tom's band Angels and Airwaves, talking me into calling him. I was writing/ producing a Slipknot album at the time and I just hadn't gotten around to it. When I saw the news about Travis I took a private plane immediatly- I was there in a few hours. We were still waiting to hear from the surgeon when Tom walked down the hallway- Jen was there but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered over Travis surviving and how short life is." I sighed- rubbing my tummy. "Lets go get food."

I stood up to walk to the door, Lauren close behind me. It was nice to talk about all of this with someone- and for her to listen and not judge.


	25. Hold This

Lauren's P.O.V.

We let ourselves inside the giant mansion- finding Billy was in his studio in the basement when we got there. CNN was on the television, the radio was playing the news and he had papers with notes scribbled on them all over the floor in which he was seated. The table beside him had cocaine on a mirror, joints in an ashtray, a bottle of whiskey and an ashtray with dozens of cigarette butts.

Mia warned me he was probably on a bender and to listen to her when she gives me instruction. She also said it was fine to use substances he offers if he offers, but to not overuse.

To see Billy in this light was completely different. His hair was a mess, his clothes looked like they have been worn a few days and the room smelled like urine and stale smoke. I wondered if all musicians looked like this when they worked. Mia put her purse down on the messy sofa, walking over to Billy and kneeling down in front of him, only papers separating them.

Billy was deep in thought mumbling to himself when we walked in, but as Mia got in front of him, his face lit up. "Amelya!" He said excitedly, putting his cigarette in his mouth and holding out his arms- embracing her in a friendly hug. "I'm so happy to see you."

"Sweetie, have you been here since Alisha left yesterday?" She asked and he nodded. "Billy, let's go upstairs and eat, shower and then we will get to work."

"It's just..... the world is so ugly...." he said, spilling tears from his eyes and leaning into her almost defeated. "I have to write a revolution. We need to change the world."

"Billy, come on.... let's go eat and shower, and then you can show me what your working on." He nodded sadly in agreement, taking her hand and standing up. I stood in the doorway of the studio and he hugged me as they passed, going upstairs. I grabbed Mia's bag and followed along- stopping in the kitchen where she told me to take a seat and she would be back soon as she could.

I sat for awhile, then checked social media- Travis posted a picture of him and I at dinner the other night, captioning it 40 more days @laurenscott and I commented with a heart. Almost immediately he texted me and I blushed when read it.

Hey beautiful, how is life today?

We r at Billys. Mia is upstairs with him-  
he was pretty bad off when we got here.

Mine as well take a nap- he takes a while to pull back together when he gets up in his head. Got sound check in 5 min. Wish you were here.

wish I was also.  
This month is gonna fly by.  
Go kick ass.  
Ill be around if you wanna call me...tonight or something.

Sounds good. Give love to Mia for me. Xoxo

I smiled as I read the messages again and again. I didn't know it was possible to miss someone this much, but damn did I miss him. I have no idea how Mia can be away from Tom all the time if she feels anything like this for him. I took Travis's advice and went into the living room, sitting on the big leather sofa and closed my eyes.

****

It was a few hours before Mia came back downstairs, sitting on the barstool and smiling at me. I had woken up a few minutes prior. "Sorry bout that. I didn't know he was gonna be that far gone. He will be fine once I get food in him."

"Is he in the shower now?" I asked and she nodded. "That's good cause......it really..... stunk down there."

"Ah the creative process....." Mia said laughing. "It's his studio. He hates anyone touching it. His ex wife cleaned it once and dealt with weeks of his anger.... he hit her and she left- taking the kids with him."

"Oh..... wow....." I said, unable to find words to describe how I was feeling. "I didn't know..."

"Then you don't listen to Green Day. It's no secret. Brutal Love is about it, plus a dozen other songs. He knows he has issues.... but he's so fucking talented.... and a great guy."

"Love you too....." Billy said walking into the room, dressed in a clean black shirt and black jeans. "I only heard the end of that but apparently I'm brilliant."

"That you are. You want me to cook?" She asked and he nodded. "Lemme guess, burnt grilled cheese and shitty canned soup?"

"Yeah, that sounds awesome D. Thanks." He said winking at her. He sat beside me after grabbing a bottle of water and touched my arm, surprising me. "Sorry if I freaked you out. I get so caught up in my head- I just need to walk away for a bit to find myself again."

"Your fine..... you were muttering like a crazy person.... but you were fine." I said and he looked away, shaking his head. "Sorry.... that was insensitive....."

"No... no.... it's okay. I know. I'm seen videos of me when deep into writing hard pieces. It takes a toll on me. Right D?" He said and Mia nodded, putting food in front of him.

"D....?" I asked and she smiled softly at Billy before answering.

"I was born Danielle Starr Cobain. My mom changed my name when I was one. When my dad got me, when I was seven- he called me D or peanut." She said and Billy shrugged.

"When I met her for the first time it was in Reading....1992. Green Day went on before Nirvana. Hanging out back stage he introduced her as D. She doesn't like it- sometimes I forget." He said, rubbing his face with his hand. "Sorry Mia...."

"It's cool, I know you don't mean anything by it.." She replied, leaning over the counter and kissing his forehead. "You know you get special privileges."

"That's cause I'm her first kiss...." he said nudging me with his elbow. I looked up at him surprised and she covered her face with her hands- begging me not to ever tell anyone. "She won't... Will you?" He asked and I shook my head, waiting to hear the story. "So I was in Reading for the first time, standing on this massive stage- and this super pretty girl is hooking wires up to an amp. As I watched her she looked over at a roadie, taking a guitar from him and playing the opening to 'smells like teen spirit.' So I go over when she's done we start talking and..... I just kissed her. Then told her I would look for her later."

Billy paused to take a bite of his food and I looked over at Mia to see how amused she was, as if she was waiting for the best part. Finally he started talking again. "So, here I am, in the back after we went on, asking everyone where the female roadie is. Finally I see her, standing off stage with Kurt. I grabbed one of the roadies and asked who she was and they told me she was his daughter."

I chuckled and he shook his head. "Oh no it gets worse." He said as he looked at Mia and shook his head. " so... after the show- ya know where she's on stage the whole time- we meet up in the green room and he goes 'oh have you met my oldest daughter D? She's 10 and already a better musician than her dad.' I played it off and didn't see her again till around 98' or so at warped tour. Fuck I was embarrassed..."

"Omg how old were you?!" I asked and he laughed, face in his hands, even his ears turning red.

"16.... he was 16....." she said laughing. "Like he came up, said something about how cool it was that I'm a roadie, then told me I was pretty... then grabbed my face- kissed me and walked away. My dad would of kicked his ass...." Mia said laughing.

"Ok can we stop talking about it now?" He asked and she shook her head.

"You brought it up Armstrong. This is your fault!" She replied, still laughing. "But seriously... NO ONE knows about it- so never tell anyone." She said to me and I nodded, swearing to stay true to my word.


	26. Do you Remember?

Lauren's P.O.V.

My phone rang around 1 am. I was laying on Billys sofa in his studio, listening to him play a song they had just finished for the tenth time. It was crazy how the jumbled rantings of his mind on paper could turn into something so golden in just a few short hours.

Seeing that it was Travis I excused myself and answered the phone, walking upstairs to have privacy.

"Hey, wasn't sure of you would be awake." He said and just hearing his voice made me smile.

"Yeah, I'm up. A little tired, but I'm up. Looks like they are pulling an all nighter. It's crazy to watch him write. I always wondered how it was done."

"Yeah I bet. Mia has told me stories but I have never seen the insanity that is Billy's coke fueled writing for myself." He replied chuckling.

"How was the show?" I asked, going out by the pool and sitting in a lounge chair, looking up at the stars.

"Amazing, as always. The crowd was insane. Good vibes out here. I'm back on my bus now."

"Yeah...." I said, but not really knowing. I wish I could touch him- but touching leads to sex and I realized I didn't know what to talk about. Maybe we didn't know each other at all.

"It's good to hear your voice." He said quietly and I smiled. "I hate how much I miss you. I don't even know what to talk about honestly, I just know I miss you..." he admitted.

"I feel the same way. I was just thinking- I have nothing to say but I wanna talk to you." I replied honestly.

"You wanna tell me why you were upset when you talked to Brian the other night? Is it because of the TMZ picture?"

"No. I guess I just always thought he was out there working and being faithful. Thirteen years I have been with him- and he sees the TMZ thing and tells me its great that I'm sleeping with someone because he has been doing that this whole time."

"Wow. What a dick..." he responded bitterly. "So your holding on faithful for him and he's just living like a single guy out there?"

"Yeah..." I said angrily. "And I was feeling so guilty.... and now I just don't care. Because you make me feel so alive. He always made me feel so guilty for wanting my own dreams. Every time he came home we argued because I don't want to marry him and move to a base and pop out five kids. I want a degree, to travel, a real life experience. When I graduated I was supposed to sell my condo and move to the base. But instead I came out here. I just felt so trapped in my life. Now I feel like I can breathe..... for the first time in my adult life I have oxygen...."

Travis was quiet for a few minutes, and I looked at my phone twice to make sure we were still connected. Finally he spoke again, his voice giving me goosebumps. "You know that is no way to live. Regardless of what happens between us, I never want to see you getting less out of life than you deserve. You are an incredible human being." He paused again, cleared his throat and continued. "I am so drawn to you- that day at the gas station I just couldn't stop staring. I felt like a little kid again. But the more I am around you, the more I wanna be around you."

"Wow...." I said, almost at a whisper.

"Am I officially freaking you out?" He asked. "Shit... I'm sorry.... I'm gonna hang up now..."

"No no no..." I said quickly. "Don't. You are not freaking me out..... it's just.... I don't know I just don't know what this is.... I seriously have no relationship experience. None. Brian dated me for six months, we had sex the night of his graduation and he left next morning for military. I never really had friends in high school, I kept to myself in college.... I don't know... what this is..... I don't know if I'm starstruck, if I'm falling for you.... if I'm just some casual hook up to you.... I don't know if this is how things go in LA.... I am so confused....."

"Wow.... okay....." he said and then we were both silent for several minutes as I smoked a cigarette. "Okay... so, cards on the table? I told Mark about the gas station and he said I just wanted to bang you cause I haven't had casual sex since my divorce and I needed to get off. We hooked up- and it was incredible. I just want to be around you- you make me feel amazing. I don't know how to proceed because you are in a long term relationship... I kind of just want to see where it goes and for now- when people ask, which they do- I just tell them we are seeing each other. Simplistic label I guess...."

"I can't even think about Brian. Every time I do it's cancelled out by thoughts of you." I admitted. Mia came outside, telling me it was time to go- Billy was going to sleep. I nodded and she went back inside. "Looks like it's time for me to go home." I said sadly. "I better hang up..."

"Ok... yeah. Just do me a favor and don't say goodbye? Bye is an ending and this is just beginning..." he said and I really wished he was here so I could kiss him.

"Alright, well...... talk to you later. Good night."

"Night baby girl..." he replied, hanging up the phone.


	27. Radio Silence

Mia's P.O.V.

The next three weeks flew by. Tom was on vacation with Jen and the kids, a surprise for him from Jen to distract him while I was on tour, so I had not even seen him. He called me bewildered that I was staying home and he was leaving on a month long cruise. I was pretty bummed at first, but it gave me more time to work and most nights me and Lauren just stayed at Billys place.

On the other hand, Billy got a bit better every day. As the words came out of his head and we transformed them onto paper- his mind was cleared. Lauren spent hour after hour learning guitar riffs to play along with Billy, while he rough recorded a CD to present to Tre and Mike. Lauren didn't know it- but we finished last night, a week ahead of schedule.

Lauren and Travis had only spoken once or twice since he left. It's not that they didn't try, but by the time he called...when he called... she was already fast asleep, and when she could call him he was sleeping or doing a show. I could tell it was wearing her down a little. She told me she still hadn't spoken to Brian- wanting to see how things unfolded when he came home... and of course seeing how she felt when she saw Travis again. I could tell how desperately she was falling in love with him- and it made me happy to see him counting down days on his instagram.

Tomorrow Blink is playing in New York City and I decided to surprise her by flying out to see him. It is their last date before the ten days we were covering anyway, and I knew how excited the guys would be to have me back- since I didn't tell them either. Alisha was more than happy when I called her last night and promised to keep the secret.

"Wake up!!" I said loudly in her ear and she groaned, pushing me off of her. "Come on... get up lazy! Get dressed, pack a bag, I gotta go to NYC for work and I'm dragging you along!"

"Seriously?" She said, looking at the clock. "Its five in the morning. We got home at two. Why do you hate me?"

"I don't. Now get up!" She pulled the covers over her face and groaned loudly. "It's a private plane...." I added in a sing-song voice.

"Really?" She said excitedly, sitting up quickly. "Who's private plane??"

"Uhh....the charter companies?...All I know is... it was expensive. Come on... get ready. Gotta leave soon" I said and she squealed, jumping out of bed and running to the bathroom. We had gotten really close in the last few weeks, she impressed me with her musical knowledge- and impressed Billy with her ability to identify a note from hearing it once on almost any instrument. He spent his free time trying to trick her. It didn't work.

An hour later we were at the air strip and on the plane, sitting in fancy leather seats and moving towards the clouds. The stewardess served breakfast and we talked about how good it feels to finish a major piece of an album. It was her first major accomplishment, she was getting credit on the album as well on some songs. She was so proud of herself and I was proud of her as well.

At ten a.m. we landed safe and sound, despite her trying to convince me we were gonna crash land. Lauren hugged me over and over before we got off the plane, thanking me for an amazing experience. We got into a rental, a white Lexus, and it wasn't until we left New York that she was finally confused and asked where we were going.

"I gotta make a pit stop.." I said and she looked at me strangely, but said nothing. I think she knew by now not to question me when i was being vague.

Forty minutes later of head banging car ride- we passed the sign that read:

Welcome to Atlantic City

Lauren squealed again. She tried asking why we were here but I ignored her, turning the music up louder. I knew my plan was working and i was driving her crazy but I played it cool so she wouldn't see how excited I was for this.

We pulled out front of the courtyard Marriott, handing the vallet the key, telling him to return it to enterprise and lead her inside. She began walking up to the desk but I grabbed her hand, pulling her over to the elevators. As we stood waiting her eyes traced over every sign, every person, every detail.... desperate for a clue.

"What floor?" She asked once the doors opened and we stepped inside and I pushed six. As the shaft moved I could see her hands shaking- and I really hoped she didn't talk to Travis today. Alisha- according to our devious plan- insisted they stop here late last night, and after much protest they all agreed. She even made sure they all went to bed- saying they couldn't gamble until today when they got extra security. They bought it, hook, line and sinker.

We got off the elevator and walked down to the end of the hall, stopping in front of the last door on the right. I paused, hoping this was going to be as amazing in person as I thought their reunion was gonna be in my head.

Here goes nothing......

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK


	28. You're Not Room Service!!

Lauren's P.O.V.

The door opened and a man in his 70's, totally naked, opened the door. He glared at us and shouted YOU'RE NOT ROOM SERVICE and slammed the door in our faces. I looked over at Mia, totally bewildered and she looked just as shocked as me.

"Some errand....." I said silently as she frantically texted in her phone.

"Shut up....." she responded, now laughing so hard she was crying, looking at me. "It did it's job..." She said quietly, wiping tears from her eyes as she tried pulling herself together, pointing to me in the process.

"What is so funny?! I'm traumatized.... I just saw old hairy man balls!!!." I whined loudly as she laughed harder, collapsing on the carpet, unable to compose herself anymore.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jumped, spinning around fast, thinking another naked old man was lying in wait. Instead, stood Travis, wearing only boxers and half asleep, but looking so happy to see me.

"Oh my god!" I screamed, jumping into his arms and he held me tight, kissing me over and over. "I fucking missed you so much!!"

"God I fucking missed you!" He replied holding me closer. "I'm not putting you down in case you leave again."

Alisha came out of the 'old man' room, laughing hysterically and taking pictures of Travis and I. I flipped her off as I kissed him more- never wanting to be away from him again.

When we finally parted he hugged Mia, who was finally composed enough to stand again, and thanked her over and over for coming. She must of said 'you're welcome' twenty times till he let her go.

The old man was an actor Alisha hired to fuck with Mia, and she laughed all over again, begging him to get Mark and Skye. He agreed and they went off to get them at the other end of the hall.

I went into Travis's room with him, laying on the bed and watching him get dressed, hopping next to me once he was ready for the day.

"Hi..." he said looking into my eyes. "How are you?"

"Fucking better now...." I responded and he grabbed my waist pulling me close to him.

"Lets go watch Mark get fucked with..." he said and I nodded. "We got all day and night together."

"Yeah and I can't believe Mia did this. I am so happy...." I said as I grabbed his hand and we walked down the hall, hiding around the corner with the ice machine along with everyone else.

The old guy, who's name is Mick, got naked and banged on Marks door. Mark opened it and screamed..."Ah!" He laughed a second and then looked serious as Mick stared at him. "Uhh.... can I help you?"

"I need a towel!!" Mick said loudly and Mark looked around the hallway before hollering to Skye. "An old naked guy needs a towel honey!"

"Oh! You got a lady in there? Does she wanna come help me?" Mick said grabbing his privates and stroking. Mark yelled and slammed the door in his face.

Alisha handed Mick a robe and he walked down the hall while Mia was on the carpet laughing hysterically all over again, right outside Marks room. Skye opened the door a minute later, towels in hand, and threw them at Mia when she saw her- which made her laugh even harder. Seconds later Mark was out in the hall hugging her and laughing along with her.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He asked as she tried calming down, hugging him back.

"It's all Alisha's fault. She started it..." she replied and Skye shook her head as she watched Mia trying to compose herself.

"I'm so glad you are here. Are you staying? Do I have you back?!" He asked her quickly and she nodded, making him bounce up and down while hugging her.

"Knew he missed me..." she said, winking at me.

"Hey...." Travis said, "I missed Lauren more..." he kissed my head and waved goodbye, leading me back to his room.


	29. Dope Show

Lauren's P.O.V.

I laid in bed with Travis, naked and panting. The sky was dark out the window and I knew we spent the last five or so hours in bed together.

I didn't care. He was addictive. His body was incredible, the things he could do to me made me quiver in all the best ways. The raw feelings we shared on the phone three weeks ago weren't spoken of again and part of me wished he would bring them back up- but part of me didn't need to hear it... because the way he was with me was enough of a confirmation as to how he felt.

"I'm starving..." He said as he kissed my forehead and lit me a cigarette, then lit one for himself. "Wanna order room sevice?" He asked, looking down at me, smiling and winking.

"You ass!" I exclaimed. "Oh god, I'm never gonna get that image of old man balls out of my head. It's burned in there for good.."

"Hey... I'm gonna have old man balls one day. Be kind...."

"Who said I'm sticking around that long?" I asked and he shook his head.

"I don't know... how long are you planning on sticking around for?" He questioned and my heart started racing...... here it was.... more conversation on what we are. Was I ready? No.....

"I am just living in the moment I guess.... the internship is over in about four and a half months.... so...."

He nodded.

His demeanor changed.

I wanted him to ask me to stay, but I knew I had my own shit to handle before that was an option. I couldn't just avoid the Brian situation for the rest of my life. I couldn't leave him hanging- not knowing what was happening between us.

I couldn't.

I wouldn't.

It wasn't right.

But my boyfriend wasn't coming home for a week and a half... he wouldn't be out to visit California for two more weeks. Then we could talk and maybe, just maybe, I could figure out what my heart wants. My mind told me I must love him... I spent thirteen years dedicating my heart to him... but my heart tells me that my boyfriend has never once made me feel anything like Travis does.

And then of course my mind begs the question: ... if what I feel for Travis is love... then did I ever love Brian???

"You okay? Your looking deep in thought...."

"Yeah, I'm good. Just thinking about you...." I responded, tracing his tattoos with my fingertip across his chest.

"I have never stopped thinking about you since I met you...." He admitted and it made me short of breath. I looked into his eyes with surprise and nodded my head, biting my lip.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

We got dressed quickly- moment ruined- and Travis answered the door. Mia stood on the other side with Matt, Mark and Skye. "Come on lovebirds... we're going to dinner" Mark said and Travis nodded, letting them into the room while he put shoes on.

"It smells like straight fornication and weed in here..." Mark said making Mia laugh as she winked at me. I went with her into the hall, walking over and tightly hugged her, thanking her again for the amazing surprise.

"You are welcome..." She replied. "I told you- Travis never gave up on Tom and I, even when we gave up on each other. If you two are gonna work then you need to figure it out. But I'm here to help you." She said kissing my cheek.

"I don't know what to do... Brian will be at your house in two weeks... and I think I'm in love with Travis...." I said and she shushed me as everyone started coming out of the room, walking me down the hall a ways... hugging me and speaking in my ear.

"If this is meant to be... it will be. But you need to see Brian again and see if the spark is still there... or if was ever there. You gotta know...." She kissed my cheek and squeezed my hand as Travis approached.

****

Dinner was fantastic, and afterwards we spent a few hours in the casinos. I lost a few hundred, but it was a lot of fun. The guys got stopped plenty to sign autographs and take pictures- it was my first time dealing with fans and public but the guys took it all in good stride. I would of been exhausted if I was getting stopped every ten seconds.

We got back to the room after one am, exhausted from our day. I was in my bra and panties, laying in bed almost asleep when Travis came out of the bathroom. He curled up to me, wrapping an arm around my waist and kissing my shoulder.

"Goodnight beautiful" He whispered in my ear.

****

"I don't know how to describe it man. It's like I can't stop thinking about her. She makes my heart race, my knees weak...."

I opened my eyes and saw Travis out on the balcony on the phone, the door opened just enough for me to watch him nod as the person responded. He turned around to look into the room and I quickly shut my eyes- to see what else he would say.

"Exactly. And I am not like this. You know me...." he threw his cigarette out into the air and sat in the chair.

"So what your saying is just keep it casual and let shit roll with her boyfriend? I can't be why she throws all those years away.... but I don't wanna live without her either....."

Hearing enough I sat up and got some clothes out of my bag, going into the bathroom and taking a quick shower. I put a red tank top on and black jeans as well as threw my hair up on my head in a messy bun. I gathered up my stuff and went back into the room, ready to start my day.

Travis was in the room packing up also and kissed me on the cheek as I entered. There was a knock at the door and I answered to see Skye, eyes red, tears falling down her face, begging me to let her in the room.


	30. Wake Me Up

Mia's P.O.V.

It was seven a.m. when Skye woke me up, banging on my hotel room door. Matt groaned, begging whoever it was to die a slow and painful death. We fell asleep in my room, watching some terrible horror movie, drinking the entire mini bar and eating room service junk food.

I opened the door to see Skye and Mark, both looking disheveled. "Jesus Skye, who died?!?" I asked and Mark's eyes widened as he quickly shook his head at me. "Come here...." I said more calmly and wrapped my arms around her as she began to cry. "I'm sorry honey come in here, what happened?"

"My brothers unit.... they were hit last night. My mom said they don't think there are any survivors." She sobbed as she spoke, her body shaking in my arms. "And I can't even find out info because my brothers friend called my mom. We aren't supposed to know yet. He's dead and we aren't supposed to know...."

I held her for a long time till she fell asleep with her head on my lap sitting on the sofa. I knew we had to leave in an hour, but waking her up seemed like the worst possible idea. Mark got them packed and loaded, Matt taking my bag to the buses. My mind was racing as I stroked her hair, wondering if this meant Lauren's boyfriend was also gone.

Mark shook Skye awake quietly and she sat up, hugging him tight. "We could cancel the show.." he said and she shook her head.

"Absolutely not. I jumped to conclusions... I need to keep it together till my mom gets real info." She said and we all nodded. "And that means we can't say anything to Lauren."

With everyone in agreement Skye went to get them so we could leave. Twenty minutes later Lauren met me in the hallway looking annoyed. I asked what was wrong and she looked over at Mark and glared at him.

"What did I do?" He said defensively and she shook her head.

"I can't believe you called Skye fat!!" Lauren declared, and he threw his hands up in defense. "Jesus Mark that was so mean..."

She stormed off down the hall and Skye mouthed 'im sorry' as she followed along behind her. Travis came up beside me and Mark, throwing an arm around each of our shoulders. "Ok what's going on.... for real. Lauren opened the door and Skye just started crying. I know you didn't call her fat..."

Mark pulled him aside, telling him what we knew and he quickly understood. Better for Lauren to be mad at Skye than to freak out over the unknown. I had no idea how this would effect her. I knew Travis was worried but as we got onto the buses, he promised to keep it to himself until we had more news.

************************************************

Lauren's P.O.V.

Travis and I had a bus ride of total happiness. I was still feeling my heart flutter when I thought about the conversation I overheard this morning- and it drove me nuts how much liked him.

I was standing side stage, the concert almost over, watching them rock the hell out of New York. Skye's mood didn't change much, and I was really trying to figure out if something else was bothering her. Mia was in a great mood- knowing in just ten days she would have an entire week with Tom. Her and Matt shared a bed last night as well as his bus alone today, but I couldn't fathom her cheating on Tom for anyone.

My phone started vibrating and I looked down to see I had 46 missed calls from my mom. Excusing myself from Mia I went back into the green room and answered as she called for the 47th time.

"Hey mom, what's up?"

"You need to come home. Brian was in a bad accident. He's being taken to a base in New Jersey. He's badly injured. You can see him in the morning."

"Wait.... what?" I said, dropping the phone. I stared at the now cracked screen, it still lit up with the connected call and I dropped to the floor, picking it back up again. "I'm in the city"  
I said quietly, and she sighed.

Why are you?" She started and then sighed. "You know what? It doesn't matter. Come home. We need to go...."

"I'll be there....."I stated flatly, wiping the sweat off my face with my t shirt and walking out of the room and down to the busses. I grabbed my bag, went thru the gate and hailed a taxi.

My brain wasn't functioning. I couldn't think of anything but how I had to go home, and go home quickly.

"Where to miss?" The driver asked and I handed him a hundred dollar bill.

"Montauk please..." I replied and he nodded as I sat back and put my ear buds in. "That's you tip if you get me there in an hour.." I added and he smiled at me as I closed my eyes- the music filling my ears as I drifted into a comfortable sleep.

***********************************************

Mia's P.O.V.

I looked for Lauren for a half hour before I ran into Skye and realised what must of happened. Skye got the call from her parents- the service members notified them at ten p.m. of her brothers death. Skye is from New York so she took off, telling Mark to finish the tour and she would keep everyone updated.

Travis looked at me sadly and I hugged him tight. We both knew she had to go deal with this, and if she is meant to come back- she will. The range of emotions she is dealing with is overwhelming I'm sure- but she needs to figure out life on her own.


	31. I Hope You Die

Lauren's P.O.V.

The room was brightly lit as I walked inside, staring at the man who I dedicated half my life to lying in pieces in a bed. He had to have both legs amputated and because of the extensive damage to his organs they had him in a medically induced coma. The chance of survival was only twelve percent- and that number was decreasing as the swelling in his brain got worse.

I was the first to arrive and I sat by his bed for six hours till his parents arrived, both completely beside themselves. Their once strong son was now a dying stump and there was nothing they could do but sit around and wait for him to die. They tried talking to me but I was numb. I couldn't react, I couldn't cry. All I could do was sit here and stare.

Amanda Ryan walked thru the door eight hours after I arrived, crying hysterically. She was pregnant- like about to pop pregnant- and I sat on the other side of the bed watching her hug him, sobbing uncontrollably. I looked over at his mom who sighed and walked over to Amanda- holding the girl tightly.

She was Brian's best friend. Ever since boot camp those two have been inseparable. From what I can remember, it was a few years ago that she got the job at the embassy because she was pregnant. Now- she's pregnant again. I had never met her in person, just seen her pictures and heard him talk about her endlessly.

Now she's here and I wondered if she knew about me. What if she was the casual sex he mentioned? Did she know he loved me like it seemed she loved him? I mean, she had to right? She was his best friend....

But here I am, dedicated girlfriend of thirteen years, unable to cry a single tear, while a mere friend is shaking uncontrollably in his mother's arms.

"How am I gonna tell the kids?" She said loudly as she sobbed into his mom's chest. "What am I gonna say?"

"Tell them daddy was a hero and saved five people before the explosion hit him. Tell them he loved them. Tell them he was brave." His mom looked over at me then, and hushed the girl, leaving the room with her and shutting the door.

Kids?

His kids?

Their kids?

I stood up from the chair and backed up against the wall, seeing him for the poison he was for the first time in my life.

It was then that machines began beeping all at once. I moved out of the way as a team of nurses and doctors came running in, all desperate to save him. I stood back, hating him in my head- willing him to die so this could be over. I hated him so much for everything he did to me.

He wasted my life.

It was a half hour before time of death was announced. Amanda fell to her knees begging God to bring her back, the doctors taking her from the room- giving her medicine to calm her down so she wouldn't go into preterm labor. I stood in the room for another hour while his parents said goodbye- then watched as the put his body in a bag and took him from the room.

All I felt was hate.

All I felt was anger.

How dare him die so I couldn't kill him myself.  
How dare him ruin my life.  
How dare him lead me on.

What an asshole.

I sat out front of the hospital, smoking a cigarette. His mother came outside, lighting her own and sitting beside me.

"He didn't want you to find out this way you know?" She said and I scoffed at her stupidity. "He did love you. He didn't know how to tell you he got her pregnant. He didn't know how to tell you he fell in love with her. He was gonna do it when he came to LA. He told me you were happy, dating a guy that made you smile and shared your passions...... he didn't want to hurt you. He didn't know how to fix his mistakes..."

"I don't care anymore Anne. All I feel is hate. All I feel is anger. All I feel...... is regret. He wasted my life. He wasted my time..... he ruined me. For thirteen years he ruined me. How old are his kids?"

"Oh... uhh... they are six, two and one on the way." She said and I threw my cigarette on the ground, stomping on it and lighting another one. "Him and Amanda got married two years ago, right before his son was born."

"Jesus......" I said and shook my head. "He has been begging me to marry him all these years... and he was married. He just asked me to marry him.... just a week ago...."

"Honey, he's been married for three years. He was never gonna marry you.... I'm sorry. Him saying that to you- it was a shitty thing to do."

"Why did I come here?" I muttered and she sighed. "Why the fuck did I leave a man I am falling in love with to come be by this bastards side?!" I was yelling at her and I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. "I'm fucking glad he's dead. I'm so glad. I hate him. And I hate you for telling me he did this..."

"Oh honey...." she said and tried hugging me, I pulled away and stood up, glaring back at her.

"I'm fucking glad he's dead. Fuck him..." I said walking away as she hollered for me to come back.

Fuck everything.....


	32. Sedate Me

Mia's P.O.V.

It's been two weeks and still no word from Lauren. I tried calling her but her phone was off. Her social media accounts were taken down and her email address came back as server error. Travis was worried sick about her but I reassured him over and over she needed to figure it out for herself and I was confident she would get in touch as soon as she was able.

I was lying though.

I was running on my treadmill when I saw Tom standing in the doorway, smirking at me. He looked more amazing than ever and I didn't know if it was being away from him for almost six weeks or if he really had gotten hotter somehow.

I stopped the machine and hopped off, running over to him and wrapping my arms around his body, inhaling his scent that I missed so much. We spoke on the phone for a few hours last night- and I filled him in on everything that was happening in my world. He held me tight, despite me being sweaty.

"I missed you" I muttered, leaning up and kissing his lips. "I gotta go grab a shower real quick..."

"Ill be here.." he said letting me go. "You are stuck with me for two weeks. Jen took the kids to her mom's."

After showering and getting dressed I went back down stairs and sank onto the sofa beside Tom who was laying down watching tv. It felt so amazing to be back in his arms after so much time apart, I just wanted to stay here forever.

"So is Skye home now?" He asked and I nodded. "That's good, I bet Marks excited to have her back."

"Yeah, she got home two days ago when we got home. He felt so bad for missing the funeral- but Skye said her family kept it pretty small." My voice trailed off, unable to talk about all of it and not think of Lauren and what she must be going thru.

"Hey...." he said softly, rubbing my back. "She's gonna be okay. You know she is. Travis has been calling and talking to me about it. He loves that girl ya know? But right now she's probably feeling pretty guilty and just needs time."

"I know. I know you're right. But I still wanna make some big grand gesture to go get her."

"What do you mean?" He asked and I shrugged. He shook his head, chuckling at me. "Yeah you do... come on... what do you wanna do?"

"Fly the fuck out there and bring her home..." I stated and then groaned out of frustration. "I know this isn't her home but God damn it..... I miss her Tom.... and I am worried..."

"Then let's go." He said, his voice raising with excitement. "Even if she slams the door in your face I know you gotta know. So.... let's go. You got her address?"

"Yeah I do, it's in southhampton, NY. Some little town called Montauk. She said it's a one bedroom condo next to a bar on the water."

"When do you wanna go?"

"I will give her another day. But if she still hasn't contacted me let's go get her." I replied, laying my head on his chest. "Right this second I just want you."

************************************************

Lauren's P.O.V.

I needed to remove his existence from my life.

I took down my social media pages after spending hours trying to remove all traces of Brian from my life and coming up short. I just wanted to start anew. I sold my condo, packed up all of his things and left them outside for whoever wants them. We shared a phone plan so I cancelled it- and then I drove his car into the ocean.

It's been two long weeks and I was exhausted.

My parents, the most unhelpful people in the history of the world, told me constantly that I was making a huge mistake- but my mistake was ever giving my life to a terrible person. I packed up all my photo albums, keepsakes and memorabilia- took them to my parents and dropped them off. I couldn't look at them anymore. I couldn't be around my old life anymore.

I sat outside my hotel room, holding my new phone in my hand, and looking thru my new instagram page. I followed Travis, Mia, Mark, Tom and Skye immediately, wondering if they would notice me doing so.

Mia had a ton of tour pictures up as well as a few recent ones of her and Tom with silly little love emojis. I was happy to see her so happy with back together with him. Travis had a few of his kids, some of him bmx and skating, and one of the moon captioned without you I wanna be sedated.

I lost all their numbers when my phone broke, and I was pretty sure they didn't read the comments on their stuff so me contacting them that way would be pointless but I was gonna try. Short of showing up at Mia's, I had no way to let her know I was okay- and in my anger I didn't think it thru.

Now that I have calmed down all I knew is- I wanna be with Travis. My heart never left him this whole time- even thru all the hate I felt in my heart and soul. I promised myself I would move past this- leaving this town and never looking back was my only hope.

Travis posted a photo of him with Mia and Tom at the beach and I commented on it immediately- hey where's my invite? hoping he would see it and get ahold of me somehow. I felt incredibly bad that I walked out the way I did, felt worse that I didn't think to save a phone number or save social media until after it was too late. Now I just wanted what I had back- if it wasn't too late.

I made a promise to myself that no matter what happens when I get there, tomorrow I was leaving to go to Mia's.


	33. Lemmings

Lauren's P.O.V.

I awoke the next morning with hope for the new day. I quickly packed my duffle bag with all the clothes I owned and then went to the office where my cab was waiting. I was scared to death of what was gonna happen when I got to LA, but I was more terrified of time passing without those people in my life ever again.

Without him in my life ever again.

I got to the airport at noon- quickly boarded and went to sleep. I just wanted this to be the last ride I ever took with my heart this heavy with the unknown...

Once the plane landed I went towards the bathroom, seeing a crowd of people standing around someone. I chuckled, thinking back on how overwhelming it was in Atlantic City. I hoped whoever it was took it all in stride.

Just as I turned into the hall for the bathroom I heard someone say "oh my god the guys from Blink are giving autographs!!" as they ran passed me- back towards the hoarde I passed.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

The guys from Blink?

Wait. They're here?!

I turned around quickly, dropping my bag, running towards the group of people. I saw Tom and Travis in the center of a swarm of fifty people, all talking to them at once. I tried getting thru the crowd but they were packed too tightly. God Travis was so close... if I could just get him to notice me.....I just had to touch him one more time.

"Hey?! Aren't you Lauren Scott?!" A girl in her early twenties asked me and I nodded. "Holy shit!" She exclaimed, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards her. "Travis just said he was heading to New York to see you!"

I was bewildered but gave her a smile as she grabbed the guy beside her and told him to pick her up. Once he had her in the air she yelled, as loud as her 5'2, 100 lb. frame could, pointing down at me:

Travis Barker- Lauren Scott is Right Here!!!"

Within seconds the crowd parted and Travis was in front of me, his arms around me and his lips against mine. I held back tears as I returned his kisses and held him close. The girl beside me took pictures and people were clapping. It was an incredible moment you would see in a movie but it was all just silence to me. All that mattered was Travis.

"We were about to board a plane and come find you!" He exclaimed. "Mia, Tom and I. I need you..." he said, his forehead against mine. "Fuck I need you in my life. I have been going crazy..."

"I need you...." I said breathlessly and kissed him again.


	34. Gimme More

Lauren's P.O.V.

It felt like, for the first time in my life, the planet's finally aligned just right and the universe was on my side. Tom and Mia dropped me and Travis off at his house and left, after I promised I would be over tomorrow. I didn't say anything to anyone about what happened- I knew I owed them all an explanation but I could only get out that I was fine and I lost their numbers when my phone broke. Tom and Mia didn't push it but I saw them exchange worried looks. I had this whole speech in my head of what to say to Travis once we were alone, and now that we are, all I could do was stare at him.

What the fuck brain?! Work!!!!!!!

"Wanna beer or something?" Travis asked me as we walked inside and I nodded, putting my bag down and walking into the living room, sitting on the sofa. He took off his shirt and shoes, sitting down on the opposite end of the sofa- handing me a beer. I gulped it down quickly- filling out silence with drinking noises. I felt ridiculous then I realized he was doing the same thing. When they were empty he silently got up and got two more then cleared his throat as he sat back down.

"So, wanna talk about it?" He asked and I shook my head. "Uhh.... ok....." He look frustrated, I knew he wanted to hear about it, and I wanted to tell him, but I felt like the biggest idiot in the world.

"No I mean I will but I definitely don't want to. No judgments okay?" Travis nodded and I continued. "I watched him die. I stood there hating him and watched him die, six feet from me. I was mentally willing it. It was dark shit... even for me." I replied to him and he squeezed my hand. "The one thing I realized when I saw him, lying there, was that I didn't love him. I thought the whole drive there I would see him and feel love and guilt and sadness... but I was numb. I felt bad for him... but...." my voice trailed off as I watched Travis swallow hard, as if processing the information was giving him cotton mouth. "Then his wife came in the room. His pregnant wife."

"Wait... what?" He asked and I quickly explained what I was told. "That mother fucker...." he said angrily. "What a fucking asshole."

"Yep..... and I tried taking all of the pictures and stuff of social media but it was too much and I was so mad I just deleted my accounts, broke my phone then spent two weeks leaving New York in my past. I even sold my place...."

"Wow...." he replied, obviously shocked.

"So I have a few months left with Mia and then I guess I'll look for a place out here. I'm sure i will get the job. I just know.... I can't go back to New York."

"You know how happy I am that you're staying?! It's fucking awesome!" He exclaimed kissing me briefly and I pulled away, wanting to finish the words,I had in my head.

"I also know I don't wanna be away from you again.....I'm sorry I left like I did. It's totally out of character for me. I was just...... I thought when Brian came out here I would just know if what I feel for you is real I wanted to close that chapter before starting one with you. I didn't wanna have him over my head. And I was mad he took that from me... now I'm just glad he's dead."

Travis scooted closer to me and pulled me close, rubbing my back and kissing the top of my head. It felt good to get out the words I had been preparing for the last two weeks but now I just felt deflated. I was so strong all this time and now, I knew I didn't have to be. Or... I hoped I didn't. As I hugged him the tears that lied in wait finally came and I lost myself in his arms. For twenty minutes I laid with my head in his lap, face against his belly, crying over everything in my life but never saying a word. And here he was, rock star extraordinaire, rubbing my back and telling me he had me now.

When I finally pulled it together I looked up at him expecting to see disgust, but I only saw concern. I expected him to tell me to go but instead he quietly asked me to stay with him. That was kind of the plan anyway but to hear him ask, it meant so much more. I nodded and he used his thumb to wipe tears from my cheeks, leaning down and kissing my lips softly.

"Travis... I'm in love with you...." I said and he nodded, kissing me again.

"I love you too baby girl. And I swear to everything I would never do what he did to you. I will never hurt you. I promise okay?" I nodded and he kissed me again. "And I know it's gonna take you time to believe that, but I can wait. I would wait forever if I had to."

"I won't hurt you either...." I said softly and he smiled at me, kissing me again.

"I know baby girl.. I know...."

****

The first sound I heard when I opened my eyes was lawnmowers. I smelled bacon and yawned, getting out of the bed and throwing on some clothes. Last night we didn't even have sex, just laid in his bed talking about life until we fell asleep. It was different for us, and it made me realize just how much I still didn't know about him.

I made my way downstairs and found the man that I had fallen so hard in love with standing over a stove, cooking bacon, sausage gravy, biscuits, eggs.... none of it getting burned- which was more than I could do.

"Morning handsome, You need some help?" I asked, hoping he would say no, relief washing over me as he shook his head. "Ok..." I said smiling at him and sitting down on a bar stool so I can watch him.

"Just relax beautiful, I'm about done." He replied smirking and handing me a cup of coffee, then sliding me a plate and sitting down next to me with his own plate of food.

We ate in comfortable silence- only talking about how awesome his cooking skills were in between bites. It was strange to me for us to have this simple moment, now that our cards were on the table I didn't know where to go from here.

"Mia called, I told her what happened out there- I hope that's alright..." he said to me quietly as I washed the dishes. I nodded, glad I didn't have to go thru it all again when I got over there. "Her and Tom are headed over to Marks for drinks- you feel up to it?" I nodded again and he smiled.

"Of course I am..." I said and smirking, he raised his eyebrows, making me laugh. "What?! What is this look your giving me??"

"Nothing, just thinking about the insane sex we had that night......." he stated and I started cracking up. "You got moves I had never seen before...." he added making me laugh harder. If only he knew I had no clue what I was doing that night.


	35. Something Just Like This

Mia's P.O.V.

Once Lauren was safe and sound Tom and I drove around the city for a few hours before picking up dinner and going back to my place. Everything seemed fine as we talked about his new album that was about to debut and the Green Day album I will be producing in studio- starting in a few weeks. Everything between us was so comfortable and familiar- and thru everything we were always so happy together.

"You're staring...." he said as he took a bite of pizza and I shrugged. "Is this attractive?" He asked me with a mouth full of food. I scrunched up my nose and shook my head, making him laugh.

After we ate we took Ringo and walked down along the beach, hand in hand. As we found the perfect spot to watch the sunset I sat in between his legs and he wrapped his arms around me, kissing my bare neck.

"So, Jen is thinking of leaving me...." he mentioned casually and I turned around quickly, looking at him in utter surprise. "Yeah, she said she's been seeing this other guy for over a year when I'm with you- he wants all of her...."

"Oh my god....." I replied as I rubbed his arm. He didn't have to say what was getting ready to come, I already knew. I wanted to say the words myself but I knew they wouldn't come out... even if I willed them to with all my being.

"She said.... she told me she wouldn't..... only if...." he sighed, kissing my skin again and holding me closer. We both knew this day would come again, like it had so many times before. I sighed and I felt him nodding. This was happening again.... "She said if I stopped seeing you....."

We both sat there together, our bodies tense, the sun almost gone-it's red and yellows lighting up the sky like fire. The elephant in the atmosphere, it's always been Jen- even though we rarely talked about it. I knew he loved her with so much of his being- and the fact that she was giving him this decision again meant I was losing him again. He would never chose me over his children.... and I wouldn't let him. I hated her so much- going so far as to be with another man, just to hurt him. I had my suspicions but to have them confirmed.... it was like a kick to the stomach.

I didn't ask him what he was deciding- I knew. And God it hurt to know when he left in twelve days I wouldn't see him again.

We went back to the house and made love for hours- there was all different kinds of sex to be had with Tom- but when we were scared of the future it was passionate and intense- unable to stop each other or pull away- almost as if every cell of our skin needed to be one.

I was up all night, deep in thought and listening to music, mine and Tom's, while he slept deeply. Following our lives together- our struggles and our ups and downs- our pain when we were apart.... our passion when we find each other again... I couldn't stand it. I honestly didn't know how to live without him again- and I didn't want to.

Tears fell down my cheeks as I listened to the angels and airwaves album Love II, knowing it was his response to the song I wrote him 'snuff' performed by slipknot. When I wrote snuff I had accepted we couldn't be together- and I begged him to never let me know if he still loved me- I didn't want to hurt anymore. His response was anger, love and passion. He says over and over that we were not thru- to come home and fix us.

I did.

And then Blink put out another great album, Neighborhoods, with the only song Tom and I have ever written together, ' after midnight'. I played the song, tears falling more as I smiled at our words sung by his incredible voice. The verses are all a conversation between him and I- I'm telling him how I'm suffering, he's driving me crazy and how much I miss him- he's responding how he's worried there won't be a forever for us but promises to stay for good.

So much for forever.

I glance at the clock and notice it's after 9am so I go downstairs and call Travis, hoping everything was okay between him and Lauren. He filled me in on everything and made me promise not to tell her- but when she is done working for me he is gonna ask her to move in. I was so happy for them, agreeing as he spoke excitedly. He asked me what was wrong and I told him nothing, he told he he knew I was lying and would be over after breakfast. I agreed and invited him to Marks party that evening.

By the time I came down from a shower Travis was sitting on the sofa. He told me Lauren was at his house getting ready to go to Marks so he had time to talk. Soon as I sat down and laid my head on his shoulder he sighed.

"Yeah.... I know.... Tom told me. You don't gotta say it...." I wrapped my arm around his waist and he rubbed my back. "It wasn't my place to say anything. Honestly I didn't think he was gonna tell you...."

"Why wouldn't he tell me? He leaving...." I said looking at him and he looked at me confused.

"Did he say that?! When we talked he told me Jen was going to her mom's. He wasn't losing you again...."

"But the kids....." I sighed. "He can't do that. I won't let him do that...."

"His kids are 15 and 12. They are old enough to understand this. He loves you...." Travis shook his head. "What exactly did he tell you?"

"That Jen's been seeing another guy and is leaving if he keeps seeing me" We didn't talk after that.

"I think you need to..." Travis said hugging me as I laid my head on him again. "I really think you need to. And if he goes to her at least you have your vacation destination all mapped out." He added chuckling.

"Excuse me but Bam Margera is sober, married and has a baby on the way. I mean I'm due for a visit anyway- but I wouldn't be going for that." I said quietly and smiled.

"Wasn't he married the last time?" He asked and I nodded, making him laugh hysterically.

Travis left soon after and I went upstairs, laying beside Tom and kissing his bare skin to wake him up. As his eyes opened he smiled at me, pulling me into his arms and kissing my lips.

"I'm so fucking in love with you.." he whispered and I nodded.

"I'm in love with you too. Desperately, destructively, passionately so. You fuel my soul and make my heart beat..."

"Why did we spend so many years fighting this?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Because you love Jen. And because I was afraid..... I didn't want to be hurt. Now I am always prepared for you to have to leave again."

"I don't wanna go. I can't........" he said, blinking his eyes tightly- trying to fight tears. "I'm not leaving you...."

"I think you have to....." I said quietly, wiping my eyes. "You have kids Tom. Smart and amazing kids.... and maybe we shouldn't of been selfish and kept going all these years.... but we did and this day comes knocking every so often."

"I can't do it. I won't......." he muttered pulling me against his body. "I'm gonna go home next week and work out a game plan for the kids and figure out what she wants to do.... but no... I'm not choosing her this time. I never should of to start with...."

"You don't mean this....." I said quietly and he put his hand under my chin, looking me dead in the eyes- making chills go down my back. Looking at him I knew he was serious and that made my heart skip a beat.

"I gotta work thru things with her, I don't know how long it will take... but she can have the house. I gotta tell my kids...." his voice trailed off and my heart was racing a million miles an hour. I couldn't let him do this. I shouldn't let him do this. 

Why am I not stopping him?

He has a closet full of clothes here, a desk in my office.... this place is full of his pictures and things as much as my own. He has basically lived here without living here since I bought it. I also knew he couldn't live here and drive to San Diego where his studio/ store is every day. He owns a baseball team out there also. His mom lives out there- his family and friends- he couldn't full time live here..... and I don't wanna move.

Why the hell am I even thinking about living arrangements?! He is not ACTUALLY gonna go thru with this. He isn't gonna chose me over Jen. She will pout for a few months he will tell me he has to go- a year will pass and our music will bring us back together. He isn't gonna chose me. He never has. He never will.

"We are gonna be late to Marks if you don't get up and get ready" I said and he nodded, standing up naked, stretching and yawning loudly, then farting. "Attractive..." I said laughing and he smirked at me.

"I'm a sex symbol of the punk rock world..." he replied and I laughed.

"Have you seen the punk rock world? The best rotten tomato is still a rotten..." I replied laughing and he threw a pillow at me- cutting me off.

Serves me right.


	36. You Make Me Feel Like A Whore

Lauren's P.O.V.

Mark and Skye greeted me with hugs when I arrived at their house around six pm. Billy and Alisha were already there and they hugged me as well, Billy kissing me sloppily on the cheek.

"I think he has a crush on you" Alisha said loudly as he nodded enthusiastically. "He won't stop talking about your musical talents..."

"Oh god it isn't anything.......when I listen to music I hear the notes. I can write the sheet music for a song. That's not a big deal..."

"Wait!? You can do that?!" Mark said loudly, putting his arm around me. "Fuck you Travis and Billy- she's mine. I hate writing down our fucking music...... I pay serious amounts of money for someone to do it for blink."

"Yeah that's what I was telling her. She could make so much money doing that shit. She's doing our album when it's done." Billy responded and Travis raised his eyebrows smirking at me as Mark let me go and I grabbed his hand again.

"Talent like that you are gonna be in high demand once word gets out." He said laughing. I don't think you even need the internship honestly."

"Yeah but Mia is my fucking idol. I am not ready to stop learning from her."

"Well, ask her yourself but I think she considers you a friend. Which is good cause she's gonna need you in the next few weeks."

"Why?" I asked and he shook his head dismissing the question as we walked out back to see Mia and Tom talking to Matt and a girl with short brown hair that I recognized, from somewhere.

"Missy, this is my intern Lauren" Mia said as I walked up to them. She stuck out her hand and I shook it before she hugged Travis.

"And Travis's girlfriend from the looks of it..." she added, making me chuckle nervously.

Mark came out with trays of shots, Skye with jello shots and mixed drinks- putting them all on the table and declaring that we were all staying till the drinks were gone. Challenge accepted we all sat around the table and each took a drink, saying cheers and tossing them back.

****

It was nearly midnight and still a lot of shots left. The guys all walked inside to smoke weed, Alisha and Skye went out to get drunk food- a.k.a. tacos. Mia, Missy and I sat on the side of the pool with our feet in and they were exchanging stories but I had been tuning them out- just thinking about how happy I was.

"Remember the time we all went to the Pocono's and Dunn gave you that tattoo on your ass of the rhino?!" Missy said laughing and Mia nodded, taking a drag of her cigarette. "Then you and Bam got lost in the snow and tunneled your way back...."

"You knew Dunn?" I asked and then immediately realized who I was talking to and tried playing it off like I asked Mia- although she told me the rhino story before. Missy is.... well was... Bam's wife. The woman he was married to when him and Mia were seeing each other.

"Yeah of course, remember me telling you the rhino tattoo story?" She asked me and Missy chuckled. "What?! It's classic....."

"You seen him lately?" She asked and Mia shook her head. "You should. I know he misses you. Take Lauren. He would be impressed with her musical talent. Matt's going down next week."

"I might. Lauren wanna come to west Chester with me? You can meet my god kids... I need a break from California right now anyway."

"So does Matt. He's been stir crazy. Begs me to come stay when he gets home from tour but I don't think we have sat still since I've gotten there. Let's go here, let's go do this..." Missy says chuckling.

"Yeah, Mia.... I'm free...." I replied and she nodded. I wanted to ask her why the sudden need for vacation but one of the first things I learned about her was if she isn't giving details she doesn't want to. I had to respect that- although I knew something was wrong, even Travis mentioned it to me... sorta....

Billy came outside just as Missy went in, taking her spot next to Mia. I saw him grab her hand and squeeze and she laid her head on his shoulder for a second then lit another cigarette. "You know he's serious right?" He asked her and she shushed him and shook her head. "Alright fine, but I'm here when you get back from Pennsylvania."

"What makes you think I'm going to PA?" She said and he laughed.

"You serious? Oh you're definitely going. Plus Matt just said inside he was gonna invite you to go with him."

Billy went inside and Mia laid back on the concrete, lighting another cigarette- chain smoking like crazy. I laid back with her and together we stared up at the millions of stars. She sighed and handed me her cigarette, shaking her head.

"I know I'm supposed to be excited right now... I should be running around here ecstatic, but I just...."

"Whats going on?" I asked and she just shook her head again.

"I gotta go drink some more..... or go somewhere.... I need to go write. I gotta write..." she said standing up and walking inside.

I wish I knew what was bothering her so I could help fix her. I wish I knew how to comfort her, but I think by now she has her own personal coping mechanisms. Something is definitely going on though, and I think it has to do with Tom. Maybe she will tell me when we leave for our road trip- whenever that is.


	37. Run

Mia's P.O.V.

"Do you want me to come back?" Tom asked as we laid in bed the morning he was planning to leave. I scoffed at his question, shaking my head at how stupid of a question it was. Of course I want him back. I don't want him to leave period.

"Why would you even ask me that?" I replied, glaring at him. "I don't ever wanna be away from you...."

"I'm sorry I'm kind of freaking out here...." he said rolling over on his stomach and groaning into the pillow. For the last five days all him and Jen have done is fight on the phone. She won't even bring the kids home from her mom's in San Francisco so they can talk to them together. Their plan, or hers who knows, it to spend a week together alone trying to work thru all their issues and figure out if they can make this work for the kids. He plans to tell her he won't put me aside this time and not back down, and he is convinced when he says this she's gonna break it off for good. He doesn't want to go thru this, and I don't blame him, but at the same time the fact that he is fighting for me is both the best thing and the most terrifying.

I rubbed his back, knowing it wasn't me he was angry with. All this stress has been great for my writing tho, and the song I wrote at Marks called 'Run' I gave to Dave, and he is recording and releasing it for the Foo Fighters in the next few days. The song made Tom cry, which is rare to see and hence the terrifying part of where we are together.

"I gotta leave any minute baby. My plane takes off in an hour." I said quietly and he nodded, turning over and pulling me on top of him, kissing me passionately.

"I fucking love you. And I am coming back okay? I promise. I will call you in eight days tops. This whole thing fucking sucks."

"I love you too. And I know. But I gotta leave baby."

I kissed him once more before leaving the room, looking back at his beautiful body one more time. I hoped he would come back- but I wasn't banking on it. It hurt too much when he went back on his promises to me. I wasn't getting hurt again.

Lauren was sitting in the living room, bag on her lap and ready to roll. We walked outside, put our stuff in Matt's SUV and got inside. My heart was racing and I was holding back tears. I was so terrified this was the last time I was gonna see Tom. Just as Matt started to pull away I begged him to stop and I jumped out of the front seat as the car pulled back over and ran back to my house and up the stairs.

My hands were shaking as I opened the door, running thru the bedroom and into the bathroom. My breaths were escaping my mouth so hard and fast that my chest hurt when I opened the shower door. The look of surprise and confusion on his face was priceless as I pulled him close and kissed him deeply, not caring that I was covered in soap now.

"Come back to me okay?" I asked with tears streaming down my face. "I love you so much it hurts and it can't end this way..."

"I swear on my life Amelya.... this isn't over... it's never gonna be over..." he replied, kissing me deeply. There were tears in his eyes as he looked down at me and kissed my forehead. "You are fucking crazy, you know that. You could of just waited five minutes.." He said chuckling at my soaked clothes. "I hope your phone is in the car..."

"I'm impulsive, you should know that by now. I just wanted to see you one more time....." I started to say then started crying. I had tried so hard to not ask him to chose me, I tried so hard to not be selfish, but I did that before and it hurt so much both times. I had to take a leap of faith and hope this time if different. I had to ask him to come back. I had to be with him just one more time.

I got out and got changed, knowing Matt was gonna kill me but I didn't care. Tom came out of the bathroom dressed to leave and picked me up, sitting me on the dresser and held me tightly. "Eight days. I'm gonna go crazy without you. I'm not losing you. Don't give up on me."

"I'm not, I'm asking you to run for your life with me instead..." I responded and he kissed me one final time before I left the room to let him do what needed to be done.

Matt was more than annoyed when I got back in the car, but I didn't care. Lauren spent the whole week at Travis's place so I was sure she knew what was going on, as did Matt, and I was so thankful for the distraction.

"Sorry. I'm sorry........ I just....." I started and then I wiped tears from my eyes and he nodded. He met me the first time Tom and I split. We wrote some fantastic music together while I was healing- and drinking myself to death- all in West Chester.

"I didn't know he was in there. Good thing we have a charter plane huh?" He asked me and I laughed. It had been a half hour, we totally would of missed a commercial flight. "Let's get you to April, she will know how to fix you." He said and I laughed. He was gonna be staying at Jess's house- and no one knew I was coming but Bam's wife Nikki, who was a really close friend of mine.

I really didn't know what the future held for me eight days from now- but this next week was gonna be amazing.


	38. Camp Kill Yourself

Lauren's P.O.V.

When we got off the plane a red four door pickup truck was waiting for us. The guy that got out looked exactly like his brother, and I knew that had to be Jess, the drummer from CKY. He hugged Mia tightly, then Matt and then me, even though he didn't know me.

"Hey I'm Jess. It's great to meet you." He said and was super friendly. We got into the truck and within twenty minutes we pulled up in front of the house I remembered from all those years of watching early Viva La Bam- his parents house. I felt really out of place before taking this trip because I already knew so much about the Margera family. It was a sick, secret obsession of mine. Travis laughed really hard when I told him but told me they were a really nice group of people and would openly welcome me into their lives because I was with Mia and she was family.

Jess dropped Mia and I off and waved goodbye, and she smiled at me before walking up to the front door and knocking. "Normally I walk in but I wanna hear Ape scream" she said winking at me. Sure enough thirty seconds later April opened the door and screamed, wrapping her arms tightly around Mia and kissing her cheek. She then hugged me and invited me inside, since Mia was already gone. .

In the living room three kids were hugging Mia tightly, talking to her a hundred miles an hour while she held a baby in her arms and kissed its small hand. "Those are Jess's kids, Ava, Scarlett and Landon. And that is their new baby, Princess Juliette." April said to me and I immediately understood why Mia came here first. She talked about her godkids like they were her own flesh and blood and she wanted to have happy with all the sad in her heart right now.

The kids and Mia played outside for hours. I sat in the kitchen with April, she pulled my life story out of me in record time. When her husband Phil came home she then relayed it all to him. They ordered pizza and we all ate in the kitchen before Jess showed up with a beautiful blonde to take the kids home.

"Hey I'm Kelly" she said shaking my hand. "I'm Jess's wife. These are my rugrats." She said, kissing their heads as they came in and hugged their mom. Kelly handed me keys before she left, telling me she left the Audi for Mia to drive while we were here.

Once it was quiet Mia and I sat in the kitchen and talked for hours about the last few months. Phil told stories of the hell Mia assisted in putting them thru and all the times she has dropped everything when their family has needed something. April also said Bam begged her for months to be on his show and she wouldn't do it, but she was around all the time so if you watch you will catch her in the background more than she cares to admit.

Around ten p.m. she hugged them goodbye, promising to come back in a few days and got in a beautiful black Audi A8. "Damn this is a nice car...." I said as I got in the passenger seat.

"Should be. It's Bam's..." she said winking. "Ready to go meet Mr. Superstar?" She asked me and I gulped. "Well, too late. We are going anyway. It's no worse than meeting Billy, Dave or Tom...." she said and I laughed.

The house was so much more massive in person. It towered above me as I stood next to the car. An insanely gorgeous brunette walked up and hugged Mia for a long time, kissing her on the lips....twice. She was also super pregnant. "So, Frantz, Novak and Bam are upstairs watching the movie Get Out. They have no clue. It's gonna be amazing!" She said excitedly and Mia nodded. "Fuck you look good baby, have you been working out like crazy?"

"No more so than usual..." Mia said and Nikki smiled at her, pulling her close and kissing her again. "Fuck Bam is gonna freak out" She then came over and gave me a hug, introducing herself as Bam's wife and Mia's girlfriend. I looked to Mia for confirmation and she just raised her eyebrows at me and winked. This was insanity. I know she said she and Alisha did once but...... I felt like I was getting ready to see a whole other side of Mia.

We walked inside and up the stairs, Nikki and I first. Bam was sitting on one end of the couch, A guy with a ponytail on a loveseat, and Novak, who looked the same- just fatter, was on the other end of the couch. Bam looked incredible, I was stunned that I was in his house, and now fifteen feet from him. I actually felt like I was gonna pass out. He looked up at Nikki then to me, looking back at Nikki confused. He started to say something and that's when Mia got to the top of the steps. Soon as he saw her his face lit up like a child on Christmas morning. He jumped up off the sofa and ran across the room, picking her up and spinning her around in a bone crushing hug, kissing her cheek and laughing. Nikki elbowed my arm and I looked at her, exchanging looks of happiness with her. She knew how much he missed her and she was right.

"Holy Fuck is that Mia?!" I heard someone yell and then Novak was running over, hugging Mia and Bam. She was laughing as both guys talked to her a thousand miles an hour. I thought back to being at April's, the look on Mia's face when the kids were all around her. That's why she comes here- this really is her happy place.

Once Bam and Novak settled down and I was introduced to everyone we all headed out on the deck so Mia and Bam could smoke a cigarette. Bam and Mia sat at the table and I sat in a chair also so I could smoke as well. Frantz, the third guy, sat next to me lighting his own.

"I saw you on Travis Barkers instagram yesterday..." he said as he shook my hand. "I just said to Novak I bet she's more beautiful in person and here you are...." I laughed, unsure of what to say and being flattered that he was flirting with me. Badly flirting. But it was sweet.

"Thats right love. He did say that. But I knew it to be true. Any friend of Mia's...." Novak said, winking at me.

"Jesus you two! Leave the girl alone!" Bam scolded them and I just chuckled nervously. "Sorry about that." He muttered to me then pointed to both of them and glared. "She's taken! Assholes."

"Fuck... sorry Bam we were just fucking around...." Novak muttered and went inside to bother Nikki. Frantz left almost immediately after, saying he would be up tomorrow.

"So woman, what did he do to you?" Bam asked and I choked on my cigarette. He looked over at my reaction and looked back at Mia and she sighed.

"Maybe I missed you and Nikki. Ever think of that? You moved back home and didn't even bother to tell me. Jess let it slip two weeks ago."

"Avoiding the question woman...." he said smirking and she sighed again.

"Hes choosing me. He said he is choosing me. And it scared me. So..... I dunno. They are supposed to talk for a week and decide what they are doing. I can't just sit in LA wondering if I'm getting picked to spin the wheel or if I'm again getting my heart broken. So..... I'm here."

"I get it....." he said kissing her lips softly. "I'm here girl, you know you always have a home here." He pulled her close, hugging her as she hugged him back, nodding. "Well your first trip to Castle Bam will be boring as shit because I'm clean and sober" he said to me and I laughed. "No I'm fucking serious. Normally it's a non-stop party but I had to fix my life I kept fucking up. But.... I wanna skate. You skate?"

"Yeah, a little bit..."

"Well, come on..." he said, motioning for me to follow, Mia already down the deck steps. "Let me show you a world of pure imagination".

"Told ya he is willie wonka!!" Mia shouted back to me, laughing. 

We stepped into a massive barn that was transformed into a huge indoor skate park. I marveled at its size and wowed at Mia already shredding the fuck out of the place. I shook my head as I watched her, totally in awe. I could never do that.

"I can make it go... I can jump a little...." I said and he laughed, handing me a board and grabbing one for himself.

"Well you can sit over there and watch, jump in if you want. Up to you..." he said smiling and then took off, giving Mia a high five as he passed her.

I sat watching them for a long time- completely in shock and awe of how good she was. I knew he was good but damn could she move. To be honest it was like skating was both of their first methods of transportation. Novak came in and sat down beside me, offering me a cigarette which I accepted.

"You shred?" He asked and I shook my head.

"I can make it move- but this is..... this is incredible." I replied and he nodded.

"I was gonna skate but ill keep you company." He said and we sat for awhile, not saying anything. "Hey, listen, sorry if I insulted you earlier. I joke around all the time with everyone. I meant no disrespect."

"Oh... yeah... I mean.... I know...... I used to listen to you on radio bam.... watch you on tv... when I saw you I had an idea of what to expect..."

"Nah... I mean I'm a flirt, no denying that shit, but I was a fucking train wreck on radio bam. My drug use was fucking awful by that time. And it only got worse. I'm not that big of a dick. Neither is Bam. He was a cruel mother fucker when he drank all the time. I love him to death but we were mutually destructive."

"Yeah, sorry if i just upset you...." I replied, unsure of what to say. "I have worked recently with an artist with a bad drug problem, his mind is brilliant but when he's that far gone...." I said, thinking back to that first week with Billy.

"Mia says most of the music industry is coked out of their minds. She won't let me visit her out there- she uses drugs and alcohol socially. I can't do it. I smoke a joint- ill go out and score dope. I just can't be near it."

I nodded, understanding what he was saying. As he went back inside I looked over at Mia, who was hugging Bam and laughing. It was great to see her so carefree. I didn't understand why she wasn't waiting for Tom back home- what if he does chose her? Where will they go from here?

What happens to her if he doesn't?  
And that's when I realized.... this is the third time this has happened and she's already convinced he's not coming home to her.


	39. Babies!

Mia's P.O.V.

The first few days here I spent skating, sleeping and catching up with Bam and Nikki. Novak spent a lot of time trying to teach Lauren how to skate which I thought was cute- cause she actually wasn't doing too bad. I noticed how awkward she felt all the time, how out of place and how nervous.... she was more quiet than I have ever seen her. At night Jess, Matt and Chad would come over and we would play old CKY or other random bands songs, Bam or Nikki would jump on the mic and we would all just relax.

When I woke up on the fourth morning Lauren was already up. She smiled at me as I started coffee and sat down beside her in the kitchen. "Uhh, what room is yours?" She asked me and I shook my head. A look of understanding washed across her face and she avoided my eyes.

"I crash with Bam and Nikki." I said and she nodded.

"Yeah, I get that..."

"Well tonight I'm crashing at Jess's. Kelly wants to drink margaritas till we pass out. April is taking the kids overnight. You wanna come?" I asked her and she nodded. "Jess will probably be there with Matt and Chad- Bam and Nikki are going to some art show thing."

I poured some coffee for me and Bam, kissing Lauren on the cheek and turned to go upstairs. "What if he picks you?" She asked and I sighed.

"Honest to God, I can't even consider it. I'll know in three days. For now I'm going back to bed."

"Its awesome to see you this relaxed...." she said as I went up the stairs. I don't consider this relaxed but I was happy. This life was easy. If I wanted it, it would be mine. But my heart lies in the hands of a musical madman.

I put the coffee on the end table and crawled back into bed next to Bam. He put his arm around me and shook his head. "Your wearing clothes again...." he said quietly, still incredibly tired.

"Yeah, but I brought coffee....." I replied as he slipped my shirt off and started squeezing my breasts. Nikki rolled over and put her arm around my now bare stomach and kissed my lips.

"Morning beautiful...." she said and I smiled, kissing her back. She then leaned up and kissed Bam over me, since I was the topless wall between them. "Wanna get a shower with me?" She asked and I nodded, taking her hand and following her into the bathroom.

I met Nikki the second time Tom and I 'split'. I was staying with Bam, while he was married to Missy, but dating Nikki out in San Francisco. We had some crazy times back then during those days. Even after I went back to my regularly scheduled life, Nikki and I still saw each other every few weeks till she moved out here in '09.

****

Around 2pm Lauren and I drove over to Jess and Kelly's. Matt and Chad were grilling steaks out back and Jess was cutting the grass. The kids were playing with April and Phil and jumped up on me when I got outside, begging me to go swimming with them before they left for the night.

Lauren seemed much more comfortable here as darkness fell. While Matt, Chad and I worked on a new song for Alkaline Trio out on the deck, she played cards with Jess and Kelly. We drank buckets of liquor and I was feeling pretty fantastic by midnight.

It was then that my phone rang.

I looked down to see it was Tom. I stared at it for a few seconds till Matt spoke up. "You won't know till you answer it...."

He was right.

I know he was.

But it didn't make sense. Tom was calling too soon. This meant really bad news. Or good news? I don't fucking know.

The phone went dark and I breathed out all the air I had been holding in. Matt shook his head. I shook mine as well. I should of answered the damn thing. What was I afraid of?

"What the fuck was that??" Matt asked me and I shrugged.

"I froze....."

"You gotta answer it.... you gotta know...."

"Maybe I don't want to....." I said lighting a cigarette. "Maybe it's better to not know...."

The phone lit up again and my hand froze, inches from it. Matt grabbed the phone and answered it, saying hello then handing it to me.

Fuck.


	40. 40 oz dreams

Mia's P.O.V.

"Hey..." I said, giving Matt the finger and walking out into the yard, sitting alone in the grass with my cigarettes and a beer.

"Hey..." Tom said, and his voice sent chills down my spine. "You still in West Chester?"

"Yeah, I'm over Jess and Kelly's. Been writing a lot...." I said, my voice trailing off. "Been skating a lot too. My muscles are fubar right now."

"I miss you so much...." he said sadly and I nodded, waiting for him to say more. "She's dating a divorce lawyer. Ironic as Fuck right?!" He asked and I chuckled.

"Wow...." I picked at the grass beside me, resisting the urge to smoke again so quickly. "So she's really seeing someone huh?"

"Yeah... and she says she loves him. And he loves her.... and she says she loves me but if I love you it's not good enough anymore. She wants me to herself. I'm so sick of going around and around on this same repetitive merry-go-round. It's broken and it's flawed and it fucks with my heart."

The poetry coming out of his mouth had me in awe.

"I'm not giving up half my heart so she can feel special. She is special. But so are you. She's so angry that you ever came into my life. She said she never stood a chance."

"That's not fair!!!" I replied, lighting a cigarette "..... we had rules and boundaries because I didn't ever want her to feel I was keeping you from her. I have tried being her friend.... I have had my heart broken twice because I refused to let this even be an option. She is your wife and the mother of your kids. I was the bigger person, I walked away....."

"I told you- that's not an option. I'm not leaving you.... I'm not letting you run..... I'm running with you this time. Into the fire we fall.... if we go down.... we're going down together...."

"But...."

"But nothing. Don't give up on me. Okay?"

"I won't.... I'm unwinding.... I'm skating.... I'm writing.... Bam and Nikki are home so......"

"Pregnant girlfriend sex huh?" He asked and I chuckled. "Sounds kinda hot...."

"It totally is..... all bubbly in the shower....." I added, allowing his mind to wander. "I remember the time you came over years ago and we were all in my shower together....." I said, using my sexiest voice and I heard him groan.

"You are giving me one hell of a memory right now.... Jesus......." he said breathlessly and I chuckled.

"So what now?" I asked and he sighed.

"We are at a stalemate. She won't go back to the way things are.... she said she won't stop seeing the guy no matter what- because if I can see you, why can't she see a lawyer.... but she also doesn't wanna leave me because of the kids. Her mom's sick so she's talking about staying up there for a few months and then we can regroup. I am pretty sure she's gonna try to keep my kids thinking I'm gonna give in. I already told her I am gonna get them on the weekends."

"Are you sure about this?" I said quietly, hoping he really thought this thru.

"Yeah. You have been a sure thing for me my whole life. You realize it's been twenty one years? I have been with you half my life- I have been entering your vagina since you were sixteen..."

"Yeah... I'm aware of when you began entering me..." I replied, laughing at him being a perv once again.

"My question is.... and this is pretty fucking important...... are you sure about this? I don't want to assume we are riding off into the sunset together if you're not committed....."

"Yes....." I said, surprising myself by answering immediately. "I can't live..... not without you...."

"Okay. Well I will probably hang around here till your home- then I will come up and we can talk properly. I just really wanted to hear your voice. I fucking love you...."

"I love you too Thomas DeLonge." I said hanging up the phone.

Almost immediately I got a text message and I smirked at how well he knew me:

I have talked to you on the phone a thousand times and that was the most intimidating, frustrating, pleasant and sexy conversation I have ever had. Commitment is terrifying. Are you freaking out as badly as me?

I typed him a reply then pocketed my phone- trying to stop the permanent smile that was plastered on my face.

Yep. Totally freaking out. Thought you were calling to tell me you chose her. Now I'm gonna get Naked and push Nikki up against the glass shower ;) I love you... thank you for not giving up on us


	41. Bend My Dick

Lauren's P.O.V.

We had been in West Chester for seven days. Life here was so laidback. The Margera family was full of support and praise. Jess and Kelly were amazing parents- owing it all to April and Phil being great parents. Bam was a totally down to earth person and we were joking and teasing each other like old friends. I felt welcomed here- though it took me a few days to get past the fact that I was at Bam Margera's house. Mia and Bam had this incredible energy together- painting, writing, skating, filming..... I loved watching her energy here. Ever since Tom called her the other night her mood had improved 1000%

Today we were flying home after breakfast and I couldn't wait. As much as I loved being here I missed LA something fierce. I was sitting in Bam's kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal when him and Mia came in from outside, covered in mud from head to toe. I looked at them shocked and they both started laughing.

"Four wheeling..." she said, hopping on his back as he walked up the stairs. I looked over at Nikki who was sitting across from me and she laughed.

"Their animals..." she said, rubbing her tummy. "I'm gonna have my hands full."

"It's exciting though." I replied and she simply nodded. "It was so great to see Mia here. She's really happy."

"Her and Bam have a long history. He made her this promise the first time she came here to stay with him that she was always welcome wherever he was till he died. Missy was even okay with Mia being here- back when they were married. They are still close friends."

"Yeah she's dating Matt.... I met her at Marks." I said and she nodded. "Bam is a really nice guy."

"So is Mia. I spent some time with Tom when I lived out in California. He loves her so much it makes all other relationships look dull in comparison. And she loves him so much I couldn't wrap my head around it." She paused when she heard footsteps, but upon seeing it was Novak she continued. Bam has always looked at it like this: Their love has made twenty years of heart stopping, love fueling music. If they lived happily ever after then what would happen? They need the pain..and he's gonna be here for a standard break from life."

I wanted to argue, to tell her that they deserved happiness but I knew part of her was right. Happy people don't make life altering music. Thinking back to the music she wrote when her dad died, the music she wrote when she left her mom's, all of the music about Tom.... she needs the pain to thrive. What does happiness look like to Mia? I don't think she even knows.....

****

Jess picked us up around eleven, dropping us off at the airstrip and wishing us safe travels. Mia promised to come for Thanksgiving, and Jess said April invited me as well. How could I say no?

On the plane Mia and Matt got to getting wasted, but I was exhausted so I threw on my headphones and opened Spotify, wanting to hear the latest words Mia wrote to Tom- since the songs were newly published. I listened to run by the foo fighters first, since I sat in on its creation:

Before the time runs out  
There's somewhere to run  
Wake up  
Run for your life with me

Then I listened to Fell for you, the song her and Billy wrote the night they coke fueled, not to mention it was my first night home alone with Travis:

I had a dream that I kissed your lips and it felt so true  
Then I woke up as a nervous wreck and I fell for you

I knew she loved Tom. Her words screamed it- literally in Dave's case. I wondered if Tom was writing also.

I put on a pop punk playlist and started checking social media, something I had forced myself out of the habit of doing. All my accounts were set to private- so most of who was following me was school friends and the famous people Mia had me become friends with. I had some requests on instagram from Jess, Bam, Kelly and April- accepting them all. I posted a picture of Travis playing the drums in his living room, captioning it it won't be long till I belong to you. Then I posted a picture Novak took on my phone of Bam helping me up when I fell off my board at FDR yesterday with the caption If I fall back down, you gonna help me back up again??. Within seconds Bam commented on it with a "Duh."

I had tons more pictures, but I really wanted to go thru them all before posting. I had videos of so much from while I was there also.

I was almost asleep, listening to Rancid, when my phone vibrated, waking me up again.

Hey beautiful woman. Miss you. Good to see you had fun in PA sitting on your ass!! Ill be home in three days. Hey... if shit gets too much at Mia's with the whole Tom thing- feel free to go stay at mine.

I smiled, first at him calling me beautiful and then told me I could stay at his place. It was so sweet.

Well you know Bam, just knocks girls right under him ;). But yeah it was a blast. I miss the hell outta you- hence the picture. I can't wait to see you in three days..... and thanks. I may do that. Depending...... love you


	42. Chapter 42

Tom's P.O.V.

All of my adult life I have been in love with two amazing women. Both strong willed, both beautiful, both make me feel alive.

But Jen, the magic with her is gone. When she looks at me I know she's not happy- she feels like she has always gotten the short straw in this relationship, that I never chose her- always Mia. If only she knew how wrong she was.

Love is dangerous.

We have locked ourselves in our house for the last two weeks- having the same fight all day long. I want to leave but this needs resolved so I can walk away. I wonder how Mia got by when I would leave her. I was too afraid to tell her in person, both times I wrote her a letter. Both letters she kept and hung on the wall in her office, reminders of my failures to her so she won't get her hopes up....

When Jen found out I called Mia last week she went on a rampage, throwing our phones in the pool, taking my keys- trashing pictures I had of Mia around the house. She claimed she hated Mia and hoped she would die.... she hated me and hoped I went to die with her.

We spent the last five days not speaking

I'm laying on the concrete in front of my pool and watching the storm roll in. The lightning over the barren desert valley is beautiful and I wonder just how much a lightning strike would hurt. The pain wouldn't last long, I'm sure. A quick jolt and then blackness.

God I want Mia.

I can't stop thinking about her. I love her so much it physically hurts. I thought about leaving Jen many times before- way back before I got her pregnant and we eloped, but Mia isn't the settle down and have babies type. She never has been and never will be. Twenty-something year old me wanted a typical family. Forty-two year old me just wants the woman who stole my heart right out from under Jen.

We didn't start this to hurt anyone. I never perused Mia with the intention of ever hurting Jen. Or Mia....

The first time it was a no-brainer. Jen said she was pregnant right after Blink broke up, like, for real, the day after, and we eloped before she gave birth. I wrote Mia a letter, telling her how much I loved her but I had to focus on my wife and baby. It wasn't until I went to surprise her months later and saw her with that jackass Bam that I realized how badly I fucked up.

It took me a long time to win her back and things were perfect again for a few years. Then Mark and I started fighting and the band broke up, again. This time Mia and I tried for a while but eventually I wrote her another letter- telling her she would always been all that I wanted but never what I needed. It wasn't till Travis had the plane crash that we worked it out.

The rain poured down upon my body but my soul was too heavy to move from the spot I was in. Maybe if I open my mouth the rain will suffocate me and I won't have to hurt anymore.

Jen came outside and stood over me, holding out her hand. I took it reluctantly, allowing her to lead me inside. I changed my clothes and grabbed my guitar, the one Mia got me ten years ago for Christmas, and sat in the living room thoughtlessly strumming a song that was trying to pour its way out of me.

"Tom?" Jen said and I looked up to see her standing ten feet from me, paper in hand and tears on her face. It was only a few hours ago that I poured all my thoughts into a letter- this time for her. She seemed not to hear me when I spoke so I wrote it down. I wonder if she feels anything like Mia did when she got hers. 

Maybe Jen will frame this one......

I continued playing until she walked up to me and put her fingertips against my jaw, guiding me to look at her again. Twenty years has aged her quite a bit, I couldn't believe I have never seen it before. I put the axe down beside me and allowed her to wrap her arms around me, sobbing hard into my shirt. I wanted her, but I would never walk out on my girl again.

"Your best friend is not your girlfriend..." she said sadly and I shook my head. She wasn't just quoting an old angels and airwaves song, that song was literally what she said to me the second time everything went black in my heart. "I don't know why she is so important to you... I'm your wife, we have kids....."

"Ringo....." I replied and she scoffed in disgust. I bought him as a puppy for Mia right after the European tour blink did in 2012. It wasn't much- but he means the world to her.

"I have been with you since high school.... I was here first! You love me. You lust after her....."

"I love you Jennifer DeLonge. You're my beautiful wife, the most amazing mother to our even more amazing kids. We build this world here together. But......" I said, kissing her temple. "Mia and I have a world together too.... and it is artistic and exciting and brilliant....." I sighed, feeling like a deflated balloon. "I have put you first our entire lives. I don't want you to go- but you should if you want to. I won't stop you. And I won't ever be away from my kids. I won't let Mia go. I'm sorry but....... she makes me feel alive..."

"I hate you......" Jen said breathlessly, backing up slowly from me. "You spent the best years of both of our lives stringing us along- not letting us go so we can find true happiness....." I picked the guitar back up and started playing as she went down the hallway and into our bedroom. I didn't wanna hurt her, but I also didn't wanna hurt anymore.

Jen re-emerged from the bedroom about an hour later, suitcases in hand. "I think we need those few months apart..... then we can talk this thing out..." I shrugged and she opened the front door. "Ill bring you the kids next week. Ill tell them your working on your new book...."

I didn't respond, just nodded and kept playing- wondering how long I should wait before leaving the house myself.


	43. Bottom of the Ocean

Mia's P.O.V.

I sat alone on the beach. The storm was rolling in over the ocean- I took pictures of the lightning as it stretched down from the heavens and struck the water with all the brute force of nature supporting it.

The storm is coming.

No one can stop it. No one can slow it down. It's almost here and even if we shut our eyes and cover our ears- the damage is still going to happen- so we mine as well watch it happen and scalable what we can once it's over.

We have been home a week.

Tom has not called.  
Not come over.  
No one has heard from him.

The storm is almost here.

This is the Atypical climax of my life. Girl falls for boy, boy falls for girl but has other girl he also loves, despite this fact- girl and boy stay together until one day girl number one stops it. The boy promises he won't leave her- then radio silence. Eventually the sad girl gets a letter. A paper letter. Mailed to her. Her heart breaks.

Why did I think this time would be any different?!

Travis comes outside as the quarter sized raindrops began falling onto the sand, pulling me up and walking inside with me. He could of left me there. I'm not afraid of death. I'm not afraid of what will come to pass. This isn't my first rodeo.

Once inside, I walk into the gym and get on the treadmill, running out my frustrations. I didn't care that my clothes were wet or that I was covered head to toe in sand- I just wanted my muscles to burn and my head to clear. Nothing matters anymore.

Nothing else matters.

I ran till I felt my muscles giving way- my body was on fire and my chest hurt. But I felt alive again. I needed to feel alive. I never should of left West Chester.

I went upstairs and got into a freezing cold bathtub. I would of liked it warm, but cold was better for my torn muscles. I groaned loudly as I sat down- breathing thru the pain as if I was in labor. Then I sank my body down so only my eyes and nose were above water.

The bathroom was dark and the giant window next to the tub allowed me to watch the storm blow around us at incredible speeds. It was too early for hurricane season- this was something else. This was nature washing away the mistakes of the past..... the hope that I keep allowing myself to feel.

Once out of the tub I threw on one of Tom's t-shirts and a pair of shorts, crawled into bed and willed myself to pass out. God I wish I knew why he's not here. I really thought this time was gonna be different- but somehow things end up the same.

I chuckled to myself, reminding myself of an old Blink song, Lemmings:

Is it too much to ask  
for the things to work out this time?  
I'm only asking for what is mine  
I wanted everything, I got it  
now I'm gonna Throw it away,  
I'll throw it away (yeah)....

Ringo hopped up on to the bed and I held him close, laying my head on his back and finally falling into a fitful nights sleep.

****

When I woke up I smelled food and was instantly grateful for Lizette because I definitely forgot to eat yesterday. I know I scared Lauren, because I had been working out or sleeping for days and she called Travis when he got home- asking how to help me. I was feeling a little bit better and hoped the worst was over. Maybe no letter will come. Maybe he died and that's why he won't answer when I call. I shook my head at my dark thought, making my bed and heading down the stairs.

Lauren and Travis were sleeping on the sofa, tv playing with the volume turned down. I shut it off and covered them up, thankful that they were here. I looked around for Lizette and didn't see her, and wondered who made the coffee and cinnamon buns on the counter. I called for Ringo to take him outside but he didn't come.

I walked out back, calling him again and heard him bark from beyond the concrete walls around the back yard- out on the beach. I looked out to see Tom wrestling with Ringo in the sand. My heart raced as I pulled myself up on the six foot wall, standing on top of it and jumping into the sand. I ran as fast as I could- running to Tom and jumping into his arms. He held me so tight as I cried, unable to believe he was really here.

He actually came back.


	44. Hypothetical

Lauren's P.O.V.

The week since we have been home from Bam's house has been terrifying.

Mia would wake up, check the mail, run on her treadmill till she couldn't run any further, bathe and sleep. Some days I got her to eat but others... it just wasn't happening. I called Travis when he got home from Miami, and he was here in no time to take over.

I felt lost.

He didn't do much... just sat with her a lot, got her to eat every day, spoke to her while she sat outside and chain smoked. She would seem fine to a person that didn't know her- but she wasn't, and every day she was a little bit worse.

Last night- Travis had to bring her in so she didn't get struck by lightning. He was beginning to worry that she was suicidal. When she went to bed he spent a few hours on the phone with Dave and Mark- both now equally worried about her. He told them if she didn't snap out of it soon they were gonna have to do something drastic, like have a psych evaluation performed.

It seemed ridiculous to me for her to be this out of it with waiting to know his decision. I asked Travis as we sat on the sofa if she was always like this when it all went to hell and he just laughed.

"Mia the first time, no. Second time, sorta but then she went to Bam's again. The third time..."

"Wait? The third time?" I asked him and he laughed again.

"Yeah Blink was touring and Ryan Dunn got in that car crash and died. She left tour, left Tom, no one heard from her for two weeks. TMZ covered her and Bam getting blackout wasted all over America. Then she just showed up one morning on stage like nothing happened. Tom was a mess the whole time. That was the only fight I can remember them having." I shook my head and laid my head on his lap, feeling exhausted. I knew how mad Travis was at Tom- I spent the first hour after he got off the phone convincing him not to drive to his house and 'kick the shit outta him' like he wanted to do.

As the sun came up in the windows the front door opened, Tom standing in the doorway, looking worse for the wear but alive. Before I could react, Travis was up off the sofa and across the house, as Travis met him with a punch to the stomach- making Tom fall over in pain.

"Oww..... Fuck.....I deserved that......" he groaned, lying on the hardwood floor.

"Yeah, you did. Where the Fuck have you been?! If you are here with a letter I'm gonna kick the hell out of you..." Travis growled at him and Tom shook his head. I rushed over to Travis and grabbed his arm, pulling him back.

"Let him talk babe." I said quickly and he lowered his fist, backing up against me. I reached over and pulled Tom up, walking out back with them and sitting at the table, Tom across from us- with Ringo now excitedly by his side.

Over the next hour Tom explained what happened at home, his decision, the letter he gave Jen and finally, her departure. "It took me hours to find the spare key to my car. As soon as I found it I drove straight here." He said defensively, lighting a cigarette. "All I want is Mia and I have been so worried about how she's doing- thinking I fucked her over yet again. The shit was out of my control. But I'm here now."

"She's handling it...." Travis said quietly and I raised my eyebrows at his words. If that is what he considers handling it, he's insane. She's been a nightmare. A walking, working out, bathing and sleeping zombie. A shell of the amazing person she used to be. I noticed Tom studying my face as he looked at me for confirmation- all I could do was shake my head, causing Travis to sigh.

"Look man, I'm not trying to lead her on. I chose her. Hell or high water. I'm not gonna stay a while and leave. She's all I want....." Tom said, closing his eyes tightly as a tear fell down his cheek. "You are protecting her Travis, I know... but I'm here. And I will spend the rest of my life proving to her I'm serious."

Travis nodded, standing up and walking around the table to Tom. Reluctantly, Tom stood, almost awaiting another punch to the gut. Instead Travis pulled him into a massive hug, rubbing his back. "I'm so fucking proud of you brother." He said as Tom hugged him back. "I love you so much man I just couldn't see her hurt anymore. I'm sorry for hitting you..."

"No..man I fucking deserved it..." Tom replied. "I should of tried harder to get here sooner or find a way to get ahold of someone.. I was handling it I swear..."

"I know man... and she will understand... she is so fucking scared Tom. Treat her right."

Tom nodded as Travis let him go, walking over to me and kissing my cheek. "Let's go get some sleep on the sofa. Mia might need us when she gets up, okay? Tonight we can go to my place." I agreed and we went inside as Tom hugged Ringo tightly.

It was so good to see him here. I was so relieved he actually came thru for her- for once she was the first choice. As much as I wanted their happily ever after the words Nikki said to me came crawling back into my head as I held Travis tightly and shut my eyes..... what will they do with happily ever after???

****

When we woke up Mia was in the kitchen with Tom eating cinnamon buns and drinking coffee. She was smiling so big and they were laughing and joking like nothing bad had recently happened. I wondered if they even talked about the bad times that just passed. We had only been asleep an hour, not much could of transpired between them....

In the end, what does it matter? All that matters is that she's happy. And I'm happy. I'm so fucking happy with Travis. All I want is him, all I care about is him, all I think about is him.

I kissed his lips, waking him up and pointing behind us, making him look over to see what I saw in the kitchen. He smiled at me, kissing me and pulling me close. The crisis was over. Mia and Tom were whole again- the universe had been restored. I could tell how happy it made him to see it.

He said to me several times in the last few days how much he needed Mia to be okay- no matter which way it went. She was his best friend. When his wife left him, she was there keeping him going. When he was in the plane crash and was suicidal- actively attempting- she was his 24/7 friend- not sleeping for days to keep him in good spirits and safe. When his second wife left, again she was right there.

"Morning sleepy heads!!" Mia said happily and I smiled at her as I got up and went to the kitchen, getting coffee. "We are talking about going skating, you wanna come?"

"Yeah, I'm down. Just let me pee...." Travis said, headed towards my room to the bathroom. Mia looked at me and I nodded following Travis to my room and shutting the door.

We took a shower and got dressed- making out for a few minutes on my bed after when there was a knock at the door. "Come in" I said, pulling my shirt back down as Mia entered. She walked over and laid on the bed beside Travis, him putting his arm out so she could lay on his chest.

"Thank you guys for dealing with me. I'm sorry.... that was really shitty of me. I just thought....." her voice trailed and I grabbed her hand that rested on Travis's stomach, squeezing it. "....I just thought it was over again. I always promise myself this is the last time. And then we rekindle and I don't know.. I guess this one hit me harder cause he had been swearing he wouldn't leave again.. I really got my hopes up..."

"He's here Mia. He's really here. It's okay to be happy." Travis said as he softly rubbed her back. "He's not leaving. I promise. This is real..."

"I know...and now I don't know where to go with it....." she whispered- almost inaudible to my ears.

"Just do what you two do best...." I said squeezing her hand again. "Love him with all of your being...." She nodded, sitting up and kissing Travis on the cheek- leaving the room again.

"He goes back to Jen after this I'm gonna kill him....." he said angrily and I nodded. "He will not be able to hide.... I swear to god...."

"I know baby.... I know....." I responded, deep in thought about Nikki's words and what happened in West Chester. More than once I walked into a room to see Bam and Mia making out or fooling around. All they did was smile together. He told me repeatedly she would end up with him in the end- because Tom is a mean kid with a magnifying glass, out to destroy a brilliant human being. Bam told me the glass couldn't destroy her- as long as he was always around to shield her. He made sure Missy understood that when they started dating, and Nikki didn't need the explanation- she loved Mia just as much as him. Part of me wished Mia stayed there so she didn't have to hurt this past week.

"You know she wrote a few songs on the California album right?" Travis asked and I nodded. "Last Train Home and Bottom of the Ocean is all I could think about these past few days. I finally understood her words. It's a dark place- her soul without him..." he said kissing me.

"I'm just glad she's okay....." I responded.


	45. Bliss

Lauren's P.O.V.

The past week has been comfortable bliss. Mia decided to take off for a week and go with Tom to Hawaii, since the kids wouldn't be coming back till tomorrow to spend the weekend with their dad. Travis and I kept Ringo for them and spent the entire week at his house, clothing almost always optional and not acted upon. I was blown away by how totally in love I was with him, afraid that if I looked away he would disappear.

"So my kids are coming home tonight for the weekend. You wanna hang out here with us?" He asked and I looked up from the book I was reading, surprised by the question. He smiled at me, hopping off the treadmill and grabbing a bottle of water.

"Uhh...." was all I could manage to get out and he chuckled.

"I mean if it's too soon it's fine. But they know we're dating. They wanna get to know you. Their mom too." He sat in the chair across from me, putting his feet on the coffee table and laying his head back, closing his eyes.

"I mean.... yeah. I'm just nervous I guess. It's not like I haven't met them before. Just, not as their dad's girlfriend."

"Oh.... so we are labeling it now?" He asked, winking at me and I laughed.

"We don't have to. I just thought....." I stuttered and he laughed harder. There were times where he could be so cocky, other times where he seemed almost nervous when we approached the subject so I always just left the conversation alone.

"Nah, it's out now......" he said and pulled his phone from his pocket. "So, in light of that fact you might wanna put clothes on cause they are calling now. Means they are close." He answered his phone, his face lighting up as he spoke to who I assumed to be his ex wife on the other end.

Cursing that I had to get dressed I got up and walked upstairs, throwing jeans and a tank top over my bra and panties. I checked myself out in the mirror as I brushed my long hair, fixing my makeup and putting my hoops back in. I looked really good today. A mix of rested, happy and fulfilled. I honestly don't know how I lived my whole life never being in love.

When I came back downstairs Shanna was in the living room, eating a banana out of the fruit basket and talking to Travis. "Alright, Jesus... im gonna go. Can you drop them off Sunday?" He nodded and she waved goodbye, walking out of the house as I came in the room. Landon was already hooking up his game system in the living room- Alabama was playing tug of war with Ringo on the floor. They both said hi as I came into the room and I smiled, saying hi back.

"Hey, what do you two want for dinner?" He asked and they both said pizza in unison. He laughed, pulling out his phone and calling it in.

I stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do when Landon asked me to come play his game with him. I agreed, happy for the distraction, wondering if they were okay with me being here. I didn't want to take time away from their dad- plus it was weird how I was closer to their age than his.

"So it's called 'Until Dawn' and basically it's an interactive horror movie. You make decisions for the characters and that determines who lives and who dies and how. I can work the controller and you can decide for me okay?" He said as I sat down beside him, interested in the concept.

****

Four hours, three boxes of pizza and many, many deaths later we all groaned as our favourite character Mike, died in a fire. "Damn man! I told you to make sure he lives!" Travis said and we all laughed. I couldn't believe how much fun this game really was.

"It's Lauren's shitty decision making not mine!" He protested and I laughed.

"Maybe if you pushed those buttons faster...." Alabama replied making everyone laugh again.

"Alright guys it's after eleven. Get your asses to bed. We're going to Uncle Marks tomorrow. Tom's kids will be there too." Travis said turning the tv off. Landon quickly said goodnight, taking off upstairs and Alabama went over and hugged her Dad tightly, telling him she loved him.

"Can you read me a story? I have a new book that's pretty interesting..." Alabama asked me and I nodded, looking over at Travis who smiled.

"Sure, let's go." I replied and she took my hand, pulling me up the stairs to her room. Once inside and tucked into bed I sat on the edge of the bed as she handed me the story, BFG.

"Honestly I have read this book twice. You don't have to read. I just know my daddy loves you and I'm glad he's happy." She said reaching out and hugging me. "My brother and I are glad, cause he was so sad. Plus you are really nice and pretty."

"Thanks sweetie..." I replied, hugging her back.

"Ava is my best friend I can't wait to see her. She told me her daddy left her mommy for our godmom Mia. Her mom told her all about it."

"She shouldn't of done that. Those are adult problems." I responded, knowing it was probably too late to deny it. I didn't want to lie to her.

"It's okay. I told her she loves Mia and maybe now her daddy can be happy like my daddy is with you. She says when her dad was home he was with her and her brother or in the studio. Him and Aunt Jen fought every single day. Sometimes she would see him crying in his studio, but never asked him what was wrong."

"Thats sad...." I responded. "You will see tomorrow, he is really happy right now."

"I'm glad. Goodnight Lauren." Alabama said, rolling over and hugging Ringo who was laying beside her. "Thank you for making Daddy happy."

"Your welcome..." I replied as I turned off the light and closed the door behind me.

Back in the living room Travis was sitting on the sofa, smoking a cigarette and scrolling thru his phone. I sat beside him, taking his cigarette and stealing a drag before handing it back.

"You okay?" He asked and I nodded.

"Alabama knows about Tom and Jen breaking up. Ava told her...."

"Yeah Shanna told me the kids know. They are all really close, I figured they would of found out . Just means it's all true... what Tom said happened." He replied, putting out his cigarette and pulling me close to him, kissing me on the forehead. When he was around- he was always so affectionate- I never thought from looking at him in the past that he would be.

"Did you doubt it?" I asked and he simply shrugged.

"Not really...... but I wasn't completely convinced." He said quietly and then shook his head. "The kids are in bed, why are you still wearing clothes??" He asked suddenly, pulling me up onto his lap and kissing me deeply.

I honestly had no idea, but I knew I wouldn't be wearing them long.


	46. Determined

Mia's P.O.V.

"I love you..." I whispered, completely out of breath from our many, many sessions all over the house over the last week. Tom kissed my lips as I collapsed on top of him- completely exhausted. I knew soon we had to go- Jen was dropping the kids off at Marks today so Tom could have them for awhile.

"I love you more...." he said, kissing my cheek. "Forever and after...."

I smiled as I sat up, wrapping the sheet around me as I got up to get a shower. "Quoting blink 182 songs.... that is so......."

"Romantic?" He asked curiously, cutting me off.

"Cheesy..." I replied, laughing- throwing the sheet at him as I walked into the bathroom.

This entire week had been amazing, and not just the sex. We decided against Hawai, just wanting to hide out at my place. We spent a lot of time swimming, writing music, working out and spending time together- uninterrupted. Alisha announced she was officially moving into Billy's place, not that it even mattered- none of her stuff was even here anymore. She still worked for me, but I told her to not come over for the week so we could be alone. I also gave Lauren a free pass for a week- which she greatly accepted, glad to be alone with Travis- even taking Ringo along with them. I hoped she was ready to work next week since we had studio time with Green Day coming up.

By the time we both got showered and dressed it was after three in the afternoon, but I don't think either of us cared. We held hands as he drove, just enjoying having one another in our lives.

"So should I bring the kids back to your place tonight or we going to my place? He asked casually and I panicked internally. kids?! I never thought about playing step mom to his kids. Shit.

"I don't think either one would appreciate a two hour drive tonight when their mom just drove from San Fran. My place is fine. Got plenty of room."

"Yeah, okay." I let go of his hand and lit us each a cigarette, cracking my window and putting my head back against the leather seat, enjoying the breeze. "Hey, you are cool with my kids right? I mean you have been around them a million times...." he paused as I looked at him like he was crazy. I really didn't want him to know I panicked. "....I know. Don't look at me like that. But I saw you momentarily freak out.... so I panicked...."

"Only for a second....." I replied sighing. "I just realized I don't know what my role is now... I mean what do they know?! Can I kiss you around them? Should we sleep in separate rooms?! I mean....."

"Baby..... shhhh....." he said, grabbing my hand and calming me down. I didn't even realize how freaked out i was till I started talking about it all. "Jen said she wasn't gonna tell them, so my guess is they don't know. It would make this all the more real if Jen told them. But I bet at least Ava has figured it out. She's smart as hell. Jonas will come around. Honestly.... let's just feel it out and go from there okay?"

"Yeah.... sorry.... I'm embarrassed...."

"Don't be...." he responded, kissing me on the cheek as he parked the car in the driveway behind Jens. "This is all gonna be fine. Just take it a breath at a time."

"A breath at a time?! Don't you mean a day at a time?" I asked, laughing.

"Well I don't wanna get accused of ripping off alcoholics next!" He replied laughing and grabbing my hand, walking inside Marks house.


	47. Virgin Jello Shots

Tom's P.O.V.

Jonas and Ava were in the living room, instantly running to me and hugging me tightly. They told me all about San Francisco and their mom-moms house, then asked me to go out back to play with them.

"Go head out there, the adults gotta talk real quick..." I told them and Jonas took off thru the house but Ava just stood there, then pulled me down in another hug, whispering in my ear 'daddy, mommy told us she left you and you love mia' in my ear. I looked at her confused and she quickly looked to make sure her mom wasn't around then pulled me back down again, 'its okay daddy- we aren't upset', kissed my cheek and ran thru the house after her brother just as Jen came out of the bathroom.

"Hey! No running!" Jen yelled after her before turning towards me and Mia. She shook her head at the sight of Mia- and I could see Mia's muscles clench but no words were exchanged. The last time Jen said something to Mia was back before we had kids but I'm sure she remembers the day. Mia punched her for mouthing off and knocked her out. I was mentally willing them to both keep their mouths shut- those two fighting wasn't gonna make this any easier.

"You told the kids?" I asked Jen as she approached me and she threw her hands up in defense. Mia shook her head angrily then looked over to the front door as Travis, Lauren and the kids came in. I was glad for a quick break in the tension as the kids greeted me, Jen and Mia before running thru the house. Travis stopped dead after looking at Jen and I, then over to Mia. He knew what could happen. Lauren looked super uncomfortable as she passed thru the center of the drama and went after the kids.

Once we were alone again she rolled her eyes as I asked again. "You told the fucking kids?! Without me?! What did you say?!" I was beyond angry, and I knew this fight was only gonna get more ugly.

"Of course I told them. I'm not covering for you and your whore anymore. I'm over it. I told them you were seeing her since 1996 no matter how many times I tried to make you end it you just keep going back to her. You broke up our happy family. You ruined my life."

"Oh, what the fuck ever....." Mia started and I glanced over at Travis who grabbed her arm, pulling her into the kitchen before shit got worse. She went willingly, but I knew it was gonna be awhile before she calmed down.

"Your fucking ridiculous. I gave you my life. I married you. Had kids with you. Chose you... time and time again.... why are we here, having this fight again?! Did you tell our kids that you are banging a divorce lawyer?! Just go Jen, I can't look at you right now...." I said, dismissing her with the wave of my hand and walking away.

"That's right Tom. Walk away. You're good at that!!" She yelled as I went thru the house, hoping she was smart enough to leave before any of the kids got thrown into this drama bullshit.

Skye met me in the kitchen with a beer and a hug. "It's gonna be okay Tom. Somehow. Someway. It's gonna be okay."

"You gotta get her out of here Skye. I can't...." I said sighing. She nodded, going back towards Jen, where I could here loud sobbing. I wanted to hit something. It killed me that she was so broken, but she never stopped to think about me or what I might be feeling. Why is what I want never part of this?

Am I making a mistake?!

I dismissed the thought almost immediately. Of course I'm not making a mistake. Mia walked into the kitchen, walking up to me and wrapping her arms around my waist and laying her head on my chest. "I'm sorry I said anything. I need to stay out of it. It's between you two." Her voice was so soft she sounded almost scared as I hugged her back.

"You didn't do anything wrong. She shouldn't of started drama at Marks with the kids here. We will work thru all this....." I replied, sighing deeply and rubbing her back as she looked into my eyes.

Even after twenty years she still looked incredibly beautiful. Her skin hadn't aged, her looks improving over the years. I never stopped thinking she was beautiful but over the last week I had new appreciation for her soft firm skin and toned muscles. Mia took incredible care of herself and I wondered how I ever allowed myself to walk away from her. I took her hand and kissed her ring finger- where the promise ring I gave her resided. She smiled at me then kissed my lips.

"So, it's true?" I heard Ava say and I looked over to see her, back door opened standing next to Alabama, both of their faces lit up in hopeful smiles. All I could do was nod, as did Mia. Both kids ran up and hugged us, high giving each other in the process.

"Tom, can I talk to you out front?" I heard Jen say and I saw her in the kitchen doorway, her eyes red from crying. I was so annoyed that she ruined this moment with Ava, Mia and I but I agreed, squeezing Mia's hand as I walked away from her, leaving her with the girls talking excitedly.

We went out front to her car and I leaned against it, lighting a cigarette and offering her one, which she accepted even though she didn't smoke.

"You don't smoke.." I said as she lit it and laughed.

"Yeah, Tom, sometimes I do..." she replied and we stood in silence for a few minutes before she spoke again. I was too mad to try and start a conversation. "Fuck.... Tom.... I was wrong. I'm sorry. I shouldn't of told the kids without you. I was so angry....."

"Why Jen? Why are you angry? I have been with Mia our entire lives together. You have known about it all this time- and now your....." I stop myself, pulling my hat down further on my head and closing my eyes tightly for a moment, trying to pull it together.

"I'm sorry Tom......"

"I gotta go. Drive safe, okay?" I said throwing my cigarette down on the pavement and walking back inside. I wasn't going to get all worked up. I had a girl and some kids to get back to.


	48. Happish

Lauren's P.O.V.

"There are shoes and lipsticks and bags and other super cute girly stuff and you collect them. I have over one hundred!" Alabama told me while we swam in the pool. "Next time I come to Dads I will bring them to show you okay?"

"Yeah sounds good." I responded, looking over at Ava and smiling as she swam up to us. "Hey Ava, how are you?"

"I'm good. Tomorrow Mia and my dad are taking us to an amusement park. I'm excited."

"Hey! We should go too!" Alabama said loudly, looking at me for agreement. As cute as it was, I know we already had plans.

"I think we are going out on the boat tomorrow." I replied and she sighed loudly in defeat.

"Can we at LEAST stay here together tonight?" She begged, being super over dramatic and Ava quickly nodded in agreement. Skye laughed from the lounge chair- ten feet away- knowing I was being ganged up on and offering no support. I had no idea what to do in this situation. All I could do is shrug. "Ugh! You're hopeless, let's go ask our daddies!" She declared and they both quickly got out of the pool, on the hunt to beg for a sleepover.

I got out behind them and sank into the seat beside Skye, laying back and closing my eyes. It was crazy how much I liked Travis's kids- but I wasn't sure of my role other than friend. Then again, maybe that's all I needed to be. So far we got along really well, but it's only been one day. And considering the parents were all tied up in drama, it was good that I was a neutral party.

"Have you met Shanna yet?" Skye asked me and I shook my head. "She was here last night absolutely pissed that Jen told the kids. Her and Mia are friends ya know?"

"I didn't know...." I replied and she smiled at me.

"Mia, Shanna and I spent years and years hanging out together. Jen never toured, never went on vacations with us.... I don't know it's all crazy. The kids are all really close. Ava called Jack and Alabama as soon as she found out- then of course Shanna called me."

"Jeeze..... drama......" I said and she laughed. "Shanna seemed mad when she dropped the kids off, I thought maybe it was because I was there...."

"No, she's happy for Travis......" Skye replied, getting up and pulling a dress over her bikini. "I'm gonna go see what the guys are up to, you wanna come?"

I nodded, walking inside with her. Football was on the tv but the kids seemed to be the only ones watching it- sitting on the floor and discussing their favorite teams. Mia was sitting on Tom's lap on the sofa, Travis and Mark on either side of them all talking about music, as always. Mark looked back at Skye, winking at her as she leaned against the doorway.

"Hey the kids all wanna crash here tonight- thinking the adults should too since we leave tomorrow?" Mark said and she nodded.

"I knew that was coming..." she said to me laughing. "Soon as the girls started on you I knew they would bypass the parents and run straight to Uncle Mark. He can never say no. He would take them to London tomorrow if they asked...."

"Seriously?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah..... seriously... he has before." She replied as Jack walked up to his mom and asked for her to order dinner, handing her the list of foods the kids wanted from the Chinese restaurant down the street. She nodded and walked into the kitchen to place the call in private.

****

After much pigging out, the kids all went downstairs to watch movies and pass out and the adults all went out back. This reminded me of the first time, but now it was much more laid back. We had barely been drinking- so when Skye brought out a bottle of tequila and shot glasses everyone cheered.

Travis sat with his arm around me and as he rubbed my shoulder I felt like the luckiest person in the world. "So I was thinking ill take the kids on the boat and drop them off to Shanna around four- did you wanna come tomorrow?" He asked and I nodded. I could feel the liquor already effecting me, I was hot and my thoughts were even slurred.

"Lauren.... wanna go swim with me?" Mia asked and I nodded, getting up and following her.

Once in the water, as far from everyone else as possible, she sighed and leaned her head on my arm that rested on the side of the pool.

"So Ava and Jonas told me what Jen said.... it was so shirty. They also told me how much they love me and they are happy about it because Tom was so miserable at home. What do I do with that information?...... Ugggg.....Ava said all they did was fight and Tom would sit in his studio and cry."

"Yeah Alabama told me the same thing....." I responded and she looked at me, bewildered.

"God I didn't even ask. How is it, being daddy's new girlfriend? They chased the last one away."

"Oh they are fine. How are you doing with it all?"

"Fine. I love those kids to death. Not much has changed except now I can kiss Tom in front of them. It helps that they like me and have known me all their lives."

"Yeah......" I replied, wishing I knew Travis's kids better.

"Alabama and Landon are good kids. And Shanna will come around if she hasn't already. Ask her about the time I choked her. Funny story....."

"Oh god...." I replied, looking up to see Tom running and jumping in the pool, screaming 'CANNONBALL' with Mark right behind him.

Tom swam over to Mia and held her close, kissing her on the forehead. "Did you seriously think you could have all the fun by yourself?" He asked her and she shrugged as he pushed her under. Mark came towards me and no matter how hard I yelled within seconds I was up in the air and hitting the water again with a loud splash. When I resurfaced Mark was laughing as Mia went flying and crashing right beside me.

"Jerks!!" She yelled as she resurfaced making them high five. "Don't worry, we will get them back..." she whispered to me. "Just wait till Hoppus gets back from London."


	49. Miss Murder

Mia's P.O.V.

It was only six a.m. when I pulled up in front of Travis's house- three days after Marks house party. Tom and I spent one day at an amusement park with the kids then went to Tom's place outside San Diego for the next two.

When Jen picked the kids up from there yesterday afternoon she came inside to talk to me- basically apologize for what she said at Marks. I went outside with the kids after- so her and Tom could talk in private, but he came out almost immediately. He told me he had nothing to say to her right now. After they left we cleaned up the house and went back to my place, since I was due at Trent Renzor's place by 8 to work on a song I wrote while at Bam's he wanted to use.

Lauren came out of the house looking beautiful. Her long, dirty blonde hair was braided to one side of her head, makeup flawless, jeans and a hoodie. Being in love was a good look on her. I myself was wearing a black band t-shirt and black shorts, my hair was in a messy bun and I didn't bother with makeup. I was exhausted from the last month of my life. I 'won' for lack of a better term. I felt happish.... but exhausted.

"Hey...... I'd say good morning but you look like you need a serious nap..." She said as she got in my car and I laughed.

"Its okay. You look beautiful enough for the both of us." I replied, flashing her a smile. "How's life?"

"Good. Shanna was really nice. She told me to tell you hi. Other than that I have been learning how to play the drums."

"Oh god...." I responded laughing. "Its stupid fun right?!" She nodded excitedly as I drove down the highway.

"So this music you wrote, he wants to see it or...?"

"Uhh.... it's just gibberish.... poetry basically. He's one of a select few who I will let see those delusional rantings but when I told him I had new pieces he insisted. He's working on an ep. so we go in he will read thru them, ask me how I would arrange it and sometimes he uses my suggestions, but normally he just starts taking my madness and making it art."

"Sounds nothing like what I witnessed at Billys...."

"That's why I wanted you to come. Totally new experience."

"How are you and Tom? Where is he today?"

"Ah...." I sighed loudly, making her chuckle. "Never better. I freaked out a tad bit realizing the kids were gonna know- but everything seems effortless and easy. Tom wants Jen to move back to their house, but she is looking at places in del-mar. They still are barely speaking...." I pulled up to a gate, hitting the call button so someone could buzz us thru. "But we are fine. Still as in love as ever." I added, smiling at her.

We walked into the house once I parked and saw Trent and Manson sitting on the sofa. They greeted me with hugs, and Manson hugged Lauren, introducing her to Trent for me.

"Want breakfast or something?" Trent asked and I shook my head.

"Just coffee...." I responded, walking thru the house and into the kitchen, pouring myself and Lauren some. We caught up for a few minutes before going into the studio and getting to work, Manson heading upstairs to sleep since apparently they were up all night.

"These are good Mia....." he said, going thru my leather-bound journal, reading my latest works. He touched the pages gingerly, tracing over my hard pen markings and silently reading the words, his lips moving along with his brain as he read. "Really fucking good. Brilliant, actually."

"It's gibberish...." I responded, making him shake his head.

"Everyone is always their worst critic. Especially you." He replied, reading another page and smiling. "You see, this hurts my soul.... I can feel your anguish." He read the page again, looking over at Lauren who was in a chair by the door. "Have you read these?"

"No. She doesn't let people read her innermost thoughts. I learned that quickly....."

"Listen to this...." he replied, clearing his throat and I groaned at my words as he said them out loud.

"  
You left me here  
What am I supposed to do?  
I never dared to look inside  
Just like you told me to  
I'm going into you again  
I know you saw it too  
Now I'll keep myself awake  
I know what's coming  
I feel it reaching through  
There is no moving past  
There is no better place  
There is no future point in time  
We will not get away  
The world is bleeding out  
It folds itself in two  
Behind the background world  
Is always bleeding through  
Are you sure?  
This is what you want?"

"Its shit......." I started to say but Lauren had tears in her eyes. Feeling defeated I sighed as Trent sat staring at me with a condescending look on his face. "Yes, take it. Do with it what you do...."

"You know puppet, I heard your dad was the same way. The more people worshipped him the more he hated his own words. Nothing was ever good enough...." I nodded slowly, remembering how true it was. "Break the cycle- stop being your own worst enemy."

"Yeah, but that's why I give words to you and other brilliant minds. You'll turn my shit into gold...." I responded, winking, trying to lighten the mood. "Now, show my minion how you work- I have a certain dark lord to harass." He nodded as I walked back thru the house and up the stairs, walking into the guest room, not bothering to knock.

"What if I was naked?" Manson asked me as I shrugged and laid on the bed beside him.

"News flash, I've seen ya naked."

"Yeah..... true." He replied, handing me a joint. "So, what's new?"

"Oh, ya know..... Tom left his wife for me.... after twenty years. And now........ Now I kinda want out. I feel smothered."

"Say no more. I know child....." he responded, holding his arms out so I could hug him. Glad someone understood.

****

"That was the most amazing day of my life!" Lauren exclaimed as we drove thru the hills and back towards the city. "I mean, holy shit. Thank you so much Mia!" The sun was setting in the sky as I drove, joint in one hand-held wheel in the other.

"We left ten minutes ago, hon you have thanked me plenty!" I responded making her squeal.

"I know but.... just.... oh my god. He liked my work.... he asked my opinion.... I sat with him while he recorded the song, start to finish... oh my god. This was nothing like Billys. This was amazing...."

All I could do was chuckle at her excitement. I spent a few hours upstairs napping and smoking weed, then came down and watched Lauren and Trent turn my shit into gold- just like I knew he would. The song was done, and it was fantastic.

"I'm glad you had fun..." I replied and she nodded quickly. "I think we both needed a day away from life- and I knew that was a good place for it."


	50. To All of You

Lauren's P.O.V.

It was nearly ten p.m. when Mia and I pulled up to a bar that apparently had the best nachos in the city. She pulled up out front, handing the vallet her keys and grabbing my hand, leading me inside despite the pops from the paparazzi's endless flashing. I was glad I talked her into going home to change first. I couldn't imagine showing up in a magazine in workout clothes. Now Mia was in a super low cut red dress that tied around her neck and stopped below her butt. She smiled as they took pictures, hugging a heavily tattooed, muscular man in a red dress shirt and black pants with blonde hair slicked back, kissing him on the cheek in a greeting before walking thru the doors.

"How are you so popular? All those cameras drive me nuts!" I said in her ear as we hit a huge dance floor.

"They were taking pictures of him, not me!" She replied, pointing to the guy now leading us up some stairs and onto a huge balcony with a private bar and dance area. I recognized most of the people we passed here and was slightly hyperventilating, because they were all high profile famous. This was mainstream fame too, not just rockers. I looked at the guy again, wondering who the hell he was. Once we got drinks and sat on a white leather sofa, the guy stuck out his hand, shaking mine.

"Hey, I'm Corey Taylor. You're Barker's girl right?" He asked and I nodded.

"Most people just call me Lauren.." I responded, making him laugh.

"Where's your stalker?" He asked Mia and she laughed, shaking her head.

"Back in San Diego working on new music" she said winking and he just flashed her a huge smile. "Ya know we are in an upswing right now- so he's gonna write like mad."

"Its okay, i'll be here to catch you in the downswing. You know I've been waiting patiently.." he told her with a smirk and she shook her head, excusing herself and going to the bar to order food. "Travis is around here somewhere..." he said to me, standing and looking around, waving to someone over the balcony down below and sitting back down. "He's with the DJ. He will be up in a bit...."

"Honestly I didn't even know he was here. I haven't seen him since I woke up...." I replied, laughing uncomfortably. "So, you know Mia?"

"Yeah, she wrote some stuff for my band a few years ago." He sighed, rubbing his chin and checking Mia out as she stood at the bar, downing shots with some people she seemed to know. "She is a beautiful woman. I tried throwing game at her a few times over the years.... but she will always wait for Tom- no matter how much he hurts her. It's a damn shame."

"Actually he left his wife......" I said quietly and he laughed.

"He's done it before. The cycle never ends. Soon she will be out on the east coast. Wish he would let her go once and for all, she could use a real relationship so badly." He responded, smiling as she approached with a giant tray of nachos. She sat beside him, really close and he kissed her cheek as she smiled. "You and these damn nachos...."

"Like you aren't gonna eat like.... half!" She responded laughing. "Lauren you gotta eat some of these so me and Taylor aren't fat asses!!" I nodded and took one, closing my eyes momentarily and enjoying the salty, crunchy, cheesy and spicy food in my mouth.

"Eating nachos or having an orgasm? Travis asked, kissing my cheek and sitting down beside me. I laughed and pointed to the food, making him nod. "I see you met Corey..."

"Yeah, he's been keeping me company." I replied, eating some more, trying to act like it didn't bother me when Shanna came up and sat down beside us.

"Hey! I didn't know you were here!" She said and I nodded, chewing so I didn't have to ask if they were here together. I glanced over at Mia, but she was drinking and laughing at whatever Corey was saying in her ear. "When Travis picked me up he didn't say you were coming..." she added and I didn't have to say a word... my eyes were wider than I thought possible.

Fuck. They are here.....together

I had to play this off. I had to relax. I knew better than to freak out- technically hanging out with your ex wife isn't a crime, it doesn't mean he is doing anything wrong. But my eyes gave me away before I could react without emotion... and Travis looked at me cautiously, trying to gauge my reaction. It didn't help that Shanna was touching his arm and laughing. She must be drunk. Yeah. That's it.

It's been a good two minutes. At this point I'm chewing paste. I look retarded. I have to swallow. I have to speak. Dammit brain! Use your words.....

"Yeah, Mia brought me here for drinks. I had no idea you two were coming either!" I said and my eyes locked with Travis momentarily, he wasn't sure if I was mad or not. At this point I had no reason to be.

"My fiancee is the DJ and my car broke down like.... three minutes from here...." she said and mentally, I applauded, but I just gave her a concerned look. "This one was driving by and offered me a lift and I made him come in and hang out a bit..." she added and I breathed a bigger sigh of relief. She didn't even call him, he was just driving by.

Half hour or so of small talk later, Mia was over at the bar, talking to a group of people and getting what she calls "blackout wasted". Something must be bugging her but I had no idea what. She would tell me when she was ready. Corey was beside her, going shot for shot, hand on her lower back- and I knew she wasn't going home any time soon.

"Hey do you think you can take me home? I'm totally beat and she's just getting started..." I asked Travis, pointing over to Mia and he nodded. Shanna said goodbye to us and I waved to Mia, then followed Travis out front.

I lit a cigarette while we waited for the car, his arm around my waist. I could tell he was drunk and I offered to drive but he declined, saying he was fine.

Once in the car, and away from all the lights and people I sighed deeply. I had no clue how stressed I was the whole time I was there- but now that I was alone with Travis and the wind was running thru my hair I felt like myself again.

"You thought I was there with her didn't you?" He asked me and I just looked at him, making him sigh. "I wouldn't cheat on you baby. Never, ever would I do that. I love you. My kids love you. Shanna loves you- although I think she was trying to make you a tad jealous...." he said and smiled, grabbing my hand and kissing my skin.

"I'm sorry....... my mind just, immediately went there......" I confessed and he nodded. "I know your not Brian.... I know you won't hurt me..... you can have any woman you want..... but you for whatever reason want me..... I just...... "

"I'm all yours. I promise. And I will prove it every single day to you until you believe it. I love you."

"I love you too...."


	51. Make A Move

Lauren's P.O.V.

It's been two weeks since the night at the club and I have been really busy- but not with Mia. Billy asked me to come to the studio and sit in on recording, telling me Mia approved it, so I was leaving from Travis's home around ten every morning, coming back around six. Travis even let me use his truck to go back and forth, since he has a ton of vehicles. When I got back at night we would talk about our days over dinner that he cooked and after we cleaned the house we would make love for hours till we passed out. The weekend we spent with his kids and went to the zoo, an aquarium and some museums. I was falling in love with the kids more and more each day I was around them.

Working at the studio has been an amazing experience. Billy, Tre and Mike are so professional while recording and I have enjoyed helping them tweak their songs and work on the engineering board with the production guys. Billy has been bragging to everyone about my musical skills and the production people want me to come in for other jobs. I was beside myself with excitement. My internship was almost up and even if the record company didn't want me- other people did.

Today is Sunday, a kid and work free day, and neither Travis or I is in any hurry to get out of bed. We had sex twice since we got up, and I knew eventually one of us would get hungry enough to move- but I know I wasn't at that point yet.

"So, can I ask you something baby?" He asked casually, kissing my lips and running his hand over my naked body, pulling me close to him. I noticed he looked a little nervous and wondered what was wrong.

"Of course hon. You know that." I replied and he smiled, still looking unsure.

"Will you move in with me?" He whispered and I looked at him surprised, unable to answer with words. My mind screamed YES YES YES!!!!! But I was frozen. He cleared his voice, looking at me confused, like maybe I didn't hear him and asked again, louder this time. "Will you move in with me baby girl?"

Tears fell down my cheeks as I nodded, involuntarily. I smiled so big and kissed him so hard, I could feel my hands trembling as I pulled him even closer towards me. We made out for a good ten minutes before I could wipe my eyes and speak.

"Yes Travis Barker, I will move in with you." I said happily and kissed him again. It wasn't long before I was on top of him, with him inside of me- riding him to yet another glorious orgasm.

Basking in the afterglow a half hour later, my back against his muscular chest and his arms securely around me, I realized- I had no idea how I was gonna tell Mia. I had not even been to her place in two weeks or talked to her on the phone. I thought she was gonna be working with Billy in the studio- but he said she was going to oversee what I did after it was done. I have been so busy, except for a few pics I posted on instagram with Travis or the guys from Green Day, I had not even been on social media.

"Have you talked to Mia or Tom in the last few weeks?" I asked Travis and he sighed.

"No... I haven't. And it's bothering me. Mia and I talk almost every day. I could tell she was riding the rail that night at the club. Why don't we get up, pick up some dinner and head over there. You have got to be tired of wearing the same three outfits by now."

"Sounds good. But for the record, it's four...." I replied laughing at him as I got up. "Lets at least shower first hot stuff..." I told him winking.

****

We arrived at Mia's around seven with Chinese food and wine. I let us in- putting the stuff on the counter and heading to my room to drop off my bag of clothes. The house was spotless as I walked thru. Travis headed upstairs to find Mia to have her come eat. Our plan was to tell her about the move when we were eating.

"She's not up there....." Travis said, sitting on my bed. "Ringo isn't here either and the mustang is gone, maybe we should eat and she can eat when she gets home. I tried calling but it's going straight to voicemail." I nodded and we went into the living room- putting on a movie.

By the time the movie was over, Mia still hadn't come home. I could see that Travis was really starting to worry about his best friend. I pulled out my phone, calling Tom and crossing my fingers that they were at his place, but got no answer.

"He won't answer his phone. How worried should we be? She's got a lot of friends- all over the place- maybe she just got caught up in a project or something...." I said and Travis shook his head.

"Imma call Shanna. Maybe she has heard from her or Ava told Alabama something.....she never takes off and doesn't let me or Mark know where she is......" he said, pulling out his phone and dialing her number while walking outside.

Then I had a brilliant idea.

Pulling up Billys number I quickly called him, knowing he would have the answer quicker than anyone.

"Ello?" He said, sounding buzzed. I heard laughing in the background and music- I assumed he was at a bar.

"Hey Bill.... it's Lauren. Is Alisha around? I'm looking for Mia and I don't have your lady's number."

"Uhh..... no she's not around. But I'll ring her and get Mia's location for ya, ok love?"

"Absolutely.... thanks...."

"Ill see you on Monday then?"

"Wouldn't miss it. Thanks again."

"Anytime...." he said hanging up. I sighed at the possibility of another dead end. Where the hell could she be?!

Travis came back inside, telling me that Ava hasn't seen her dad in two weeks and Shanna hasn't heard a peep- but she did notice neither Tom or Mia have posted on social media since the pics with his kids at the amusement park. Whatever was going on-they were both off the grid about it.

My phone alert dinged, and I opened the text message, breathing a sigh of relief. According to Alisha, her and Tom are in San Diego at his place. She has a job on Wednesday in LA at dickhouse so if you don't see her before then go to Dickhouse at 1pm and ask for Jeff.

"Looks like they are just.... enjoying alone time..." Travis said when I showed it to him and I nodded. "Guess that means we got this place to ourselves...." he added, winking at me.


	52. Best of You

Tom's P.O.V.

I was sitting in my office, at To The Stars- my shop/ studio- when Travis knocked on the door around noon on Monday. I looked up and smiled, inviting him in to take a seat.

"Hey buddy, how's life?" I asked and he sighed, shaking his head.

"Worried about you and Mia. I haven't been able to get a hold of either of you. Alisha said Mia is staying with you down here....." he began and I cut him off, already knowing what he was gonna say.

"And you went to my house and Jen is there..." I finished for him and he nodded, looking to me for an explanation. I didn't have one... not a good one anyway.

"Yeah, so Tom.... what the fuck?" He asked and all I could do was shrug.

"Look...... I don't know. Jen came home Friday night with the kids to stay the weekend. I slept in the studio. We are getting along enough for the kids..... I don't know." I responded and he sighed again, I could tell he was getting frustrated.

"Where did Mia sleep?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Mia isn't here man. She left a week ago. Said she had work. I dunno......"

"Well she's not home. Ringo is gone, she's gone, her mustang is gone......" Travis replied, his face turning red with anger. "And again you got her hopes up and broke her down......" I sighed and he stood up, fists clenched. I really didn't feel like getting hit again.

"No man, Jen bought a house in Del Mar, she's moving in two weeks when it's ready. We are over......" I replied and Travis just glared at me.

"You better fucking hope I can find her man.... you better hope she's okay......." he replied and I nodded, wishing I knew where she was also. "She knows too many people, there are too many places for her to hide...."

"She's probably in West Chester. Fucking Bam and his wife. You know that..." I responded and he shook his head.

"And if she's smart she won't come back dude. I can't believe you let her go......" He spat coldly and stormed out of my office, slamming the door as he left in a hurry.

If only he knew the truth. 

I begged Mia to stay. I cried, I pleaded, I promised her over and over that I chose her and I wasn't changing my mind- but she said I crossed the line this time with Jens current situation.

She wasn't wrong.

It kills me because Jen always says she can't be with me because of my girlfriend... Says Mia is all I think about, all I talk about, all I dream about. I need both women in my life and neither is happy playing as runner up to the other.

How did this get so fucked up?!

I knew when she left she was upset, but as she placed the ring in my hand and kissed my lips, something told me it was over for good. My heart tore in two and before I could react mentally I was on the ground, on my knees begging her to stay. It wasn't like we fought.... she calmly said what needed to be said and then with one more kiss she left me on the floor and walked out of my life.

I was too embarrassed to tell a soul.

I hoped she would come back.

But now I know the truth. She is off the grid, and I have no idea how to even find her if she doesn't want to be found.

Jen was right. I have ruined them both.


	53. Off the Track

Mia's P.O.V.

"Good morning!" I said to Mark, kissing him on the cheek as I walked into the dining room, taking a seat beside Jack. "How are you all today?"

"Ah... ya know. Handsome and awesome like always..." Jack said, making his parents laugh.

"So, what do you wanna do today?" Skye asked me and I shrugged. "There is this amazing art museum nearby, wanna accompany me? These two are going to some sporting event..."

"Absolutely. Let me just get caffeinated and we can go." I replied, pouring a cup of coffee and flashing her a smile.

I briefly thought back to home, hoping Ringo was okay at Dave's- knowing I should call and check in soon. He was the only person who knew where I was, and honestly I needed to keep it that way while I figured out my life. When I left Tom a little over a week ago I called Mark and told him everything that was going on- which resulted in him and Skye insisting I come hide in London and get away from everyone and everything. I didn't even hesitate when I said yes. Jack was even excited to have me here.

Skye and I headed out around ten a.m., stopping to take pictures of buildings along the way. I was enjoying life here, often asking them why they ever returned to America. They always answered "Blink 182...." and I couldn't help but agree. The band was Mark's baby- he loved it as much as his family.

"So..... Travis called Mark this morning and told him your missing. You really should tell him where you are. Mark hated not telling him." I nodded solemnly, and she sighed before continuing. "Travis saw Tom yesterday.... he knows what happened." Skye added as we approached the giant old building holding the art museum.

"I will...... I mean Mark could of told him. I never said not to.... I just don't want Tom showing up here....." I replied, sitting on a bench and lighting a cigarette. I didn't want Travis to worry, I just.... I'm so frustrated with my own life. "I doubt Tom told him the truth tho..."

"Well Mark invited Travis and Lauren up here for the weekend with Alabama and Landon. They will be here Thursday night."

"Good...... but his kids can't tell Ava and Jonas...."

"Dont worry, we will stress it..... I told you, you are family honey. I'm glad you came to us instead of going to PA and getting wasted." She replied laughing and I just shook my head.

"Yeah... yeah... yeah.... you don't understand how good the sex is! It's like a palate cleanser..... makes me forget all about Tom and his magic.... in that area..... plus it's fun there. But.... I needed you guys. I'm so glad you talked me into coming here. I don't know why I have never visited before."

"First off.... eww.... it's.... Bam.....eww..." she said making us both laugh. "But honestly.... only you can decide what to do. If you go back you gotta figure out if it's Tom and you riding off into the sunset happily ever after or if your letting him go once and for all.... and I think you need us to keep you level headed while you figure it out."

I put my cigarette out and laid my head back, sighing. "I think Tom was perfect for me but I have blown off some great relationship possibilities over the years because he's in my life. And......."

"He loves Jen and won't ever be able to let go.... I know......" she replied, finishing my thought for me. "So you are walking away for the kids and for Jen. For good?" She asked and I shrugged.

"I can't keep my mind off all those missed opportunities while I was his mistress. And now Sky.. I just... im done... I'm confused. Let's go look at art." I replied, jumping up and taking her hand, walking inside.

*************************************************

Lauren's P.O.V.

"I found her...." Travis said when I walked into the house Tuesday night, pizza boxes in hand.

"Well hello to you too babe.." I replied and he laughed, taking the boxes and kissing my cheek. "Where is she?"

"London...." he replied and I looked confused, making him nod. "I called Mark and he told me he didn't know she was missing and he told me he knows she's doing fine- then invited us to come to his place for the weekend. I told him we would be there Thursday night...if you can get out of work Friday, that is."

"Actually Billy is leaving for his sister's house tomorrow morning with Alisha. They won't be back till next Tuesday. I'm totally free." I replied, grabbing a slice of pineapple and ham pizza, sitting beside the man of my dreams.

"Awesome. Shanna is dropping the kids off Thursday morning and then we will head out. We are taking a boat."

"What about flying?" I asked and he just looked at me like I was crazy. "Oh.... right..... duh.....sorry...." I said and he nodded, kissing my cheek.

"Your good. But I'm telling you- it's the perfect hiding spot. I thought about calling Bam, but if I told him what Tom did..... he would beat his ass just like I want to."

I thought about it. Travis was absolutely right. West Chester was full of people who would kill for her, Bam and Jess at the front of the line. I was surprised she didn't go to them- but I think maybe she was trying to work it out before she visited again. Mark was a good choice- at least she was safe there.

I was so angry with Tom. After what Travis told me yesterday I couldn't believe it. Mia gave him back the ring.... something had to of happened and it had to be more than him being around Jen. Who knows.

"I can't wait to see Mia.... I'm so worried about her." He admitted and I nodded in agreement. "I also can't wait to tell her you moved in. She's gonna be happy for us."

"I hope so baby, I hope so...." I responded, kissing his lips. The smell of pizza started to make me feel queasy, and I excused myself- going upstairs and throwing up as quietly as I could. Ever since the night in the bar my stomach has been so quick to get sick. I groaned as I puked more, wiping my mouth with toilet paper and standing back up so I could brush my teeth. I swear those nachos made me ill.


	54. London Calling

Mia's P.O.V.

My phone rang Thursday evening, waking me up. I groaned as I rolled over in bed, taking it off charge and picking it up. I was so hungover from Skye and I day drinking I had to go take a nap.

"Hello?" I groaned and I heard Tom's voice on the other end begging me not to hang up. All I could do was cringe mentally. "What do you want Tom?"

"She's not keeping it......" he said and I groaned loudly. "Her birth control failed.... I'm still trying to wrap my head around it....."

"I don't care. Tom. I really don't. I love you but I just don't care anymore. Stop calling me....."

"I can't. I love you. I want to marry you and have a baby with you. Jen and I don't want another kid. We don't need another kid. You and I are going to build a life together. We love each other....."

I stifled a laugh as he spoke, shaking my head. "Tom.... I don't....ever....never.....want a baby..... do you hear me? I don't want kids. I don't want to get married. I love you. I have always loved you. If you could pull your head out of your ass you could see I gave you twenty years. But even when you pick me it's after you get your wife pregnant....."

"But I chose you....."

"Yeah.... and I'm better off alone."

"But....."

"But nothing....." I snapped and he groaned. "Stop calling me. I'll call you when I'm ready to talk."

"Where are you? Travis said you are missing. Let me know where... I wanna see you..."

"No....."

"How did you know about the baby?" He asked me and I laughed.

"Jen called me...." I replied and he started cussing but I had already hung up.

Sighing, I got up and pulled my jeans back on, grabbing my empty martini glass and making my way downstairs. Mark winked at me as I entered the kitchen and I saw Travis standing by the fridge.

"BARKER!!!" I yelled loudly, handing Mark the glass and jumping on Travis, wrapping my arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly. "I missed you..." I said as he held me tight.

"What are you doing in London?" He asked as I let my death grip on him go and I shrugged, making him give me his famous 'total bullshit' look.

"Missed Mark and Skye???" I replied 'innocently' and he shook his head, dropping it- but knowing I was full of shit. "So where are the children?"

"Out with Jack, Skye and Lauren having dinner. I just wanted to come chill and find out what's going on with you."

"She's a vault. Won't tell me either...." Mark replied, putting his arm around my waist and handing me a new drink. "Not for lack of trying."

"Alright! ... Jesus! .... I'll tell you....." I groaned and they both got excited faces, like kids on Christmas. "Someone light me a joint and I will come clean....."

We went out back on the porch and Mark lit a joint, handing it to me. "Alright girl, what happened?"

"He got Jen pregnant. She told him during those two weeks but he still left her and came to me. Then went back to her while I was at Renzor's house and asked her to get an abortion so I wouldn't find out. So, of course, she called me while I was napping at Renzor's and told me.......asking me to go with her since its my fault their baby has to die."

"What the fuck?!" They both said and I shrugged.

"Yeah I asked him about it and he didn't deny it. I gave him the ring back and told him how fucking insane what he tried to do was.... he begged me to forgive him but..... I mean the hell guys? And poor Jen....."

"I can't even.... I don't even know.... I just..... what the fuck?!" Travis said as Mark shook his head angrily.

"No wonder you came here......." Mark said and I nodded. "He's fucking insane......."

"And the truth is, I love him so much. So I just.... I'm done. I can't go back. I can't see him right now. He swears it's her boyfriends baby. He swears it's not what she says. But I just..... I can't. I'm done."

"We don't blame you Mia. We love you and we got you...." Mark said, grabbing my hand. I nodded, knowing that he was right.

"Speaking of babies.... I think Lauren might be.... ya know... pregnant." Travis said quietly and I smacked the table in surprise.

"What the fuck did you just say?!" Mark said, obviously amused with the news.

"I don't think she's figured it out yet.... but she's been throwing up a lot and honestly we have been pretty consistently screwing since she got back from New York- haven't had a 'period' break once."

"Well, don't you think she should take a test?" I asked and he laughed. "I mean she's gotta know stud...."

"Why do you think I came here? I knew when Mark wasn't concerned that you were missing you had to be here. And I needed your help with Lauren. So, here we are." He replied and Mark laughed.

"Maybe I just don't give a shit if she's missing..." Mark replied and I laughed along with Travis.

"Mother fucker.... had she not been here you would of been on your way back to LA before the phone call ended." Travis replied and I laughed harder.

"Do you want another baby bro? I mean.... you kinda old....." I asked and he flipped me off and laughed.

"I mean..... I never even considered the possibility of having a kid again... but I'm crazy about this girl.... I asked her to move in with me and she said yes. She's there every day anyway. I'm gonna leave it up to her. I mean if she's not ready...... it's something we need to discuss...."

"Yeah, I'll talk to her. Don't worry...." I replied, finishing off my glass.

"And if you two excuse me, I'm gonna go call Tom and chew his ass out!!" Travis said standing up and winking. "But first I'm gonna call Jen and get the whole story. Okay?"

"Sure. Go for it..." I replied as he walked inside.

Mark and I sat in silence for a long time, smoking weed and looking at the stars. He has known me as long as Tom, and knew some times I just needed someone to coexist in silence with. Finally, he cleared his throat and grabbed my hand.

"I'm sorry. He's such an asshole. He's bailed on you.... on the band.... on me..... time and time again we give him chance after chance. I am so angry at him. For so many things. But we are okay. We will make it, you'll see." Mark kissed my cheek and put his arm around my back, rubbing my shoulder.

"I know Mark..... thanks. I love you."

"Love you too Ricci." He replied, and I knew he meant it- him and Travis loved me to death.


	55. Sorry

Lauren's P.O.V.

As soon as I walked into the house I wrapped my arms around Mia. I had missed her so much it was crazy. Normally she wasn't big on affection from me but hugged me back tightly, kissing my cheek and smiling huge. "Meet me upstairs in like a half hour okay love? My room is last on the left end of the hall. I'm gonna get a shower while I'm high." She said in my ear, kissing me again and walking away. She looked stunning, even in wrinkled clothes and no makeup.

I followed Skye out back, the kids already next door with Jack and his friends playing video games and having a sleepover. Mark and Travis were deep in conversation as we sat down, neither barely even acknowledging our existence.

"So Jen says the baby might not be his but he really did tell her to go abort because he didn't want some baby to ruin his chance with Mia. He told her he was riding off into the sunset with Mia and everything. Without this baby situation I think he would of actually done it...." Travis said to Mark and he shook his head angrily in response, putting out a joint.

"What did Tom say?" He asked and Travis shook his head.

"I didn't even call him Mark..... I don't even know what to say......"

"Fuck him..... I am so tired of his never ending bullshit....." Mark responded and then looked over in surprise at his wife as she rubbed his back. "Hey beautiful! Where did you come from?!"

"The cute little restaurant down the street" she responded, winking at him. "You two okay? Getting a little revved up out here...."

"Yeah. We're good....." Travis said, kissing me hello in the process. "Just pissed. We will get over it...."

"I think, you two....., it's ultimately Tom and Mia's problem. What Tom did is awful.... but Jen is no saint. And this whole thing is messy. Let's just leave it alone tonight and get some sleep okay?"

"I got a few friends I'm gonna go catch up with actually...." Travis said, standing up. "You wanna come?" He asked me and I shook my head.

"Gonna catch up with Mia I think." I replied and he kissed me goodbye, hopping the porch wall and walking down the drive.

I followed Mark and Skye upstairs, they pointed Mia's room out to me- and I knocked once before entering. She was standing in the middle of her bedroom, in only a towel, brushing her hair in the mirror.

"Hey come in! Oh... God...shut the door!" She said as Mark peaked over my shoulder. As I tried to shut the door, Mark caught it, sticking his head in the opening.

"Hey! Mia! You want a goodnight hug???" He asked smiling and raising his eyebrows. Mia laughed, walking over and pushing his forehead.

"Goodnight Mark" she said in a sing-song voice, pushing him out of the room and shutting the door. But, just as the door shut- Mark reached in and grabbed her towel, it leaving with him.

"MARK!" She squealed and I heard Skye and Mark laugh as they both said goodnight.

"Oh my god...." I said laughing as she rolled her eyes and walked over to a dresser, pulling on a pair of yoga shorts and a sports bra.

"He's a pain in my ass!" She said as she sat on her bed. "But I love him to death...." she added making me laugh. "So...... I gotta ask you something..." she started and I sat down... knowing she was probably mad if she knew I moved...

"Yeah sure. What's up?" I responded.

"You moved in with Travis?!" She asked and I nodded. She immediately smiled and hugged me tightly, her tattooed skin holding me close.

"I thought you were gonna be mad...." I responded as she let me go and she shook her head.

"No. He's crazy about you. And I know you love him. Just promise me you won't hurt my best friend okay?" She asked and I nodded. "So do you need anything? Tampons? Pads? Nail polish remover? Makeup? I wanna get you a moving gift. I dunno what he doesn't have I mean it's a guys pad...."

"Could use some of those candles you have but I haven't even used......." I stopped talking and sighed.

Shit.

When was my last period? I came out to California and I had it when we were at Billy's and then....... shit. It's been a few months.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"What's wrong? You're pale....." she asked me and I ran into her bathroom and threw up.

Shit.

"Can you go buy me......" I started to ask and she handed me a box labeled 'EPT'. I felt a tear run down my face as I saw the box, knowing either she already knew (which means Travis already knew) or she was....thinking she was.....

"Pee on it. Then we can talk okay?" She said, and I nodded as she smiled and left the room.

I sat on the toilet, feeling the urge but afraid to go as I held the stick between my legs. I sighed deeply as I let loose, wondering what was going to happen if it was positive.

I finished and put the lid on, flushing and washing my hands, walking back into her bedroom and laying in bed beside her. She had tears in her eyes as she put her arm around me and I had no clue what was wrong.

"I hope you are......" she said, kissing my cheek. "Travis will be so happy. He loves you so much."

"I'm scared...." I admitted. "I thought I might be the other night and dismissed it as food poisoning. I love Travis....."

"Hey....." she said quietly as a tear ran down my cheek. "He loves you too...... he mentioned you might be..... I just happened to have a test on me...."

"Did you think you....?" I asked and she quickly shook her head.

"My plan was to go to Tom's and make Jen prove she was pregnant.... then I just..... came here. I had to let him go........" She said sighing. "He's gotta figure shit out without having one foot in my door."

"Yeah...... but don't you.. haven't you.....?"

She sighed deeply... laying her head back on the pillows. "Story for another time sweetie. Right now you need to go look at that stick...."

I stood, she stood with me- holding my hand and walking into the bathroom and looking down at the test, exhaling all my breath at once.

PREGNANT


	56. Guess What?

Lauren's P.O.V.

I was laying on the sofa listening to music in the living room when Travis came into the house, just as the sun rose over the foreign city. He smiled as he saw me, leaning down and kissing my lips. I sat up and he sat down so I could lay my head on his lap. He took out one of my ear buds and put it in his ear, smiling at me when he heard what I was listening to:

"I can feel their eyes are watching  
In case I lose myself again  
Sometimes I think I'm happy here  
Sometimes, yet I still pretend  
I can't remember how this got started  
But I can tell you exactly how it will end"

"Nine Inch Nails huh?" He asked me as I paused the music and I nodded. "Mia wrote that......"

"Yeah, Trent made me a spotify playlist of music she has written for him and his studio. It's real dark shit.... I'm just trying to understand...."

"Oh, yeah.... I get it. It takes years to get her to open up. Have patience. Did you have fun tonight?"

No. Actually it was terrifying... I thought.

"Uhh.... yeah. It was okay. I gotta tell you something though......" I started and he looked at me curiously. I know Mia told me he would be fine over and over- I know that he already suspected..... but I was still ready to hurl trying to speak the words.

"Sure baby girl, what's up?" He asked innocently.

Damn him... I always go weak at the knees when he calls me that.

"I'm...... pregnant......." I whispered and he smiled gently at me, simply kissing my lips and interlocking his fingers into mine.

"How ya feeling about it?" He asked and I shrugged. "I had my suspicions......" he admitted and I nodded.

"How do you feel about it?" I asked him and he chuckled.

"Honestly..... this is your ball game baby. I have two awesome little people. And I would love to have one with you. Nothing would make me happier." He said, kissing me again.

"I never wanted to be some homemaker mommy-dearest, soccer-coach......" I said to him and he nodded, his eyes never leaving mine. His facial expression was one of understanding- not judgment. "But Skye does it..... travels with Mark and has a career and has Jack and that gives me inspiration that I could do this... maybe..."

"So we are doing this?" He asked me and I nodded.

"Yeah.... I think so. I need to go to a doctor tho because I am not supposed to get pregnant. I get depo..... I don't know if that is giving a false positive or something could be wrong or...  
"

"Hey. Hey..... let's not stress. I'm sure it's all okay. Let's just not tell anyone other than Mia, Skye and Mark until we see a doctor okay?" He asked me and I nodded. "Let's not even talk about it right now. Not until we know for sure..."

"Agreed. This whole thing has me a little freaked out. Especially because Mia was crying...." I mentioned, sitting up- wishing I could smoke a cigarette.

"Shit. She was?" He asked and I nodded. "Well.... yeah I guess it would bring some shit up. She will be okay tho."

"Is it because Tom got Jen pregnant?" I asked and he shook his head.

"No. Something from long ago. We don't talk about it. But.... Honestly ... I don't know if Tom did get Jen pregnant. I do know he hurts them over and over and for the first time in years they both walked away at the same time. He's alone... and he needs to be."

"That guy Corey said he's been trying to date her for years...." Travis looked at me confused and I giggled. "You know- the guy from the club?"

"Baby I know who he is but.....you don't?" He asked and I shook my head. "Corey Taylor. Lead singer of Slipknot, Stone Sour, Kings of Chaos, Teenage Time Killers.....?"

"Are you shitting me?!" I asked sitting up and looking at him wildly. "That's Corey Taylor? Thee Corey Taylor?!"

"Yeah....."

"But he's fucking sexy!" I said loudly then covered my mouth with my hands.

"Uh.... I got his number if you're interested....." Travis replied, obviously amused as my face turned red.

"Shit baby.... no! I just.... didn't.... expect..... wow... I mean when I think death metal singer I don't think muscles and a charming smile. He covers all that up with a mask and jumpsuit?!" 

He chuckled and rubbed my belly. I knew he was only faux mad, he understood where I was coming from and he got me. That was the most important part of our relationship.

He got me.

"Yeah, Taylor has been pursuing her for years and years. They worked on music together... hang out on occasion.. but ultimately it just never goes his way. The Tom factor always hangs in the balance. To be fair he was blown away by her words for years and when I finally introduced them he said to me 'imma marry that girl'."

"So he knows she's on the market again?" I asked and he laughed.

"Nah... but I'll let it slip....." he replied, winking at me.

****

The rest of the day was spent with Skye and the kids, walking around London- learning about the culture and exploring shops, buildings and common areas. Everything about this city was magic and it was so much fun to be with the kids and Skye- who was slowly becoming a good friend of mine. I told her about the possible pregnancy and she set me up with her obgyn back in LA for next week, promising if Travis couldn't be there that she would.

Mia stayed back at the house with the guys, doing whatever it was that they did while they were alone. I, at some point, had a thought that they were in some sort of secret love affair and mentioned it to Skye- making her laugh harder than I thought possible. I have seen Mia work her magic on Bam when we were in PA, she is quite a little vixen when she wants to be. He was catering to her every word, but I think that is just him- being crazy about her.

"Mia is overly affectionate with men she is close to....." Skye said quietly as we sat at the park, watching the kids take selfies and horseplay. "She will crawl into bed with them and snuggle....she will sit on their lap and kiss their cheek..... she will tell them she loves them.... and she will change... right in front of them......" Skye sighed, smiling, obviously thinking on a memory. "But she's harmless. I swear to you. The love Travis and Mark have for her is in no way sexual. I mean.... maybe a tad.... but she is hot as hell..." she added, winking at me.

"I heard about your vacation....." I mentioned and she laughed.

"Which one?" She asked smiling innocently at me. "But seriously..... they are best friends. And those two are fiercely protective of her. As am I. As I'm sure you will be one day."

I thought about it as we started heading back to the house. I already was. I already went out of my way to try and keep her safe.... look out for her.... keep her happy... and not let Tom hurt her anymore. I just couldn't let him hurt her ever again. Maybe Travis and I really needed to play matchmaker with Mia and Mr. Taylor.

Maybe......


	57. Enter Sandman

Mia's P.O.V.

The days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months. Now it was September and I was back home for the first time since the end of July. Mark and his family came back last week but I hung around- not sure when to get over myself and rejoin reality.

Lauren was- in fact- pregnant, four months along- and Travis was more than happy to blast it all over social media. I was so happy for them both and knew how fulfilling it would be for Lauren to have a child- and still be able to have a career that she was passionate about. She took the job at MCA as an engineer, even though Renzor begged her to stay at Interscope with him. She liked the pay, and being able to tour with Travis was a fringe benefit to MCA. I knew she would be okay.

It was good that the internship was over, mostly because I barely did anything to teach her in the first place.

I was sitting on the hood of my mustang, in San Diego, smoking a cigarette. Jen sat beside me, he stomach flat and her attitude matched as we sat in silence. She wanted to meet me, but didn't seem to have anything to say.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" I asked her, noticing she wasn't wearing her rings.

"I'm living in Del Mar now. The kids have been asking about you." She said and I nodded.

"I talked to Ava last week on the phone. She sounds excited about the hot older boys at the beach.." I replied, nudging Jen. "Remember when she was a baby and Tom kept begging her to be a lesbian? Don't think it took....." I said laughing making her laugh as well.

"I'm sorry I lied about being pregnant. I was so desperate to keep him......" she said quietly and I nodded. I know she did what she did for what she assumed to be a good reason. But she failed. I freaked out and left- in typical fashion- and then Jen left- knowing her lies would catch her eventually. "He's writing......." she said softly and I nodded.

"Yeah..... I know...... I heard thru the grapevine...." I responded, throwing my cigarette on the ground. The grapevine being social media, but I didn't wanna say that out loud.

"You haven't seen him?" She asked me and I shook my head.

"No..... I spent time in London, then went to Dave's for a few days. I headed down here when you called."

"Oh....." she said, looking surprised. "We are legally separated.... it was official last month."

"I hope you find whatever you're looking for..." I said, giving her a hug as I stood up. "For me, I am still looking...."

"I'm sorry, but what?!" She asked, looking completely shocked and confused. "The one thing we both know.. without a doubt... is that he loves you. Fully..... and you are gonna ignore that?!"

"Honestly? I don't know." I said, getting into my car and waving goodbye as she looked at me confused. I was heading to see Tom, but it wasn't her business. I didn't know what would happen when I saw him, how I would feel or if it would even mean anything.... but I just needed to see him.

Face to face.

I parked my car next to Tom's Porsche, directly out front of 'To The Stars' and got out, sitting on my hood again and lighting a joint. I wasn't ready to see him yet, wasn't ready to hear his voice, wasn't ready to look into his eyes. But I was here. My heart screamed for him since I passed this place on the way to meet Jen.

Last night I went out with Corey. He picked me up from my condo, I did my makeup and wore a dress, we went to a nice restaurant and spent hours drinking wine and eating food that was too expensive. He drove me home after and walked me to the door, kissing me goodnight and walking back to his car as I let myself inside.

A perfect gentleman.

Corey doesn't have a wife to contend with....he doesn't have one half of his heart in someone else. He has known me for years and seem some of the darkest parts of me- and still looks at me like I'm magical. He would be a great guy to get involved with. He is so talented and passionate and a lot of fun......

So why am I here?

Why am I two hours away from LA, sitting on this burning ass hood, willing Tom to notice me and come outside and give me a movie moment?! What do I expect? Things to get better? Things to change? Are we ever going to actually run off into the sunset together? I wish it was easier and him and Jen were back together..... but now it's like.... he makes his heart available to me and I'm going to walk away?! Isn't this what I always wanted?

When Corey kissed me, it left me breathless. I went in for a second and he put his finger up to my lips and said "next time you kiss him you are gonna be thinking about this kiss...." then kissed me deeply, leaving me speechless. Then he winked at me and walked away. My body was screaming for him to come back.

An hour later he sent me a text:  
Bet you still haven't thought about him

He was right. I hadn't thought about Tom once. I didn't even realize that I hadn't until the message came thru. I felt like I was a teenager again as I stared at the screen and I bit my lip, smiling at the words till the screen went dark again.

The door to Tom's place opened, pulling me out of my thoughts. Tom stood in front of me, black atticus t-shirt, black cargo pants, hat pulled down on his forehead to avoid the sun and a confused expression on his face. I smiled at him and stood up, unsure of what my heart and brain wanted to do now that I was here. I opened my mouth and words came out, surprising us both..

"Tom, I'm seeing someone."


	58. Its Over

Tom's P.O.V.

"Tom- I'm seeing someone."

Her words rang thru my ears like fire. They burned my soul, melted my heart, destroyed my world, shattered my life. She's seeing someone? Who? Why? When? I didn't understand. I wanted to beg for information but I couldn't force my mouth to make noise.

"Did you hear me?" She asked, walking up to me and touching my shoulder, making me nod. "Tom...."

"What do you want me to say?!" I asked her and she pulled her hand back in surprise. "You come here.... after two months of ignoring me to tell me you are seeing someone else?"

"Yeah.... I just..... I dunno..... I came to see you. I didn't expect to blurt it out like that...." she said and genuinely looked surprised by her actions.

"You wanna go for a walk or something?" I asked her, holding out my hand. She nodded, taking it and walking towards the beach with me. I don't know what it is about us, but we always talk thru our shit on the sand or in our lyrics. Once we found a pretty deserted area we sat down, her beside me and she sighed.

"So who's this guy your seeing?" I asked her and she sighed again.

"Can we circle back around to that question? We should talk about other things....." she said and I nodded, although all I could think was- who's putting the moves on my girl.

"She faked the pregnancy....." I said and she nodded. "We got lawyers.... we are legally separated now."

"Yeah..... I know Tom. She told me today. I just saw her. Not even an hour ago." She replied, resting her head on my shoulder. "She confessed everything to me..... after two months of thinking she was having your child and you two were gonna work it out...."

"No... listen. I told you it didn't matter.... we weren't getting back together..... she told me she had a ten year birth control thing. I never believed her."

"Birth control could fail Tom......" she said groaning and kicking the sand at her feet. "God why are we even talking about this?!" She said sighing and I shrugged. "Bottom line- there is no happy ending for us. The more we try- the more shit screws up...."

"No it's gonna work this time...." I said and she shook her head. "It would of worked..... Amelya... it can work...." I didn't get this conversation. I didn't get why now... after all this time she was giving up.

"You, Thomas Delonge... you will always be the man who has my heart. But right now I need to see where the other road goes. And if you want, I will come back and pick my heart up if the road ends....." she said softly and kissed my lips, making me more confused. "Right now I need you to be a friend. Because I need uncomplicated and normal Tom. I have been on your roller coaster for twenty years and I am dizzy and sick- it's no longer fun."

I nodded and she wiped a tear from my cheek. "I love you Mia...." I said quietly and she nodded.

"I know Tom. I know...."


	59. New Beginnings

Lauren's P.O.V.

I awoke excited, and at noon- with a smile on my face. Today was my five month check up and my first ultrasound. Travis was excited as well, almost more than me. We stayed up late last night discussing baby names and plans for the future. As I stirred he rubbed my belly, making me smile and kiss his lips.

"Good morning baby." He said sleepily.

"Good morning handsome. We get to see our little lima bean today." I said excitedly and he chuckled as he kissed me.

"You still up for dinner tonight at Marks?" He asked me getting up and I nodded. "Good cause Mia's supposed to come. She's been so busy lately I'm excited to catch up with her."

"She's back from Pennsylvania?" I asked and he nodded. "Oh, wow I didn't know."

We have only seen Mia once since London, and it was during the release party of the new Green Day album. She looked incredibly healthy- and spent most of the night mingling. It was hard to keep her still and talk to her about anything beyond normal chat. I know she ended things with Tom, but for her own mental health I think it was necessary. With the CKY album being recorded I heard she was out on the east coast working.

It was nearly two in the afternoon when we pulled up to the doctors office, and by the time I signed in we were being called back to the room. Travis held my hand as the doctor asked some general health questions and then had me lift my shirt, exposing my small bump and squeezing the cold blue gel over my skin with the wand. I smiled as our little one came into the screen.

"There's your little one mom and dad!" The doctor said excitedly and I smiled at Travis as he squeezed my hand. "Would you like to know the gender of your baby?" She asked and we both nodded. She moved the wand around a bit, then settled again, pointing at the screen with her free hand. "Its a boy. Congratulations."

"Holy shit.... a boy!" Travis said excitedly and I chuckled. I knew he was hoping on a boy, but was going to be happy either way. The doctor printed the pictures for us and soon we were in the car and on our way to Marks, happy to share the good news.

"Hey!" Skye said excitedly when we got out of the car in her driveway. She was getting bags out of the trunk, as Mark and Jack grabbed food trays from the backseat. Travis went to assist as I gave Skye a hug, taking a cake from her other hand.

"Having a party?" I asked and she laughed.

"Well, Mia's coming, Billy and Alisha, Matt and I think a few other people like Rocko. Quiet dinner never stays quiet long once Mark starts inviting people." She replied laughing. "Plus Mia's birthday is next week so we got her a cake. She hates her birthday but..... we stopped caring that she hates it." She pointed to the Halloween themed cake as I sat it on the counter and I smiled. She was such a thoughtful friend.

We had just finished setting up when Matt arrived, with a girl named Devin who he had been spending time with and Matt's son, who was a year older than Jack. Soon after Billy and Alisha showed up with Billy's sons. Travis told everyone who walked in the door we were having a boy- so by the time they hit the kitchen I was getting congratulated.

"So, it's a boy huh?" I heard a voice say and I turned around to see Corey Taylor, holding hands with Mia. He walked over to talk to Mark and Mia hugged me tightly, rubbing my belly and saying hi to the baby.

"You're with Corey???" I said to her, trying not to make it sound like a question but it came out that way anyway.

"Yeah.... it's.... we're..... yeah..." she said looking over at him and smiling.

"How is it? Tell me everything!" I said, walking out back with her and she shook her head.

"No..... I don't wanna jinx it....it's too good to be true....." she responded, patting my shoulder and giving Devin and Matt a hug, getting lost in conversation with them.

I was so happy for her. She looked healthy, happy and seemed a million times less stressed. I didn't realize how much weight she was carrying while being involved with Tom. Corey came up to her and winked at her as he put his arm around her waist. She practically glowed as her body molded to his arm.

Then, panic swept over me as I wondered if Tom was showing up to this party. When Mark gets to inviting people..... I really didn't want to think about the drama Tom would start.

Luckily I didn't have to think on it long.

"Hey Lauren! Congratulations!" Jen said, walking up and hugging me. I thanked her and waved at Ava as she ran by with Alabama and Jack. I was happy to know Shanna dropped the kids off for Travis and wondered if she was sticking around.

"Thanks Jen!" Love the hair! New highlights?" I asked, wondering if her presence meant Tom's as well.

"Yeah, Tom talked me into it the other day.... I have been wanting to try it for a few years but... I don't know.. I was feeling adventurous."

"Well, it looks amazing." I responded, looking in the direction she was looking in. Tom stood near the back door, looking across the pool at Mia- but I was sure it was more Corey's arm around Mia that he was staring at.

Regardless, he smiled at Jen and I, making his way over and giving me a hug. "Boy huh?!" He asked and I laughed. "I'm happy for you guys." Jen smiled and walked back inside and Tom shifted uncomfortably in front of me.

"Did you know?" I asked quietly and he nodded.

"Yeah.... she told me she was dating just didn't know who..... and she knows Jen and I are dating again. Whatever the hell that means. Doesn't mean this isn't gonna be hard......" he said sadly and I nodded. "I promised her we would be friends... I gotta go say hi.. somehow without telling him to get off my girl....."

"Tom......." I said quietly but pleading....

"I know.... she's not mine. But fuck Lauren....."

"I do know.... so do me a favor and don't drink tonight. Stay level headed. Don't do anything to wreck your chance of ever getting her back by acting stupid. Accept it okay?"

"Yeah..... okay....."


	60. Doornail Dorothy

Mia's P.O.V.

I was at Marks, and we were all sitting around sipping on beers and mixed drinks, talking and enjoying some time together. Jen and Tom sat across from Corey and I at the table, neither Tom or I have spoken to each other all night. I could feel him watching me but I was doing my best to ignore it. I wasn't here for him, and even though he knew I was seeing Corey he still looked so shocked and hurt.

Mark came outside, accompanied by Skye and all the kids, holding a cake and singing Happy Birthday. I laughed and hid my face, making them laugh as they put the cake in front of me right as the song ended. I looked up at Mark both annoyed and amused, as he laughed looking back at me.

"You knew we weren't gonna forget!!" He said and I laughed. "Go on woman, make a wish!"

'I wish I could feel this good forever' I thought then blew hard, all the candles going out. Everyone cheered and Corey grabbed my hand, squeezing it as I shook my very embarrassed and red face.

"I'm gonna get you back for it Hoppus!" I said and he chuckled, handing the cake to Skye so it could be cut for the kids.

"Bring it on Ricci!" He said in his best Brooklyn gangster accent making everyone laugh.

I stood up, letting go of Corey's hand and walked inside with Skye to help her with the cake before the kids just drove in, predator style. She smiled and mouthed 'thank you' as I made the kids go in the living room and form a line- telling them to wait till I call them. Then we got out ice cream and started making plates together, like we did every year. I knew it was coming, but they love making a big deal out of my birthday so I let them. I'd rather forget about it personally- and not because I'm getting older.

"So..... the big 3-7?!" Skye said and I nodded. "You doing anything special for the actual day? With a certain someone maybe?"

"Oh god you, Lauren, Alisha....you are all relentless!" I said and she laughed. "Yeah, uh... I think he's gonna go with me to Dave's. Maybe..."

"Oh.. wow. Ok..." she replied and I shrugged.

"I mean it's not like they aren't friends. I don't know Skye I'm flying blind here. This is all..."

"New?" She asked and I nodded, calling the kids in so they could grab plates and go outside. Once the kids were gone Skye poured me a glass of wine and we sat on the counter in the empty kitchen. "So.... how is it?" She asked me, raising her eyebrows and I just blushed.

"I uh....." I started and then stifled a nervous laugh. "I don't know..... Skye.... I don't know.."

"What do you mean?" She asked, her eyes dancing with a million possibilities as she made eye contact with me. "You don't know how you feel about it or you were drunk or...?"

"I mean we haven't....." I said, shaking my head and she gasped, loudly, just as Mark came into the house.

"No. Fucking. Way." She said loudly with suprise and I shushed her as Mark walked up to us, looking amused and curious about what was happening.

"What ya guys talking about?" He asked and we both shook our heads making him glare and walk back outside. He totally would of told someone.

"I'm... I'm stunned..... you haven't?! At all?! None of it?!" She asked and I shrugged.

"Hey.... not for lack of me trying. But......" I said, sighing, telling her about our first date and the kiss I can't get out of my head. "He has been a perfect gentleman. He won't even come into my place. We go out a few times a week and at the end of the night...... he blows me away with a simple kiss."

"Wow....." Skye said and I nodded.

"When I asked him if he wanted to come tonight he was all for it- even after I said Tom would show up. He told me my past doesn't concern us...."

"So is it working? Are your thoughts still wrapped up in Tom?" She asked and I shook my head.

"Nope. I feel like my brain is getting clearer every day. Less Tom fog... I have been working more, working out more, skating more.... seeing friends.... and I look forward to my time with Corey but he's not all consuming like Tom was for all these years. I feel so alive. And free......"

"Well I'm really happy for you....." she said as I hopped down and handed her my empty glass. I grabbed a piece of cake with my hand, Skye laughing- knowing what my plan was already and following me outside.

"Hey Mark Hoppus!!" I said as I stood behind the chair he was sitting in. He turned around in surprise and I shoved the piece of cake into his face, laughing as I did so. He shook his head, using his hands to wipe cake from his eyes and looking up at me.

"Your gonna get it now, you realize this?!" He said calmly and I laughed harder, taking my phone out of my pants pocket and tossing it to Skye.

"Not if you can't catch me motha fucka!" I responded, running across the patio and into the grass as he jumped up to chase me. He pinned me fairly quickly, picking me up over his shoulder and heading towards the pool. Travis and Corey sat nearby and I begged for help and they both just shrugged as I hit the water with a splash.

"Why is it always the pool?!" I yelled as I pulled myself back out a minute later. "You ass..."

"Says the girl who put cake in my eyes!" He responded, hugging me.

I walked over to Corey and Travis, both looking at me cautiously as I pulled my clothes off to reveal my bathing suit. Lauren stood nearby laughing. "Ya see?! This is why if I go to Mark or Billys, I always wear a bikini!" I said loudly to her as she laughed harder.

"You look like a drown rat!" Travis replied and I pointed at him then to the pool, laughing. "No, Fuck you! I don't have a change of clothes."

"Watch your mouth then Barker!" I replied making him laugh and walk away. Lauren threw me a towel and I wrapped it around myself then walked over to the lounge chair where Corey was sitting. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into his lap.

"I think you looked pretty hot all wet..." he whispered and I blushed.

"Thank you...." I replied, wanting to kiss him but resisting. "You wanna get out of here in a bit?" I asked and he nodded. "Go hang out at my place?"

"I don't know about that...." he said huskily in my ear. "Its hard enough to keep my hands off you here... but alone...." he groaned- putting a hand on my waist. "It would be even harder." The towel didn't exactly offer much in the way of a barrier between us and I could feel just how hard it was in that moment- and I was dying to feel more. At the same time, I didn't want to just jump into this.

"I better go get dressed. I keep clothes here for moments like this." I said quietly and he nodded, kissing my lips gently and running his hand down my hip and thigh before letting me go.

"I think the towel is a good look on you." He said winking as I got up and walked into the house. I went upstairs to the guest room where I keep a duffel bag of clothes and covered my eyes as I saw Travis and Lauren making out.

"Sorry... sorry... just need my bag...." I said and they laughed, sitting up as I walked into the room.

"I'm gonna go pee..." Lauren said leaving the room and shutting the door. Travis lit a joint and offered it to me, which I took, sitting down beside him.

"So Corey says he's pretty serious about you.." he said and I laughed. Of course Travis would go all big brother on the guy I was seeing.

"Yeah I like him..... a lot......" I said and he raised his eyebrows at me. "What?"

"I know you like this guy.. I can tell....."

"Yeah.... I really do..." I said handing him back the joint and grabbing my bag, pulling shorts and a black t-shirt over my black bikini.

I went back to the party and saw Corey out with the kids playing soccer so I went and sat with Billy and Alisha. Billy handed me his guitar and I started playing 'time of your life', thinking about my new relationship.

"Its something unpredictable  
But in the end it's right  
I hope you have the time of your life"


	61. Dumb

Lauren's P.O.V

Mia and Corey left before Travis and I got back downstairs, but I wasn't worried about her. She seemed really happy and Corey seemed like a great guy. Everyone here respected him immensely and was thrilled about him perusing Mia.

Everyone but Tom.

Luckily for everyone, as soon as Mia left Tom stopped stressing so much and allowed himself to catch up with his friends and horseplay for a few hours. It was fun watching everyone around me get wasted when I had to stay sober for our son.

Our son.

Holy shit...I was having a baby with Travis mother fucking Barker from Blink 182. I still couldn't get over how drastically my life had changed in less than a year. I was close friends with Skye now, we spent at least one day a week together shopping or grabbing lunch; I was working with celebrities on an every single day basis and none of it seemed to phase me. But still, sometimes it was surreal.

"What time does your mom get in tomorrow?" Skye asked me and I sighed. She knew I was stressed about the visit but Travis thought it would be good to meet her since we were so serious about each other. She learned about the pregnancy on social media and was not particularly thrilled I didn't call her.

"Ten a.m. R.J. is picking her up since the last airport was a little insane for me." I replied, thinking about picking up Skye and being surrounded by fans desperate to talk to me about my pregnancy. Travis thought the guy who runs the tour security would be better so she didn't have to take a cab.

"She is gonna love him. Don't worry. My mom freaked a little when I told her Blink and she replied with 'the naked band'." We both cracked up and I nodded, knowing my mom was similar. My dad wouldn't even come for a visit.

Tom sat down beside me and sighed deeply, resulting in Skye getting up so he could talk to me in private. "I heard him tell Travis he's falling for her...." he said and I nodded. "How can he already be falling for her, it's been a month?!"

"You don't need to ask that Tom, you know what a great person she is...." I responded and he nodded. Travis walked up to me and put out his hand, helping me up. "We are outta here. Good luck Tom." I said as he waved us off, not saying a word.

Once we were in the car with the kids and on the way home, Travis grabbed my hand and kissed it. "Tomorrow is the big day..." he said and I nodded. I laid my head back on the seat and rubbed my tummy, grateful for all that I have now.

"Thanks for letting her stay with us baby..." I said and he nodded. "She has these illusions of what a musician is... she thinks you all live in gothic towers or something."

"Well.... I'm looking forward to disappointing her then...." he responded, winking at me.

*******************************

Mia's P.O.V.

I sat out front of my house, in the front seat of Corey's cherry red Ferrari, enjoying the smell of the new leather. This all felt new, and I mentally kicked myself for waiting my entire life to go on proper dates with a guy. I've known Corey for so many years, but never looked at him the way I saw him now. I wondered if it was the first time he saw me this way too.

"So, do you wanna come in?" I asked and he remained quiet, studying my face and leaving me a feeling of frustration.

"What happens when we get in there?" He asked me and I shrugged. I could think of a few things I thought but said nothing. He smirked at me, grabbing my fingers and rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand. "I really like you..." he said softly and I blushed, not knowing if I should speak or let him continue. "And I want to go in there. With you. But I don't want to take things further if your not ready for this...." he said softly.

"You are driving me crazy....." I replied and he chuckled again. "I am asking you to come inside with me, I want it to go further than a goodnight kiss...." I said and he nodded.

"And what happens if all you can think about is him?" He asked and I looked at him curiously, not understanding why I would. "I'm more than willing to wait for you while you get over him, but I don't want to end up the rebound. Or who you spend time with till he calls you again...."

"I'm not...... I don't......" I replied, stuttering over my thoughts, unable to make a sentence. He was calling me on my shit- putting all the cards on the table and making me face them. I wanted to tell him I was completely over Tom, but we both knew it would be a lie. I wanted to tell him something... anything... but I didn't know what... or how...

"Look, sorry.... I didn't mean to call you out like that, I just.... I need you to know where I'm coming from. I'm not trying to get hurt here and I know how much going further with you will mean to me."

"Me too....." I said honestly and he smiled. "I can't even think about him.... and it's the best feeling.... you make me feel like I never have before...."

"I'm happy to hear it...." he said softly, putting his hand on my chin and kissing my lips softly. I could feel the electricity when our mouths touched- always unfulfilled when he pulled away.

"This isn't some rebound... or killing time.... I'm tired of my heart being a voodoo doll for Tom's pleasure.... this is real." I said quietly and he nodded at my words, opening up his car door, walking around the car and opening my door, holding out his hand. I took it, standing up and shutting my door. We walked to my front door and I stopped, knowing this is where our nights end.

"You gonna open the door?" He asked and I nodded, amused that he was really coming inside. We walked in and I pet Ringo, putting my keys on the table then walking into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water. "Nice place." He said as he sat on the sofa and pet Ringo, scratching him behind the ears.

"Yeah I bought it like.... Ten years ago. For way too much money..." I said laughing.

"Shit, do you own the beach too?" He asked looking out past the concrete walls of the back yard.

"Yeah, all the way to the ocean....." I said sighing. "And I am here so rarely.... I mean more in the last few years but at first it was nuts to buy this place and never use it."

"Yeah.... but it rocks...." he said and I nodded.

I gave him a tour, starting out back and ending up in my bedroom. I took off my shirt and shorts, looking over at him as I untied my bikini top. "I'm gonna go shower, your welcome to join me..." I said winking and disappearing into the bathroom.

I was full of emotions while I showered, mostly ending with confusion as I got out and put on shorts and a tank top before walking back into my room. I really thought he would of taken the bait and followed me in, but he didn't. He was sitting on the end of my bed when I came into the room, smirking at me.

"You're a total tease...." he said and I shook my head.

"I wasn't teasing...."

"Oh I know.... and I have been sitting here hoping you weren't insulted.... but I have been thinking about this for too long to hook up in the shower." He said as I laid down on the bed, grabbing his hand and pulling him in my direction. His face was inches from mine, his hand was resting on my hip and my breaths were shallow as I mentally willed him to kiss me.

"Hi...." I whispered and he smiled.

"Hi...." he responded and then pulled me against his tight muscular body, holding me tightly and kissing me deeply. My entire body was on fire as his finger tips ran across my skin and my body became tense with his touch. His tongue massaged my own as I felt my heart beat faster and faster and faster as he kissed me longer and deeper than ever before.

When the kiss broke all I could say was "wow" to which he responded with "yeah." As my hands helped him pull his shirt off and his hands ripped mine own shirt in two- a deep passion arose from us both. Our bodies screamed to be one louder than I have ever heard my body scream before. Our lips connected again as he kicked his jeans off and his fingers roamed inside my shorts. I moaned loudly at his touch, returning it with my own against his erectness. He pulled my shorts off effortlessly and rolled on top of me, lifting me up by my back as he sat back on his knees, his body easily sliding inside mine as he held me up and thrusted against me. Every movement forward had me orgasm again and I was in tears from the pleasure of it all. As he experienced his own orgasm he pulled me upright, wrapping an arm around my body to support me because I was shaking from pleasure and kissed me deeply.

When we finally caught our breath, we laid down in my bed and he pulled me to him, wrapping his tattooed arm around my frame and kissing my bare skin, falling into an almost immediate sleep. I was blown away by the sex but now that I was laying here all I could think about was Tom. The guilt creeping in out of nowhere. 

Damn, it's gonna be harder than I thought to get over him.


	62. I'm Fine

Mia's P.O.V.

I woke up to kisses being laid against my skin and fingers roaming along my body. I rolled onto my back and met my eyes with Corey's, instantly remembering last night. His lips met my own and the electricity was back as we lost ourselves in each other all over again. Before I could stop myself I was on top of him and riding him to multiple orgasms.

Once we were both spent he pulled me down beside him, and I laid on my back as he laid on his side and held me close, both of us trying desperately to catch our breath.

"Well... Good Morning..." he said finally and I chuckled.

"Yeah... it is a good morning...." I replied as he kissed my lips softly.

"What are you doing today?" He asked as he ran his fingers over my tummy.

"Green Day show. I gotta be there by eleven. I won't be out till probably midnight. The after party tends to get a little wild. You?"

"Music video shoot at noon. Probably won't be done till tomorrow morning."

"Ugh.... the drags....." I responded making him laugh. "Video shoots suck. Which band?"

"Stone Sour" he replied, pointing to the heartagram tattoo on my wrist. "HIM fan?"

"Uhh... they are alright. Valo is a friend of Bam's and I got wasted one night in Finland, woke up with this." I said smiling. "Most of my tattoos have stories similar."

"Like the poorly drawn rhino on your ass?" He asked and I laughed.

"Ryan Dunn did that thanks..." I said defensively.

"I heard he was a good man...." he replied quietly and I nodded. "I never got to meet him. Any of them actually."

"Maybe I'll take you with me sometime." I said winking. "Speaking of which, do you wanna go with me to Dave's on Wednesday night? It's my birthday and we always spend it drinking beers, eating pizza and watching crappy movies."

"I actually have a show that night- but raincheck? It's been at least a year since I've seen Dave, definitely never been to his house."

"Yeah.... sure." I shrugged, masking my disappointment with a smile and kiss. "I gotta get moving, lots to do today." I got up and walked towards the bathroom, leaning against the doorway and looking back to see him getting dressed. Once his jeans were on he walked over and kissed me deeply, making me weak in the knees.

"I'm gonna run but you enjoy the shower. I'll talk to you soon okay? Good luck tonight." He said, grabbing my ass and then pulling his shirt on before leaving the room. All I could do was stand there, stunned in the doorway, thinking about how much I was enjoying this.

I was glad he couldn't come to Dave's. Mostly because it was a giant step that I wasn't sure I was ready to take yet. We hadn't posted anything on social media or told many people- and I was enjoying that this was just mine right now. I didn't have to explain it, justify it or answer questions about it. I could just keep at it and see where it ends up before I go involving my family in it. Also why I was glad he didn't jump at the chance to go to West Chester. I wasn't ready. I knew everyone knew how bad Tom was for me all these years but they just accepted my poor decision. Corey was a right one.... and this could end up being really real. I liked that this was so quiet.

Plus if I made it public.... let my family in.... then I would be closing the door on Tom.... really closing it.... and I couldn't do that yet.


	63. Down Here

Lauren's P.O.V.

It was after eleven when I heard the car door shut, signaling that my mom was finally here. I had spent the whole morning cleaning the house, baking cookies and cupcakes, changing my clothes a dozen times and checking my phone for updates from RJ. Travis had to work in the morning and didn't get home till ten thirty, looking at me like I was crazy when he saw the various baked goods on the counters.

Alabama and Landon were in the living room with Travis and I when the front door opened and RJ walked inside carrying a large suitcase, my mother close behind him.

"Mom!" I said standing up and crossing the room, hugging her tightly. She smiled at me and looked down at my belly- rubbing it with her hand.

"Oh wow... it's real..." she said then stuck her hand out to Travis, who stood beside me. "Hello, I'm Evette. You must be Travis."

"Yeah, that I am. And these are my kids, Alabama and Landon." He said, the kids shaking my mom's hand and politely saying hello to her.

"Daddy, can we go play next door?" Alabama asked and he looked at me for approval and I nodded, knowing my mom would have snippy things to say and I didn't want the kids around for it. I did warn him..... and them...

"Sure guys, have fun." He said, and they hugged us both before they left out the front door, RJ waving goodbye and leaving behind them.

"Kids.... just the two?" She asked and Travis nodded as we sat in the living room, where I had cookies and drinks already set up on the coffee table. "How do they feel about having a sibling so much younger than them?"

"Mom....." I started and Travis shook his head at me.

"Laur... it's okay." He said to me and then looked at my mom with a polite smile. "They are really excited about it. Alabama was hoping for a sister but Landon is happy to have a little brother on the way."

"That's lovely....." she said and poured herself a glass of iced tea. "So, tell me about yourself Travis. I have to admit I did Google you a few weeks ago and watched some interviews you have done. I have a neighbor who does music score for movies and television, he says your one of the best drummers in the world. But what I didn't see is what kind of person you are."

"Wow.... well.... I love music. I love my children. I love skateboarding, bmx, surfing, working out... I obviously love tattoos... and I love your daughter." He said and she smiled. Before he could respond his phone rang and he excused himself to go answer it. I know he was doing a phone interview today with Rolling Stones, so I assumed it was that.

"This house is really nice. Something I would buy. I'm impressed." She said, petting Travis's pit bull Moose as he greeted her. "The kids are polite and he is charming."

"Yeah I am really happy mom." I said as she nodded.

"I can see that. Are you working tomorrow? I would love to see what you are doing. Or maybe you could show me around? Introduce me to some of your friends? Do you know the singer from Metallica?" She asked and I laughed. "What?! He's a hunk!!"

"Oh my god mom....." I replied laughing as Travis came back into the room.

"Hey babe, I'm sorry but I gotta run out. The interview is in person and in an hour. I'm gonna take the kids along okay?" He asked and I nodded. "Dinner tonight at Micks?" He added and I nodded again. "Love you!" He shouted as he ran out of the house.

"Well, looks like we have the afternoon..." I said and my mom nodded. "You like Green Day? They are doing a show tonight I can bring you to check out sound check.... it's in about an hour."

"You can do that?!" She asked and I nodded. I knew Mia was working the show tonight because Alisha went home to her folks house for a visit, all it would take is a phone call.

"Yeah. Absolutely. I'll call Billy right now..." I said pulling out my phone and dialing the number. Five minutes later we were in Travis's truck and on our way to the venue. My mom didn't say much, just took in the sights as I drove to the venue. She gasped as girls with signs banged on the truck as I waited for security to let us thru the gate. This was the same venue I went to the first time I saw Blink live and I was happy to be back. Come to think of it, Green Day preformed that night also.

"Is it always that crazy before a show?" She asked and I nodded. "Those are some excited fans. Isn't the show in eight hours?"

"In about that...." I said as we got out of the truck and walked up the metal steps where Mia was at the top. I gave her a hug and she handed me and my mom backstage passes.

"Hi I'm Amelya Ricci. You must be Lauren's mom!" She said excitedly as she gave her a hug. "The guys already know you're coming, and they are excited to meet you!"

"Really?" She asked and I smiled as my mom seemed to be completely thrilled by this idea. Mia lead us down the hall and knocked three times on the door before opening it up, leading us inside.

"Lauren!!" Billy said walking over and hugging me tightly. "Lauren's mom!!" He said, hugging my mom as well. She blushed as she hugged him back making me giggle. "Its nice to meet you. I had the privilege of working with your daughter a lot these past eight months. She's really talented." He said and my mom smiled.

"She really is, isn't she?" She replied and he nodded.

"She has credit on the new album. She helped produce it. We couldn't of done it without her." He said, winking at me.

We took some pictures with the band, Billy and the guys signing some cd's and a t-shirt for my mom and then we headed out to the seats while they set up for sound check. As my mom sat beside me- her face was positively glowing.

"You okay mom?" I asked her and she nodded.

"This is your life?" She asked me and I nodded. "Its magical. When I was in my twenties I wanted to marry Billy Joe. Before I met your dad and got pregnant and married I was a huge rock chick. This is incredible." She said and I laughed.

"I thought you were going to spend this whole visit shitting on my life. I have been so stressed the hell out over it...." I admitted and she shook her head.

"Your 28 years old and dating a man in his forties who has two ex wives and two children. You are going to be a mom. I'm worried about you.... yes. But not because your living a life I used to dream of. I'm worried because this is all so much and you are my baby."

"I'm good. I'm doing really good." I said as I watched Billy take the stage, followed by Mike and Tre.

"Mia seems very nice. I have to admit since you have been here I have been following all of these people on instagram to try and stay involved in your life."

"All you have to do is pick up the phone mom...." I said as I hugged her. "I'm right here....." I whispered and she nodded.

"Here's a classic just for you Evette." Billy said and started playing the chords to 'good riddance'. I was so happy in this moment that nothing could upset me. My mom approving of my life made all the difference in the world.


	64. Amazing

Mia's P.O.V.

"Morning!" I said as I walked into Travis's house Wednesday morning, handing Lauren, who was busy on the phone, a decaffeinated coffee and her mom a mocha latte. Travis kissed me on the cheek as I sat at a barstool, crunching up my nose at him for being sweaty. "Ugh take a shower!" I said and he laughed.

"Oh! You want a birthday hug?!" He asked and I squealed as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Dammit Travis!" I said loudly and he laughed harder, stealing a sip of my coffee and running up the steps, Moose and Ringo running behind him. Evette laughed as I shook my head, coming over and sitting beside me. "So, how do you like LA?" I asked her and she sighed.

"I have met Green Day, Good Charlotte, Travis... obviously.... but other than the show we have been here. The kids went home this morning. I do enjoy them. That Alabama is a really Daddy's girl isn't she?"

"Oh yeah.... totally a daddy's girl. Travis is an amazing dad. I can't wait till Lauren has the baby." I replied and she nodded.

"Lauren told me so much about you. We stayed up all night on Monday after the show talking about you. She used to analyze your music for hours when she was in college- and she holds you on such a high pedestal. Now that you're friends she sees you even higher...."

"I was shitty this summer. Personally I just... I had too much going on....." I admitted and she patted my leg.

"She told me. I hope you don't mind....." she asked and I shook my head. I really didn't think her mom was gonna give away secrets to reporters. "She told me about you growing up.. you are so lucky.... and somehow so cursed."

"That I am. I actually came by to invite her to Dave's for tonight. You are welcome to come. Travis is working so...."

"Dave Grohl's?!" She asked and I nodded making her blush. "He's gonna be there?" She asked and I nodded again. "That sounds... lovely..."

"His wife Jordyn is on me about getting there soon but I have to make a stop at Marks on the way. I can come back and get you guys or you can go with me."

"Hey!...sorry! Happy birthday!" Lauren said walking into the room and hugging me. "I gotta run.... Rick gave me a new artist and I am due in the studio in an hour. Can we catch up tomorrow for lunch?" She asked and I nodded, understanding the early days of working for a record company. I looked over at her mom who looked more than disappointed.

"Evette, you can still come with me if you want.." I said and Lauren smiled, nodding to her mom. She thought about it for a few minutes and then nodded her head.

"Yeah, alright, let's do it. Let me get dressed."

****

Her mom settled on a red tank top, leather jacket and black jeans. For being in her fifties she did look pretty hot and I told her I hope I preserved as well as she did as we pulled into Marks house.

"This is Mark and Skye's place. Have you met them yet?" I asked and she shook her head as we got out of the car. "They have my guitar and notebook here. I forgot it the other night and I need my axe for Dave's." I said winking as we walked inside.

Jack was in the living room, headed upstairs when we walked in. "Careful in there, they are food fighting over who is doing dishes" he said as he ran and I nodded. In the kitchen Mark was on one side of the island, Skye on the other, both ducked down with cans of whipped cream in their hands.

"What ya doing Skye?" I asked as Mark motioned for me to distract his wife. Skye stood up excitedly, seeming to forget about Mark, walking over to say hi to me. Mark jumped up and emptied both cans on her and I laughed with him as she stood there in shock.

"Thanks for the assist Ricci!" Mark yelled, giving me a hug. "Happy birthday bestie!" He said as I hugged him back.

"This is Lauren's mom Evette..." I said and they both said hi as Skye cleaned herself up with a towel.

"I need my axe Mark, I gotta get on the road..." I said and he nodded, walking out of the room and returning with my baby and my journals. "Thank you!" I said as I took them.

We chatted for a few minutes before it was time to get back on the road. Evette seemed to really like getting to know them- happy to see more of Lauren's life. Once we said goodbye and got back on the road Evette cleared her throat and asked me a question that shocked me.

"So, do you sleep with all the guys you work with or just some of them?" I looked at her bewildered, unable to answer right away and she laughed. "Sorry. Skye told me to ask you that. I assume it's payback for the whipped cream."

"Oh Jesus....." I replied laughing. "I am not... I don't.... oh my god....."

"I watched Califorication. I have a huge crush on David Duchovny. Ever since X-Files. Laur told me Faith was based on you because it's the rock worlds opinion of you."

I nodded and lit a joint as I drove down the highway, nodding in response. "It is absolutely true- that's the opinion. They call me the muse. But I don't sleep around. Honest. I was with Tom off and on for twenty damn years." I offered her the joint and she took it, inhaling deeply. I smiled as she hit it again before handing it back. She was not at all how I imagined her from Lauren's description- a psychologist and a prude.

"God I haven't smoked pot since I married Lauren's dad. This is great." She said smiling, leaning back in the seat. There was a look of bliss on her face that I knew well- people often looked that way around me. "Mia, seems to me you just inspire people to be their best selves. You work with a lot of men, I could see how things get misconstrued."

I nodded as I handed her back the joint, pulling up to Dave's place and punching in the code- awaiting the gate to open. The look of awe on her face at his rock and roll mansion made me really happy as we pulled in front of the house and I waved to Dave who was out front with his daughter Harper, playing catch.

"Hey kid!" Dave said as he walked up hugging me tightly. "I'm glad you could make it!" He looked over at Evette as she got out of the car, then looked to me confused momentarily before sticking out his hand for her to shake. "Hey, I'm Dave, Mia's uncle."

"Evette. Lauren Scott's mom." She replied and he smiled.

"There is no way you have a daughter in her thirties!" He said as I hugged Harper hello. "But I do see the resemblance. Go ahead in, Jordyn wants to see ya before she heads out with the kids."

I nodded, heading inside with Evette- hugging Jordyn who was in the living room and introducing her to Evette- who had the same reaction as Dave.

"Your sweet hon.." she said, blushing. "But you guys don't look old enough to have a niece Mia's age either."

"Dont I know this...." Jordyn responded. "I just called the food in for you guys, beers in the fridge. And I have a present for you on the table from your sister." She said to me, kissing my cheek goodbye and walking out to leave with the kids.

Curious, and cautiously, I walked into the kitchen and sat in front of a wrapped box on the table. Evette sat next to me, watching me curiously as I gingerly touched the writing of my name on an envelope.

"Aren't you gonna open it?" She asked me and I nodded, but didn't move any farther. Dave came inside and grabbed some beers, sitting across from me and watched me as well. I wanted to see what the card said so badly, but I was afraid. I had only seen Frances a few times since our dad died, and she made it clear she didn't want a relationship.

"Amelya...." Dave said, handing me an open beer as I looked up. "Open it. It's okay...."

Sighing, I opened the card, which had a picture of a guitar on the front and happy birthday, and inside was a handwritten message:

Hey Mia. I found this while cleaning out the house in Seattle and thought you would enjoy it. I would love for you to come up and help- mom's back in rehab- the place is now mine. I can't even go near the studio. Call me okay? Dave said he would come also. Love, Frances

I smiled as I opened the paper, revealing a box. I opened the lid and gasped at a framed picture of me sitting on my dad's lap, with newborn Frances in my arms. I clearly remember that day and felt a tear run down my cheek as I held it in my hands.

"That's a lovely picture...." Evette said and I nodded, putting it in the box and taking a long swig of my beer. The gate buzzed, Dave getting up to go handle the pizza guy and I sighed, reading the card again. "You're estranged from your sister?"

"Yeah... you could say that. She felt it wasn't fair I got to grow up with him and when she was born he died. Teenage her hated me very much. Now she's grown up with a husband- apparently she wants me to come visit."

"That's great...." she said softly, rubbing my back as I put the card in the box and finished my beer. "Looks like you both are growing as people."

Dave returned with pizza and we sat around eating in comfortable conversation about how our lives were going. My phone went off and as I opened the text message Dave raised his eyebrows at me.

*Happy Birthday Mia. I hope you have a great night. I would love to take you out tomorrow if your free.*

I blushed as I replied, and I could feel Dave still watching me but I tried ignoring him.

*Thank you <3\. I'm free tomorrow night- got lunch plans with Travis and Lauren in afternoon. How was video shoot?*

"Who ya talking to?" Dave asked as I smiled as my phone went off again. "Is it Tom?"

"God... no.... that's over. Been over.... completely over......" I said and looked at my phone, feeling myself blush as I read his message.

*Video out in a week or so... I wrote the song about you. It's a belated birthday present. And tomorrow night sounds good. Metallica concert?*

"Mia....hey!" Dave said snapping his fingers making me look up. "What happened?"

"We broke up a few months ago. I gave him the ring back and just.... let go. I wasted half my life on a part time relationship. I just wanted more... is that so wrong?" I asked and then typed out a reply.

*Metallica rocks. Looking forward to hearing the song. Live private session? Or do I have to wait for the video?*

"No. I want you to be happy. But if Tom's not texting you.... who has my favorite niece blushing?" He asked as my phone went off again.

"No one....." I said and he raised his eyebrows, smiling at me.

*I'll pick you up at 6. Maybe after the show we can go to my house for the night..... I'll play you something.. since you're the birthday girl...*

"Ok.... so, you are blushing at no one... again..." he said and I laughed.

"Ok.... so I might be seeing someone...." I said and he nodded, waiting for me to continue. "And we are dating... like actually dating. And he isn't married.... and I really like him. I don't wanna jinx it."

*I'll pack a bag.... have a good show*

"Who is it?" He asked, lighting a joint and handing it to me, as I took it I shrugged making him laugh. "Ok... so it's someone I know." I looked at him and smiled and he shook his head. "Someone I know well.... lemme think...."

"Go ahead.... you will never guess....." I said making him laugh.

"Corey Taylor" he replied and I felt my jaw drop as I looked at him in shock and he laughed harder. "Between TMZ, those stupid tabloids at the grocery store and the fact that he called me six months ago, asking if he could pursue you... I have known all along."

"Dammit." I responded and Evette laughed. "He called you?"

"He said he respectfully wanted to make sure I was okay with it- since your dad is gone he called me. I did tell him it would be awfully hard with the Tom factor..."

"Well.... I am really happy. Corey's been a perfect gentleman...." I said and he nodded.

"He better be or i'll kick his mask wearing ass."


	65. Wicked Games

Lauren's P.O.V.

I woke up at six a.m. to a knock at the door and groaned, hiding my head in my pillow. "Baby, can you go deal with that?" Travis groaned and I sighed, looking over at him. We both worked until real late last night and by the time we got home and got to bed it was almost one in the morning. He smirked at me as the knocking grew louder and shook his head. "It could be your mom...." he said and I rolled my eyes, realizing he was right, then sat up. "Come on we will go together....." he said, holding out his hand as I stood up.

We walked downstairs and I started coffee as Travis opened the door, Tom walking inside. I looked at his wrinkled clothes and red face- knowing he was up all night stressed and upset- probably drinking himself half to death in the process.

"Hey, Travis..... I gotta ask you something...." he said and sat down on a barstool. I shrugged as Travis looked at his old friend, sighing and sitting down beside him, waiting for Tom to continue. "What are my chances of winning her back?"

Soon as I saw him walk in I assumed it was about Mia, but for him to ask that question so abruptly- I could see Travis get instantly angrier. His muscles grew tighter against his tattoos, his eyes grew darker and his body stance went from tired to annoyed. I sighed, handing Tom coffee and patting his arm.

"Tom...... it's too early for this shit man. She told you to leave her alone......" Travis started but Tom cut him off, speaking quickly.

"I was listening to all of my music all night.... all these songs about how I want her and need her and have to have her and.....and....and.... how I love her Travis..... and I know she loves me.... she can't just stop loving me....."

"Tom..... stop...." I said gently, grabbing his hand and forcing him to look at me in the process. "Do you know what else those songs all have in common? Besides After Midnight- that you two wrote together- it seems like the only time you wrote about her is when she was with someone else and you wanted her back. You gotta let her go this time....just see what happens"

He was quiet a long time, I could see the tears in his eyes and I looked at Travis, scared that I went too far but he shook his head, letting me know I said what has needed to be pointed out for a long time. Travis and I have had many conversations about exactly this. Finally he looked up, and he looked so angry I backed up a bit.

"Fuck off Lauren. She's only happy with me. She's not going to make it without me. She will come back." He snapped and Travis stood up, obviously angry on several levels. Tom stood up too, walking towards the door and glaring at me. "She will come back to me, just wait." He yelled.

I felt tears in my eyes and I didn't know if it was because he was yelling at me or just my harmone overdrive from the pregnancy, but my hand shook as I used my fingers to wipe the tears away as I watched Travis grab him by the arm and push him up against the door.

"Don't fucking come here and yell at my girl when she's trying to help you.. asshole!" He yelled and Tom's eyes were instantly full of sadness and regret all over again as he looked at us, not even trying to push Travis away. "Its just too late... she doesn't need you anymore! She no longer misses you and it's all because you never made her a priority. You took for granted that she would always be there- waiting for you to serve her the scraps of your time!" Tom tried to interrupt but Travis shoved him again, getting more in his face. "Its funny... because while she waited for you to realize what you had- she finally realized she didn't need the shit you were offering....allowing a real man show her what love really is!

Travis let him go, shaking his head and walking away from him- heading upstairs- mumbling curse words under his breath as he went. Tom stared at me for several minutes, tears in his eyes before sighing deeply and walking out the door, slamming it behind him.

I wanted to go to Tom, hug him and tell him he would be okay. I wanted to make him feel better because I didn't want him to hurt. But at the same time, I wanted Mia to be happy- and Tom would never make her happy... not like she is right now. I would do anything to protect Mia, even if that meant keeping Tom from her. Even if it meant losing Tom as a friend.

I went upstairs and got naked, helping myself into the shower with Travis. He rubbed my pregnant belly, kissing me tenderly- holding me close. I could tell he was crying- but I didn't ask him why. I knew he would tell me when he was ready as to what was bothering him.

"Please..... please don't tell Mia about that. She will never forget Tom.... but I don't want to keep bringing him up. She is so happy right now..."

"Consider it done." I agreed and he mumbled thank you into my ear as he kissed me.

****

Mia and my mom arrived around noon, both with fresh tattoos and hangovers. Ringo and Moose greeted them happily and Mia shooed them away, laying on the sofa and putting an arm over her eyes, groaning.

"Rough night?" Travis asked laughing as my mom did basically the same thing on the loveseat, walking up to Mia and looking at the fresh ink on her ankle and laughing.

"We bet Dave we could outdrink him... and well... we lost. So we got tattoos of his choice." She said pointing to the black double F on her skin. "Then we slept like six hours. I'm okay, just tired. Got coffee?"

I nodded, handing her a cup and kissing her forehead as she sat up. "Still up for lunch?" I asked her and she groaned. "Coffee and scones? I responded and she shrugged.

"I gotta get to my house and go to a store before tonight. Got a date....." she said and I smiled huge at Travis as he nodded to me, smiling back. "I love you guys but unless you wanna go shopping and help me pack I think ill just hang out her for a while then head out."

"Pack a bag?" I asked and she sighed.

"Yeah.... he asked me to stay at his place tonight...." she said, looking over at Travis who looked surprised. "That's like... a big deal in normal guy world right?"

"Uhh yeah Mia.... it is....." he said laughing. "It's a step.... like.... a big step...."

"Oh god.... maybe I should cancel....." she replied, laying her head on my lap. "What if I fuck this up?" I looked over to my mom for input on the subject- since she is a psychologist; but she was snoring loudly.

She's a lot of help.....

"Don't cancel. Trust me. You are not gonna mess this up..... you know him. Let things roll...." Travis told her, squeezing her hand.

"I'm so fucking happy.... I'm so worried something's gonna fuck it up...." she said sleepily. "I can't even think of whatshisname... except when I think of all the years I wasted loving him......" I stroked her hair as she talked and within minutes she was fast asleep.

Travis smiled at me, sitting on the arm of the sofa beside me and kissing my lips. "Told ya I did the right thing...." he said winking, looking down at his best friend and rubbing my belly- feeling his son kick.


	66. #3 Part One

Mia's P.O.V.

The knock on my door occurred at 5:47pm.

I halted in the living room, where I was currently pacing, and wondered if I should ignore it. My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, my nerves shot- most of it probably being the massive amounts of caffeine I consumed on an empty stomach's fault- I dismissed the thought almost immediately.

I checked myself out in the full body mirror by the door and smiled. My long black hair was straightened, I wore black leather pants, a dark green top that tied around my neck and back- exposing plenty of cleavage- black heeled boots... jewelry and like... a bucket of makeup. I even contoured.

I never contoured.

Maybe I overdid the look tonight... my brain screamed at me, followed by several pleads to go upstairs and change or something... but I ignored it all- begging my brain to shut up.

I opened the door to see Corey standing there in a black t-shirt, leather jacket and black jeans. His hair was buzzed and his eyes went wide as he looked at me.

"Fuck!" He exclaimed and I looked down at myself- expecting to see something wrong but there was nothing. I looked at him puzzled and he just smirked at me.

"What?" I asked and he licked his lips, smirking again. "Do I look okay?" I asked self-confidence shot already- my brain congratulating itself on being right and I looked awful all dressed up.

"You.... Jesus you're stunning." He said stepping thru the doorway and kissing me on the cheek. "I mean.... God damn..."

"I knew it was too much...." I said quietly and he laughed, pulling me into a hug.

"No you just... never stop surprising me that's all. I've seen the short dress and getting wasted side of you and the relaxed side of you. This rocker chick look is awesome. You look hot." He said smiling huge, his cheeks red. "Happy belated birthday, by the way." He mentioned, kissing my lips. God I was glad I bought colorstay lipstick.

"Thank you. I'm ready to go whenever." I said and looked over at the bag I packed on the table, swallowing hard.

"Then let's go." He said as his eyes followed me. "I'm looking forward to it."

I thought about 'forgetting' my bag but shrugged the thought away, picking it up and following him outside, putting in the back of his SUV before getting in, as he held the door open for me making me smile.

I wonder if he can tell how nervous I am I thought as he drove. His hand was six inches from mine and the entire way to the venue was spent in silence- listening to a Foo Fighters album- wondering if it would be okay to hold his hand.

In the end I chickened out but we pulled up to the venue, handing the ticket guy regular tickets and heading up to balcony seating. I was actually really happy he didn't try and use some connection to get us backstage or something. Despite his fame he really was giving me the most normal experiences of my life.

During the opening bands we shared beers and conversation- an occasional person recognizing him but for the most part it was the two of us surrounded by fifty thousand people- and it felt unreal. When Metallica came out we sang just as hard as every other insane fan in the crowd- finally holding hands when 'nothing else matters' started.

Once back in his vehicle and thru the traffic we sat in silence again- listening to the same CD. When 'best of you' came on, I broke the silence.

"You know Dave wrote this about me?" I asked him and he shook his head. "Yeah... he was tired of watching the drama I allowed Tom to put me thru. When I was at his place last night he told me you called him...." I let my voice trail off and looked at Corey as he nodded, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Uh.... yeah..." he said, then cleared his throat. "I felt very 'leave it to beaver' doing it...." he chuckled as he looked over at me and I was smiling. "But I...... shit. I don't know..... ever since we wrote snuff.....I just......"

"Wow...." I said to him, grabbing his hand- needing to touch him- feel his emotions somehow.

I thought back to when we wrote snuff, my mind playing me the memories like a movie montage. Corey and I sitting in an empty room and I cried as I sang- him keeping me going by filling in the silence with his own guitar and words. It took us weeks to get the song down right before it was ever introduced to another soul. During that time he saw me at my weakest, my most fragile, my most angry and my most hurt.

When the song was written we sat in the front seat of some blue rental car and smoked weed while listening to the radio. 'Wicked Games' was playing, and as I sang along tears ran down my face. When he asked me what was wrong I told him "everyone I loves leaves me or dies." I left soon after- not liking how he saw my worst sides.

And for years, I avoided Corey. After we were occasional friends who got together to eat nachos. We never spoke about it- but... the way he treats me..... he doesn't look at me like some broken doll that needs glue or some fragile plate in a glass case.

"You really have no idea.... do you?" He asked and I looked at him, shaking my head, unsure of what he meant.

But part of me really wanted him to feel about me the way I was feeling about him. He was saving me and he didn't even know it.


	67. #3 Part Two

Mia's P.O.V.

The rest of the ride was back to silence, as if we both had something to say but neither of us knew how. I briefly thought about the Blink song I wrote titled 'long lost feeling', and how it was Corey I refered to in the song. I wonder if he ever heard it. I wonder if he knew I wrote it. I wonder if he knew it was about him. Then again, how could he?

When we got to his house he offered me a drink and I accepted, walking around the living room looking at this things carefully- trying to gauge what type of person he was better. Band pictures hung on the walls, as well as framed on shelves. He also had our handwritten copy of snuff framed on the wall, as well as a few other songs. The place was open concept, like my own, but hardwood floors and all black furniture, wood tables, appliances and countertops made the room- giving me the indication he struggled heavily with depression and dark thoughts. However, the house was a lot cleaner than I thought it would be- not a spec of dust anywhere. I briefly wondered what his housekeepers name was.

A glass presented in front of me pulled me from my thoughts. "Rum and coke- hope it's alright." He said smiling and I nodded, taking a large swallow. "Wanna come sit?" He asked, pointing to his large black leather wrap around sofa and I nodded.

"Honestly first, I gotta go change. I am so tired of these pants!" I admitted and he laughed.

"There's a bathroom down here, just thru that door..." he said, standing behind me and pointing to a door past the kitchen..."or you can follow me upstairs and I can show you my room. You can drop your stuff and change or whatnot."

"Yeah, sounds good." I replied, grabbing my bag in one hand and keeping my glass in the other hand, following him up the staircase in the far corner of the living room.

His room and master bath had the same black defined features of the rest of the house, and I put my cup on the counter after shutting the door, pulling shorts and a t-shirt out of my bag, changing my clothes. I washed my face- happy to be makeup free again, and threw my hair up in a messy bun to get it off my neck. I grabbed my drink and then walked back into his room, leaving my bag behind, wondering if the real me would turn him off now.

God, when will all these negative thoughts go away? Shut up brain!

Why am I so damn nervous?

The bedroom was empty so I went back downstairs to see Corey on the sofa, petting a black cat beside him, his dress shirt unbuttoned- his large chest tattoo visible. He smiled as I approached them and sat in the curve of the furniture, crossing my legs.

"Who the Fuck is Matt Skiba?" He asked me and I looked at him confused.

"The guy from Blink and Alkaline Trio..." I said and he laughed.

"I was reading your shirt." He replied and I looked down and laughed. I totally forgot I grabbed this one, I was so nervous I didn't even pay attention. Every time Blink puts out new shirts I buy one- but this one Matt gave me for my birthday.

"Oh... right...." I said laughing at myself nervously. I could feel my heart racing when I remembered why he asked me over.... the song. Shit..... "So..... what's up?"

"Honestly?" He asked and I nodded. "I'm nervous as hell. Just sitting here trying not to chicken the fuck out..."

He ran his hand over his newly buzzed head and looked back at the cat, avoiding looking at me and studying my reaction. His honesty was like a punch to the gut- and it made me feel both reassured and terrified. I wanted to tell him how I was feeling- but I never..... I don't just offer my feelings to people. I'm not open.... I'm too guarded. Swallowing hard, my breath heavy, I tried to force the words out.

"I'm nervous too......" I said quietly and he looked over at me in surprise- his blue eyes locking onto my own- making my heart race faster.

"I had this whole plan to bring you over, play you the song I wrote and just get my cards out on the table. It will be out in a few weeks- it's on the album.... now my brain is just screaming to let you hear it then." He admitted, swallowing hard. All I could do is nod- not in agreement that he should do that, but in understanding.

Several minutes went by, his focus anywhere but me as he finished his glass and stood up. "Fuck it.... I'm gonna play it anyway. If I totally freak you out then I'm sorry."

He grabbed his acoustic guitar off the wall, sitting in a dining room chair ten feet from me. He looked at me once and sighed deeply before putting his hands in position. I noticed his fingers were shaking and I realized my hands were shaking to. As the chords started he avoided my reactions by closing his eyes as he sang:

"If you take a step towards me  
You will take my breath away  
So I'll keep you close and keep my secret safe

No one else has ever loved me  
No one else has ever tried  
I never understood how much I could take

Then I saw the worst was over  
When I layed my eyes on you  
It was all that I could do to know my place

Out of all the vast illusions  
Out of all the dreams come true  
I was gone until I finally saw your face

If you cry out for more  
If you reach out for me  
I will run into the storm  
Just to keep you here with me  
I have gone beyond my years  
Wasted half my life  
But I found it all in you  
Did I save you?  
'Cause I know you saved me too

Let me take a step towards you  
Let me feel you in my hands  
Let me cross this line and show you where it leads

There's a darkness down inside me  
That I know we'll both enjoy  
And it's screaming from within to set it free

I have left this bloodied nightmare  
In my wake but I don't side  
All I want is deviation by design

Out of all the past confusion  
Out of all the common spite  
Just tell me I am yours 'cause you are mine

And if you cry out for more  
If you reach out for me  
I will run into the storm  
Just to keep you here with me  
I have gone beyond my years  
I wasted half my life  
But I found it all in you  
Did I save you?  
'Cause I know you saved me too"

A million thoughts ran thru my head as he sang, most of them how much I have been feeling the same way.

He is saving me.

I had the thought on the way over, but I dismissed it, like my brain tends to do. I didn't want to like him so much because I didn't want to get hurt. I didn't want to fall for him because love hurts. I kept myself available in a part time relationship with a married man for the best years of my life because I was afraid of what would happen if I allowed myself to feel for anything for anyone available. And now here I am, 37 goddamn years old and realizing what I felt for Corey was real and that's why I was trying so hard to run away like I did when I felt it seven years ago.

We could of had seven years together.

We could of..... If i just hadn't of run away the second I felt something. He didn't even kiss me in that car- he wiped the tears from my eyes and hugged me, but just touching him scared me. It was too much.

Corey opened his eyes as he put his guitar down beside him, looking at me and trying to judge my reaction. My body shook as I stood, walking over to him and straddling his lap, kissing him deeply. He wrapped his arms around my waist as we kissed and I could feel his hands still shaking.

So were mine.

My right hand was on the back of his neck, my left hand outstretched over his shoulder, holding my glass- the ice clattering as my hand shook- driving me insane.

When the kiss broke he laid his head against my arm, looking into my eyes. "Did I freak you out?"

"Yeah....." I admitted and he looked horrified for a moment until I continued to talk. "But only because I am feeling the same fucking way and I'm a chicken shit..."

He picked me up, carrying me upstairs and into his room, taking my glass and laying me on his bed. As he undressed me he kissed every inch of my skin before flipping me over and entering me- making me whimper. Every single inch of my body matched his rhythm and I was louder than I ever knew I could be.

Afterwards, we laid wrapped up his silk sheets, my head on his shoulder, my arm around his waist. "I can't believe you wrote a song about me...." I said quietly and he chuckled.

"Its not like it's the first one...." he replied as a look of confusion swept across my face. "Travis was right! You really don't listen to my bands do you?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Its not that I don't respect you as a fucking killer musician. I just.... no. I avoid them honestly." I replied and he laughed, mostly to himself.

"I was right..... you really didn't have any idea.."

"Well.....I have written about you....." I admitted to him and it was his turn to look confused. "There is one the new blink album."

"I don't listen to that pop punk stuff...." he replied and we both laughed. "Apparently I had no idea either....."

"We need to give each other homework I guess..." I said quietly as I felt my body fighting sleep. "Because curiosity has the best of me right now...."

"Nope....I do..." he said grabbing my ass. "That's the best of you." He said winking as I swatted at him playfully and we both laughed.


	68. Teenage Dirtbag

Lauren's P.O.V.

"Thanks for visiting! It was great getting to know you!" Travis said as he hugged my mom goodbye on Friday morning. RJ was here to take her to the airport and I had tears in my eyes as I watched her hug Travis back. It was amazing how well they got along. I have never known the cool side of my mom before.

"Make sure you take your vitamins, drink plenty of water and let me know a locked down due date so I can be here when he's born!" My mom said as she hugged me tightly, one hand on my belly. "I love you guys so much!" She said waving as she walked out the front door.

Soon as it shut Travis took his shirt off and laid on the sofa, as if in defeat. "I love your mom but babe, she wears me out. She outran me this morning when we were working out. Woman is part robot or something."

I chuckled as I sat on the loveseat and smiled at him, totally amused. "Maybe she thought you could handle running a mile. She was wrong..nothing to be embarrassed about.." I said and he shook his head, throwing a pillow at me.

"Shut up! We ran six before I gave up!" He replied laughing. "So, what do you wanna do today? We are both kid and work free till Sunday..."

"Honestly? I kind of wanna go bug Mia, but I don't know where she is or what she's doing. I am dying to know how the date went."

"I'll call her...." he said pulling out his phone and talking for a minute before pocketing it again. "She's at Marks writing with him and Skiba. Said she will be over in a bit."

"We could have sex?" I suggested and he looked intrigued but then shook his head.

"Too fucking tired...." he said and I laughed. The man was a sex machine. Maybe my mom shouldn't visit again. Jeeze.

"I wanna go skate.... but I'm pregnant. This is the downside." I said as I rubbed my belly, being kicked by little feet.

"Its only for three and a half more months- then you can go shred the fuck up." He said and I nodded.

"Mark tell you what he's doing to the baby?!" I asked and he shook his head. "You guys start tour like five days after the due date. He wants to play the lion king song on the speakers and announce the birth to the fans like simba on stage." I said laughing. "He has been talking about it since London."

"What the fuck..." he said laughing. "That's not happening. No... not with our baby. But.... he could use one of those realistic baby dolls. I could get down with that." I laughed as he nodded, matter-of-factly. "Would make one hell of a birth announcement- we could Facebook live it!!!"

"Oh my god....." I said shaking my head. "You know what?! Sure... that's actually pretty awesome." I laughed, not believing I was agreeing to this.

"So how would you want to do an engagement announcement?" He asked and I stopped laughing- looking at him strange. Did we get engaged and I forget?! "No. Shit. I mean in general..." he said and then shook his head. "Forget it....."

****

Around seven pm I cooked eggplant parmesan for dinner and we sat and ate, talking about Alabama and Landon's latest visit. I took them horseback riding at this no-kill farm a few hours from here and they got to feed chickens and milk cows. They both had a blast and were begging Shanna to get them horses now, which was driving her insane.

Mia walked in, shutting the door behind her and immediately sitting on the floor allowing Moose and Ringo to jump all over her. She had us keep Ringo when she went to Dave's- and he just kind of stayed and hung out here while she went on her date. She hugged him tightly as he whimpered from excitement after not seeing her.

"Oh god no! Stop! Don't piss on the floor!" She shrieked as she jumped up and ran to the kitchen to grab cleaning stuff- Travis yelling at the dogs to go outside as they ran from the room. "Sorry guys..." she said as she cleaned up the floor and washed her hands.

Travis finished eating quickly, getting up and walking over to Mia, giving her a hug. "Impromptu song writing?" He asked her and she nodded.

"I stopped by to go with Mark to Ricks office this morning and when we were driving back I mentioned Matt and I were getting together to write and he was down to get work done. I think we have the beginnings of three solid songs. I'm excited."

"Awesome. So..... how was Metallica?"

"Terrifying..... mostly because I gotta ask you something. And it's gonna sound dumb."

"Doubtful but what's up? Wanna beer?" She nodded as he handed her one, opening one for himself. They sat on the sofa as I took plates into the kitchen and started cleaning. I was trying hard not to eavesdrop but they were right there. It was clear she didn't want my input on whatever it was. She didn't even say hi to me.

"So.... Corey mentioned he has written about me before and..... well you know I don't listen to his music. So where should I start listening? I was too nervous to ask...."

"Wait.... uhh... ok. Damn. I guess he would.. he has had a thing for you for a long time. My guess would be vermilion one and two- both slipknot songs. Would make sense....but don't play a guessing game just ask him."

"He wrote a song about me titled number three, the video comes out soon- the single comes out tomorrow. It's incredible....." she said blushing. I'm so damn happy... but now I don't know how to act. I'm not used to this."

"Ok...so much for the guessing game." Travis said to her and chuckled. "What's the song about?"

"Your gonna have to wait and see tomorrow. He uh.... played it for me last other night. It's deep."

I finished the dishes and sat across from them, not caring that I wasn't part of this conversation I had to butt in. "Wow, did you freak out?" I asked her and she nodded. "That's a huge bomb to drop on someone out of nowhere..." I said looking over at Travis, his eyes getting huge once he realized what I meant. "My flight instincts would of been in overdrive."

"Girl, you have no idea. My whole body was shaking like I was in the arctic and naked. But instead of running away, I kissed him. Because my life is half over and I just started living- and dammit I don't wanna run from this." She said and Travis smirked at me, knowing I would take her advice and not run from the conversation we have avoided all day. Or hoping I'm sure.

"What if it ends badly?" I asked and Travis gave me a dirty look.

"Wow... that's for the support Laur....." Mia snapped and looked over at Travis. "You're my best friend. What do you think?"

"I think Lauren's just scared because I mentioned getting engaged today." He replied, glaring at me. "And I think Corey worships you It's only gonna fuck up if you sabotage it. You deserve to be happy." He told her, putting an arm around her. "Don't listen to captain harmones over there. Her heads all fucked up right now."

****

Travis came upstairs around midnight, when Mia left, but I had been upstairs staring at the ceiling for hours. I couldn't believe how rude he was, totally dismissing my feelings and opinion and just because I was pregnant. How dare him. The more I tried not being angry, the angrier I got. Not to mention he randomly asked me about an engagement announcement when he clearly said he was never getting married again. So why would I ever even plan a fake announcement in my head when the guy I loved won't ever make that commitment?!

Fuck him.

He was so careful when he came in the room, not turning on lights or making noise so he wouldn't wake me- and it somehow it made me even more angry. As he laid down and put his arm around me the anger started to boil. All I wanted to do was rip off his arm and beat him to death with it.

I didn't understand this. We have NEVER fought before. But we were about to..... because I couldn't lay here beside him. His presence made me physically ill.

I pushed his arm off of me and got up, grabbing my phone off the dresser as I left the room and went downstairs, rolling my eyes at the weed smell and empty liquor bottles on the table. Travis followed me down and looked at me confused as I glared at him.

"You okay?" He asked and I lost it. I picked up a bottle and threw it at his head. He ducked and it hit the wall behind him, smashing into a zillion pieces. "What the serious Fuck?!" He yelled as I threw a second one, glass painting the floor.

"Fuck you Travis!" I yelled then sat on the sofa and started crying. "Just..... just go away....." I said sobbing as he approached me, carefully putting a hand on my arm. "Don't touch me...."

He took his hand away but didn't move from his spot- looking concerned and afraid. "Baby.... I'm sorry. If this is about what I said to Mia... I'm so sorry. I just don't want her to throw this away because she's afraid."

"It's not even that..." I snapped, sobbing heavily. "I can't talk about this right now... I need to be alone.... I am so angry....." He nodded and stood up, going upstairs and coming back a few minutes later dressed.

"You stay here, work thru whatever. I'm heading out. Ill see you tomorrow. I love you...." he said softly, grabbing his keys and walking out the door. I cried harder than I thought possible as soon as the door shut. He left me.

I was alone.


	69. California Dove

Tom's P.O.V.

My alarm went off at eight in the morning and I reached down, shutting it off and sitting up. My night I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling, willing my mind to stop going over every single wrong decision I have ever made. I went over the music I have written, scribbling in a notebook like a madman, every song I have ever wrote about her..... every breakup we ever had.... every time I told her I loved her..... why did I keep dragging her back in?!

If I was being completely and totally honest with myself... I was never going to leave Jen. She is my wife, the mother of my children and my best friend. She has had my back thru all three bands, my constant cheating, our back and forth fighting.... and we came out stronger than ever.

Mia is a fucking dove.....  
and she is a fucking nightmare.

After weeks of analysis and about a billion discussions with Jen, and our three hundred dollar an hour therapist, one constant is for sure...... I don't want anyone else to make her happy. I don't want her to love anyone else. I don't want anyone else to touch her. To kiss her.

She's mine.  
Even if I don't really want her.  
Not full time.

But then I see that fucking lyric video as it premiered at midnight- I hear those fucking words..... and I know....he loves her.

I can't think.   
Corey Taylor's words keep replaying in my head and it's making me insane.Now my heart is racing and all I can do is will myself to lay here until Jen wakes up so I have someone to talk me out of doing something drastic.

"Tom, you okay?" Jen asked as she rubbed my bare chest and I shook my head. "You listened to it, didn't you?" She asked me and I looked at her surprised. "I saw their announcement on Facebook- the new song launched at midnight."

"Yeah baby, I listened to it...." I said softly and she sighed, looking at me concerned. "It hurts baby...."

"I know..... but you have to let her go. Let her be happy..." she responded and i nodded, kissing me with her soft lips.

"I'm gonna head to work okay?" I asked her and she nodded. "See you tonight at therapy."

I pulled on some clothes, kissing her goodbye and leaving the house. I cranked the music, trying to mellow out but I just couldn't. I was too distracted. I passed my shop and got onto the highway- quietly cursing myself for the drive I was making but doing it anyway. I had to see her. I had to touch her. I had to........

Fuck.

Why was I doing this?!

Travis literally told me a few days ago that I needed to leave her the fuck alone. He told me I spent all this time only loving her when it was convenient for me- and I couldn't disagree. He told me she doesn't need me anymore and to leave her alone so a real man can take care of her. From what I knew of Mia- she doesn't need a real relationship. She was happy being my side piece.... she was happy being my runner up. She cried every time I walked away.... she needs me. I'm going to go there, and she is going to take me back.

Who does Corey fucking Taylor think he is?  
She's mine.

After a two hour drive where all I could think about is what I was gonna say, as I knocked on the door I realized- I was out of words. My brain screamed at me- promising me she would kiss me as soon as she saw me- all would be right with the world again- but instead....

Travis answered the door.

And he looked more than pissed.

"What the fuck man?!" He asked angrily, shoving me back and walking outside, shutting the door behind him. "You can't fucking be here. That would be the dumbest move you could make right now." He snapped and I looked at him with irritation.

"Just let me talk to her.... I gotta make it right..." I pleaded and he laughed. Slowly at first then harder and harder, to the point he had to grab the house to balance himself.

"Jesus.... Tom.... you heard the song. Right? That's it.... you heard the fucking song. And now you think you could.... you should.... oh... Fuck.... man... get the fuck outta here...." he said still chuckling.

"You're not her fucking guard dog Travis, if she doesn't want me here I wanna hear it from her!" I yelled, not understanding why my friend of twenty years is acting like such a complete asshole. He has always supported our relationship... now... he's just being a dick.

"You know what? Fine..... but just remember I tried to stop this. Remember that... as your friend- you are in the wrong here and I'm not helping you once you're inside. I'm on Mia's side of this....." he said, shaking his head.

I shrugged and Travis opened the door, letting me inside. I stopped when I got to the living room, seeing her out back with Ringo playing tug-of-war and talking excitedly to someone I couldn't see. She was so fucking beautiful....porcelain just like a doll with her flawless features.

Travis walked past me, mumbling something and heading out back- saying something to Mia and then shrugging. Her face full of happiness and content turned into stress and anger as she handed the rope to Travis and walked inside, closing the door and crossing her arms in front of her.

"Hey...." I said and she sighed.

"What do you want Tom?" She asked and I sighed, running my fingers thru my long hair.

"I want to talk...." I responded and she sighed again, looking at me impatiently. "Can we sit or something?"

"Yeah... uhh... let's go in there.." she said pointing to the dining room table that is almost never used. She sat across from me and kept her arms crossed. "What's up?"

"I heard the song...." I started and she rolled her eyes. "I'm not saying the guy is nuts but it's only been what... a month or two? He can't be that serious about you already.... he's probably crazy."

"Oh.... God.... Tom..." she said, dropping her elbow on the table and hiding her hand in her face for a few minutes. "Look... there are things you don't know..... not even he really knows them.... but I'm gonna tell you. Not because I wanna hurt you- but because I need you to stop this."

"What things?" I asked and she crossed her arms again, speaking softly this time.

"Ok... so you know snuff is about you....right?" She asked and I nodded. "That was my final goodbye to you.... I was done. You roped me back in eventually.... but...." she sighed and bit her lip, looking nervous like she needed to gather her thoughts to tell me them. "Corey and I spent some of the hardest weeks together. I was a mess.... but every day it got just a little better.... his laugh, his jokes, his stories, his voice..... I felt something I didn't know I could feel.... something I never even felt for you... and I shoved it deep into a box and threw it away because I was convinced I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve happiness."

"No....... " I said, angered that she would say something so mean. "No.... I don't accept that.."

"Then when you left Blink again I started meeting up with Corey at this club downtown a couple times every month. We would just hang out, drink, eat nachos......" she said and paused, looking outside and seeing Travis still playing with Ringo and talking to someone we couldn't see, before sitting back in the seat. "We talked on the phone for hours every night while I was in London.... but he didn't ask me out till I got back. Not until I told him I was completely done with you."

"We don't have to...." I started to say and she cut me off.

"Let me finish.... okay?" She asked and I nodded. "Ever since you left Blink..yet again... I have been thinking about Corey and how I should of went for it. When we met up we never talked relationships- I always assumed he was in one. But I wrote about him.... long lost feeling is about him Tom.... not you."

"Are you fucking serious?" I said snapping. "Are you telling me you are in love with him?"

"Yeah......" she said nodding slowly "I am.... even if it hurts. Even if he breaks me. Even if it's the worst leap of faith ever..... I'm saying yeah."

"You're full of shit..." I said coldly. "You're gonna come back to me."

"I'm not Tom. The more I think about it all.... the more I think about all the times I took you back... all the times I told myself you had so much love you needed both Jen and I.... I think I was lying to myself. I was scared to commit... I'm still scared to commit.... I'm terrified..."

"I'm not gonna take you back...." I said, tears falling down my cheeks and she reached over and grabbed my hand, rubbing my backs of my fingers with her thumb like I always did to her. "I love you...."

"You gotta leave now Tom....." she said standing up and walking towards the living room. "I hope we can be friends one day- when the pain is gone for you. You are in so many of my good memories. But for now, you gotta go."

I nodded as she walked back outside and I stood there watching as she talked to Travis for a few seconds and then lit a cigarette, her face lighting up when Corey walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her lips. Of course Corey was here, why wouldn't he be?! Travis walked inside and over to me, looking back as I watched Corey talk to her, his arms still around her waist, her arm around his shoulder as she took a drag of her cigarette with her other hand and then offered him a drag.

"Dude... you really gotta go...." Travis said and I nodded, turning around and walking out the front door, getting into my car and driving away.


	70. Wishing Well

Lauren's P.O.V.

I woke up around eight in the morning to an empty house and a heavy heart. What the fuck is wrong with me? I wasn't jealous of Amelya... I didn't care that they were up drinking.... I honestly didn't care that he was making conversation about fake or real engagement announcements. I love him and we are together. Nothing else matters.

This pregnancy is turning me into a psycho...

Working fifteen hours a day wasn't helping either. Rick had me doing albums for seven different artists right now- and it drags. Three of them are semi-famous pop singers, two rap artists and two brand new bands. I was completely exhausted by the amount of work I was doing.... I mean, I loved it.... but it was never ending.

I cleaned the house, took a shower and put on some shorts and a tank top, pulling one of Travis's hoodies over top of me because it smelled like him. I wanted to call, but I knew he was still gone because I'm nuts.

I'm gonna ruin us....

I tried shaking the thought away but it wouldn't go. I was so afraid. God I need a cigarette...

It was nearly two p.m. when I pulled out my phone, opening instagram and instantly see that Travis was promoting the new stone sour song. Excited to hear it I opened YouTube and started the lyric video, smiling from ear to ear.

After sharing it on social media, I reopened instagram- scrolling thru more pictures. Both Corey and Mia posted a picture a little over an hour ago. It was the same picture followed by the same caption, but it made me really happy.

Corey and Mia are on her sofa, his arm around her and kissing her cheek as she has a look of surprise and amusement. The caption read:  
Yep, the rumors are true <3

I liked the pictures and hit the home button. The song was so amazing. It was raw, opened, exposed and honest. To know that they were now public means everyone would know the song, was in fact, about her. I thought back to when Travis and I went public- or more like he outted us- but it made me miss him so much more. I wanted to call Travis so badly but I didn't even know how to begin to apologize.

How to fix this before it got out of control?!

The door opened and I jumped, not expecting it. I looked over to see Travis, flowers and Chinese food in his hands. I could feel the tears welting up my eyes as I stared at him, knowing he was about to try and apologize even though he didn't do anything wrong. I'm the asshole.

"I brought you lunch baby..." he said cautiously, putting the bag on the counter. I got up off the sofa and walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and willing myself not to cry but started crying anyway. He rubbed my back, shushing me as I held him. "Hey.... hey baby.... it okay.... I'm so sorry. Whatever I did I'm sorry......"

"Stop...." I pleaded and pulled away from him so I could look at him. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I was horrible.... that's not me..." I said and he nodded softly.

"Baby, I know... that's why I love you so much. It's gonna be okay. Pregnancy does crazy things to people. Plus you're working like crazy...." he said reassuringly, pulling me to him and holding me tight. "But I shouldn't of left. I'm sorry about that. Shanna and I would have these major blowouts- punching walls, breaking stuff, cops coming to the house... once we both got arrested because we wouldn't stop. I just immediately went there in my head and didn't want to get mad at you..... I didn't want to fight. I'm not that man anymore...."

I simply nodded, holding him close and feeling his arms around me. I was so happy to have him back and I hoped, more than anything we would never fight again. We went over to the sofa and I laid down with him, just wanting to be close to one another.

"I'm sorry if I freaked you out with the engagement question. I wasn't trying to talk you into anything....." he said and I shook my head.

"You told me really early on you were never getting married again. The thought never occurred to me I guess.... so it just threw me off...." I bit my lip as he sighed deeply, rubbing my back. I could tell he was having an internal debate and I just didn't wanna upset him. "I really don't care. I never like.... thought about it. I'm happy with where we are. I don't expect it or anything. We are solid...."

He quietly nodded, kissing my forehead but I could tell.... something was churning in that head of his.


	71. This Is How You Remind Me

Mia's P.O.V.

I woke up Monday morning to a vibrating pillow. I sighed in content, petting Loki as he laid above my head, purring loudly. Saturday Corey and I went public on instagram about twelve hours after the single dropped- and then we came to his place to hide out for a few days. His publicist and mine already called for an interview for Rolling Stones magazine. After discussing it- we agreed- it was scheduled for the end of the week. Everyone wanted the scoop on how we ended up together. There were rumors, sure, but now it's really out there.

After making the bed, taking care of bathroom stuff and getting dressed I went downstairs. Corey was in the kitchen making coffee, wearing jeans with a t-shirt laid over one shoulder like a burp cloth.

"Good morning Miss. Ricci." He said smiling, kissing my lips as I wrapped my arms around him. One thing I loved is that he didn't tower over me like Tom did. I'm 5'7, and Corey's only a few inches taller. Tom was well over six feet tall and I always felt like a child when I hugged him.

"Good morning Mr. Taylor."

"How do you take your coffee mi lady?"

"Like... a fuck ton of creamer." I replied and he nodded. "How did we not ever have this conversation before?"

"Because we haven't spent too many mornings together." He replied shrugging and I frowned.

"Yet. But we will...." I replied, winking at him and walking over to the dining room table, sitting in a chair. "How do you take your coffee?"

"Black as shit. Just like my soul..." he replied, raising his eyebrows and giving me a cocky smile.

"Eww..... that's so bitter....." I said, scrunching up my nose for dramatic effect as he shrugged. "No wonder you have to do scream metal.... you need sugar to sweeten you up..."

Corey walked over with two coffee cups, putting one in front of me and kissing my cheek in the process. "Aww... babe... but that's what you're for..."

"Don't make me responsible for you losing your music mojo cause I made you happy!" I said laughing as he sat beside me.

"Just piss me off every so often so I can get an angry song in and we shall be fine...." he added and we both laughed even harder.

God this was easy.

I mean.... this was really easy.

He took a sip of his coffee and then looked at me with a smile. "Mmm.... bitter." Chuckling, I handed him my cup.

"Just try it. You'll like it..." I pleaded, and he took a small sip- making the worst disgusted face ever.

"Eww.. it's like drinking hot wet sugar!" He exclaimed loudly as I took a sip of it and smiled as he drank his own to try and kill the sugar taste.

"Mmm..... hot wet sugar..." I moaned and he cracked up, making me laugh too.

These were the moments I was enjoying the most. The way we joked with each other, the way we got along, the affection...

Oh god... and the way he looked at me.  
It literally drove me mad. It was like he was holding the hope diamond in his hand and he just realized it was okay to examine.

Going public was a mutual decision. When they dropped the song, hundreds of comments came pouring in about who the song was for, some guessed me due to ninja paparazzi when we go out places, but many thought he was rekindling with his ex wife. Then Tom showed up and after I told him something I was still too scared to tell Corey, he left crying. Of course, that resulted in Jen calling me and begging me to let him go- telling me to give him some way to prove I'm serious. Travis suggested if we went public all the noise would stop and we both agreed, as did our publicists. It was a simple picture with a simple caption. And the noise from Tom and the speculation did stop.

It was replaced by a louder noise.

The internet both excited and repulsed by our getting together. I had so many comments in an hour on instagram my phone froze from notifications. So, since around three pm on Saturday we have been here- phones off- just waiting for the storm to die down a bit.

"You wanna head out soon?" I asked him and he nodded. We were stopping by Ozzy and Sharon's for lunch- which was a massive deal to him. I did give them warning Saturday morning before we posted the picture- and Sharon demanded brunch on Monday so.... here goes nothing.

Tom went with me once to their home back in the early days, and on rare occasion if we saw them at an award thing or party they were always really nice to him- but I knew they didn't like my choice of partner. Now that I had a real........

Shit. I was nervous.

Corey put his shirt on and a hat then looked at me strangely as I put my leather jacket on. "Should I like... dress up more? I don't know if this is appropriate". I looked down at my black jeans, boots and white sleeveless shirt then shrugged. "I should change....."

I crossed the room and smiled at him, kissing his lips and hugging him. God I loved the smell of his aftershave....."You look fine. Seriously. They are gonna love you."

"I mean yeah, I've met them- Slipknot played Ozzfest, we did a music festival last year together.... but is different when your meeting them as the god-parents of the girl you..." he said- then quickly stopped himself- closed his eyes and biting his lip.

Fuck.

That almost happened. My heart was pounding in my chest and I could feel my hands shaking.

Were we ready for that?

I mean... last night after some very impressive bedroom acrobatics I collapsed beside him my brain screamed 'tell him' but instead I said... "I fucking.... like you so much." To which he just stifled a laugh and held me close.

"Yeah... imma go change..." he said quickly, kissing my forehead and running across the living room, taking the stairs two at a time. I looked over at Ringo who was laying on the sofa, looking up at me and I nodded.

"Yep..you saw right.. we are both total chicken shits...." I said to him and he barked in response.

Corey was back down a few minutes later, wearing the same clothes and his face red. "Thought you were changing?" I asked with my eyebrows raised and he just smirked and shook his head, grabbing his keys off the hook by the door.

"Shut up...." he smirked and I just smiled, my face red also. We both knew what he stopped himself from saying, just like last night. I have no clue what we were doing.

Once we were in the car I lit a joint, offering it to him but he declined. I knew he was nervous but I'm pretty sure I wasn't gonna get thru this without some weed in my system. "Now it might be awkward because you know they split up...." I said and he nodded. "But she said they would both be there. Godparents duties and all apparently..."

It was quiet for twenty minutes till he pulled into the neighborhood, then cleared his throat. "I got studio time tomorrow... with Dave." Corey said, apparently trying to get his mind off of what was happening. "Another sound city album he's working on."

"Yeah, I heard. It's pretty awesome. I love working with Dave..." I told him as I directed him to the house, driving thru the opened gate. Once he parked we were out of the car and he grabbed my hand as we reached the door. "You ready?" I asked and he nodded, but I could tell this was important to him and he was trying hard to play it cool.

I walked inside, heading thru the house and out back where Ozzy sat at the 'brunch and tea' table, drinking whisky and talking on the phone. Food and drinks were already set out- indicating to me Sharon was here or had someone come set it up. 'Shes here' I heard him say before he hung up and stood, giving me a hug and shaking Corey's hand- inviting us to sit.

"Sharon will just be a minute. She's always late everywhere..." Ozzy said laughing. "But you two, congratulations. It's good news. Your dad would approve."

"That's really nice to hear...." Corey said and I nodded, holding his hand.

"Sorry I'm late..." Sharon said ten minutes later, walking out back, hugging me and sitting down. "Eat everyone. I had the company come set this up because I'm always behind...." She said winking at me, making me laugh.

"I was just telling Corey that Kurt would of approved of this relationship.." Ozzy told Sharon and she nodded, taking a sip of her tea.

"Absolutely. He wanted her to have the world. He gave her every single opportunity to be a successful musician, the money to do anything in the world that she chose to do.... but he was always afraid of some punk rocker knocking her up and ruining her life before it could begin. Thankfully...." she said looking over at me as I shot her a look, "....well.... I just know I'm happy for you both."

"Thank you." Corey said and I nodded in agreement.


	72. Baby Crazy!

Lauren's P.O.V.

Mia came over Tuesday morning around eight a.m. She was positively glowing and in an awesome mood. Travis and I had been up since six, the kids stayed last night so we got them up for school.

"Hey, good morning!" I said as she put her keys on the counter and lit a cigarette. "God I miss those."

"Shit... sorry I didn't even think!" She said and went to put it out but I stopped her.

"No... it's okay. Travis smokes around me all the time. It's seriously fine." I told her and she nodded. "Travis actually took the kids to school and then he's off to the studio until who knows when tonight."

"I came to see you." She said smiling at me. "I know you are popping a baby out soon and heard you haven't bought anything for the baby yet!"

"Uhh... yeah.... no. Not yet. I've been working!" I replied and she nodded.

"God those first couple years sucked.... studio or show or video shoot or studio.... day after day after day..... felt like the only place I slept was on the road...."

I nodded, completely understanding her. I wondered how much of her and Tom started simply because they were together day in and day out for all those years?! I also wondered where she would of ended up if Blink hadn't gotten back together.

Then, a thought crept thru.....Where would I be if Travis and I hadn't of worked out?!

That thought scared me and sent my heart racing, my breath heavy and the tears coming back. I felt my body shaking and I grabbed the counter as I felt I was gonna fall.

"Oh god! Are you okay?!" She asked while running over and supporting me as I started to drop. "Let's get you sitting down.... just breathe with me okay? 1..2..1..2.." She was talking sternly but softly- and I used her voice to breathe slowly as she sat me down on the cool tile of the kitchen.

"God it happened again...." I said, laying my head on the dishwasher and sighing.

"How long have you been having panic attacks?" She asked me and I shrugged. "Just since the pregnancy or before?"

"Always.... but they were mild. Now they are intense and it makes me violent or really dizzy..." I said softly and she hugged me. "I didn't tell Travis- I mean I don't want him to worry."

"I'm sure he suspects... but you gotta tell him.... and your doctor. And honest to God if you want me to be your midwife we should discuss it. I delivered Jack on a tour bus and all of Kelly's babies, plus Nikki is due next month, hopefully the baby comes while we are there for thanksgiving." she said and flashed me a gentle smile. I had never seen the RN side of her before, and I couldn't believe how quickly she switched gears from friend to medic. All I could do is nod.

"Are you up for a little shopping? I have an unofficial God baby who needs a bunch of shit!"

I nodded again, trying not to look bewildered at how quickly her normal self came back out. She truly was this fluctuation of emotions and personalities all wrapped into a short, fit package of hotness.

The perfect woman.

Of course I thought that way before I ever laid eyes on her, her words alone were enough. Then when I found her on social media.... I was so drawn in and I couldn't look away. She was my first and only girl crush- and when she's this close, the smell of her shampoo, her perfect features.....

"Well, come on... lots to do. I'm full of energy right now!" She said and I laughed. She helped me stand up and I excused myself, heading upstairs and pulling my wet panties off, shaking my head as I cleaned myself up and put clean ones on then a dress on. I couldn't believe her being that close to me turned me on so much.

God I was horny. I wonder how Skye seduced her? I know it wasn't a phase for Mia- she openly had a three way sexual relationship with Nikki and Bam..... but how does one get her there?

I can NOT believe I'm thinking about this!!!

I shook the thoughts away, walking downstairs. We headed outside and I stopped when I saw a brand new Ferrari. "Holy fucking shit! Nice car!" I exclaimed and she nodded, opening the door for me.

"It's Corey's new toy. He didn't have time to drop me off at my place and make it to the studio, so just told me to take his car and come back tonight so we can have dinner together..." she said blushing and I smiled at her. "He made sure to tell me there was a house key on the key ring...." she mentioned, looking over at me, looking a little bewildered. "So....yeah...."

"You have been staying there a lot right?" I asked her and she nodded. "So... how is it going? Good I take it?"

"Ugh... I hate talking about it!" She said and I could see her cheeks getting red again. "Did you hear about Tom showing up Saturday morning?"

"No.... where?"

"My place. I left your house around eleven thirty and met Corey at mine- he wanted to be there when I heard the song when it dropped. So then Travis showed up like an hour later, asking to crash. Well we all stayed up all night getting drunk and reading hilarious and horrifying YouTube comments on the lyric video. Then Tom showed up like.. mid-morning... trying to win me back. Travis was still pretty damn plastered and laughed really hard before letting him in the house. But yeah... Tom realized Corey and I were serious and he tried getting me back. Same thing he always does..... he doesn't want me to be happy..."

"So... Travis was at your house?" I asked and she nodded. "I didn't know where he would go... I realized that night I didn't have any place to go if we broke up..."

"Wait. You had a fight?!" She asked as she pulled up to a very expensive looking baby store. "Seriously?!"

"Yeah.... well.... more like I yelled and threw glass at him and he told me loved me and left."

"God.... no. But sweetie... you always have a home at my place. Okay?" She asked and I nodded.

****

Four hours and about fifteen grand later, we were back outside the store. Mia paid extra to have them deliver everything and set it all up for Travis and I next week. We did take a break at some point and go across the street for Hawaiian burgers, which is basically a cheeseburger with bacon, pineapple, ham, and teriyaki sauce.

"I'm gonna pay you back.... every penny.." I said and she shook her head and lit a cigarette.

"No.... your not. It's my gift to you and Travis as well as that awesome little skateboarder in your tummy." She rolled her eyes as she pulled onto the highway and the road was gridlocked. "Dammit..... oh well.... so are you guys getting married?"

"What?!" I asked her shocked and she shrugged. "No!"

"Oh.... okay...."

"Why?! Why would you ask that?!"

"I just thought that..... no.... never mind.... I shouldn't say anything. But do you wanna get married? Like if he asked, would you say yes?"

"I mean.... no....yes....I don't know?! What do you know?!?!"

"I know Skye went with him to the jewelry store a few weeks ago.... and he didn't tell me.... Mark did because he can't keep a secret. And I'm not telling you because I want to... I'm making sure if he's gonna do this- he's not getting his heart broken. You gotta promise me.... tell me you love him and you are gonna keep on loving him..."

"Yeah....Mia....I promise......" I said and she nodded. She was so fiercely protective of him and it killed me how much those two butted into each other's lives to protect and look out for each other.

"Good.... now for real, Mark didn't tell me shit but I just have a feeling.... I can see it...." she said quietly as she pulled up out front of her place. "I gotta run in and get clothes, you wanna come in?" She asked and I nodded.

When we walked inside I looked at Mia curiously as she grabbed a joint and sat on the sofa. I sat across from her, watching as she put her feet on the coffee table and went thru her phone, sighing sometimes and laughing at others.

"What ya doing?" I asked and she shook her head....

"Reading comments on my pictures. I wanted to check my phone but these notifications are nuts. I had to turn them off just now. 649 mentions since we ate is a little nuts."

"Didn't you tell me never to read the comments?"

"I didn't want the hate to consume you... it was too soon in your relationship...." she said then smirked at me and nodded. "...as it is with mine. You're right Laur..." She stood, putting out the joint and strectched out her hand to me. "Lets take a picture!"

I stood next to her, my belly completely noticeable as she put an arm around my waist and her head down by my belly after propping the phone up and giving it a delay. She posted it immediately and I squealed when I saw it. I looked so happy, she looked so excited as she pointed to my belly with a finger on her free hand. The caption said: With one of my favorite people @laurenscott! OMG @travisbarker there's a tiny you in there! I can already feel drum beats!!!


	73. Sympathy for the Devil

Mia's P.O.V.

Corey and I arrived at my house at ten a.m. on Friday, to meet Michael Azerrad, the writer of the piece and a photographer and videographer named Robert Altman. They were due any minute and Corey was completely relaxed while I freaked the fuck out, internally anyway. I put Ringo out on the patio when I heard the gate buzzer while Corey got the door for me.

As I came back inside both men were standing in my living room smiling at me. I knew Michael would remember me- he did many pieces on my dad when he was alive and after his death he tried desperately to interview me for the book he wrote on my dad but no one would let him. Once I became an adult I avoided him like the plague. I didn't know he was doing the interview until the drive over.

"Danielle Starr Cobain.... in the flesh..." Michael said and I shook my head as he shook my hand. "I know... shhh... that won't get printed Mia. Your secret is safe with me." He said winking.

Oh god this is such a bad idea.

Corey looked at me curiously as we sat on the sofa together, Michael across from us in a chair. "Michael, it's been a long time..." I said as I settled next to Corey, his arm around my back.

"It has Mia... it has...." he cleared his throat, pulling out a ton of papers with notes and scribbles on them as Robert set up the video camera. "Don't worry I am recording this for accuracy only, it will not go anywhere without serious editing and both of you giving final approval." He said and I nodded, swallowing some water.

"Okay, we are rolling..." Robert said and Michael smiled.

"So Corey, how did you meet Mia?" Michael asked and Corey laughed.

"So.... I love the Foo Fighters, and I bought the album 'in your honor' the day it came out. I'm rocking so hard to it and there was this super quiet duet- Dave and some girl with the most amazing voice." Corey paused and smiled at me as I looked at him, I had never heard any of this before. "So I ask around and finally I find out she's Dave's niece and a musician- but not a performer, she writes music for bands. So of course I checked out her work- it was all incredible so I'm thinking, there's gotta be a catch. I'm such a dick I just assumed she was like.. flugy as shit."

"Ass!" I exclaimed loudly and he laughed, holding up a finger as if to say 'hold on'.

"So...I'm with Travis Barker one night talking, we were at an album release party for Green Day. All of a sudden I see this drop dead gorgeous brunette joking around with Billie and I pointed to her and said to Travis, 'imma marry that girl.' He laughed at me, said 'i bet she won't even give you the time of day'. That's Mia. I begged him to introduce us and he agreed. Travis goes 'Mia this is Corey Taylor' and she just goes 'ok' and walked away. Never even looked at me....."

"This is fascinating! Please, keep going!" Michael said enthusiastically.

"Alright... well I followed her career even more closely while I was running two marriages into the ground and just.... fucking up my life. Then I get a call from Dave Grohl, him not some assistant, and he asked me to come sing a song for this project he was doing, 'sound city' of course I said yes. While I'm there I see this notebook page laying on the soundboard and I read it- the lyrics to Dead Memories. Shit hit my soul hard and I'm all like 'damn Dave this song is fucking brillant' and he said it was his neice's and it was up for grabs. I begged him to get her to work on it with me....."

Corey trailed off as I smiled at him, unable to stop blushing. This was seriously all so fucking awesome. To think for like... seven years he was watching me and I didn't even know.

Shit. I didn't even know. Did I?! His words in the car hit me like a brick wall. No wonder he was so amused.

I spoke up, wanting to get my part of this story underway. "I remember Dave calling me...... he told me how you were killing it in the studio and to at least go out to Vegas and spend a few weeks working on it... I of course agreed. So then a week later I'm sitting in this Vegas hotel lobby, totally annoyed with... life. So this person sits next to me and asks how I'm doing and I'm like 'ya know just peachy. I'm supposed to meet this person for a job and they are late and I'm in Vegas and life just sucks and I'm too pissed to talk.." and he sticks out his hand and was like 'Hi. I'm Corey Taylor and I'm sorry I'm late my plane was delayed."

"Are you serious? Is this all true?" Michael asked and both Corey and I nodded.

"Yeah, true fucking story she went off on me when she thought I was a stranger and all I could think was 'fuck I thought her song had a lot of anger... this girl is full of rage.'"

"Yeah well...." I said shrugging as everyone laughed. "...so now I'm speechless and I'm just smiling and shaking his hand still, like an idiot. I know it's been like thirty seconds.... so I'm like 'you're not Corey Taylor from slipknot...' and he's like 'yeah. I am.. what were you expecting?' And I just laughed.... still shaking his hand, mind you... and I'm like...'i dunno.. deformity?' And he just gave this stupid charming smile and then I just say...' but your hot....'" I face palmed as I told the story, Corey chuckling and rubbing my back. "I swear Michael for me to not be able to talk- holy shit...."

"Ok so now you two are working together, what went on there?"

I looked at Corey and we exchanged looks of 'fuck' before he answered for us both. "We spent six long weeks alone in the studio... bout ten hours a day working on her song first and then we wrote snuff together. We were both in a bad place relationship wise.. Life wise honestly... and it was our way of begging to be free." I nodded in agreement and Michael raised his eyebrows at us, unsatisfied with the answer.

"But between you two.... what happened?"

"Nothing..... it was there.. and it grew stronger every single day.. but I wasn't anywhere near ready to handle anything with anyone. There was one single moment.... our last day together but we both kind of hit the breaks pretty quickly. I think it was like a hug and then we both jumped ship."

"Yeah.... it was...." I confirmed as he grabbed my hand. "I remember that day...wicked game was on....it was raining...." I looked at him and he nodded.

"So, now I gotta ask, I went thru your music since snuff and your almost screaming to get an unknown persons attention. You even cover wicked game on the first stone sour CD. Songs like thru glass, hesitate, bother, vermilion one and two...these are all to Mia?"

"Honestly..." Corey said chuckling "...there are more but.... yeah. All to Mia...."

"Did you respond?" Michael asked me and I shook my head.

"I don't listen to his bands...." I said and Corey laughed. "I had no fucking clue....."

"What's better is I pulled what I could find of your music as well. Song like rehab, long lost feeling, stay, temptation.... are they about Corey?"

"Yeah.... but I mean.... there's more...." I said and shrugged. "But he doesn't listen to my music either." I added and Corey shrugged as the room erupted into laughter for a few minutes.

"So how did this end up finally happen?" Michael asked finally and I laughed.

"Its simple. We started hanging out a few years ago, like once a week, at a club- catching up on life. Then a few months ago he asked me out on an actual date."

"Yeah.... we just..... it's all easy. It comes natural. And it's good...." he said kissing my cheek and I smiled.

"Alright I think that's all I need- I might call you for some follow up questions but the world just wanted to get your story, from your own words. Thank you both. Just need a few pictures and we will be out of here." We both nodded and said your welcome.

"Camera cut..." Robert said and I sighed, looking at Corey and smiling. I had a whole list of thoughts to get out but I had to wait until we were alone.

We posed for a few pictures and Robert left, taking the equipment outside. I lit a joint as Corey went out back to take a phone call- leaving me alone with Michael.

"I still think you should write your story Mia... I would even co-author it with you. I still have so many interviews with your dad when you were little, so much stuff I could give you.... you are not that little kid anymore. You can fight her. The entire community will fight with you." He said and I just nodded. "Think about it okay? Give me a call...."

"Just write a good article Mike.... you know how opposed I am to being in the limelight." I responded and he nodded as he showed himself out.

Now.... what to say to Corey......


	74. Not Now

Mia's P.O.V.

"I think that went well....." Corey said as he came back inside twenty minutes after Michael left. I was laying back on the sofa, smoking a joint and listening to music. Nirvana was playing from my phone and I was singing along to 'All Apologies'. I turned it down when he came in and I nodded, offering him a drag. He shook his head and I shrugged as I continued singing.

"I wish I was like you  
Easily amused  
Find my nest of salt  
Everything is my fault"

"God you sound like him.... I never noticed before...." he said softly as he sat down beside me and put a hand on my leg. "You good?"

I nodded. I wasn't going out of my way to ignore him, I was just pulling it all back in. Seeing Michael really stirred up some shit.... but I was dealing. When the song ended I turned my music off and put out the joint, laying down with my head on his lap. I had a lot I wanted to say but, I didn't know where to begin.

"I think it's gonna be well done. Michael won't fuck it up.." I said and he nodded. "I feel like I just generalized my thoughts though...."

"What else was there to say?" He asked as he ran his fingers under my shirt and across my bare stomach. I felt my brain scream as I laid there- dying to protect me and stop this conversation before I blurt out something that will get me hurt.

"Things I can't even say....out loud..."

He looked at me curiously. His fingers continued to move slowly and softly against my skin. All I could think about was how good being here with him was.

"Even to me..? He asked quietly and I nodded. He looked even more curiously as I took a deep breath, letting it out quickly like a deflated balloon. I had to do this. I needed to say it.

...all this time... I didn't even know...

But what if your wrong?! my brain screamed. What if he hurts you?!

...even if he doesn't feel the same way... I had to rip this bandaid off or I was gonna lose my mind...

I took another deep breath, closed my eyes for a second then looked into his eyes and let the words escape my mouth like they had been wanting to do, even though this was terrifyingly.

"I'm... in love with you..." I said quietly and felt my heart racing. He looked at me in surprise, his eyes wide, his lips trying to form words but no sound coming out. "I just... thought you should know......"

"I'm... fuck. I'm so fucking in love with you...." he whispered as his fingers touched my cheek as he looked down at me. "Have been for a long time if I am being honest with you.... and myself...."

"I didn't know..... I had no idea..." I said quietly and he nodded as his eyes locked onto mine. "If I would of.... if I..... fuck......"

"I thought it was one sided.... and years went by and I told myself at least you can see her once in a while... I told myself being friends was good enough.... I just wanted you in my life..."

"So, what made you finally ask me out?" I asked him and he chuckled.

"Honestly?" He asked and I nodded. He ran a hand over his head and I watched his face turn red and he mumbled something and then chuckled as I looked at him strangely. "Travis may of mentioned that you and Tom split and you were in hiding out in London...."

"So, that's why you started calling me?" I asked him and he nodded. "Cause seriously.... I loved staying with Mark and Skye... I really looked forward to talking to you every day."

"It was a good month..." he said, winking at me.

"To think, we could of done this years ago." I said shaking my head. "All the time we wasted..."

"I think everything happened just the way it needed to. We aren't the people we were in Vegas. Both of us were fucking broken.... we would of been mutually destructive...."

"Given this a bit of thought?" I asked him and he chuckled and nodded. "I just feel like.... this is too easy.... this is too good.... this is gonna fuck up if I start to enjoy it...."

"Yeah.... I fucking hear ya. I'm right there too... I wake up and you're in my bed and I'm like... God am I gonna see this ever again? Is she gonna leave? Will our lives even flow together? What is this in the long run?"

"Mental illness is a real bitch......" I said and he nodded. I was glad I wasn't alone with the insecure thoughts. His eyes were watching me as I stared at him. I said I loved him and I did- with all of my heart and soul.

Briefly I thought about Tom and knew I loved him- but I couldn't feel it anymore. Did I ever love him? I had to of...but God... not like this.. I never knew this feeling....

"So now what?" He asked and I shrugged. "I have another hour before I gotta leave for the studio...."

I got up as he spoke and straddled his lap, kissing him deeply. He wrapped an arm around my waist, grabbing my ass with his hand. I was so happy to have him in my life and I just wanted to keep him forever. I had no clue where we were gonna go from here or what we were gonna do in the future- but God I just loved him. I knew we didn't have time for sex but just being here with him was the best feeling ever.

"I love you Miss. Ricci" he said into my ear when the kiss broke and I kissed his neck as he moaned. His voice was just so god damn sexy.

"I love you too..." I said as I kissed him again, making the most of our time together.

****

I pulled up to Marks place around three in the afternoon and parked out front, waving to Mark as I got out of my car since he was getting out of his own vehicle when I pulled up. He walked over and gave me a hug, kissing me on the cheek.

"What up bestie?" He asked and I shrugged.

"Did the Rolling Stones interview today and then Corey left to go spend his day with Dave in the studio so I wanted to come visit my favorite bassist."

"Plus one and child are out visiting friends for the day so I was just gonna sit around and do nothing- but, your welcome to join." He said and I nodded, following him inside.

We grabbed some waters from the fridge and settled in the living room, settling on an episode of ridiculousness on MTV, laughing hard at skate fails. When a commercial came on he poked my arm, getting my attention.

"So, how did the interview go?"

"Good. I had no clue he was into me for all these years. He didn't even show up on my radar till Vegas....and we told the whole story. So...."

"Yeah but Skye and I were surprised when you went back to Tom after Vegas because I remember you telling us how overwhelming your feelings for Corey were."

"I ignored them. Dismissed them. I fucked myself up not going for it. I fucking love him Mark. And it's great and I'm freaking out."

"Remember when I was with Jo? We dated all thru high school and all the way till I met Skye. I dealt with her cheating and all the bullshit and her psycho shit. Then the more I was around Skye....."

"Oh god I had forgotten about that.... it was so long ago..." I said sighing. "Your grand dilemma."

"Exactly. All I could think was, how could I have ever loved Jo when my thoughts were all-consuming of Skye."

"You always know what to say...." I said as I nodded. "That's kind of where I am right now. I am so insanely in love with him and honestly I have been for a while. But, a few months ago I was begging Tom to stay with me. So...."

"Look... all I know is Jo was this super unhealthy relationship I had and it took me a long time to accept that. It's not that I didn't love her- but Skye is my soul mate.. and it's healthy. Do your heart and mind good and allow yourself to accept it. You loved Tom- but the dude is poison. He has hurt us both a thousand times and I'm just..... done."

"Me too......" I said as the show came back on. "Me too....."


	75. Pennsylvania

Lauren's P.O.V.

I was alone in Bam's living room with Mia. We were looking at memes on her phone, laughing hard. As the laughing died down I leaned in and kissed her. She didn't react at first, but then kissed me back with a passion as she laid back and I got on top of her, her phone hitting the ground with a thud. She moaned as I shoved my hand into her jeans and felt her wet panties, my fingers massaging her as she begged me not to stop.

I sat up.

Sweat beading on my forehead as I realized it was a dream. Another damn sex dream about Mia. Travis still slept soundly beside me as I sat there panting. My body was craving release and I knew I was going to have to self attend unless.... I glanced at the clock and sighed as the baby kicked. I was starving and it was only three a.m. I laid back down and ran my hand across Travis's bare back, hoping to wake him up but he was out cold.

I sighed in frustration and decided to get up for awhile. Heading downstairs to get something to eat and calm my body down. I had to leave in a few hours to go to work and I just.... was frustrated with these thoughts I kept having. Pregnancy was making me crazy. The baby kicked again as I rubbed my belly while sitting on the sofa, pulling out my phone to try and distract myself.

I took a pic of my baby bump with Mooses head on my lap and posted it on instagram, captioning it with The baby has 3am milkshake and French fry cravings- who's up for a late night road trip?. I laughed as I instantly had people from all over the world offering to come along. I knew they were mostly Blink fans but it was still sweet. I scrolled thru my feed, seeing pictures of celebrities I followed, friends back home and one of my mom and dad on a date night. Mia had a 5 second video posted of Corey, in the recording booth singing a small tease of the song him and Dave were working on. Her caption alone made me smile. 

'Watching this handsome man kill it in the studio tonight. I always enjoyed my life but I feel incredibly amazing these days. And it's all thanks to this maniac <3 <3 <3'

God she was so in love with him. Travis said the article comes out next week which will stir up some shit up for sure. We are going to be in West Chester-leaving the night before it comes out. Mia got me a job working with the Bloodhound Gang for a few days and she is spending some time with her east coast family. She also mentioned Corey was trying to get as much studio time in as possible so he could go with us which was a pretty massive deal to her.

Damn...now I'm thinking about the dream again. I feel like I can still taste her lip gloss. Licking my lips I sighed, petting Moose and standing up, forcing myself to find something to eat. The studio session in the morning was with Good Charlotte and although I met them once before I really wanted to be rested because the lead singer is a close friend of Travis's.

I settled on making some toast when my phone went off. Hearing the text notification I opened it and I smiled when I saw it was from Mia.

Hey mama. Just left the studio. Still want that milkshake? I can be there in 20 min.

Seriously? Yes.... sounds amazing!!

I put the bread away and went upstairs, putting one of Travis's hoodies on over my tank top and pulling yoga pants over my panties. I brushed my hair and went back downstairs- going out front to wait. About five minutes later a black bmw pulled up, Corey driving and Mia riding shotgun.

"Hey mama. Get in!" She said from the opened window and I nodded, hopping in the back.

"Hey Corey" I said as I closed my door and he nodded as he drove away from the house. "You guys didn't have to come get me in the middle of the night...." I said and Corey shrugged.

"We were starving anyway. There is a 60s themed diner like... a minute away, open 24/7. It was our goal anyway." Mia replied, making me feel less guilty.

"Yep.... been talking about those burgers all night..." Corey said laughing. I could hear how torn up his voice was, like he had been gargling nails all night. I heard that happens in his style of music but never witnessed it before. "Sorry I sound like I'm 80... long fucking session...." he added, coughing to clear his throat.

"It's all good....." I responded. "Mia were you working or just watching?"

"Both. I got vocals in one song but we didn't get to it tonight like we wanted. Tomorrow...." she said as we pulled up.

****

The diner was amazing. It was everything they promised with waitresses on roller skates and poodle skirts, old music and really good food. I ate an entire plate of fries and had a huge milkshake while we all talked about the baby, Travis working in Florida for a month and what I was doing in the studio. Corey paid, even though Mia insisted about a zillion times. They joked around constantly and I loved watching them interact. It was easy to tell how happy they both were.

They dropped me off around five a.m. and I walked inside slowly- slightly contact high from the weed Mia smoked on the drive back. Travis was in the living room and jumped up when he saw me- his face red.

"Where were you?!" He asked me quickly and I told him, making him sigh deeply and hug me.

"I fucking panicked. I tried calling you like a dozen times." I pulled out my phone and there they were. I had no clue- my phone was on silent.

"I'm sorry....." I said and he shook his head.

"No..... its okay. Now I mean. I just didn't know..." he said and I nodded.

"Well I had this sex dream and it woke me up and your son was starving so I went downstairs then Mia hit me up so I went to the diner with her and Corey."

"Sex dream huh?" He asked and I nodded. "About me?" He added and I nodded again. I couldn't exactly tell him my woman crush has turned into woman obsession since I got pregnant- I didn't know what he would do with that info.

He put a hand in my pants and I moaned. "I see your already wet for me baby..." he moaned into my ear and I nodded, breathing deeply as he brought me to orgasm with his hand right there in the living room. Without a word he bent me over the sofa and pulled my pants and panties down, inserting himself inside me from behind, grabbing my hip and slamming into me as he pulled my hair with his other hand. I was in tears from the pain and pleasure of it all as I felt him swell as I screamed out louder and louder. Letting go of my hair he slapped my ass before putting his hand around my neck- the feeling of choking making me cum instantly, him as well. I thought he was done as he withdrew but instead he slowly put in in my ass, and I felt myself cum again from the pain and pleasure as he took me. "You like that baby?" He moaned as I nodded, the pleasure unbearable. "You want me to stop?"

"Harder!" I screamed "Fuck me harder baby..." He grabbed my hips as I came again, feeling my orgasms running down my leg as I felt him explode inside me. Exhausted, I slowly pulled my clothes up and turned around, kissing him deeply.

"That was amazing..." I said sleepily, the feeling of exhaustion hitting me like a ton of bricks.

"Will you marry me?" He asked, pulling a ring out of his jeans and handing it to me. I looked down at my hand, seeing the black stone in the shape of a heart, the silver band feeling cold in my fingers.

"Yes." I said simply, sliding the ring on my finger. "Fucking yes Travis. Yes..." I said excitedly as I began to cry. This night has been a fucked up range of emotions and I couldn't bare it. He held me and rubbed my back as I laid my face on his bare chest, his heart racing faster than any beating drum could.

"I didn't really have this planned...." he said quietly as I kissed his skin. "I've been carrying that with me since London. I just...."

"It was perfect baby. This is all perfect..."


	76. Evil Voices

Mia's P.O.V.

It's been a long ass week of studio work. I went one day to hang out while Corey finished a song he was doing with Dave and got roped into doing a song with Corey as well as one with Dave. Ten very long twelve hour days, but all three tracks were done and sounded amazing. I couldn't wait till the album was finished- but I knew it would be a good six to eight months before that happened. I had a plane leaving for Philly in a few hours and Corey still hadn't really said whether he was coming or not. I laid beside him, watching him sleep- willing him to wake the hell up and give me an answer. Finally he stirred and I silently rejoiced.

"Morning Mr. Taylor...." I said and he smirked at me.

"You have been up for at least an hour." He replied. "You move a lot when you get up..."

"Well I gotta go home and finish packing. I have some clothes out there but I don't know exactly what."

"What times the flight?" He asked and I shrugged.

"I charter so I told the pilot around noon I would be there. So... ballpark in there somewhere."

He smirked, shaking his head. "You just get a private plane when you wanna go across the country. That's great...."

"Uhh... I hate airports. It's a small price to pay..." I responded and he just laughed. "So, you wanna come with me?"

"Isn't Bam like your ex or something?" He asked and I shrugged. "Won't this be incredibly awkward?"

"Well, we are crashing at Jess's place. The Margera family is absolutely amazing. And it won't be awkward. Shouldn't be anyway...."

"Ok but you are going to my grandma's house for thanksgiving. That's the deal..." he replied and I nodded.

"Deal..."

****

We arrived in Philly around 4pm, Lauren talking a mile a minute the whole way there. I was busy convincing myself just how not awkward this would all be. I spoke to Bam and Nikki a few times before today and they both swore it would be fine. This felt like the ultimate test. If our relationship could survive a trip here, it would survive anything.

Jess was all smiles as we got off the plane and introduced himself to Corey. CKY had a show in West Chester tomorrow that we were planning on going to around eight pm.

"So you wanna head to Apes?" Jess asked and I nodded. "Kell is over there with the kids. I left the Audi for you this morning."

"Thanks Jess." I responded. Jess quickly got lost in music conversation with Corey up front as Lauren talked my ear off in the back seat but I wasn't focused on either conversation. My thoughts were on my phone as I looked at all the promo for the article tomorrow. It was making me really nervous.

We pulled up out front of April's, Jess walking in with Lauren as I stood out front and lit a cigarette, Corey staying with me. "He's a good guy..." he said and I nodded in agreement. "So, you still want me here with you?"

"Eh. Nah... you can leave. I'm not actually serious about you..." I shrugged, making Corey laugh. "Honestly, this is my favorite house in the entire world. It just feels like what a home should be. I don't know how else to describe it. Plus... four amazing little people in there...." I added. "I'm fucking crazy about Jess's kids."

"I'm definitely feeling less awkward now that I'm here with you... I was stressed about this." he admitted as I put out my cigarette.

We went in and I hugged all the kids, almost crying when I saw that Juliet was walking now. Last time I was here she just started crawling. Ape and Phil were their normal amazing selves and it was a comfortable evening. April made chili and cornbread, and even though Kelly tried taking the baby I was more than happy eating with her on my lap. Corey and Jess spent most of the night hanging out- watching sports with Phil and London.

Around 8pm everyone left, Lauren heading over to Jess's with them so she could get some sleep. Corey and I said good night to Ape and Phil and went outside, getting into the Audi.

"Where we headed?" Corey asked from the passenger seat.

"I'm feeling like skating..." I said to him and he raised his eyebrows. "Told Bam to meet me at the barn."

"Ah... time to meet your ex..." he sighed. 

"I swear it's gonna be fine." I promised.

We pulled up to the gate and followed the drive up thru the trees, past the pond and the house and parked over by the barn. Bam was sitting on the hood of his Bentley and smiled big when I got out, giving me a huge hug then shaking Corey's hand.

"What's up woman?" He asked me and I shook my head. "Ready to go shred a bit?" I nodded and we headed down to the barn and I hugged Nikki and Novak as they approached. They both greeted Corey and everyone fell into comfortable conversation. "You see the viceland video? It came out yesterday."

"Yep, I caught it. Its really fucking well done. I feel like it should of been longer...." I said joking. "Like it didn't have an end..."

"He's making it. Every day...." Nikki said, winking at me. "You guys go skate and ill keep Corey company." She said and we nodded, heading off.

****

It was nearly midnight when we got in the car to head back to Jess's house. We all skated for about an hour then just sat around talking. Corey laughed hard when Bam told him the story of me being hit by a bull and breaking three ribs during the filming of Jackass Two.

"So, what did ya think?" I asked him as I drove towards Jess's house.

"You guys have been friends for a lot of years. You probably have enough stories to fill months." He said laughing. "But it was fun. I gotta admit......"

"Really?" I asked and he nodded. "That's a relief. So, tomorrow morning I gotta drive Lauren up to Jimmy Pops house and then we have the afternoon to do whatever. In the evening there's the CKY show and we leave following morning."

"Yeah, Nikki mentioned you are always busy when you're here."

I pulled up to Jess's house and parked, walking inside quietly with Corey. Jess and Chad were in the dining room drinking beers when we walked in and offered us one.

Corey accepted, going over and sitting down but I was exhausted. "Imma head to bed. But ill see you guys tomorrow okay?" I asked and they all agreed- saying goodnight.

God it was good to be back here, and to share this with Corey was amazing.


	77. Dimes

Mia's P.O.V.

I woke up to a knock on the guest room door around 8am. Before I could say a word the door opened.

"Hey, what time are we... oh shit! Sorry!" Lauren screeched as she covered her eyes and I looked over to see Corey naked beside me, me naked as well. I pulled the blanket over us that was on the floor quickly then nudged him awake. He looked up at me then over at Lauren, cursing.

"Lauren! We will be out in a minute!" I scolded her as she left, shutting the door, apologizing again. 

"Ugh... I'm so beat....." Corey said as he pulled me close to him. I remember him coming to bed sometimes before the sun rose, taking a shower and us making love till we fell asleep.

"What did you do last night?" I asked as I got up.

"Just bullshit. Drank some beers and talked. Your friends are cool as fuck." He said as he pulled some clothes on. "I actually felt bad as the day went on- I really didn't wanna come here. But it's awesome. I'm having fun."

"Told ya!" I responded, kissing him good morning.

We headed downstairs, saying good morning and catching up for a few minutes before getting on the road. Corey, Jess and Chad already fell into conversation and were talking about going to play a bit. I was slightly bummed that he was leaning towards staying here- but mostly because it was a long drive back alone.

Bam walked in just as Lauren and I were getting ready to leave and stuck out his hand.

"What?" I asked him and he laughed.

"Keys woman. I'm driving.." I laughed, looking at him like he was nuts.

"Go... get outta here. We will keep Corey busy for ya- unless you wanna ride with them" Jess said looking over at Corey and he shrugged.

"I'm good wherever..." he responded and Jess looked at me again with his eyebrows raised.

"See? It's settled. Get outta here. Your big brothers are here!" I nodded, smirking at Jess, kissing Corey goodbye and following Bam and Lauren out of the house.

Lauren settled into the backseat, going to sleep almost immediately. She told me her and Kelly stayed up most of the night talking and she was beat. The music was blaring and with Bam driving the ride was under an hour there.

****

"Jess has been having wet dreams over you bringing Corey home since he found out you were dating!" Bam said once we headed back. "He's never been so happy to hear you were coming."

"Yeah I can tell. But Corey fucking loves him so it's all working out." I said laughing.

"I think he fucking loves you too..." he said winking. "And I'm pretty sure the feelings mutual."

"Yeah.... it is...." I confessed.

"Look at us. Both getting our shit together... never thought I'd see the day..."

"Me either. Ry would be so fucking shocked..." I responded and he laughed.

"Seriously though... I know you know this... but I'm gonna tell you anyway. My door is always fucking open to you okay? You know Nik and I love you.."

"Thanks Bam Bam. I love you both too....."

****

It was around one in the morning and I was laying in bed with Corey, exhausted but happy. We were both breathing heavy, wrapped up in the sheets- my arm around his stomach.

"I love you Mia...." he whispered and I kissed his lips.

"Love you too."

Tonight was incredible. We went to the CKY show and rocked out, then came back here and hung out for a few hours before coming up here and spending some much needed time together. Lauren would be back in the morning and then we were heading home. Our own homes....maybe? His? Mine? We have spent almost every night together for over a month- almost always at his place but sometimes at my own. I was basically living out of a duffel bag.

"So what are your plans when you get home tomorrow?" He asked me and I could hear how tired he was.

"I gotta swing by Matt's. We are working on a song and he has Ringo. After that, I don't know. What about you?"

"I'm probably gonna go hook up with Jim and start going over a tour schedule. We head out in a few weeks."

"When are ya leaving?"

"Uh... December 1st we start the European tour. February we start the US tour. I don't come home till the end of April."

"Shit......" I said quietly and he rubbed my back. "I knew you had a tour coming but... shit."

"I don't wanna leave either. It was all scheduled before...."

"I get it.." I said and he nodded, kissing my temple. "Ill miss you."

"That goes without saying...." he replied sleepily as we fell asleep together.


	78. Uncool as You

Lauren's P.O.V.

Not being able to tell anyone that Travis proposed was killing me. I was ready to scream it from the mountaintops, but he swore me to secrecy- deciding we should plan some big way to announce it. I agreed, keeping the ring in my jewelry box at home until we could make it official.

I spent the night at Jimmy Pops house (from the Bloodhound Gang) in western Pennsylvania. He wanted fresh eyes and ears on him new album so Bam suggested me. I was grateful for the job and the break from working on the Good Charlotte album- which was dragging. Jimmy took me to the airport when I got up- and as soon as I was on the plane I was asleep.

"Laur.....Laur..... wake up honey. We're back in LA." I heard Mia's voice softly in my ear and her hand on my arm as I slowly opened my eyes. "Come on honey... let's get you home."

Mia rode with me since her vehicles were at home and Corey went in his car to go do stuff. She slept till I got to Matt's and dropped her off out front. She looked pretty beat from the trip but swore it wasn't anything a few drinks wouldn't fix.

I read the article yesterday when it came out. It was really well written but I was surprised and how long Corey was into her before she even glanced in his direction. I was also surprised that it mentioned she was Kurt's oldest child- I thought it was some deep seeded Hollywood secret.

The drive home was peaceful- almost no traffic aside from the celebrity tour buses that ride by every half hour. Travis was in the kitchen cooking a feast when I walked in, music blaring from the sound system. He hugged me tightly- looking thrilled that I was home.

"What's up?" He asked me and I shrugged.

"Completely beat.... it's been a long couple days."

"Go take a bath and relax. I'll finish cooking dinner and be up to check on you."

I nodded and headed upstairs, so damn grateful for him. He really was everything I could of ever hoped for. I went into our room and made our bed, since it was a jumbled mess- then went in the bathroom. Candles were around the tub and bubble bath on the sink. Damn he was thoughtful.

I undressed once I filled the tub, excited to get in the warm water and bubbles. The baby seemed to be doing somersaults today from the plane ride. I gathered up my clothes and opened the hamper, and just as I was about to put my clothes in, I stopped.

Rainbow thongs?

Those aren't mine.....

My brain went screaming with a zillion possibilities. Maybe they were Alabama's... as gross as that would be- she's 11. Maybe they are Mia's or Skye's or maybe he had friends over and....

What was I doing?!

I walked back downstairs and into the kitchen completely naked. When I realized he didn't notice me I cleared my throat. Travis turned around with a smile but lost all expression when I held the panties up in front of me.

"Whose are these?!" I asked him and he looked both terrified and confused, all at once.

"Yours...aren't they?" He responded and I shook my head. He stared at me but didn't say a word.

"Travis, did you need any help in....WOAH.. SORRY!!" Mark yelled when he saw the scene before him. He was here and I didn't even know it, not that I cared at this moment. He had his hand over his eyes but didn't move, moving his head in the direction of Travis and laughing nervously. "Dude, why is Lauren naked showing you her panties in the middle of the kitchen?"

"They aren't mine....." I stated and Mark whistled loudly, shaking his head.

"Yup.... I'm going back outside.... good luck buddy...." he said as he patted Travis on the back and turned around quickly, disappearing thru the double doors.

"Baby......" Travis said softly, taking a step towards me and I backed up.

"Whose?!" I asked and he sighed.

"Listen.... Shanna came over and we were talking about the holidays and having some wine and...." his voice trailed off and he swallowed hard. "Baby......"

"Your a fucking asshole!" I yelled at him, throwing her dirty panties at him. "I'm so fucking outta here!"

"You can't fucking leave! Where the Fuck are you gonna go?!" He screamed and I shook my head, walking back upstairs. He was right on my heel but I slammed the door and locked it. As he banged loudly on the door I pulled some clothes on real quick and grabbed my duffle bag from under the bed, dumping as much of my clothes as I could into it. When I opened the door he was standing there, blocking my way out.

"Move." I said angrily and he shook his head.

"Not till we talk about this!" He snapped and I shoved past him. "You can't just fucking leave! You didn't even give me a chance to explain!!"

"Apparently.... I can..." I yelled, walking down the stairs and out of the house.

I walked for a while, not really knowing where I was going and once I was exhausted put my duffle bag on the ground, sitting on top of it and cried.

****

I had been sitting for about an hour when Skye pulled up, hollering my name and beckoning me to come to her. My chest hurt from screaming and my face was puffy from crying as I slowly got up and grabbed my bag, basically dropping into her front seat.

"Mark called me. Wanna go to my house? Travis free zone I swear...." I nodded and wiped my eyes, looking down at my dirty feet. I was in such a rush to leave I forgot shoes. I didn't even have my phone. I felt so...... broken. He did the one thing he swore he would never do.

Once I got to Skye's I took a shower and laid down in the bed Travis and I have shared many times before. My whole body shook as I cried, unable to even think about what the future was going to look like. All I could think about is how he could destroy us and what would of happened....had I not found her underwear.


	79. Time to Waste

Mia's P.O.V.

My phone rang around 9pm pulling me from my thoughts. Matt and I were working on our second bottle of whiskey, laughing and joking- our notebooks and guitars discarded in the other room. There were other people randomly scattered but they weren't important, it was all just background music to accompany the music playing from the speakers.

"Markie!!!!! How's my favorite bassist?!" I asked when I saw his name on the screen.

"Mia, where are you?"

"I'm at Skiba's.... we are...." I started laughing as Matt emptied the bottle into my glass, spilling it on my lap when he handed it to me. "...shit. sorry Margie... ha! I mean Markie! Did you hear that?! I called you Margie! Like the Simpson's!!"

"Oh..... your wasted.... aren't you?!" He asked and I laughed, relaying the question to Matt making him laugh also. "Ok... Travis is saying he needs liquid therapy too. Guess we are coming over..."

"Mark! Matt says he's coming over with Travis...!" I said to Matt and then laughed. "I mean... never mind... you know what I mean..."

"Okay bestie.. try to pace yourself... we will be by soon..." Mark said, hanging up the phone.

Matt and I started cracking up all over again. It was so good to just kick back and hang out, not worried about anyone or anything- I had no stress.... no worries.... no problems. Just a relaxing night with an old friend. Ringo was asleep by my feet, happy to have me home, Corey and I were solid....

What could go wrong?

It was another quarter of a bottle before Mark and Travis showed up- but I had almost completely forgotten they were coming by.

"Hey guys!" Mark said enthusiastically, sitting down beside me on the loveseat, Travis sitting down beside Matt and instantly grabbing a bottle and taking a long swig. Someone was ready to get fucked up.

"Hey besties!" I replied as I handed Mark a drink. "Drink with me! You gotta catch up!"

"I'm drinking but there's no way I'm catching up. You are fucked up girl!" He responded then pointed at Travis who was downing more of the bottle. "He will catch up in no time. Don't worry. You two can get your stomachs pumped together!"

"I'll have you know I can handle myself just fine funny man...." I said finishing my cup and handing it to Matt. "Oh my god! Remember that time when I called you Margie?! That was funny!"

"It was like 20 minutes ago....." he responded, laughing hard at me. "Matt! What did you do to her?!"

"Not me man! She came over and we started working on music and she's like... let's drink... and well... ta da!!!"

****

It was around eleven when I realized there was a problem. Mark being there slowed down my drinking because we were talking so much, and I felt like I could think a little bit again. At least enough to see Travis was not slowing down. He didn't really talk, just sat there and drank- doing an occasional line with Matt and I.

"Travis. My best friend sensors are going off. What's wrong?" I asked and he looked up and shook his head.

"Lauren left me......" he simply responded and I sat up quickly, looking at him like he was insane.

"Wait.... what?! How?! Why?!" I asked quickly and he shrugged, killing another bottle and grabbing a third. Mark passed me a joint and put an arm around my back.

"She found Shanna's panties in the house and wouldn't let me explain.... she thought I cheated."

"Did you?!" I asked and he shook his head again and gave me a mean look. "Well I had to ask. You're human..."

"She got drunk, got naked, took a shower and I found her asleep in my bed. I let her sleep- I just took a guest room and when she got up this morning I guess she forgot her panties. I found moose with them and assumed they were Lauren's so I threw them in the hamper. I swear to god...."

"Tell her that!" I yelled and Mark shook his head at me.

"She won't talk to me. I tried. She packed a bag and left. She's with Skye. She says Lauren has been crying since she got there. I'm giving her time...."

I nodded. I knew there was nothing to be done tonight, so getting wasted with friends was a great backup plan.

"You'll work it out...." I said handing him the joint. "In the mean time let's just drink till we forget about it.

****

The sun was shining thru the curtains and as I opened my eyes they burned. My head was pounding and my body hurt like I was dropped from a two story building. I looked around- I was clearly still at Matt's, and I was on the... loveseat?! I could see Travis passed out on the sofa with Ringo snuggled up against him. I felt an arm around me and was slightly terrified when I realized I was in just a bra and my jeans. Why was I stripping?! I got up slowly and then looked behind me to see Mark sleeping soundly.

Oh thank god I was sleeping next to Mark. I was so blacked out wasted.....

"Mark!" I said loudly in his ear and he jumped up, hitting me in the head with his own. I cursed as I grabbed my skull, and he did the same. "Oww God dammit Mark! What the fuck?!"

"You scared me! I was having a dream that Skye was in labour!"

"Another labour dream?! She gave birth fourteen years ago! Chill!!!" I yelled as I laughed. "Come outside and smoke with me...." I asked and he nodded, taking my hand and heading out back.

"There you are!!!!" Matt said, handing us each a joint when we sat down at the table. "I was wondering when you were getting up!" There were a few people sitting around out here but pretty much left me alone after I spent all night ignoring them.

"Are you drinking already?!" Mark said loudly, pointing to Matt's glass and he laughed.

"Already? I haven't been to bed yet. I'm still going!" He replied and I gave him a high five. "Mia and I have done a seven day binge before. More than once....."

"Yeah I'm thinking maybe... I may of.... wrote a song about that for Manson....." I replied and Matt cracked up.

"Ricci can you head home with me? I have a feeling Skye will need assistance with Lauren." Mark asked and I nodded.

"I gotta stop by my place and drop off Ringo first." I replied as I put sunglasses over my eyes. "Maybe find my shirt first....."

"You need a shower anyway- you smell like a liquor store." He cracked.

"Thanks Hoppus... your a real pal..." I said as I punched his arm and he faked severe pain making everyone laugh.


	80. Chump

Lauren's P.O.V.

I sat in the leather chair, watching Benji sing. Joel sat beside me, texting on his phone at a million miles an hour as I listened to a song they have been working on for almost two weeks. The rest of the album was done, it was just vocals that needed done, and I was so tired of this album by now- I could perform it solo... in my sleep.

As the song ends I give him the thumbs up, Chris, the other engineer, stopping the song. "How was it?" He asked when he came out of the booth and Joel gave him a thumbs up. "Playback? I think if it's good the songs done. Only five more to go."

"Yeah. Absolutely." I said and then looked up as Mia walked into the room.

"What's up guys?!" She said, giving me and the brothers hugs- sitting down on the sofa next to Benji. "What's everyone up to? Is the studio paying you to text Joel?" She scolded him with a laugh and he gave her the finger.

"Is there ANYONE you don't know?!" I asked her and she pointed to Chris who was staring hard at her. It was hard not to. Her hair was freshly colored black with red tips, done up in curls, her makeup flawless, and she was wearing heels, short black jean skirt and a red shirt that tied around her back and neck.

"Well.... she produced our first album. She's a goddess. Wouldn't date us though. We tried...." Joel said winking and she glared at him.

"Oh... go fuck Nicole Richie!!" She snapped back, making him gasp.

"I'd leave her for you, my queen!" He said dramatically, getting on his knees in front of her as Benji bowed beside her. She shook her head and pushed Benji with her foot making them both laugh and high five.

"Seriously though" Benji said after he cleared his throat. "She is the master. Play her the track. If she thinks it's good... it's good."

The song played and she closed her eyes as she listened. I stared at her silver hoops and perfect cleavage, the way her lips were parted just a small bit, the way she was tapping her finger on her bare leg as it ended.

Shit. It already ended?!

"That was seriously good." She said and winked at me. "Brilliant work."

"That's babe!" Benji said, kissing her cheek.

"Guys, can I steal Laur for five minutes or so?" She asked and they nodded, smacking Chris on the arm and leaving the room even though Chris looked confused why he had to leave.

"I guess you heard....." I said to her and she nodded. "Look.... I just.... I can't.... Can I stay at your place for a while?"

"Yeah. You can.... you know that. Alisha is back too. But you should hear him out. It's not even remotely what you think. I swear....."

"I just need a few days. Then I will go talk to him okay? I just..... it was too much...."

"Alright. Good. Take my mustang to go to work tomorrow okay? Ringo is there so feed him."

"Wait. You won't be there?" I asked and she shook her head.

"Going out to dinner with Corey and his band mates and their significant others. So..... I am a little nervous....."

"Good luck! If it's any consolation you look hotter than ever. Hair is a nice touch." I said as I gave her a hug. "They are gonna love you!" She nodded, giving me another hug and left the room.

I sat in the quiet, a sigh escaping my lips. This was all too much. I went back to the house early this morning- broken glass and pans full of food tossed across the floor, the television smashed and moose locked outside. I went upstairs and grabbed my phone as well as shoes- wanting to talk to Travis when I got there but relieved he was gone. I thought about cleaning but didn't want him to know I had even stopped by.

Chris walked in and sat down beside me, looking at me curiously. "Do you know who the fuck that was?!" He asked and I nodded. "She's a legend around here. Her vocals are.... damn. How.... how do you know her?!"

"I interned for her a year ago. It's how I got this job." I replied and looked away, hoping he would drop it. I had worked with him a dozen times but I didn't go telling the people I worked with who I was dating or who I knew. I didn't want them to judge my work based on the guy I was having a baby with.

"The guys left. They said they needed to go home for the weekend. See their wives." Chris said and I looked at him, totally annoyed.

"It's Wednesday." I snapped and he shrugged. I guess I had to go home now. Or to Mia's. I didn't want to go back to Skye's, that's for sure. I noticed it was after six, so I had no reason to stay here.

"So...wanna get some dinner?" Chris asked and I shrugged, looking at my growing belly while I rubbed it. I was starving but I didn't want to chance bumping into Travis anywhere. "Or uh... see a movie or something? I heard the It remake was pretty sweet."

I thought about how wrong it was to go, and then I thought about how stupid it was to feel guilty. I didn't have Travis to rush home to. I didn't have anyone. Why should I feel guilty for having friends?!

"Ya know... that sounds awesome. Sure..." I responded and he looked at me strangely, pointing to his Bluetooth.

He wasn't talking to me.

Fuck.

I laughed at myself for being stupid and stood up, waving goodbye and walking down the hall and out the back door. I walked the three blocks back to civilization and hailed a cab- heading to Mia's place.

****

Ringo greeted me excitedly and I pet him for several minutes before feeding him and walking into my old room, smiling at the clean sheets, towels and note from Mia- reminding me to order some dinner for Alisha and myself. She was too amazing- knowing I would come here. I ordered some dinner, grabbed a quick shower and was brushing my hair in the living room when the buzzer went off. I opened the door with a smile, taking the bag and quickly locking the door.

"Hey!! Is that Chinese?!" I heard someone say loudly and I turned to see Alisha standing behind me, hands on her hips. She was about 5'9, long blonde hair and super thin. She was beautiful in every standard way a girl can be- but her personality was very much like Billys. She was all extremes and seriousness. We never really had a 'bonding moment'.

"Yep. Mia said you were here so I figured... dinner and a movie?"

"Sounds better than wallowing in self pity....." she responded and I looked at her curiously as she grabbed plates and chopsticks. "God... so.... Billy called me his ex wife's name during sex." She said and my eyes went wide as she nodded. "And we were drunk. I was on top so I stopped and called him out- he got real mad and shoved me off him."

"Jesus......." I responded and she shrugged.

"So I got mad and I punched him and he hit me back and then..... well.... let's just say the cops came but no one got arrested."

"When did this happen?!" I asked and she shrugged.

"Week or two? Whatever day Mia did that Rolling Stones interview. I knew she's at Corey's almost full time so I just hid out here. Well... until she comes home today and catches me standing in only my panties eating ice cream out of the container in the living room." She said laughing. "Mark was with her and screamed 'NOT AGAIN' as he hid his eyes!"

"Oh my god!" I said laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. "He totally saw me naked yesterday!"

"Yeah... he filled me in on that after I got dressed and Mia yelled at me for hiding here and not telling her. Fucking men... AmIRight?!" She rolled her eyes and took a bite of her food, me nodding in response. Looks like we had something to bond over after all.


	81. Dirty Water

Lauren's P.O.V.

It's been six days since I've touched Travis and I craved his fingers upon my skin, his lips upon my own, his arms around my body. I missed his smells, his voice, his laugh, his insane behavior.

But what I wanted more, was Mia.

It's been five days since I have seen her at the studio but I could not stop dreaming of her. I was actually terrified that I was in love with her and that is why she surrounds my thoughts. My obgyn said that sex dreams are perfectly normal but these were intense. I needed to get my mind off of her.

My phone rang and I sighed, seeing it was Travis. I let it go to voicemail and then got a text message.

I know your there. I'm out front. Let me in.

Sighing, I opened the front door to see him standing there, hands in his oversized hoodie and hat on backwards. I stood aside while he walked in and stopped beside me.

"Can we talk?" He asked and I shrugged, rubbing my belly.

"I guess...." I responded, sitting on the sofa and motioning him to go on as he sat down and stared at me.

"You gotta let me explain...." he started and I cut him off.

"I got you thirty five drunk messages the other night.... not to mention your non-stop text messages. I know you didn't screw her. But it scared me- something broke me and I hate that I'm living in your house and driving your truck and having your baby and if you had screwed her I would be homeless with no car and a baby on the way. I need time....." Plus I can't stop dreaming of Mia naked I added in my head but... kept it to myself.

"So instead your driving Mia's car and living in Mia's house?!" He snapped and I shrugged. "Ya know, she's a nice person but she's got her own shit going on. Quit hiding here and come home. Handle our shit. I miss you."

"I'm not hiding! I'm just not..... ready...."

"I'm leaving tonight. Go home and spend the next month working and whatever... but it's your home. And our sons home. Please don't leave me...." he begged, taking my hand. "I love you so much.."

"Ill be home before you get back. I'm not leaving you. I promise..." I said, pulling him close and kissing him- even though I wasn't convinced I was ready to come home.

*********************************************

Mia's P.O.V.

I couldn't believe that Thanksgiving was just two days away. The thought totally blew my mind. Tomorrow Corey and I are heading to his grandma's house for the holiday- flying back the night of. Our plan is to just spend as much time together as possible- since he leaves in a week for a 5 month tour.

"What ya thinking about?" He asked me from the other side of the sofa and I shrugged, putting down the notebook I was drawing in.

"You....." I responded and he smiled before putting down the book he was reading and putting his hand out, pulling me towards him effortlessly. I ran my hand along his skin- so thankful he was shirtless. I loved his body so much.

"Oh yeah? What about me?" He asked and I chuckled.

"Currently I'm appreciating your discarded shirt..."

"Well that's cause someone threw it across the living room earlier....." he responded and I thought back to our random sex session of this morning- my body shivering at the memory.

"Oops....." I responded. "Oh well....."

"But seriously... you okay?"

"Yeah..... thinking about your tour and how much I'm gonna miss you........r house." I said giggling as he pinched me. "Hey! That hurt!"

"Well I'm gonna miss you....r ass. And your dog...." he said smartly and I cracked up.

"Fucker!"

"Bitch!"

Exploding into laughter we sat together, my arm around his waist and his arm around me. He was an addiction I could never get enough of.... a fix that never stops giving pleasure.... a high no other drug can top.

"For real though.... you're welcome to stay here. You have a key. I was hoping you would take care of Loki for me anyway. I know your gone for a week in December- so I can board him.... but you are absolutely welcome to....ya know... stay here. With or without me."

Wait.

Did he just? No.... he didn't...... did he?

"Did you just casually ask me to live with you?!?" I blurted out to him and he shrugged.

"I mean.... yeah...." he said quietly, his cheeks red as I looked at him confused.

"Well..... I mean..... there's...... and then there's..... but I mean..... "

I tried to make a sentence but only gibberish came out and I gave up, sighing.

"Nah I mean it's cool if you don't want to..... I know you like having your own space. I respect that. I was just thinking.... you're here all the time anyway....."

"True......" I replied. "It would be nice to not live outta duffle bag...."

"So why don't I give you a place to put your clothes and we revisit this idea when I get home in April?"

I nodded. It wasn't that I didn't want to live with him, but I did have a house.... and I have not lived with someone since I was 15. People will stay with me.... I have never lived with another person. The idea of relying on someone bothers me.

"So.... as much as I love you here- what's happening at home that you showed up last week and haven't left?" He asked and I laughed. He never stopped calling me on my bullshit and making me face it.

I thought about that night and shook my head. I gave Lauren five days of privacy- staying here and letting her work thru her issues but when Travis left for his month in Florida I went home, telling Corey I thought she needed a friend. Instead what I got was her talking about how she was catching feelings for someone- but wouldn't tell me who. I got so mad I packed a bag, grabbed Ringo and left. I hated that she was considering hurting Travis- she is pregnant with his kid. She didn't even tell him! Alisha was seeing Billy again, but hadn't moved back in with him full term.

"It's not important...." I said and he nodded. "Typical drama.... I'm working to be less involved in others peoples lives- it makes me ignore my own and I happen to really like my life these days."

"Oh yeah? Any particular reason?"

"Uh.. yeah!" I said loudly. "My boyfriend has a cat!" As I dramatically stated this I picked up Loki and hugged him.

"You're such an ass!" He replied, shoving my shoulder and laughing. "I dunno why my band loves you.... they haven't seen your mean side!"

"I don't have a mean side..." I said, frowning at him. "I'm an angel...."

"And my family's gonna love you" he responded seriously, winking and kissing my lips.


	82. We Know Where You Fucking Live

Lauren's P.O.V.

Thanksgiving came and went- and I spent it alone. Mark, Skye and Jack invited me over but I declined- telling them I was feeling ill. In reality I just wanted to be alone.

Mia showed up on black Friday- telling me she would be staying at Corey's full time, to take care of his cat while he is on tour. I was pissed- honestly hoping she would be spending the next five months at home with me. She also told me I needed to go home soon and start preparing for the baby to be born. I think it was her polite way of saying to get out.

So I'm now back at home.

I get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, shower and sleep. It's only been a few days but I was adjusting. The good charlotte album was finished- and I was now working on a rapper named token- he was only 17 years old. Fred Durst, the lead singer from a nineties band called Limp Bizkit, was funding his album so he was in the studio all day with us.

And damn... he drove me crazy.

I was happy I was off till Wednesday, just so I could have a break from him. His sexual advances were getting harder and harder to resist. I was playing fetch with Moose when my phone rang, I smiled and answered it.

"Hey mom." I said and I heard her telling my dad to be quiet.

"Good afternoon. Can I come out for a visit in a few weeks? I bought Christmas presents for you and your family. I would love to spend the holidays with you, if it's alright."

"I would love that mom! But.... what about dad?" I asked and she sighed.

"He's working honey, you know how it goes. But with my job as a professor the college closes next week and won't open again till end of January- my schedule is open for you."

"Well mom, you are always welcome here. We would love to have you!" I replied. I couldn't stop smiling- the thought of my mom being here makes me so happy.

"Ok I gotta run. I love you!"

I was happier now than I have been in weeks and the more I thought about it the more I realized I really missed her. Realizing I should check with Travis, I opened my phone and shot him a text.

*Hey.. so my mom is flying out next week to spend the holidays with us. I mean... if it's okay...*

My phone rang almost immediately and I answered it, knowing it was him.

"Hey babe..." I said and I heard him let off nervous chuckle.

"Hey! Does this mean you're home?" He asked excitedly.

"Yeah.... I'm home. When do you get back?"

"Uh.... three weeks. Two maybe but we'll see. I just know I love you."

"I love you too. I've been confused and I'm sorry. My dreams have me all messed up...." I confessed and I knew I needed to tell him, but how do I start?!

"Dreams?" He asked and I sighed.

"I've been having a lot of sex dreams..... and not about you.... and I was trying to figure out if I subconsciously was feeling a certain way about someone. But my doctor swears it's just the pregnancy. I'm so embarrassed...."

"Who?" He asked, sounding both angry and scared which made me sigh.

"It's not important. I'm home. I didn't act on it or anything.... I just..... it's stupid." I replied quickly, hoping that would deter him from knowing.

"I gotta know. I'm sorry. You can tell me, I won't judge...." he sounded more calm, but desperate for an answer.

"Oh god..... I really don't wanna tell you....." I said and he didn't say anything in response. Minutes went by before I sighed loudly. "Ok... i'll tell you but then I'm hanging up. I don't wanna hear your response okay?" I asked, hoping he would drop it.

"Do what you gotta do...."

"Dammit. Fine. I've been dreaming of Amelya..." I said and then ended the call, tossing my phone on the sofa. There, now he knew. I'm home and that is what needed to matter.

************************************************

Travis's P.O.V.

"Dammit. Fine. I've been dreaming of Amelya.."

Call Ended.

I stared at the screen for several minutes as I shook my head and smoked a cigarette. She was having sex dreams of Mia?! What the fuck?! Why would I care about that? Actually, it's kinda hot. It's not like Mia isn't extremely attractive.... I have thought about it but... it's just not..... she's not..... she's my best friend.

That is who she thought she had feelings for though? She has to realize that is the farthest thing from a possibility- especially now. Mia texted me and told me she was gonna be staying at Corey's, which was the biggest move she has ever made. Things might be moving quickly between them but honestly she deserved it. I pulled out my phone and sent my girl a text- just so she knew I was good with it.

*Baby. I don't care. No reason to be embarrassed. She's hot. You're hot. I wish I could sit in and watch your dreams. I love you.*


	83. Hesitate

Mia's P.O.V.

"I am gonna miss you...." Corey said breathlessly as we laid in his bed. He had to leave in about an hour and we were getting in as much time together- in every way possible. He rubbed my bare back and I held him close as I listened to his heart pound. "I'm not gonna see you again till February. Ugh..." he groaned and I chuckled.

"It's gonna fly... we both know this...." I responded and he nodded. I was going to West Chester for a few weeks for the holidays, then starting the new Blink album in January. We were getting some days in February before he left again and that was pretty exciting for us both. Plus Lauren was due on the first of that month, so I would be busy helping her. "Doesn't mean I'm not gonna miss you also. But think of the welcome home sex."

"That's something to look forward to....." he said as he kissed me. "Well.... I gotta go get ready...." he said quietly, standing and walking to the bathroom, looking back at me with his face full of love and admiration before shutting the door.

God I was crazy about him. He was everything that made me happy. Tom was almost a distant memory these days- I barely even thought about him except when I saw him post a picture on instagram. All I knew was, I had to stay super busy so this time would fly by. His band members seemed to really like me, his grandmother was crazy about me, and his siblings said I was the most normal person he has ever brought home.

I have half his dresser and half the closet full of my clothes now, but I'm keeping all my other belongings home for now- still working every day from my office for at least an hour. With Alisha still living at home Ringo has been here or there depending on the day, currently at home where I'm heading after Corey leaves.

My phone went off and I picked it up, checking my text messages, reading one from Mark and laughing.

*Does parodying the radio count as writing time? If so I got some great hits!*

*No Mark.... your not weird al.... although a parody ep would be funny...*

Corey came out of the bathroom in jeans and a white t-shirt that hugged his muscles perfectly, making me smile.

"You checking me out?" He asked and I nodded. "You look like you're picturing me naked..."

"Maybe I am..." I responded, winking at him as I got up. "Would that be so wrong?"

"Well.... no. But I don't have to imagine..." he said as he scanned my naked body as I stood in front of him, then grabbed his phone and took a picture.

"Beat material?" I asked him and his face turned red as he nodded, walking up to me and kissing my lips. "I love you." I said quietly in his ear; he kissed me again in response.

I got a shower, pulling a pair of jeans and a tank top on before heading downstairs. Corey sat out front on his duffle bag, smoking a cigarette and talking on the phone, patting his thigh for me to come sit on him as I approached. Soon as I sat down he ended the call and wrapped his arm around my waist as a black suv pulled up.

"That's my ride love. I gotta get...." he said quietly, throwing his cigarette onto the pavement. I stood up and put out my hand, pulling him to his feet and wrapping my arms around him one last time. "You make me so fucking happy Miss Ricci..." he said and then crashed his lips against my own. In this moment I wondered how I ever lived without him in my life. I honestly had no idea what I was missing out on.

"I love you..." I told him as my forehead pressed against his and he smiled.

"I love you too..." he said one last time before kissing my cheek and letting me go, picking up his bag and leaving in the back of the vehicle.

I stood for several minutes, looking at the spot where the car was parked, silently wishing he would return. I thought a few times in the last month how much I wanted to go with him, but I just had too much scheduled. He mentioned it also, but in the end we both realized we were being ridiculous- we could spend a few months apart. I mean, we spent our whole lives apart, so what was a few months in comparison?

So, if it's so easy, why do I feel like he just left with my oxygen?!

I went inside and cleaned the house, seriously annoyed that he doesn't have a maid. I mentioned having Lizette come here, but he is a really private person and doesn't like the idea of having a stranger in the house. I didn't exactly blame him but I never in my life had to do so much for myself before and it sucked. I couldn't wait to go home to my clean house, cooked lunch and made coffee. I basically kept her now just so I could go home to these things in the afternoon. Plus she is a single mom and relies on her salary- I can't just take it from her. Corey swore it was the entitled rich kid coming out of me but I didn't care.

I drove home, thrilled when I parked to not see Alisha's car. I really just wanted a few hours to relax- not listen to more Billy complaints. She has basically hopped from celebrity to celebrity since I met her- they buy her clothes and cars, give her an allowance and she just kind of... exists. After her last boyfriend I hired her as my assistant to keep her around because I enjoyed her company but then she went after Billy.

I hugged Lizette when I came inside, she responded by handing me a latte and muffin, telling me she would see me Monday. After greeting Ringo, I kicked off my heels, sitting in my favorite chair and taking a sip of my sweet caffeine, closing my eyes as I enjoyed the feeling of it running slowly down my throat.

"Mia! We gotta talk!" I heard a voice say loudly as the front door slammed and I jumped, coughing as I choked on the liquid in my mouth as I spun around. Lauren stood in the living room, wearing a blue dress and hands on her hips- looking flustered. Her belly had popped out considerably since I saw her last and I was lost momentarily as I stared at its roundness.

"What's up?!?" I asked, trying my best not to be annoyed that I was no longer alone with Ringo in my house.

"I went to the doctors and she told me I needed to confront the person in my dreams and they will stop. So I gotta tell you that I keep having sex dreams about you. I can't get you out of my head!" She spoke loudly as she used a hand to push her dirty blonde hair out of her face.

"Wait..... what?!" I asked, picking up my cup to try again and kill this weird vibe she just gave me.

"I think I'm in love with you!" She shouted and I screamed as I dropped the hot liquid on my lap.


	84. Shut Up

Lauren's P.O.V.

"Oh shit! Are you okay?!" I yelled, running over to help Mia take off her jeans and grabbed a towel for her to dry her legs off with. I fought the urge to stare as my eyes became level with her thongs, but the need to stare was almost overwhelming. She smelled so good... her tan skin an inch from my face.... the thin white see thru cloth eye level with me.....

"No! I'm not okay! What the fuck are you talking about?!" She yelled as I keeled in front of her, running the towel between her thighs. "No, you know what?! Just go. Get out. Come back tomorrow and we'll talk. Cause... seriously?! What the fuck?!" She yelled- pulling away from me. Ringo growled at me as she screamed. I grabbed her arm he barked, jumping off the sofa and standing in between us, showing teeth.

"Talk to me!" I yelled back louder and she shook her arm free- glaring at me.

"Go the hell home!" She snapped. "Jesus... I don't have time for this shit! I'm not having this conversation. I'll forget it ever happened. Go home Lauren!" She yelled as she stormed up the steps. Ringo stood in front of the stairs still in fighting stance. I knew I wasn't getting past him to follow her so I stood there for several minutes waiting for her to come back, which she did, with black shorts and a black t-shirt. "Oh my god. Lauren. Please leave!" She asked loudly as she walked over to the fridge and grabbed water.

"Not until you let me...." I started to say but she was already more mad. "Please...." I begged and she shook her head.

"Get..... out....." She said again and I sighed loudly. My obgyn suggested this was how to stop the dreams and I was desperate to. I knew telling her was insane- but I also was hoping after this I could go back to focusing on my baby and Travis. I took a step towards her and she sighed loudly, grabbing her purse and walking towards the front door.

"Fine! Fuck it! I'll leave! Don't ever come back here!" She snapped and Ringo ran after her as she opened the door quickly. I ran behind her as she walked to her car that was parked on the road, yelling her name.

"Amelya! Stop! Please!" I screamed and she turned around, face red and fists clenched. The sight of her this mad made me stop in my tracks. "Please...." I begged, now a few feet from her but she just shook her head. Ringo still stood in front of her with his teeth exposed, and I wondered why the dog was being so agressive.

"Go home. To your man and his kids and your baby on the way and stop with this bullshit!" She screamed at me. "You are dating my best friend- you might have some slight obsession over me which I chose to ignore because I thought we were friends... Travis told me about your dreams.... but fuck you for claiming you love me. You don't know me. Not the real me!" I saw people slowing down as they drove by and I sighed, knowing how stupid this fight was to have out in the open.

"Mia......." I said again, stepping towards her and watched as her muscles clenched, her fists taut.

"Your face isn't pregnant. I will hit you. Get the fuck out of here!" She screamed and I sighed, defeated- crossing the street quickly to avoid getting hit by a car and opening the door to the truck, hopping inside carefully.

I heard a scream as I hopped inside, looking back to see Mia running out into the road and stopping in front of a car. I dropped back onto the road and saw Mia sitting beside Ringo, who was covered in blood and whimpering loudly. She carefully picked him up as the driver begged forgiveness, and put him in the back of her suv, jumping in the drivers seat and taking off- tears in her eyes.

I stared at the pool of blood on the front of the car and the road and shivered, hoping this wasn't my fault but knowing it was. This was the car I rushed to avoid. Ringo must of been following me.

"The dog was chasing you.... I didn't see him till it was too late...." the driver said, a lady in her late forties, with tears in her eyes. "There's no way the dog makes it...." She said sadly. "And look what it did to my car! I'm gonna have to bill the owner!" She said angrily and I shook my head, walking to the truck and driving away- tears flowing down my cheeks.


	85. Hold On

Mia's P.O.V.

I sat in the waiting room of the Palisades Animal Hospital, my body shaking and my chest heavy. It's been three hours and Ringo was still in surgery. They wouldn't update me, they were too busy trying to save his life. Travis called me minutes after the vet took him back, after Lauren called him hysterically crying, and I told him what was happening but had to hang up, I was crying too hard.

The door dinged and I looked up to see Tom, his eyes red as he stood in the open doorway. I jumped up and hugged him, sobbing into his shirt. I had no idea how he knew but I was so glad he was here. He held me tightly as I cried, rubbing my back and telling me they were doing everything they could.

Once I composed myself we sat down in the chairs, I wiped my eyes then looked down at my arms and legs, all covered with dried blood. He grabbed my hand, and as I looked at his tear stained face he nodded at me and I forced a smile.

Damn I was glad he was here.

"Miss Ricci?" The vet said, still in surgery gown and looking absolutely heart broken. I stood but felt lightheaded, Tom put his arm around me for support. "I'm so sorry to tell you this but his injuries are too severe. We could continue but his quality of life would be limited, at best. I would like to recommend that we put him down. I can wake him up and make him comfortable so you can say goodbye." The vet said and I nodded, loudly sobbing as I stood there, barely able to stand from the amount I was shaking.

"Let us know when we can go back..." Tom said to the man and he nodded, going to the back once again.

Ringo was my baby. Tom and I's baby. The last thing holding us together and it was just taken from me. Fucking Lauren. I slowly walked outside and lit a cigarette, trying desperately to calm my nerves. I had to say goodbye. Tom followed me but didn't say a word. He knew me well enough to know there was nothing he could do or say that would help right now. I was just glad I wasn't alone. Travis offered to fly home but I told him he needed to work- and I knew Mark was in London. I called Corey and left a message, but he was on a plane and wouldn't get it for hours.

Once my cigarette was gone I went back inside, meeting the vet. Tom held my hand as he led us down a cold empty hallway and into the puke green operating room. There was a blanket covering Ringo's body, only his head visible. Gauze pads covered in blood filled basins, suture kits lay open and scattered on side tables. There was so much blood on the floor I couldn't believe he was still alive at all. The room smelled like fecal matter, sweat, ammonia and blood. The nurse was covered in blood and I could tell she had been crying as I approached the table.

Ringo whimpered when he saw Tom and I, and we pet his head and talked softly to him. I could tell his tail was wagging under the blanket as I ran my fingers thru his thick fur and kissed his wet nose. The vet nodded, putting the medicine into him and I cried as the noises of excitement stopped coming out of his throat, and his tail sagged for the last time.

Unable to hold it together any longer I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him, sobbing harder than I ever had before. Not since I became an adult. Not since......

The vet and Tom left me there for a long time before Tom pulled me off of him and had me hug him instead. The vet offered to cremate him and I nodded, slowly walking out of the room wishing I could have this day back. I lost Corey and then Ringo, and Lauren went crazy.

Sadness quickly was replaced by anger as I thought about Lauren and what she did. It wasn't exactly her fault, but she didn't listen to me. 

No one listens to me.

And my innocent dog had to pay the price of her stupidity.

"Want me to drive somewhere?" Tom asked and I shrugged. "You shouldn't drive. Your in no condition."

"I can't go home yet....." I said and then bent over suddenly and threw up on the sidewalk, thinking about the blood all over the street. I knew he was dead when I picked him up, but I was hoping I could save him.

"Common....let's go for a drive....." he said, helping me into his car. I simply nodded, laying my head against the window as the door shut. "I'm having your car towed so it can be cleaned for you okay?" He asked and I nodded, handing him my car key and he dropped it off in the office.

As he drove around, Rancid played on low to fill the silence of the car. My crying had subsided, but I still felt like I couldn't breathe. I closed my eyes, begging my lungs to regulate. God this hurt so much.

****

When I woke up it was dark. Tom was parked in the parking lot of In-and-Out Burger, fast asleep beside me, his hand on mine. My phone was ringing and I answered it, still incredibly tired.

"Hey! I just got your message! Is he okay?" I heard Corey ask and the events of today came crashing back into my mind like a montage of a poorly done 80's movie. I sighed deeply, and knew if I had tears left I would be crying all over again.

"No. He's not. I had to put him down. He was so badly injured...." I said softly, opening the car door and stepping out into the cool air. A lady walking past me gave me a crazy look and ran inside, and I looked down- realizing I'm still covered in blood.

"God I'm so sorry. I mean that baby... he was a great dog." He said sympathetically and I nodded as I lit a cigarette. "How are you holding up?"

"Shitty. But ya know..... I'll get by. Desperately need a shower. I'm covered in blood. Pretty sure the lady that just passed me thinks I'm a serial killer."

"Go get a shower. Call me if you want later- I'm doing an interview and then getting on my bus. I'll be around in the next few hours. I'm sorry I'm not there..."

"Me too. I love you." I said and I meant it, wholeheartedly, even as I looked at Tom who now stood before me. "I miss you so fucking much already..."

"Girl, you just don't even know...." he responded, making me smile. "Love you. Talk soon." He said and ended the call.

I locked eyes with Tom for several minutes as we smoked, and then he pulled me to him as I started crying again. God I was glad he was here, even after I walked away from him he still came. Even though I love another man he still showed up. We had to say goodbye to the last thing holding us together and he was holding me up as I broke down. And honestly... I loved him for it. But not in the same way I loved Corey.

"Where are we?" I asked and he laughed, pointing to the sign.

"I drove for a while then got tired and just pulled in here. It's the one like, twenty minutes from your place. Figured you would be starving when you woke up. But I'm also thinking drive thru." He stated, pointing to my appearance and I nodded.

****

I wasn't hungry till I got the food, then ate it faster than I have eaten in years, like some kind of rabid animal. Tom drove to my house and pulled up out front, shutting the engine off and opening the door. Words weren't exchanged as we went inside, he sat on the sofa while I went upstairs and took a hour long shower and tried my best to move past the hell in my brain.

Once clean and dressed in sweatpants and a tank top I went back downstairs and grabbed some wine and two glasses, handing one to Tom- sitting on the opposite side of the sofa.

"Thanks for showing up....." I said quietly as I poured the much needed liquid in my glass before handing him the bottle.

"Absolutely. Travis called me right away. He was our puppy...." he said and his voice trailed off as he bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut tight for a moment. "He was a good dog....."

"Yeah...." I said and sat in the silence for several minutes, grabbing the bottle and pouring more into my now empty glass.

"Does Corey make you happy?" Tom asked and I nodded. "I mean.... like, really fucking happy? Does he get you? Does he see you for all you are?"

"Yeah, Tom.... he does. We are so fucking happy....." I said and I saw his chest rise as I spoke, his body language telling me this was all painful to talk about.

"I'm sorry I kept you in my pocket all these years. You could of had a family, a husband, you could of been happy.... but instead I just kept pulling you back in....." he said sadly and I grabbed his hand.

"You made me happy for years.... I'm thankful for all of our memories. I don't want you in my life in that way.... but I love you Tom. Half of my life you were a part of. We can still be friends. But I gotta tell you something... he asked me to move in and I did. I'm gonna sell this place when he gets back from tour. It's serious. Really serious."

"Yeah.... I know." He replied. "Been watching you and him on social media, his interviews and yours as well. I'm happy for you. Honest."

"Thanks Tom.." I replied, hugging him tightly.


	86. I'm Sorry

Lauren's P.O.V.

My mom hugged me with tears in her eyes as I sobbed. She arrived an hour earlier and we sat on the sofa as I told her every horrible thing that had happened- from me throwing glass at Travis, to the dreams, to the underwear misunderstanding and finally to me getting Mia's dog killed. My mom sat quietly, holding my hand and listening intently as I told her everything with tears streaming down my face. Now she just held me.

"Don't be so hard on yourself!" She scolded me as I calmed down. "You admire her, care about her, spent a lot of time with her- it's perfectly natural to develop feelings. I wouldn't of ever confronted her, mind you, but accidents happen. She will forgive you. Give her time."

I nodded but I wasn't so sure. When I stopped by the next morning she was asleep on the sofa , her head on Tom's lap, and he angrily told me to leave. I was more than surprised that he was there but didn't say a word. I just left the flowers and card I brought on the table and closed the door.

Travis came back home the following day and went to see her before he came home. He told me she was doing okay, Tom was there with her keeping her company- but only because she asked him to stay and hang out. She went with Travis to pick up his ashes and they drove down to San Diego and sprinkled him along the beach where he loved to play. Then Travis took her to Corey's before he came home. He asked me to not bother her- she was so full of anger and sadness she just needed space.

I didn't blame her.

"Hey..... the kids will be here soon. Liven up!" She said and I nodded. I was thirty-two weeks pregnant now and looked like a house. Everyone asked me if I was having twins and when I said no they always looked confused.

Travis came in a short time later with pizza boxes and two very excited kids- both hugging my mom and me soon as they ran in.

"Grandma!!" Alabama shouted as she hugged my mom, making her eyes grow wide. "You are here for Christmas? I can't wait!"

"Of course darling. I wouldn't miss seeing what Santa brings you!" She responded and Alabama looked at her annoyed.

"You know I don't believe in all that baby stuff right?! Our parents told us soon as we could walk the truth about that old wide tale!" She said with her famous LA attitude, one hand on her hip and I just shrugged at my mom while Travis laughed.

"Sweetie... it's old wives tale..." I corrected her and she rolled her eyes and walked upstairs to put her bag away, Landon already next door.

"She is quite a handful these days huh?" She asked and Travis laughed, eating a slice of pizza. "She's really grown into her body and mind in two months..."

"Don't I know it...." Travis responded making me laugh. "12 going on 21...."

****

It was around 9pm when Mia walked in the house with bags full of stuff, kissing my mom a on the cheek as she put the things on the dining room table. The kids, previously preoccupied with a video game, jumped up and hugged her- talking a million miles an hour. She quickly answered every question, not once making eye contact with me.

"What is all this?!" Travis asked and she shrugged.

"Gonna have to wait till Christmas Barker!" She replied and he shook his head.

"You know we can do this when you get home from PA....right?"

"Well I'm leaving in the morning and flying out to London for a week, then I'm at Dave's for a night, then I'm going to PA- then I'm gonna fly to Munich and surprise Corey on Christmas eve. If all goes right I won't be back till we start recording on the third. So.... no. Can't wait. One bag is for the three kids, the other is for you and Lauren."

"Thank you." He said hugging her and my mom grabbed my hand- knowing how badly I wanted to talk to her but shaking her head. It wasn't the time and I knew it.

"Evette, I mailed your presents- I didn't know you were coming!" Mia said and my mom reassured her it was all fine and thanked her. "Well, I gotta run. Doing drinks with Shanna tonight. Love you guys!" She said as she left the house in a hurry after petting Moose.

"See? Told you it would be fine...." my mom said, but I wasn't convinced.

I thought back to that afternoon as I pet Moose, thinking of the buckets of bleach I poured on the road, trying hard to get the blood out from the pavement before she returned. Cars honking, my dress destroyed, but I didn't want her to come home to that reminder. I hated that I was growing life and I took Ringos life away.

"Could of been worse....." Travis added. "You could of told her you loved her again..." he was smirking, trying to make light of the situation but I was still destroyed. I fucked up so bad.

"What are you guys talking about?" Landon asked and Alabama gave him a dirty look. "What?!" He said desperately.

"You know! How Ringo died chasing Lauren?! God you are so stupid! How did you forget that?!" Alabama snapped and Travis grabbed her arm as she threw the controller and tried to storm upstairs.

"Woah! Where did you hear that?!" He asked her and she shrugged. "Yes you do. Tell me..." he demanded and she sighed.

"Ava overheard her dad tell her mom and she told Jack who called me. Then I called Ava and she said it's true. I know it was an accident...but still..... Uncle Tom says if Lauren wasn't there saying she was in love with Aunt Mia he would still be alive." She gave me a dirty look as I started to cry and then looked back at her dad. "Can I go now? I wanna go call Ava...." she asked and he nodded, letting go of her arm.

I felt like a monster.


	87. New Life

Mia's P.O.V.

I held the newborn baby in my arms as I sat on the sofa in his living room, watching him sleep. He was only twelve hours old and I was so proud of my friend for having such a good delivery. She was a trooper. Now Nikki is upstairs fast asleep, exhausted from her last round of breastfeeding.

"He's perfect..." I said to Bam as he sat down beside me and nodded. The baby opened his eyes and yawned, his blue eyes shining up at me.

"Yeah, he really is...." he responded, running his rough tattooed fingers across his sons blonde curly hair. "He looks just like me. It blows my mind." I nodded, handing him to his father and standing up.

"I'm running late- the taxi's here. I gotta get to the airport but this was so worth it. I'm so happy for you Bambi."

"You gonna surprise Corey huh? What did you get him for Christmas?" He asked and I just chuckled, shrugging my shoulders. "Come on... tell me..."

"I'll tell you after I do tell him. Not before....." I replied winking. "I do know the hotel he is at, Johnny Chow- one of the guys in the band- he gave me the hook up."

"Well good luck god-momma..." he said as I grabbed my bag. "Thanks for this....."

"Give my love to Nikki okay? I love you Margera." I said as I walked outside and to my waiting cab.

****

The plane landed in Munich, Germany at 8:35am on Christmas eve, and I was full of butterflies as I walked into the terminal, hugging Johnny who was holding up a sign with my name on it.

We rode in a unmarked black car to the hotel and once in the elevator I breathed deeply. I have helped others do grand gestures like this, but never have a took such a great leap of faith myself. I had so many horrible thoughts running thru my head- like... what if he is with someone? What if he doesn't want me here? What if I make this... gesture.... and he isn't really ready? I don't know how to do this exclusive, serious relationship. I feel crazy.

Johnny pounded on Corey's hotel room door at 9:42am. "Open up Taylor! I gotta talk to you!" He yelled and Corey opened the door quickly, looking tired and annoyed. I hid around the corner, watching the transaction. Johnny had this plan to piss Corey off and leave, then I knock on the door and surprise him.

Johnny pushed past Corey, walking into the room and I heard them lightly arguing- but I couldn't make out the words. I just know two minutes later, Johnny was back in the hall and Corey had slammed the door. I laughed as Johnny winked at me before walking down the hall and getting onto the elevator. I took another deep breath before walking over to Corey's door and knocking.

"What the fuck?!" I heard Corey yell as he pulled the door open with extreme force then his face lit up when he saw me standing there, a stupid grin plastered on my face. We both stood there smiling as he reached out and touched my face slowly, as if he didn't believe I was real.

"Surprise!" I said and as he laughed we hugged tightly. "You gonna let me in or....?"

"Fuck Yes! Get in here!" He said excitedly. Once in the room, which was more of an apartment- with a kitchen area, dining room, sofa, television all in the wide area we stood in, plus an open doorway that looked to be a bathroom, another closed which I assumed to be the bedroom- he sat on the sofa and lit a cigarette- just grinning and staring at me.

"What?" I asked, laughing uncomfortably.

"I can't believe you are here. Jesus. It's so fucking cool."

"It's Christmas. I wanted to be with you. It's okay, right?" I asked, now unsure of my decisions.

"Fuck Yes! Are you kidding me?!" He asked me making me laugh. "I'm so fucking thrilled right now!"

"Thank god... cause I took a commercial flight to get here. Had to ride coach.... would of really sucked if you didn't want me here....." I responded, dropping my backpack on the floor and sitting beside him.

"This is the coolest shit ever!" He said again, grabbing my hand and kissing it. "Best Christmas present ever!"

"Oh... this isn't your present. I really just missed you and when you told me you were spending the next two days in a hotel alone I wanted to keep you company."

"You are the best fucking girlfriend ever!" He said excitedly, kissing me deeply, sending electricity down my spine and leaving my lips numb when he pulled away. It had been twenty three long days since I had felt his touch and I missed him more than I have missed anyone in my adult life. He made me realize that I didn't want to be a solitary creature anymore, I wanted to be with him forever- regardless of how much it frightened me. "No one has ever done something like this for me. You really are amazing, you know that?" He asked me and I shrugged. "No. Really. You're incredible."

"Stop...." I said to him. "It's nothing. Really. I'm nervous enough don't put me on a pedestal."

"My love, what are you worried about?" He asked, looking concerned and I sighed.

"I did something. Something big. And I mean I got you stuff at home but I wanted to give you this in person." I spoke quietly and way too quickly, looking down at my hand in his as I talked. When I was done I looked up and he was smirking at me with his eyebrows raised.

"What are you talking about?!" He asked and I filled my lungs with air, allowing it to escape slowly from my nose as I pulled out my phone and opened a webpage, showing it to him and watching him smile from ear to ear then kiss me deeply for several minutes.

I was so damn happy he liked it.

Our make out session turned hot and heavy and before long I was naked and being carried into the bedroom- so we could celebrate the news properly.

****

It was nearly noon when we finished and we laid comfortably in bed together. He was kissing my bare back as I sat in front of him, between his legs and lit us cigarettes- the sheets wrapped around us in a sweaty naked burrito.

"I can't believe you listed your house..." he said quietly and I smiled as I leaned back against his chest.

"I told you I wanted to be with you- I wanted to prove it."

"I didn't doubt you baby, but I'm so fucking happy right now. But..... what about your housekeeper?"

"She's gonna work for Travis. She has experience caring for babies and Travis has known her for ten years- he trusts her. Plus he bought her a new car so she wouldn't have to take the bus."

"Fuck yeah. You.... yes."

"And my furniture is all gonna get sold with the house- I really don't need any of it, but I do need office space, so...."

"Yeah I can give you a bedroom, I got like... seven for you to pick from. And your assistant?"

"Quit. She's moving back to Atlanta to her mom's house. Billy caught her using heroin and sent her packing and once I found out I told her rehab or she had to leave and she chose to leave. She took like eighty grand from me too...."

"Fuck you have had a hard twenty days...." he said and I nodded. He wasn't wrong. I wasn't even mad at Lauren anymore. She fucked up, I wasn't ready to be her friend any time soon, but she was having Travis's baby and I had to forgive her. At the same time I was absolutely done living for anyone else- I was living for me.

"It was all worth it, it kicked my ass in gear to what was important."

"And that is?" He replied huskily in my ear.

"You. Of course. Not just you but I mean... my happiness. And you are a major part of it."

"As you are mine. Merry Christmas baby." He said as he kissed my cheek and I smiled, feeling content despite everything.


	88. Happy Holidays, You Bastard

Lauren's P.O.V.

The gifts were all opened, stacked under the tree in a disorganized array, and the kids were in the kitchen busy making dinner with my mom and theirs while Travis and I, who have been up since 5 am when Shanna arrived, sat out back in quiet silence.

I got him some clothes, I framed drum sticks he left in my room the first time he spent the night and got the kids some toys they have been wanting. I felt good, even though Christmas really put a dent into my savings account.

"I didn't give you your present yet." He said and I looked at him like he was nuts. He already got me a diamond necklace and matching earrings.

"Uh... yes you did." I said and he shook his head.

"Come outside baby." He stood up, walking thru the house and out front as I followed him- screaming when I got to the driveway. It was a white escalade with a giant red bow on the hood. "You like it?" He asked smirking as I nodded and he handed me the keys. I had been saving for six months to buy a car- I couldn't believe it.

"Oh my god! This is too much!" I said as I wiped my eyes, trying to stop the stupid tears from forming. I love this so much!"

I hugged him tightly and he chuckled, obviously happy I was happy with his choice. "Mia helped me pick it out a few weeks ago. She said how much you loved driving hers, so...."

"Thank you baby!" I said as I held him tightly.

****

We went for a drive and came back in time for dinner. It was great to get out of my head for an hour, alone with Travis. Now we were sitting around the table, and as I caught his eye- while we were all laughing at a story Landon was telling us- I knew this was everywhere I needed to be. This was our dysfunctional family, hell or high water, and I felt so fucking thankful that I was here with each and every one of them.

"Lets set a date." I said suddenly and Travis looked up at me- his eyes wide. We hadn't mentioned his proposal since the night it happened- with everything going on I think it just became thrown on the back burner.

"You're serious?" He asked me and I nodded. He smiled as he looked at Alabama and winked, her fork dropped on the plate with a loud clank as she realized what was happening. "How long?"

"I'm due February 1st, then your on tour till April... uhh.... sometime in May?" I asked and he nodded.

"Oh my god oh my god oh my god!" Alabama said quickly, screeching and running over to her dad and hugging him, Shanna laughing. "I'm gonna hyperventilate!"

"Wow, congratulations you guys!" Shanna said and grabbed my hand- giving it a squeeze. "Eat your dinner young lady.." she added as Alabama ran over to me- hugging me tightly as well.

"I didn't know that you...." my mom said to Travis before he cut her off quickly.

"..no. I mean I did, but there was so much going on lately- I just didn't know.... it felt up in the air to me. I'm glad though. I was starting to worry." He chuckled but his cheeks were red- leading me to believe he was in fact afraid I was gonna turn him down.

My phone vibrated and I quickly glanced at my screen, rolling my eyes and deleting the message. This was not the time for that. I was getting married.

Even if I knew, somewhere deep inside, I was doing it out of guilt.


	89. Story of Our Lives

Mia's P.O.V.

"I got an offer on my house!" I said to Corey as we ate breakfast on new year's day. His face lit up and he raised his eyebrows while I typed an email back to the realtor quickly. "They want to move in on March 1st!"

"Well you will definitely be out of there by then.." he responded and I nodded as we both went back to our oatmeal.

This was seriously the best vacation of my life. We spent Christmas eve in bed, Christmas day we had a snowball fight out front of the hotel and then went for a walk around the city- I went to five of his concerts and last night we sat on the roof of his tour bus and watched fireworks explode over the castle in Edinburgh. It was absolutely magical.

Today I'm flying home so I can sleep off the jet lag before I'm in the studio on the third. As much as I'm excited for this new album to be made I would be just as happy staying here with Corey, as he would be also. It's unspoken but we are both thinking it. I couldn't wait for him to come home on February tenth- I was already counting down the days. We had three uninterrupted days off, then he had a few 'Corey Taylor' shows I was going with him to before the US Stone Sour tour kicks off in March.

"So, you thinking of how you wanna stay?" He asked and I nodded. "Yeah, me too...."

"I can't tho. Work beckons. We can survive one month..." I said laughing, grabbing our bowls and putting them in the sink.

"Thanks again for all this beautiful. I love you so fucking much." He said in my ear as I wrapped my arms around him.

"I love you too, you maniac...."

*************************************************

Lauren's P.O.V.

January third and I was back at work, holidays over, kids back home, life back on track. My mom was still at my house for a week or so, but just kind of shopping and doing the tourist thing because I had to get back to the studio. Travis left this morning to start on the new album, some undisclosed location in San Francisco, and I wouldn't see him again till the week of my due date- unless the doctor told me I needed to have him earlier.

I was in my chair, next to Chris, watching Token- the seventeen year old superstar- spit raps better than Eminem. We were halfway thru his album and would of been done right now if the people backing him didn't want everything so damn perfect. They were being way more than anal at this point- but they were giving the world to this kid and I could see how they demanded perfection. Didn't mean it wasn't annoying.

"Yo... take twenty..." Fred Durst said as he walked into the room and Chris quickly left as Fred took his chair, pointing to Token who also left- leaving us alone. He pulled me into his lap and kissed me as I momentarily lost myself before I stopped him. "You didn't text me back on Christmas..." he said quietly and I shrugged.

"I was with Travis. We set a date on the wedding." I responded and he smirked at me as I sat there- feeling his excitement grow.

"If you weren't pregnant you wouldn't be marrying him...." he stated, kissing my neck and running his hand up my thighs and in my dress, making me moan involuntarily.

"But... I am pregnant. And we can't do this here. Anyone can come in..." I told him gently as I closed my eyes, feeling his fingers against the hem of my panties.

"We did on Christmas eve." He responded winking as he removed his hand- leaving me frustrated. "But okay. Come to my house tonight. I'll cook you dinner. Then have you for desert."

"My mom's still in town...." I said quietly and he raised his eyebrows at me- knowing I wasn't bailing. "I just gotta tell her I'm working late, is all. Ill be there."

"Okay, you remember the gate code?" He asked as I stood and I nodded.

"How could I forget at this point?" I responded and he chuckled- grabbing my ass before he went to the door.

"Seven okay?" He asked and I nodded, winking at him as he left.

I wanted to feel guilty. 

I wanted to feel bad. I wanted to feel something other than lust but I couldn't. When I was staying at Mia's, this just kind of happened one night and as much as I wanted to blame alcohol or drugs- I'm pregnant so I can't. I tried rationalizing this but it just made my head hurt. Now I just have to hope and pray I can end it before Travis finds out. Not that I want to any time soon.


	90. Everything

Lauren's P.O.V.

I woke up in pain.

Horrible, gut-wrenching pain. I screamed out as I opened my eyes and gathered my surroundings while holding my stomach. I was definitely at Fred's house, naked in his bed. The clock said three fifteen and I vaguely remember skipping work and coming here instead, falling asleep after an insane sex session. I felt another sharp pain and screamed again, feeling something wet on my thighs and butt, and I realized my water must of broke- I must be in labor.

Jesus I'm not ready.

I kept skipping the birthing classes because I was coming here instead- telling Travis we would do them the day he came home, which was in two days. He wasn't happy but there wasn't much he could do. They said they got the due date wrong due to the small size of the baby and made the new date March 10th instead of February 10th.

I held my stomach as another sharp pain washed over me, bringing tears to my eyes. Fred ran into the room looking confused as hell till he saw me and instantly cursed, pulling out his phone and calling 9-1-1. I screamed as the pain increased, he- obviously panicked and I wondered if it had to do with the fact that it happened in his bed.

"Hi, help. My friend is pregnant and she's screaming and there's blood on the bed! Listen you gotta get here right now!" He screamed into the phone as he approached me slowly, feeling my head with his wrist. "Yeah she's burning up and she's pale.... please hurry...." he said loudly and I looked down at the bed, seeing the blood all over my thighs. I started hyperventilating and screaming loudly- but I didn't realize I was even the one making the noise. I heard him giving them the address and the gate code but the pain was so severe and I was breathing so hard- my lungs were on fire.

Another sharp pain sent me laying back in agony as it felt like something was tearing outta me and I closed my eyes to try and breathe thru the pain. But I was just so tired.

************************************************

Mia's P.O.V.

I was outside smoking around five p.m. We just broke for an hour for dinner when my phone rang and I grabbed it without thinking.

"Hello?"

"Hey...it's Fred...Durst.....from Limp Bizkit....." I didn't say anything, since I had no clue as to why he still had my number. " uhh I did two of your songs like, ten years ago."

"Yeah. I know who you are. Why are you calling me?!" I asked and he sighed.

"Look, I know you know Lauren. So I got her phone and thought I should call you, not Travis. Since you know me. She's in surgery. Her water broke and there is so much blood..... can you come?"

"We'll be there. Text me the room and stuff." I said quickly and hung up, running inside and finding the guys sitting down at the table, getting ready to eat. Skye looked at me concerned as I stopped in the doorway, knowing I was about to shatter Travis's world.

"What's going on?" Skye asked. "You're crying..."

"Lauren's in surgery. Her water broke and there was a lot of blood.... I guess it happened at work. Fred Durst called me...." I said quickly and they all looked at each other before we all grabbed our things and ran to the vehicles. Nothing else really mattered- we had a two hour drive ahead of us and it had to happen immediately.

****

With me driving one car and Travis driving the other- we probably broke every driving law getting there- we made it in an hour and twelve minutes. The ride there was silence as I concentrated on the road and chain smoked. I hoped me turning my back on her didn't contribute to this. I hoped that the baby was okay. I hoped she was okay. Matt rode with me- as my second set of eyes and making statements like "go for it- I saw our future, we don't die today."

Travis was already at the hospital when we pulled in and Matt went to park so I could get inside. He had tears in his eyes as he yelled at the nurses desk and I grabbed his hand and pulled him back- calmly asking where surgical waiting area is. She directed me and we skipped the elevator, running up the stairs, two at a time.

There was a few people scattered in the large room, Fred sitting alone in the back left corner, farthest away from the door. Travis took off to find a nurse for an update on his son as I walked in and sat beside him.

"Hey Mia...." he said and looked genuinely scared to death.

"Hey. You didn't have to wait.... but thank you."

"Yeah. Shit. It's no problem." He responded. "You hear anything?"

"No Travis went to go scare some nurses into an update. We will know soon...." I responded sighing deeply. "So you were there?" I asked and I saw him freeze up- swallowing deeply before nodding. "What happened?"

"Uhh.....I.....well.... I heard her screaming...." he started and then Travis ran in the room, calling me into the hallway. I came quickly, holding his hand as Mark, Skye and Matt appeared just as the doctor met us in the hall.

"Mr. Barker. You're the father, correct?" He asked and we all nodded. "Your son is alive- he's only five lbs, was born blue and is on a respirator and iv's. It's very touch and go- but if he can make it thru the next 72 hours I believe he will make it." Travis collapsed against the wall, tears running down his face- and I could tell he was terrified. She went into labor four weeks early so I knew on the way here to prepare for the worst.

"What about Lauren?!" Skye demanded and the doctor sighed.

"We are still working on her. Her uterus tore open- we found the IUD on the outside of her uterus in her stomach cavity so we think it was still in place, tore thru the thin uterus and did some damage internally. She will most likely lose her uterus and tubes all together, they look like they went thru a meat grinder."

"Can I....see him?" Travis asked and the nurse who stood beside the doctor nodded, beckoning him to follow her and he stood up, wiping his eyes and taking off.

"Your friend should be okay- but she needs blood so if any of you are her type please donate. I gotta get back in there." He said and left thru double doors.

I looked over as Skye who forced a smile and put her hand on my arm. "She's gonna be fine. And Travis... he's gonna be fine. The baby is his so we know He's gonna fight. It's gonna be okay. I'm gonna get these two outta here and I'll come back okay?" She asked and I nodded.

There was so much unspoken conversation between Mark and I as I stood there looking at him so when he nodded even Matt looked confused.

"I'm gonna go get food and come back. Travis needs us. All of us...." he said and I nodded. "I'll bring you caffeine. And food. Okay?" I nodded again and they walked down the hall and into the elevator. I saw some people pointing out Mark but thankfully they knew the hospital was not the place to bug him.

I walked back into the waiting room, giving Fred the update and watching him tear up. I could see how scared he was and I had no idea why. I didn't even know they knew each other- but honestly since I started seeing Corey I have done my best to stop being so involved in everyone's shit. Now I felt I needed to ask- but I probably didn't want to know.

"So tell me what happened...." I said and he sighed, swallowing hard again.

"Can we go smoke? I need to go smoke.... somewhere away from here, maybe?"

"Yeah.... let's walk out to my car. Matt left me my keys and I need my phone anyway."

Once in the parking garage- I sat in my car and unlocked it so he can get inside. I lit a cigarette, handing it to him and then lit my own. I looked at my phone and saw I had a text from Corey, so I checked it before I let Fred talk.

*Hey beautiful. Our last show is in a few hours and instead of hanging out here I'm getting on a plane and heading straight home to you. Love you!*

I closed my phone and looked over at Fred, ready to hear what he had to say. It was now or never......


	91. Magic

Mia's P.O.V.

"Okay... so like I was saying earlier- I heard her yell and I ran into the room- saw all the blood and called 9-1-1. I rode with her in the ambulance because she was unconscious. Plus I was pretty fucking worried about her. She matters to me."

"But you were at the studio. So, why did you come to this hospital, it's across town." I asked and he sighed.

"She was at my house..." he mumbled and I raised my eyebrows at him. "Yeah... I know...."

"Your screwing Travis's pregnant fiance?! How long has this been happening?!" I asked angrily and he shrugged.

"I dunno, since she got some dog killed. She said she needed a distraction and couldn't drink cause of the baby. It just.... kinda happened. And pretty much every day since...." he said, rubbing a hand over his head and then pulling his cap back on.

"Jesus..... what a fucking mess....." I said angrily. "You gotta leave man. This is the last fucking thing either of them need right now. Travis is gonna kick your washed up ass....."

"Mia. Fuck you. You fucked a man who was married for so many years his kids grew up! You got no right to judge me! You think because your in a real relationship now you get to be a stuck up bitch to people?!" He snapped and I couldn't help but nod.

"You know what.... your absolutely right. Only difference is- Jen knew. I wouldn't do that shit behind her back. And yeah... that makes me better than you. But really, you gotta go...." I said and he got out, slamming the door angrily as he walked away.

I pulled out my phone, dialing Corey, hoping to get some happy with all this sadness and anger.

*************************************************

Lauren's P.O.V.

I opened my eyes again and was extremely confused. I couldn't remember how I got here, but I was in the hospital. The sharp pain was gone, replaced by a feeling of euphoria. I was so thirsty, my lips felt like sandpaper. I tried to talk but the noise came out in a dry whisper.

"Shhh..don't talk baby. You're okay. Your alive and you'll be okay. Our boy is okay...just Shh... I'll get the doctor." Travis said walking off and coming back almost immediately. I could tell he had been crying and I was glad he was here- I wasn't fully aware of what was going on, but he was here and that made me happy.

The doctor filled me in quickly on our sons condition, and then my own. They had to take my uterus- making this the only child I would ever have. I think I was completely overwhelmed, the information was foreign to me as he spoke. What mattered was that I was alive, and so was our son. It would be a few days before I could leave the hospital- probably a few weeks before our son could go home. I was just so tired.

After the doctor left I tried staying awake but while I held Travis's hand I just..... drifted off.

****

When I opened my eyes again I was in a different hospital room, hooked up to monitors and IV's, Travis looking exhausted sitting beside me and squeezing my hand- trying hard to stay awake. The sun was shining thru the window and I realized a day must of passed since I went into labor.

"Hey...Travis? The nurse needs you in the nicu. The baby's heart....." Mia started as Travis stood up and shushed her. I closed my eyes before he knew I was up as they went into the hall. I know she saw me awake, but she didn't call me out on it. He walked off and she came inside, walking up to my bed and sitting beside me on the thin mattress.

I looked at Mia but she avoided my eyes, glaring and reading my monitors. I reached my hand out to her and she shook her head.

Standing up quickly she shut my door, then came over to give me a hug. After everything, I'm just so thankful she forgave me. I really thought after Ringo- she would never speak to me again. My eyes teared up as she wrapped her arm around me and rested her head beside my own.

"Listen... your weak but you're not stupid. I know about your affair, you fucking asshole. Travis literally can NOT deal with any more heartbreak right now- but as SOON as that beautiful son of yours is better- I'm telling him.... unless you do it first. If I have to tell him- you will never work in this industry again. How fucking dare you..."

Her voice was hot and her tone one of pure hatred. My whole body shook as she spoke and I wished in that moment that I had died. I heard the door open and she looked back, allowing me to see Mark and Skye coming in.

"Aww honey, I'm glad your okay! I'll be back tomorrow!" Mia said excitedly, squeezing my hand roughly and shooting me a look before hugging Mark and Skye hello and leaving the room.

As they greeted me, my eyes began to tear up- because I knew soon, very soon, I was losing everything I loved... all because of a stupid mistake.

That's what it was right?

A mistake?

The night Ringo got hit we slept together the first time. He called me and asked me to come to his place to pick up the new demos. I don't even know how it exactly happened- I wasn't myself.

But then.... I just kept going back. I didn't love him.... or particularly like him. I mean...he was kind of a douchebag. But there I was, day after day, giving him my body to use in every way possible.

I tried to stop once Travis came home for good.... but I couldn't. I tried when my mom came, but it just got harder and harder. And then I just.... gave in when Travis left for San Francisco. I had no clue how he felt about me.... but I loved Travis.... I wanted us to be a family.... I just really liked sleeping with Fred. Was that really so terrible?

We weren't hurting anyone...... were we?


	92. Iron Man

Mia's P.O.V.

COREY TAYLOR: MANIAC ROCK STAR

The sign I held while standing in the terminal was attracting a bit of attention while I waited for the plane Corey was on to let it's passengers out. Some people took pictures and I posed for most of them- knowing when I checked my phone saw I was tagged in them on instagram. I hoped Corey didn't feel the need to check social media like I did. I was wearing knee length high heeled black boots, net stockings, a short black sleeveless dress and my hair was down in curls around my face, sunglasses over my eyes. I wanted to look hot when he saw me after thirty-seven long days.

Finally, they started letting people go and I watched him walk thru the terminal- hat on his head, leather jacket, black band tee and jeans. He looked so damn amazing. I held my spot and waited patiently for him to notice me.

Unfortunately, the dick walked right by.

Frustrated I grabbed the twenty oz. bottle of Pepsi I was sipping on and tossed it at his back.

Missed.

Dammit!!

So I grabbed the full one I bought for him and tossed it, hitting him square in the back.

OPPS!!!

He turned around ready for a throw down, scanning the ground first and after seeing two bottles, cursed loudly then looked around- about to kill someone. As mad as he got I realized, it must of been a long flight.

Finally, he spotted me and I wiggled the sign making him smirk wickedly and shake his head, picking up the bottles and walking over to me, wrapping his free arm around me.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He asked laughing and I shrugged, kissing him. "You could of just... called my name or something you know...."

"Your like.... famous or something. What are the chances of a grumpy Corey Taylor turning around to talk to a girl yelling his name?" I asked him and he nodded in understanding as he wrapped an arm around my waist and we started walking towards the exit.

"You are not wrong. My headphones broke like, an hour in, and I listened to nine hours of a girl tell her boyfriend, as they sat behind me, everything wrong with my music. You know me- eventually I snapped and we spent the last few hours just...yelling at each other. I seriously hate everything right now. But you. Consider yourself special.." he chuckled and I laughed. "You look hot, by the way, in case I didn't tell you yet... I mean... damn."

"I borrowed your Lamborghini to pick you up so... I hoped the outfit would even it out." I replied winking.

"You can drive any of my cars, I don't give a shit.." he stated. "I know we need a bigger garage though. I have six, you have two... we need more room."

"Yeah, and you seriously need a pool. I think Mark is tired of me borrowing his. Who the hell doesn't have a pool?!"

"A single guy who doesn't have any reason to have one. You want one? We'll get one."

"Well... that was easy..." I replied as we got to the car.

"Right now I just wanna drive the fuck out of here and go home with you." He said sighing as he got in the driver's seat. "Nothing else matters."

****

"So we should discuss this...." He stated as he saw the two guest bedrooms completely full of boxes from my house. "Like, you wanna just buy a new place? Cause I'm thinking we need more room...."

"I have stuff at Dave's too.. and more stuff at home. Just saying...." I replied and he laughed as he wrapped his bare arms around my waist as he stood behind me. We had been home for hours and this is the first time we ventured upstairs.

"Yeah, let's look for a place. I mean, if you want to." He said as he looked around.

"Yeah. Let's do it. But in the meantime, just tell me where I can put this stuff...."

"Pick a bedroom, I don't care. Plus there's an attic."

****

We showered and then headed out to dinner. The Italian restaurant we chose was small and romantic, we had a bottle of wine and spent hours talking and sharing stories about our time apart. It was the perfect evening with my favorite person in the entire universe.

Afterwards he drove while we smoked a joint, driving thru the hills of Malibu and Hollywood Hills, talking about what we definitely do and don't want in our future home. We definitely needed an office, preferably on the main floor, an area for music, a pool, and a gate. The house didn't have to be big. We weren't out to impress anyone.

"What about that place?" He asked as he stopped the car in front of a gate with key entry and pointed up the drive to the house at the top of a hill. It was pretty cool looking. Lots of glass windows and brightly lit. I got out of the car, standing on the hood and zooming in with my phone, taking a picture.

It was a good idea to start with what we both wanted and go from there. As I took Corey's hand and hopped down he pointed to the 'For Sale' realtor sign outside the gate. I squealed as he pulled out his phone and called the real estate agent, right then and there, scheduling a walk thru for the next morning.

"This could be ours..." he said and I smiled, hugging him tightly.

"Maybe.... my house is selling for eight-five so... I can totally cover that plus more." I replied as we got into the car and started driving home.

"Eight hundred thousand? Not bad...." he responded and I couldn't help but laugh. Loudly. "What? What did I say?!" He asked, amused and confused.

"Eight point five mill babe. And that's nothing. But, umm here's a conversation I never imagined ever having with a person in my life.... but how do you wanna do this? Handle bills and buying a house and all that? Down the middle or...?"

"Woah... wait. Eight point five?" He asked and I nodded. "I think mine was about a mill, maybe. And I bought it fifteen years ago."

"Yeah... well that explains the lack of pool..." I joked and he looked at me like I was from another planet. "Well it does. Who's your money guy? I use the same guy as Dave- he handles all my assets and bills and all that shit. I really couldn't tell you what's in my bank accounts."

"Yeah, we should definitely have this conversation. I mean.... I'm not worried about money- I have more than I could spend in ten lifetimes... but... I have never been with a woman who has money, so this is a first for me. When I suggested we get a place I was willing to buy it." I shook my head at the thought- I didn't like the idea of anyone 'taking care' of me when I could do it myself.

"No. I'm at least paying half. But my name goes on everything too, okay?" I knew if we were gonna do this we needed to put both our names on everything, in case things went sour down the line. I was all in but it was good to have a contingency plan in place.

"Agreed." He said nodding as we pulled into the garage. "I like the sound of that."


	93. New Shit

Mia's P.O.V.

Oh my god this house is awesome. Private gate, basement, pool, hot tub, office space, amazing kitchen.... I was totally in love. It hit every single check we wanted plus had two three-car garages. As I stood on the patio and I took pictures with my phone, I could totally picture Corey and I having a future here.

"So, what do ya think?" Corey asked as he walked up and kissed my cheek. "Fucking sweet right?"

"Hell yes. I want it. I want it so bad...." I responded and he winked at me.

"So, Mr. Taylor says you might know the owner?" The real estate person- Stella Winters- an upscale lady, easily in her fifties with a too tight ponytail of dyed red hair, a thousand dollar pant-suit and an attitude of too many years working around snooby Hollywood elites- says to me, walking out to the patio and I looked at him confused. "Mike Dirnt- he's a musician." She added and I said 'ohh' in response. Now I understood the artwork hanging around. This must be the house he was waiting for his ex to move out of so he could sell.

"Yeah, I know him and his ex-wife, Rebecca." I responded and she nodded.

"Mr. Dirnt is very eager to sell, the house will be empty and ready for closing April fifteenth. If your interested. The basement is fully sound-proofed, from when he had his studio set up down there. Mr. Taylor said that was a huge bonus to you both."

"It is. What is the listing price?" I asked and she looked down at her clipboard in her hand and looked back to me with a tight smile plastered on her face.

"12,850,000. With closing costs your looking at around 13.5 million total." She said with her totally snooty voice and I plastered a fake smile right back at her- knowing after years in Hollywood not to show them your feelings. "If it's out of your price range I have some smaller homes I can show you..." she added and I chuckled to myself as I looked at Corey and he shrugged. We both knew it was no big deal but for her to assume we couldn't afford it killed me.

"I think I'll give Mike a call and i will have my lawyer contact you later today." I stated putting out my hand and shaking her bony fingers briefly.

"Act fast, I have other offers..." she said quickly- obviously trying to intimidate me and I chuckled again.

"This house has been on the market for nearly two years- but by all means you let me know all about the other offers." I responded, winking as I took Corey's hand and we walked away, getting into his Ferrari and driving away.

"What was that?!" He asked me as I lit a joint and I laughed. "Did I witness your spoiled rich kid side?" 

"Fucking Hollywood snobs. I hate um. Mike and Becca has been turning down offers for years. Turn right. Mike lives like, five minutes from here. I'm just gonna stop by and talk to him."

"I was ready to write a check right then and there. I love that basement."

"And I love that pool. It's right here, on the left. Just hit the buzzer- he will let us in. I already texted him, he said he's home."

Corey nodded and soon we were parking in the circular driveway of Mike's new house and walking inside- heading out back where Tre and his wife Amber were hanging out having lunch with Mike.

"Hey! You two are here in time for food!" Tre yelled as he stood up, hugging me. We sat down at the table with them all after greetings and we got settled with sandwiches, beers and pasta salad.

"So, what brings ya by today? I know your ass wasn't in the neighborhood!" Mike said and I laughed.

"Actually, we might be. We just left your other place. What the fuck is up with your realtor dude? She's a major stuck up bitch!" I said laughing. "You couldn't of gotten a bigger Hollywood snob to sell that place."

"It was you!" He replied laughing. "Becca said she thought she saw one of beej's friends talking to Stella outside. You like the place?"

I nodded as Corey spoke up before I could. "Dude it's absolutely perfect. It's every single thing we wanted."

"Well then fuck that stuck up bitch. It's fucking yours. Have your lawyer call my lawyer and you can move in April 15th. Becca is moving to New York on the first of that month and I had my guys going in and cleaning the place, redoing the floors, doing all repairs, painting, putting in updated appliances. The normal... you're selling your beach house, you know." He said and I nodded.

"Thank you so much, man. Seriously." Corey said, standing up and reaching across the table, shaking Mike's hand.

****

It was nearly midnight when we left Mike's house and headed home. We were slightly shit-faced, but I had confidence in Corey's ability to drive, even though I asked him a dozen times as we walked to the car if he wanted me to call a cab.

Billy ended up coming by and we all just drank and smoked for hours, bullshitting with guitars and getting lost in conversation. He brought his wife Adrianna with him and I was more than thrilled that she moved back and they were rekindling. Beej went all night without using cocaine once. Progress is progress.

"Did you have a good time?" I asked and he nodded. "I didn't know it was gonna turn into an all day thing, honest. I'm sure you have stuff at home you wanna do. Or people you wanna see."

"I came home to spend time with you. Otherwise I would of just hung out in a hotel room in Vegas for a few days."

"Really?" I asked and he raised his eyebrows in disbelief at me for asking him that.

"Girl, you should know by now... I'm crazy about you. Yes really! And you my love, are awesome enough to come do a few dates with me- I'm pretty excited. I love doing the acoustic sets with Jason."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world... I can't wait to buy a place with you."


	94. Back to You

Lauren's P.O.V.

I held my almost-bald son in my arms and tears ran down my face. Five days ago my world crashed down around me when Mia admitted she knew about my affair and I have been struggling to find a way to fix it. But how? Yesterday I was discharged and I have been on the pediatrics floor with my son, Jacob Ches Barker, since I signed the paperwork to be free. He was eating bottles now, just enough to not need a feeding tube, and his iv's were gone, bandages in their place. He still needed to sleep in an oxygen tent but at least I could hold him. Travis stood in front of me, taking pictures of this tender moment as I kissed my son's tiny head and smiled as he looked up at me. He was just so tiny.

"The nurse said he hit six pounds this morning at weigh in" he told me as he sat beside me on the cot we were sharing. "He's doing so damn good. Another few days of steroids for his lungs, might be well enough that we can take him home." Travis showed me the picture and I teared up, wishing we could share it with the world.

"I'm so sorry...." I whispered to Jacob as Travis rubbed my back, comforting me. I felt so guilty that soon, his life would change once his dad and I broke up. Would we break up? When should I tell him? Would I have to tell him? Mia might keep her mouth shut, but I doubted it.

"Baby, you did nothing wrong. It's all good. You did great. I'm so proud of you." He took the baby from me, laying him in the crib and kissing his head. He took another picture, showing it to me and smiling.

"God I can't get enough of him. When god-mommy Mia gets home in two weeks she is gonna love you so much little man!"

"Where is she?" I asked curiously as he grabbed his cigarettes and helped me up so we could go smoke and grab food from the cafeteria.

"With Corey doing some acoustic shows. Did you two have a fight or something? I know things were rocky between you before Christmas but I thought she forgave you...."

"No. We are okay. No problems." I replied and hated myself for lying. I was only digging my grave deeper. I had a brand new car, in his name, and fifteen grand in my savings account. I tried giving Travis money for bills plenty of times but he never let me pay for a thing- which I loved and hated at the same time. I had to admit, it was nice having him take care of me. I could use my savings to get an apartment- but if I couldn't find a job that money wouldn't last long in this town. I needed to talk to Mia... beg her to keep it a secret. Beg for her forgiveness.

Travis left after we ate, going to record some drum tracks for the new album. Jacob came at a weird time in the creative process and he was playing catch up. I was thankful for a few hours alone so I could sleep. Jacob was in the nursery when I went back upstairs and I took a shower and went out into the waiting room to buy a drink from the vending machine when I saw Fred getting off the elevator. Rolling my eyes- I approached him.

"Hey! How are you holding up?!" He asked happily and I shrugged. "How's the baby?"

"He's doing pretty good. Getting stronger everyday." I responded, avoiding his amazing blue eyes as he studied my face. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard your guard dog was in Vegas tonight so I thought it would be safe to come check on you. She really reamed my ass out." He stated and I rolled my eyes again.

"You fucking told her?!" I asked angrily, my voice barely above a whisper and he nodded. "Why would you do that?!"

"She just..... she knew okay? She just fucking knew. And she was pissed." He responded just as angrily, trying desperately to defend himself.

"She said she is telling Travis. He will throw me out. I don't have any place to go! They are best friends.... she isn't gonna hold out on this info. She will tell him. And then she said she will make it so I can't work anymore! What are you gonna lose?!"

"YOU!" he snapped back and I finally met his eyes, looking for one ounce of bullshit but I didn't see one. He might be a dick and he might be an asshole... but he seemed to genuinely care about me. Now I realize who would get hurt. He would. What did he think this would be in the long run?! He knew I was engaged... he knew I was pregnant.

"What are you talking about?!" I asked and he sighed, turning his body and punching the wall we stood beside, denying it in a good half inch.

"You could just come to my house. I'll take care of you...."

"Fred. I'm engaged." I said, grabbing his hand for a moment and he sighed as I let go.

"But.... if you weren't. If he were to break it off with you... you and the baby are welcome at my place. Okay?" He asked and I nodded. He looked around, and after not seeing anyone, kissed my lips quickly and smiled- walking away. "Bye Laur..." I just stood there and waved.

I went into the waiting room quickly, buying my drink, and then headed back into the room. Now I wasn't tired anymore- my emotions were now bacteria in my brain and the stress was back and in full swing. Sighing, I walked down the hall and turned the corner, hoping that by watching Jacob sleep I could find some sense of peace with myself so I could sleep as well.

Instead I found Skye and Jack standing there. I greeted them but they both looked pretty tired. I wondered when they got here. We stood in silence for several minutes before Skye cleared her throat and I looked over at her.

"Jack, can you go down to the car for me please? I'll be right behind you..." She asked and he nodded, hugging me goodbye. Once we were alone she looked around and sighed. "I want you to know... that I know....." she whispered and I looked at her quickly, my eyes wide. "We all do incredibly stupid things... but you have a real shot at a happily ever after with a good man. Don't fuck it up. Promise me that it's over between you and Limp dick. That's all. Tell me it's finished and I'll believe you. Don't see him again. Ever. You do that and I'll give you a pass. You are my friend Lauren. Do this for me.... for Travis... for your son..." She had tears in her eyes and she grabbed my hand, using her free hand to point at my sleeping baby in the oxygen tent. He was what was important. Travis was what was important. Family was what was important and I was so glad Skye was here- talking sense into me.

"How...." did I begin to ask and then I started crying and she hugged me tightly.

"Mia told me. The day she went off on you. She was so angry. She wanted to tell Travis... but she told me instead. I told her I would handle it. This is me..... handling it." She said softly then let me go, putting her hand under my chin and looking me dead in the eyes- anger on her face. "End it. Quit your job. Take a year off. Get married. Be faithful." She said strictly and I nodded. "Ok. I'm gonna go. Get some sleep okay?" She said as she smiled and walked away, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

What a fucking mess.


	95. St.Marie

Mia's P.O.V.

I stood side stage with Corey's best friend Jason as Corey did his show intro, laughing as he spent time recalling his airport incidents. He had two thousand people laughing along with me. The house of blues was a small venue, but he loved doing these shows here because it was so much more personal. They were doing the Q&A part of the show, and someone asked him how his holidays went- and he started ranting about his flight home to LA.

"So then my hot as hell girlfriend decided on a brilliant plan. Throw soda bottles at me to get my attention!" He said looking over at me as I hid my red face and laughed. "Ya see, she already put Johnny up to waking me up early on Christmas eve when she surprised me in Germany... now she's pelting me with drinks!" He added and I laughed harder, shaking my head as he winked at me. "Okay, next question. Last one! Make it count!" He said and picked a girl in the front.

"Are you and Mia gonna do any songs together in the future?" She asked and he raised his eyebrows at me and I shrugged. We were working on some things but nothing was finished quite yet.

"No spoilers...." he joked quickly and requested a new last question... straining to hear the person in the back. "Uhh.. for everyone who didn't hear...what was the inspiration for dead memories? Well... it's actually Mia's song. She wrote it...." he said and motioned over for me to come here, and reluctantly I nodded. "She's here though if you wanna ask her yourself.." he added and the crowd went a little crazy as I walked out on stage.

I was wearing a red halter top, black jeans and boots. My hair was straightened and my makeup was definitely on point. Damn I was glad I dressed for tonight, I was just gonna throw on a band tee and shorts but... this is Vegas.

All I could think was...don't trip as I stepped over wires and stood by Corey who just seemed so proud of himself for getting me out here.

"Hey Everyone!" I said into the mic and they went crazy. I looked over at him and shrugged as he grabbed a second mic and laughed like a madman. "Settle down...Jesus..." I said making everyone laugh. "So to answer your question..." I started and then looked to Corey who nodded. He knew what it was about but... it was kinda morbid. "Dead memories is about trying to break away from the ghost of my dead dad. Shit haunted me and affected my decisions- some of the real shitty ones- because he was the hurdle I couldn't jump."

Everyone clapped and my face was so red as I nodded. This felt crazy good- as much as I was opposed to being in the limelight... this was insane.

"So Miss Ricci... while I have you out here, I have a question to ask you..." Corey said and I looked at him confused. "Its pretty important to me... so I really hope you will say yes." He added winking and my jaw dropped as he bent down momentarily......

...and tied his shoe.

He stood again, two thousand and one people now silently staring at him when he took my hand and smirked.

"Amelya Ricci...." I shook my head slowly as he started, looking into my eyes with his own as they sparkled from the stage lighting.

"Will you..." I felt my jaw drop again as I gasped and my face turned red. He was smirking harder now and I was fighting the urge to run off the stage.

He better not be doing what I think he's doing. Oh my god....

"Do me the honor of..." he bent down on one knee and I felt the sudden overwhelming urge to pee. I knew I was shaking my head as he looked up at me, my eyes never leaving his.

"Singing a song with me tonight?" He finished and the whole room erupted into cheering as he stood back up and handed me his guitar. I laughed hard as I took it, nodding as I put my mic back up to my face.

"Your such an asshole...." I said laughing and he laughed as well, knowing damn well what he was doing all along- scaring the shit outta me. "Fuck it, ill play a song with you, what do you wanna sing?"

"After that, I think I'll let you pick.." he said winking as he grabbed another guitar.

"Well, we were just talking about him. How bout all apologies?" I asked and he nodded as the crowd went insane.

God he was a maniac.

****

It was nearly midnight when the show ended and we got settled into our hotel room for the night, Jason in the room across the hall. As I stood on the balcony- on the top floor of the hotel and looked out at the beautiful city, I couldn't help but appreciate that Vegas brought us together.

"Room Service is here." Corey said as he came outside shirtless and wrapped his arms around me. The first thing we both did when we got in was shower and I was just wearing panties and a tank top, he was in gym shorts. He kissed my back and I interlocked my fingers with his own.

The rest of the show was incredible. I went back to my hiding place on side stage, but he did get me to come do St. Marie with him at the end of the night, which I had recorded right before I started working with Lauren. He was so in his element at these acoustic shows and I love watching his passion.

"Ok... thanks baby..." I said, turning around and wrapping my arms around his neck. "Tonight was amazing. Thank you."

"You thought I was gonna propose.... didn't you?!" He asked and I blushed, looking away and nodding. "You were gonna turn me down in front of two thousand people?!" He asked and I shrugged.

"I don't know! I was freaking out! I almost peed myself!" I replied and he laughed harder. "Its not funny! You know I don't do the stage!"

"I'm sorry!" He said kissing my lips and I could feel us both smiling. "Look, go inside, I'll be right in okay?" He asked and I nodded.

I walked inside and saw candles lit on the end tables of the bed, the dresser, the entertainment stand and what looked like a box surrounded by flower pedals on the bed. I gasped as I got closer to the bed and saw a ring inside. I picked it up gingerly, my chest heavy as I carefully ran my fingers along the stones and looked up at the opened balcony door- Corey leaning against the frame smiling as I stared at him in shock before walking over to me and taking my hand.

"So, will you marry me?" He asked and I nodded as he slipped the ring on my finger and tears fell from my eyes. I kissed him passionately, unable to believe he would do this... or that I said yes.

As he picked me up to carry me to the bed he whispered in my ear, "Happy Valentine's Day Baby."


	96. Genie in A Bottle

Lauren's P.O.V.

When I woke up the next morning, Travis was feeding Jacob a bottle, sitting in the rocking chair next to the crib. There was flowers in a vase on the windowsill and a IHop bag beside it.

"Good morning mommy" he said as I sat up. "When I got here our boy was fussing and you were out cold so I just let you get some more rest. Your still healing, you know?" He asked and I nodded. "I brought you breakfast- Mark and I grabbed something late last night but I knew you would be hungry."

"Thanks daddy." I responded, kissing each of them on the cheek before grabbing my bag and heading into the bathroom to brush my teeth and get dressed for the day.

When I came out of the bathroom Travis was on the phone and smiling as he talked excitedly. I sat down and started eating, trying to calm my growling belly. Once he hung up he smiled at me as I stuffed my face as I looked at him confused.

"So that was Mia. Guess what?" He asked and I shrugged as I chewed. "Corey proposed last night. Aunt Mia is getting married little man!"

"Oh my god!" I yelled, trying to cover my mouth so I didn't spit food everywhere. "Oh my fucking God!"

"Yeah.... I know right?!" He replied laughing. "Never thought I would see the day."

The doctor walked in, quickly shaking our hands and taking Jacob, laying him in the crib. After listening to him he looked up at us and smiled.

"He looks great. Didn't even need oxygen last night. Let's see how he does tonight. I'm gonna have the nurses take him around six. I demand you to go home and get a night of rest. If he does well, he can go home tomorrow."

Excitedly, we both thanked the doctor as he nodded and left the room. Looks like tonight I got to go home with my fiance, but before that- I needed to sneak off and end things with Fred- permanently.

*************************************************

Tom's P.O.V.

I stared at my phone screen as I drank my beer and shook my head. Jen sat beside me as I stared, equally shocked by the picture in front of me that was just posted on instagram.

***Guess what just happened?? That's right kids me and @miaricci are getting hitched! Happy Valentine's Day. Vegas was a blast tonight!***

I looked up at Jen and she nodded. She knew it was killing me, even though I didn't want it to. I wanted so badly to not hurt... but fuck! It was hard.

"She said she would never get married. She..." I stated as I felt my eyes water and I laid my head against Jen's.

"It's gonna be fine baby. You guys are finally friends. You should tell her your happy for her."

"Maybe later." I stated as I hit my home button and looked at my background- a picture of me and Mia with Ringo when he was a puppy. Damn I would love to have those days back.

I couldn't believe how hung up on her I still was. After months of individual and couples therapy I thought I had moved past it- but knowing she was engaged to this pompous jackass ripped those wounds wide opened. I needed to reconnect with Mark and Travis- maybe if we can be friends again I can stay close to Mia after all.

************************************************

Lauren's P.O.V.

After some time with Travis and Jacob I borrowed the truck, telling Travis I had to 'go check on things at work'. I drove a few miles from the hospital, pulling up to Fred's house and letting myself in his gate. He met me out front, cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth and a grin on his face.

"What are you doing here? How's the baby?" He asked and I shrugged. I didn't want to hurt him.

"I just came to say goodbye. I can't see you anymore...." I said quietly and he shook his head, his face now sporting an angry scowl. "Look, I'm sorry. But I need to focus on my fiance and son. This..... this was a mistake."

"No. It wasn't. You're just afraid. You're a fucking coward!" He yelled and I took a step back from him as I watched his relaxed hands form fists. "What the fuck are you even doing here?! Just go.." he snapped and I nodded as I walked back to the truck.

"I'm.... I'm sorry...." I said as I opened the door and he flipped me off.

"Fuck you." He screamed. "Don't come back either bitch!"

I nodded as I started the engine and drove away, tears streaming down my face as I headed to the record company and quit my job- trying desperately to fix my mistakes.


	97. Let's Rock

Lauren's P.O.V.

Travis and I picked up dinner and headed home a little after six p.m. Once we ate I took a shower and put on pajamas, so happy to be home. I went into Jacobs soon-to-be room and smiled. Travis and Mia designed it, making it the coolest room in the whole house. The walls were dark blue with music notes and musical instruments all over it- hand painted in light colors. The crib was white- as was the dresser and changing table- and the rug black. There was a rocking chair in the corner with his initials carved into the top. I couldn't wait to see him sleeping in this room or to rock him in the rocking chair. To see him standing up in the crib and looking out at us while we walked by... it all made me tear up as I stood here. The realization of what I almost lost was finally hitting me and I was so thankful I listened to Skye.

Travis was watching tv when I got back downstairs and I curled up beside him as he put his arm around my shoulders, kissing my wet hair- making me smile.

"I remember when this channel played music videos. Now's it just one reality trash show after another...."

"What are ya watching?" I asked and he chuckled.

"Meet the Barker's...." he responded- causing me to laugh.

"Oh yeah.... you in NO WAY contributed to the downfall of MTV, did you?!" I asked, shrugging in response. We got quiet while the show came on and I saw the kids, so young and full of wonder. Travis and Shanna looked so happy- it was just adorable. I could tell how much he loved her and I wondered if any part of him still did. When the commercials came on I cleared my throat and looked at him, hoping he would understand what I was about to say to him.

"So..... I quit my job." I said quietly and he frowned a bit as he studied my face in silence.

"Really?" He asked and I nodded. "Why?"

"I wanted to focus on you and Jacob. We could of lost him. I definitely don't wanna go back to work in a few weeks and leave him with a nanny."

"Well, that's a good idea... but what about money and stuff?" He asked and I felt like an asshole immediately. When I listened to Skye I didn't account for the fact that maybe Travis wanted me to have my own money.

"Uhh.... well.... I can get another job. I just assumed..... I mean....." I tried getting out but my words weren't coming out correctly.

"No. You misunderstood. When your here with me, in my house.... with our son.... we can set up a joint account and you can access all the money you will ever need. But if you leave..." he removed his arm from around my shoulders as I sat back, studying his face but not reading any expression. I had no idea what he was implying.

"Uhh.... where am I going?" I asked and he scoffed, pulling out his cigarettes and lighting one.

"Don't insult my intelligence by asking me that...." he said calmly and my heart felt like it was beating in my throat. I couldn't move, I couldn't talk, I couldn't breathe. All I could do is stare at him. "Yeah.... I know. I have known..." he said even more calmly, still no expression and I was baffled as to how to handle it.

"Know what?" I asked, afraid to say anything else. Maybe it's something stupid.... maybe it's nothing.

"I know about you... fucking Fred Durst for the last few months." He scowled at me and finally I saw the anger seeping out in his eyes. However, his voice remained calm as he looked at me and that made it somehow terrifying. I gasped loudly as he spoke the words and he nodded slowly. "Yeah.."

"How long have you known?" I asked him quietly and he smirked.

"Does it really matter at this point?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Its over...." I quickly said and he scoffed again.

"Yeah..... so now you want what? To just go back to how it was?! To get married?! To live happily ever after?! Fuck all that!" emotions of anger and betrayal finally seeping out. "Were you even going to tell me?!" He asked and I shook my head, a tear running down my cheek.

"Travis.... I'm sorry. It was a mistake...." I whispered, reaching out and grabbing his hand. He didn't pull away, which surprised me.

"A mistake would of been once.... you let it go on for months. That. That's betrayal." He responded calm and collected, his eyes focused on the television screen as he watched his younger self tickle his then-young son.

"Can this be fixed?" I asked, my voice cracked and barely above a whisper and he shook his head. "So, then...what?!"

"My initial plan was to just toss you out. But we have a son. He needs us both. I'm fucking crazy about you and I hope with time..... maybe we will be okay. Or not. Time will tell. But I'm glad your staying home with Jacob. If you need money I can set up an account for you. I promised to take care of you and I will. But I don't even wanna think about marrying you..... and I'm not sleeping with you.. next to you... none of it. Got it?"

I nodded and he pulled me to him, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I was an overwhelming mess of emotions but the important thing is, he isn't giving up on me.

"I'm so sorry Travis." I said again and he sighed.

"I know..... but just know the ONLY reason I am even attempting to work this out with you is because of the kids. Alabama loves having you as her second mom and our handsome little boy needs his parents. We gotta try... as long as it's really over." He said quietly as he rubbed my back.

"I promise. It's over...." I replied, wrapping my arm around his stomach and thanking the heavens he was willing to try.

************************************************

Travis's P.O.V.

Lauren was fast asleep on the sofa when I went out back and called my best friend, dying to hear her voice.

"Hello?" She answered- sounding exhausted, making me chuckle

"Hey, it's me. So.... she says it's over. She quit her job to stay home and take care of Jacob. I'm gonna try things Skye's way for now."

"Yeah... yeah... yeah.... I don't trust her. All I'm saying. Better GPS her phone or something. Look...I gotta go, I'm in the bathroom but I'm about to go on stage.... but I'm glad you confronted her, although part of me would of loved to see how long she would of not told you for."

"She said she wasn't gonna tell me...." I responded angrily and she chuckled.

"Of fucking course not. I'll be home in two weeks okay? I'll kick her ass if you want me to. I'm ready. But I gotta go. Love you Barker."

"Love you Ricci. Or should I say Taylor?!"

"Still Ricci. Maybe I'll hyphenate...."

"Hey... one more thing. Thanks for telling me. I appreciate you being real with me." I said and she chuckled.

"That's why were friends bitch. Because I value the truth. And truth is.... she better be lucky the baby lived..... all I'm saying." Scoffing and then hung up, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

When Mia pulled me out front of the hospital and told me what she found out I was so mad I hyperventilated. Once she calmed me down some she explained at that moment all that matters is they live. Anger would do me no good while they fought for their lives and she knew I loved them both so I had to be strong. I made a promise to take care of them before she let me go back inside the hospital.

I wasn't going to confront her.... but it was eating me up inside. Mark suggested the pregnancy gave her a libido that was too strong and with me gone all the time she just..... ya know shit happens. But, it still fucking hurt me.

I wanted her to stay and us raise our son together, we had to keep up appearances with my kids- so I had to remain semi affectionate... but I didn't want to fuck her for a long damn time. I definitely didn't want her to be my wife. Live in girlfriend was the best she could ever hope for now. I just.....

I guess I'm better off single.


	98. Best Friend Check

Corey's P.O.V. 

Jason paced back and forth in the room backstage- his face unreadable as I sat back and watched him. Every so often he would stop and look at me for a moment, shake his head and continue to pace. 

"Out with it... will ya?" I asked him and he laughed. A loud, hearty laugh from the pit of his stomach that made the whole room echo it in my ears. He stopped, sat down in front of me in another chair and raised his eyebrows. This should be good. 

"Married? You're getting married? For a third time?" He exclaimed, standing up again without waiting for an answer, lit a cigarette and contuined to pace. 

"You have spent two days with her- you know she's perfect for me." I told him as he laughed again, throwing his head back as he did. 

Jason was my oldest friend. He was in a band back when Slipknot first started out and we both played Woodstock 99 together. We hit it off and never looked back. A total douchebag to those that didn't know him but so what? So was I and it worked for us. My bandmates and my family loved Amelya to death but Jason was the one person whose opinion I valued the most beside my own. He was not taking this news well. 

"Cor.... did you forget I was with you the first time you heard her on that Foo Fighters album? You're eyes went wider than I have ever seen them go. Are you sure you wanna get married? Again?" 

I frowned, shaking my head at his reaction. Maybe it was the withdrawal talking from his multi-daily dose of heroin he hadn't taken yet but he wasn't being fair. 

"What do you think of her?" I asked him and he stopped again, taking over the chair once more and looking directly at me. 

"She's perfect. And... I hate to say it... almost too much like us. Total asshole. But she's also gentle and kind. Beautiful. I can already see her replacing you as my bestie." 

"So what is your issue?" I demanded, sighing as he laughed yet again. 

"Bro.... you get married and get bored. Tell me I'm lying...." He shrugged, giving me the classic 'go ahead and lie' look when he's calling me on my shit. It's a look i used on Mia alot in the beginning. 

"Not with her." I defended myself, knowing this would be different. "This whole thing.... it's so fucking different. She's not some conquest. She's the girl I loved all these years." 

"Dude... you married Steph cause she looked like Mia..." Jason muttered, shaking his head at me. "Not even close by the way." 

"So you approve?" I asked and he nodded. 

*******************

Mia's P.O.V. 

"Corey went to go do the meet and greet thing." Jason told me as he walked outside where I was sitting- smoking a cigarette and scrolling thru social media. 

"Time is flying tonight...." I told him with a chuckle as he sat down next to me- grabbing my left hand and studying my ring for several seconds. 

"I'm really fucking happy for you Mia." He nodded, pulling a ring off his hand and sliding it onto my middle finger. "And just so you know we are a package deal so thats my promise to always be there for you- no matter what." 

"Thanks Jason." I smiled, looking at the simple silver band next to my engagement ring. "You know... I am terrified a good bit of the time that this isn't real life. I love him so much. I can't believe I went my whole life without him in it." 

"Now you sound like Corey." He laughed, pulling out a cigarette. "He says the same shit all the time to me. Thanks for making my best friend a person again." 

"Anytime..." I told him, laying my head on his shoulder while we sat there in comfortable silence.


	99. What These Bitches Want

Mia's P.O.V.

I was more than thrilled when I got off the plane at LAX and hugged RJ, who Mark sent to pick me up. It had been two long weeks on the road with Corey and Jason doing House of Blues shows, but worth every single second. I ended up doing St. Marie on stage with him at the end of every show- and his fan base was more thrilled than I thought possible about us being engaged. Personally, I was more surprised than anything- I couldn't believe that I said yes, but as soon as the word came out of my mouth it felt right.

RJ dropped me off at Corey's and once inside I grabbed a shower, got dressed and headed over to Travis's house. The Blink tour started in a week so I wanted to grab as much time with Jacob as I could before leaving again. It seemed all of the Blink inner circle knew about what Lauren did now- Jen, Shanna and even Ava had called me about it in the last week or so. I felt for Travis, but I was glad everyone was supporting his decision to try and make it work.

"RICCI!" Mark yelled as I walked in the front door and I walked over and hugged him and the guitar strapped to his chest. "We missed you these last few weeks. Got vocals for you."

"I'm headed over in a bit. I just really wanna see... him." I said as I scanned the room and spotted Jacob sleeping in Lauren's arms on the sofa. "Can I?" I asked, holding out my hands and she nodded, passing him to me as I walked over. He was seven pounds now and looked like a normal sized newborn. I kissed his little head as I sat down and looked over at her with a small smile. "How's he doing? Eating... sleeping okay?"

"He sleeps thru Mark yelling so.." she said laughing and he rolled his eyes at her- strumming his bass and walking back into the music room. "But yeah he's perfect."

"Talinda cried when she heard his name you know? It really touched her. She would love to meet him." I responded and she looked confused. "She was Chesters wife. Well is."

"Oh.. oh god.. I don't even know what to say to her..." she admitted and I nodded. "How do you say 'i didn't know your husband but Travis did and we both loved his music so we gave our son his nickname as his middle name'.... how do you say that?!"

"I can go with you. She's a good person. But you don't... have to say it. She knows. Ches was a great guy."

"Okay. Yeah, thanks." She said quietly and I nodded. "Look.... I just wanna say.... about before...."

"I'm not talking about that with you. I'm not here as your friend. We aren't friends. Right now you have no friends.... except maybe Skye. But not me." I looked away as she started to tear up and I resisted the urge to slap her. I was so tired of her drama bullshit. Jacob opened his eyes as I stared at him and I smiled, so happy he was awake to see me.

"Heyyyy.... you ready to go?" Travis asked and I nodded, feeling myself tear up a bit as I stared into his sons eyes. Travis sat on the arm of the chair and rubbed my back, smiling down at us. "I know right..... he's got Landon's eyes."

"He's perfect Travis. You better take him before I kidnap him. I was just thinking about how grown up Landon and Alabama already are. I remember them being this tiny. Jack too." I added as Mark came in the room and he nodded.

"Now they are all full of ideas and opinions... all of them their own little people." Mark interjected I nodded in agreement. "Come on Ricci, let's go get our vocals on."

I handed Jacob back to Lauren and thanked her, wiping my eyes as I stood up. The guys were already outside and I sighed as I watched her kiss his tiny fingers.

"You okay?" She asked and I nodded. She doesn't get to know my shit... I wish I never told her anything about me at all.

****

Recording went beautifully and after we grabbed a late dinner I went by my house, making sure all my stuff was cleared out- then headed home, to Corey's.

I couldn't wait to move into the new place in six weeks. It didn't even seem real. In less than a year I have gotten engaged, sold my house and bought a new home with my aforementioned fiancee.

Holy shit.

None of this was like me, at all, but I was thrilled about every single step of it. Mike assured me just a few days ago that the house was in fact ours, bought and signed for, and I could pick up the keys soon as the repair people were finished with everything. I had my lawyer take the money I got from my home and put it on the new home- Corey covered the rest.

While discussing finances he decided to start using my lawyer- who handles all my finances, legal stuff, publicist related issues and more; because it just seemed easier. Now we had him splitting bills and stuff between us, making sure everything remained even- which was way more important to Corey than me. Apparently I have a lot more money than him (about eighty five million more).

I pulled into the driveway around midnight and Dave was sitting on the porch with a six pack in his hand. "Hey kid, got time for a few drinks?" He asked and I chuckled, hugging him and walking inside.

Once we settled into the sofa he grabbed my arm and shook it, surprising me. He looked so happy I didn't know what to make of it.

"Woah! Your in a good mood for it being this late."

"I just get off a plane from Australia and heard the news! You're getting married!! Of course I'm excited! Plus I heard from Jim you bought two bought a house! This is all kick ass!" He said laughing and I couldn't help but laugh with him.

"I'm surprised Corey didn't call you for permission first." I joked and he shook his head.

"He knows I approve. How are you doing? Freaked out yet?" He asked as I opened us more beers and shook my head. "Not at all?"

"Well.... he freaked me out by fake proposing during the first House of Blues show we did- so when we got to the hotel room and it was just.... it was perfect. I love him so much Dave. I'd marry him tomorrow if he asked me to."

"Did you set a date?"

"No. The next six months or so are so busy for us. We are both on tour for the next five weeks- then we are packing and moving into the new place. In June I'm back on tour with Blink- and he's in studio, July we are on tour with you.... so on so forth. I think downtime comes back around in October. But, no rush- ya know?" I said laughing and he nodded.

"No rush needed. I'm happy for you two kid!" He exclaimed as I smiled. I was so glad he was happy for us, just wish my dad was around to witness this.

"Hey Dave.... just one thing...." I started and he raised his eyebrows at me as I sighed. "Will you, ya know... give me away or whatever.... ya know... at my wedding?" I asked awkwardly and he smiled and nodded, hugging me tightly. "God I never thought I would be saying that. My wedding. Jesus....."

"I would be honored. I told you when your dad.... well... I told you I would step up for you. I'd like to think I mostly did a good job finishing you off...." he said and I nodded.

"Well.... You, Kurt and Chris basically raised me like three men and a pre-teen. Oh god! Do you remember when I got my period on the tourbus?! We had some rough times..... but you did a damn good job Dave. Don't ever sell yourself short. Without you I wouldn't of gotten emancipated.... I wouldn't of gotten the job with Rick.... you helped me sell my music under a pen name so my mom wouldn't take my money... it could go on and on."


	100. Fell On Black Days

Lauren's P.O.V.

Travis has been gone a month and a half and it's been peaceful here. When he's home we only really talk if it's in regards to the baby. We share feedings and changing, but there was an underlying feeling of tension I knew better than to point out. I was on thin ice and I was well aware- I just wish I didn't have to do it all alone. I needed a friend- and I was acutely aware that I had none. I screwed up so badly, not even Skye was talking to me. Unless Alabama and Landon were here Travis would sleep in the guest room, eat his meals alone, and spend all of his time gone or in the music room except for his baby shifts, which we switched every six hours. He only calls once a day while on the road- a two minute video chat to see the baby and check on the house.

The good news is- as promised he did open an account, putting two thousand dollars inside of it and told me I needed to just let him know when I ran out of money so he could deposit more. I used it to fill my car up with gas a few times, but with Lizette doing all the shopping, cooking and cleaning I just, did nothing all day but work out and take care of my now nine pound little man.

Jacob wasn't bald anymore, now had peach fuzz on his adorable little head. He was nearly three months and getting such a little personality I couldn't stand it. I was so happy being a mommy. I just hoped with time I could work things out with his daddy, who was due home any minute.

Travis walked in the door while I was making a cup of coffee, Jacob on my hip chewing on a toy and cooing away. I looked over and smiled as his face lit up at the sight of his son. Jacob smiled too as Travis approached and took him from me, holding him tight and kissing his chubby cheeks.

"Hey little man. Did you take care of mommy for me while I was away?" He asked as Jacob chattered away, offering Travis his toy to chew on. I couldn't help but smile at the scene in front of me, knowing how happy they were to have each other back.

Travis walked over to me and gave me a hug, kissing my forehead and thanking me for taking care of him while he was on the road. I nodded as he carried Jacob in his arms and headed upstairs with his bags. I tried hard not to read too deep into any affection he still gave me, knowing it was not out of his feelings for me anymore- but merely appreciation. I hated that I screwed everything up.

I drank my coffee slowly- enjoying the twenty minutes of peace throwing a ball to Moose out back- before heading upstairs to check on the men in my life. Travis was laying down on our bed, Jacob sound asleep wrapped up in his arms. I almost left the room, allowing him to be alone with our son when he stopped me.

"Hey, wanna come take a nap with us?" He asked and I nodded. I wasn't tired in the slightest but I desperately wanted to be close to Travis in any way I could be. I laid down on my side of the bed, Travis pulling me close to them by my hand and putting his free arm over my waist, gently rubbing my skin.

"I missed you both so damn much. When I leave again in June do you wanna come with me? It's three months in Europe, I can't be away from you guys for that long." He asked quietly and I nodded as I looked into his eyes. He didn't look at me like he used to, but he clearly was trying and I felt I needed to match his attempt without somehow overdoing it and making things bad again. "Alabama and Landon will be with us too. We can try to get some sight seeing in while we're there. It will be a lot of fun."

"We'd love to....." I responded and he leaned over, kissing my lips briefly and then laying his head on the pillow and closing his eyes with a smile on his face.

****

When I woke up it was around six pm and both Travis and Jacob were gone. The room was dark and I felt disoriented as I got up and grabbed my phone off the nightstand, heading downstairs. Mia was sitting on the sofa with Corey, playing with my son while Travis wrestled with Moose on the floor. They all looked up as I came into the room- Travis and Mia having an unspoken conversation with their eyes before she nodded and he smiled, standing up and putting an arm around my waist.

"Hey, you're up! Wanna go to dinner? Aunt Mia is babysitting. It will just be us." Travis asked and I nodded. "Great, you need a minute or ya ready to go?" He asked and I looked down at my jeans and pink tank top and shrugged.

"I guess I'm good- depending where we are going." I replied and Mia smiled at me before looking at Travis and he nodded, laughing.

Sometimes I really wish I spoke their language.

"You look fine. Come on. Let's go." Travis said and I looked over at him like he was nuts.

"What about Jacob, like... do you know how..." I started to ask, realizing I have not left him since the hospital and Mia laughed.

"He was just bathed and changed and his bottle schedule is on the fridge. He's fine. Go. You are one phone call away. Bye...." She was smiling but her voice was slightly condensing which pissed me off as she spoke- had I not wanted to desperately wanted to go with Travis I would of stayed home.

****

We went to the diner close to home, it's familiarity making me think of a time when Mia and I were still friends and she brought me here in the middle of the night. It was almost abandoned as we walked inside- one overweight man at the counter and a few teenagers at a table close to the door the only customers. Travis and I selected a booth in the back corner and the waitress smiled as we ordered milkshakes and she handed us menus.

"I love this place. LA is so overwhelming sometimes but this reminds me of home." I said and he nodded. We ordered burgers and fries, laughing at the waitress when she asked if this was a first date. Did we really look that nervous to be alone?

"So, what have you been up to since I left?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Nothing. Taking care of our boy and working out. I also wrote some stuff, but it's not really anything. I'm no writer...."

"You might be.... can I see it?" He asked and I shrugged.

"Its garbage. It's a short story, but I need to just.... scrap it. My grammar is awful. The classes I took in college for literature, never creative writing. It needs so much work."

"Do you want to write? You can take classes ya know...." he replied as he held my hand. "Tour is over in September.... college starts then... you could... if you wanted to."

"Really?" I asked and he nodded.

"Mia has like... three degrees. Just couldn't make up her mind on what she wanted her back up plan to be if the music career ever tanked. She did hers on the road. I'm sure she can get you the info for it."

I nodded as the food came and we settled into comfortable silence as we ate, occasionally smiling at each other. I felt like something had changed since he's been gone- and I was excited to see how it all unfolded. I didn't know what this was but I was just so happy with it. It might never be how it was, but dammit.... I think we were gonna be okay.

The teenagers approached us as we were leaving, surprising us both. We knew they were watching us, but we both appreciated them giving us space. "Excuse me, your Travis Barker right?" The one girl asked and he nodded. "And your Lauren Scott?" She asked me as I nodded. She quickly pulled out her phone and showed it to us, making Travis curse and me gasp in horror.

It was an article. TMZ was covering the 'Fred Durst Tell All- How I Slept With Travis Barker's Fiancee'.

What. The. Serious. Fuck.


	101. More Than Words

Mia's P.O.V.

"WAHHHH! AHHH! WAHHH! AHHH!"

Jacob screamed as I patted his back and did my best to shh him as he screamed. He had been crying for nearly twenty minutes and nothing we did worked.

"Does he need changed?" Corey asked and I shook my head, walking around the living room as he screamed. "Fed?" He suggested, holding up the half-eaten bottle and I shook my head again.

"I think he's just really tired and wants him mom.." I replied as an idea dawned on me. "I'm gonna try something, it worked in the past..." I said as I sat on the sofa next to Corey, putting the screaming baby, belly side down on my lap and began slightly bouncing my legs while rubbing and patting his back. After a minute or two he farted really loud and stopped crying.

"You... are a genius..." he said as I nodded, putting Jacob back in my arms and wrapping him in a blanket. "He had to fart. Gas sucks little man. I hear ya..." I watched as the baby yawned, his eyes growing heavy. Softly I began to sing to help him pass out.

"Saying I love you  
Is not the words I want to hear from you  
It's not that I want you  
Not to say, but if you only knew"

I smiled as Corey joined in, putting an arm around me as Jacob yawned again, closing his eyes.

"Not to say, but if you only knew  
How easy it would be to show me how you feel  
More than words is all you have to do to make it real  
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me  
'Cause I'd already know"

I stopped singing, looking over at Corey who kissed my lips gently, as if in triumph. Noisy Jacob was finally fast asleep. I carefully stood up, carrying him to the nursery and laying him down- turning on the monitor and closing the door.

"Saved by ' more than words' it looks like. Thanks for the assist." I said as I sat back beside Corey, turning on the receiver and sitting it on the coffee table.

"Yeah, anytime." He replied as he put an arm around me. "You are really good with babies. It's another one of your hidden talents."

"Been around enough of them....." I replied and shrugged, wondering if this would be the conversation I knew would come eventually.

"You ever.... thought about having one?" He asked and I sighed.

"Umm.... I did. Once. When I was young. But the baby was a stillborn. I got my tubes tied a few months later. I didn't ever want that heartbreak again." I replied, grabbing his hand as I spoke.

"Jesus. I didn't know. I'm sorry." He responded, pulling me into a gentle embrace which I accepted. "Did you get to... see your....baby?"

"Yeah.... held him for about an hour and then they took him. He got cremated- there was no funeral and except for a locket-full I didn't take his ashes. And...of course you wouldn't know. I don't talk about it to.... anyone."

"Still...... I'm sorry." he said and I nodded. "Babysitting was fun tonight. Not what I thought we would be doing after seven weeks apart but..." I chuckled, kissing him and cutting off his train of thought. I knew what he meant without him finishing that sentence. Travis asked me to help him out and I was more than happy to. We spoke a lot while on the road about what happened, and he was ready to try and work it out with her. It didn't mean I was ready to, but I told him I would try.

The door opened with force and Travis came in, grabbing a bottle of liquor and sitting on the loveseat, pulling out his phone and tossing it to me. Lauren came in a minute later, eyes red and puffy, glaring at Travis as she slammed the door.

"Whats up?" I asked and he shook his head as I turned the phone over in my hand and looked at the headline. "Oh..... that mother fucker....." I spat as I looked at the article. It detailed how Lauren stepped out on Travis and she was only staying because of their son. It even talked about how he saved her life by getting her to the hospital. Travis had every right to be pissed about it. I was also.

Corey read it after me, a look of surprise on his face because I didn't go into detail about it with him- just said there was issues. He sighed as he handed Travis back his phone and lit a joint, passing it to Travis.

"Dude....he's just trying to stay relevant. What matters is you and your girl and your son. Fuck all the noise." Corey offered and I nodded.

"I'm just.... I'm so pissed." Travis replied and Corey nodded.

"Rightfully so...." I added as Lauren came and sat next to Travis. He wouldn't even look at her. I knew she noticed it too, but she didn't say anything.

"Call your publicist. Best advice I can give you. Just make sure you and Lauren are unified in your response. Me? I wouldn't care. Fuck Fred Durst.... he hasn't been famous in like ten years?! Personally, I hate that guy. I would publicly tear his ass thru the mud."

"Yeah...." Travis responded, pulling away from Lauren when she tried to grab his hand. "I'll call him in a bit. Thanks for watching Jacob you guys."

"No problem at all...." Corey responded as we stood up, Travis and Lauren standing with us. I pulled Lauren into a long hug, feeling tears on my bare shoulder as I did. I rubbed her back, hoping she would be strong enough to get thru this. She needed to be brave, even though it sucked.

****

We got home and looked at the disaster before us, sighing in unison. I had spent most of the week before I left packing, and the house was in total disarray. I had most of the downstairs done and almost all of the upstairs, but it was just.... a mess.

"You sure Dave's wife is okay keeping Loki while we move this week?" He asked and I nodded. I dropped him off before I left for tour so he didn't need to be boarded- and with us moving all this week it just seemed silly to bring him home. "I just can't believe we get to start moving tomorrow. Holy shit.....This is gonna be awesome."

"Yeah.... it really is..." I replied, pulling off my tank top and throwing it at Corey who smirked at me. "I just.... I wonder...." I said as I pulled off my sweat pants and unclasped my bra, holding it to my chest as he raised his eyebrows. "How much fun we can have tonight...." I whispered, dropping my bra and shrugging as I put my thumbs in the hem of my panties and smirked as I watched sweat bead on his forehead in anticipation. "Do you have any suggestions?" I asked as I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"You are so fucking sexy...." he responded, pulling off his shirt, picking me up as my legs wrapped around his waist. "I mean... I'm the luckiest mother fucker...." he said in almost a growl as he crashed his lips against my own and laid me on the sofa so we could make the most of this house, one last time.


	102. Hydrograd

Mia's P.O.V.

I was blaring my music as I pulled my car into the driveway of our old home and parked in front of the garage two days later, Corey standing outside smoking while smirking at me as I cut the engine.

"Were you listening to Slipknot just now?" He asked and I shrugged. "You fucking were. I've turned you to the dark side..." he said laughing.

"Maybe I'm just trying to figure out how a nice guy like you could write such angry screamo shit. It's my own personal psychology project." I replied as I kissed him hello.

"Admit it. You like it...." he yelled as I headed inside and I shook my head.

"I admit NOTHING!" I yelled back and he flipped me off as I looked back at him and laughed.

We spent two very long days with movers, moving all the boxes and furniture from point A to point B. The old house is a good twenty five minutes from our new place so it was a lot of back and forth, moving cars and setting up furniture. Now we are just making sure this house is completely cleared out before the cleaners get here at noon. Unpacking at the new house has been stressful- kind of like, 'okay, how do we make all of our stuff into our stuff without killing each other- but we have a lot of it done. After two days on cocaine and not sleeping while this process is happening for the first time since our first date, we were getting on each other's nerves.

"Did you grab the guitars?" I yelled outside and he shook his head and we both just kind of glared at each other before I walked back into the house and upstairs. Some of the things being moved we were both too anal to let movers take, so we slowly moved those things ourselves. All that was left in the bedroom were a dozen or so guitars, one of them was my dad's.

I picked it up and opened the case, running my fingertips over the old strings. His handful of chewed pics lay discarded in the case as I touched them- allowing myself for a moment to feel the pain of him being gone.

"You gonna bring them to me or what?! Let's go!" He asked/demanded loudly, not really mean- more or less just tired, but I snapped back anyway.

"Fucking give me a minute!" I yelled, closing the case, pinching my finger as I did. "Oww... fuck!" I yelled as I shook my head at my own stupidity causing him to run up the steps and look at me sucking on my finger, sitting on the empty floor.

"What the fuck?!" He asked and I glared at him.

"I hurt myself...." I whined and he sighed, shaking his head, kneeling down and kissing my head.

"I'm being a dick today...." he said softly and I nodded.

"Me too....." I replied, finger still in my mouth.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too..."

I looked up at him and he looked at me, both of us laughing hysterically, our voices bouncing off the walls- making it sound like there was twenty people losing their minds- not just two.

"We just had our first fight...." I whispered and he nodded.

"Yeah.... pretty much...." he responded as he helped me up. "Common, let's get these over to our house and order takeout. I'm starving."

"Sounds good to me Mr. Taylor...." I responded, kissing him on the cheek.

*************************************************

Lauren's P.O.V.

I sat in my mom's living room as she sat across from me, holding my son and glaring at me. Travis sat beside me, looking just as amused to be here as I was. My father was on a business trip, which I was more than thankful for.

"So, you have my grandbaby.... early..... tell me not to come.... I don't know about his medical issues of yours.... Then! You don't tell me about this affair until I see it on television. Now you want me to watch this beautiful boy while you and Travis go on air and talk about all of it?!"

My mom said this in one huge breath, making me cringe. She was so angry but I couldn't blame her. We were finally in a good place and I shut her out.

"Yeah.... that's the gist of it....." Travis said and my mom sighed.

"Go. Get. I'll see you tonight...." she responded and we stood, handing her the diaper bag and thanking her.

It was a half hour drive to the Sirius building in the city and I was honestly thankful for having a limo. It was my first time and I was excited, RJ was with us for security reasons. I was nervous as hell, knowing this could get one million times worse but we agreed to stay unified and fight this head on.

Once we got to the studio where Travis was meeting with Howard Stern I met the crew, they set us up in the guest room and waited to go on. Travis held my hand as I chattered on about nothing, watching the monitor as they filmed and waited for the production assistant to come get Travis.

"Your coming out too right?" He asked me and I looked at him with his eyes wide. I didn't know that was part of it. This show has a reach of twenty million listeners daily. I felt my heart begin to race as I shook my head.

"I wasn't aware I was supposed to...." I said and he gave me a small smile.

"Well..... yeah. But I promise you, it's no big deal. You won't even notice the cameras or anything after a few minutes. Just relax...." he replied and I nodded, breathing deeply and watching the monitor closer now.

"Okay, after the break we have Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker and his sexy as shit fiance coming on to talk about the recent scandal the internet is blowing up about." Howard said and I could feel my body shaking with nerves. My hands were sweaty and my heart was beating faster than ever before. This was wild.

"Is she though? I haven't seen her yet..." Robyn replied and Travis laughed as Howard gave her a dumb look.

"Dont worry, you will....." he replied to her and Travis laughed as he rubbed my back.

"See baby... they love you already...."

The PA came and told us to follow her and we were led into a darkish room with a leather sofa, headphones were put on us and we were cleared as we sat down.

"Hey Travis, how ya been man? And this must be Lauren.." Howard asked and he nodded. "How ya doing sweetheart?"

"I'm.... I'm good." I said quietly and Travis held my hand again, seeing how nervous I was. I tried not looking at the cameras but when I answered Howard I looked over at him and was immediately freaked out by the fact that it's freaking HOWARD STERN. I'm gonna be on the Howard Stern show!!!!!

"You're right. She is sexy..... you are beautiful honey. Travis you know how to pick 'em..." Robyn said and I laughed.

"Okay, so tell me about this drama. Is it true?" Howard asked and I looked at Travis who sighed deeply.

"Yeah, it's true. I did it....." I said and everyone looked surprised.

"But....in her defense I was gone for months! And she was working with him fourteen hours a day and her libido while pregnant was.... well let's just say I'm getting to old to go nine times a day.... but it's over." Travis said, quickly coming to my defense and that was the first time I had heard him say any of this- it was my turn to be surprised.

"So he's just dragging what happened months ago out to hurt you?" Robyn asked and I nodded.

"I think he's just trying to stay famous...." I said, making the room erupt in laughter. I would have to thank Corey for that line later on. "I never had any feelings for him. I was just..... getting off. I think he had a crush on me or something." I added and Travis shook his head.

"So basically what you are saying is.... you two are stronger than ever?" Howard inquired and Travis nodded, kissing my lips briefly.

"We are fucking golden." He replied as I smiled.


	103. Liar

Lauren's P.O.V.

"You didn't have to lie to twenty million people..." I said quietly to Travis as we drove home from the airport, Jacob soundly sleeping in the back seat. I had been thinking it the whole way home but it took me six hours to finally say it out loud.

"What do you mean?" He asked and I rolled my eyes.

"We are not fine. We are far from okay....." I replied and he shrugged.

"We'll get there. I thought I was past all this bullshit but then the article came out and fucked me up all over again. I'm sorry. I'm trying so hard to forgive you but....... you being pregnant and me being gone- those are shitty excuses I keep telling myself."

"I know....." I said quietly and sighed. I knew he didn't actually believe it was his fault, even though it would make it easier on us both. It was me. I'm the fucking tramp who screwed some other guy.

"Can we just..... stop talking about it??? I can't deal with any more of it right now." He snapped at me and I nodded, shushing him so he wouldn't wake our son. I cursed when we pulled up to our house a minute later, Travis as well.

Fred stood outside our gate- spray painting the word SLUT in big bold letters, a look of anger on his face as he saw us.

"What the fuck?!" Travis barked angrily, throwing the car in park out front and jumping out of the vehicle, walking up to Fred and grabbing the spray can from him before punching him right in the jaw. Fred stumbled, then shook his head and grabbed Travis by his stomach and they both landed hard on the pavement.

I got out of the car, screaming for them to stop but both were swinging as they wrestled to regain a standing position.

Once up I ran in between them- holding out my arms hoping to deter the fight. Fred laughed, spitting blood on the sidewalk and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Get the fuck out of the way Lauren..." Travis yelled and I shook my head.

"Bitch! I will fucking hit you!" Fred yelled, shoving me into Travis and then closing in, hitting Travis again, getting the top of my head in the process before I fell to the ground.

Neither one noticed as they continued to beat the shit out of each other like middle schoolers. Eventually, Travis hit him enough times that Fred was on the ground and I grabbed Travis, pulling him towards me. Fred stood up- spitting more blood and looking like he was sprayed with red paint all over his white shirt.

"Keep my fucking name out of your mouth ho!" Fred yelled at me and I shook my head. "You're everything wrong with women. Fucking bitch!"

"Get the FUCK OUTTA HERE!!" I yelled and he spit again, stumbling to his car and getting inside, driving away quickly, flipping us off as he drove past.

I stood there for a minute till Travis shook his arm free of my grasp and walked over to the gate, kicking it and cursing loudly. This was never going to end. Jacob started crying and I went to comfort him, Travis still out on the sidewalk, now staring at the damage on himself and the gate.

I had Jacob in my arms when Travis walked up, holding out his hands and looking at me as I studied his fists in the dim car light. His hands were swollen and bloody, looking like he just beat a wall- not a man. I would hate to see Fred tomorrow.

"I need to go to the hospital. I think they are broken...." he said calmly and I nodded. "Call Skye, see if she will watch Jacob...." I nodded again asking her and she said yes without hesitation.

****

We spent four hours at the emergency room both talking to the police and getting Travis stitched up. Luckily nothing was broken but he did slice his knuckles open, plus his lip and forehead needed stiches. The police were less than amused by the incident, but Travis made it clear he wasn't pressing assault charges. He hoped beating his ass would keep Fred from ever coming back to our place again.

Mark went with us- keeping Travis calm and making jokes to keep his spirits up as well as mine. It didn't work at first but by the time we left the stress seemed to be nearly non-existent.

"Hey Laur." Skye said quietly as we walked into Marks house right as the sun rose. "He's upstairs sleeping in my bed. Do you want coffee or anything?"

"No. I can take him out of your hair and head home. Thanks for keeping him." I replied and she shook her head.

"Look, I'm gonna take him to the park when he gets up, just give you and Travis a few hours to rest. You two need some time.... okay?" She asked and I nodded. "You can stay here or head home and call me when your ready for him."

"Thanks Skye..." Travis said quickly, kissing her cheek. "Imma go upstairs and crash. The meds they gave me have me dizzy as shit...." Skye nodded as he grabbed my hand, pulling me with him up the steps and into our favorite guest room.

Once the door was closed he winced while trying to take his shirt off so I helped him slowly, being careful not to touch too much of him. Our physical contact was limited to holding hands or a peck on the lips, running my fingertips over his warm skin was so sensual to me- even though I knew it meant nothing.

His eye was swollen and black, but if his stomach or chest was bruised it wasn't visible from the tattoos. Once he was in his boxers i helped him lay down and cover up. I hovered for a moment, trying to decide if I should stay or find another room- realizing this is where I belonged. I laid down beside him and he glared at me, the best he could.

"What are you doing?" He asked and I sighed.

"Going to sleep...." I replied quietly and he shook his head.

"I need you to go home. But I don't want you to leave. I hate how much I still love you. I'm so mad at you.... at myself..... I want to let you go but I just..... Fuck."

"What do you want from me?!" I asked, tears running down my face as he sighed, taking his bandaged hand and wiping my tears away.

"Shh.... don't cry baby girl. I don't know what I want. I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm stressed the fuck out...... you really fucked us up. I'm trying for Jacob but I know I never want to marry you."

"Travis......" I said as I cried harder and he rubbed my back.

"Let's just go to sleep. We will talk later....." he said quietly, kissing my forehead. "Everything just happened so fast. I thought you were a sure thing- but I deserve someone who won't cheat on me. You ruined us......" he said sadly, tears in his eyes. "Stay with me and sleep. You are the mother of my son. I don't hate you Lauren. You will always be taken care of. I just..... I can't talk about this right now."

I nodded, putting an arm carefully around his stomach and closing my eyes- wishing I could take it all back. My heart was officially smashed into a million pieces and only Travis could mend it- but I think the damage was permanent.


	104. House Warming Party

Mia's P.O.V.

"Feel like an asshole yet?" I asked Corey as we pulled into Billy's place and he laughed. We had all these ideas to have a house warming party but once we got the house just right we realized neither of us wanted people over to fuck it up, so when Billy said he was throwing us an engagement party we agreed. Let someone else have their house stuffed full of people and mess, not ours.

"Well..... no. Cause we get to leave here and go back to our quiet clean house." He responded, winking at me and making me laugh. I loved our new place so much and because both Corey and I were on a vacation from work it's been heaven to just relax all day together.

The party was in full swing when we walked in, everyone who's anyone was there- and then some. Billy greeted us soon as we got inside, pulling us out back, standing on a table and shouting- the music quickly being turned off.

"Tonight we celebrate the engagement of one of my closest friends, Amelya Ricci to one of the greatest musicians in the music industry, Corey Taylor." Beej looked down at me and winked as my face turned red, the two hundred or so people out back all staring at us. "Congratulations you two. I'm so fucking happy for you!" Billy said, jumping down and hugging me, then shaking Corey's hand. Drinks were handed to us as Billy got back on the table, holding up a cup and yelling, "for love!" before guzzling his drink and throwing the cup into the pool, everyone following suite, us included.

Corey spotted his band mates and kissed my cheek, walking off to go catch up. Johnny waved to me as I looked over and I winked at him. I was glad they made it tonight, Corey wasn't sure who was coming on his side of things.

"So, I wanted to be the first to say congratulations..." Tom said as he approached me, wrapping his arms around me in a hug. "I was so fucking shocked by the news I just.... it took me a while. But I'm glad you two are doing so well."

"Thanks Tom." I replied as I hugged him back. "I'm glad you could make it. Billy wasn't sure if you would come, I told him to put you on the list anyway. Is Jen here? I wanna thank her for her help last week with painting."

"Uhh... yeah. With Skye and Shanna. Did you hear that Lauren is thinking of moving out?"

"Yeah... Travis told me. He's not real happy about it."

"I was there for a few days helping him out. He might need physical therapy on his right hand. The doctor thinks he has nerve damage." Tom said quietly and I nodded. "Could ruin his career, and all over Fred Durst."

"No. All over Lauren cheating. She did this..." I said angrily as she approached us and Tom nodded, walking over to Corey who was smiling at me.

Lauren looked at me for a few minutes before speaking, as I contemplated who out here would tell if I drowned her in the pool. I knew most people would have my back, but then I thought of Jacob and decided against it.

"Hey Mia...." she said softly and I shook my head.

"Not tonight Lauren...." I said as I walked over to Mark and jumped on his back, kissing his cheek as Skye, Shanna and Travis laughed.

"I'm too old for your bullshit. Your gonna throw my back out!" Mark yelled as I let go and laughed along with everyone else.

"Love me dammit!" I said and he laughed harder.

I spent a few minutes catching up with them before mingling some more, drinks handed to me by everyone. It seemed I had spoken to every guest in attendance when the pool caught my eye. It was starting to become a graveyard of illuminated plastic cups from the pool lights that danced in an endless sea of chlorine. Pulling out my phone I took a picture, capturing the random moment of my life. When I stood up, I gasped.

Courtney Love, my step mom, and my half sister Frances were walking towards me. I hadn't seen Courtney in at least ten years- becoming an expert at avoiding her. They both smiled and Courtney quickly pulled me into a hug, Frances following suite.

"Oh my god honey, we are so happy for you!" She said loudly as my sister nodded. "Where is he, we would love to congratulate him also."

I looked around the pool and saw him talking to Johnny and Dave so I pulled out my phone and shot him a text, smirking to myself.

*Need an assist. The wicked witch of the west is here.*

I saw him look at his phone, chuckled then look for me- his eyes wide when he saw who I was with and nodded, heading towards me.

"How are you doing?" Frances asked me and I smiled as Corey approached, Courtney quickly wrapping her arms around him in a drunk hug, kissing his cheek.

"Oh honey, welcome to the family! This is your sister in law Bean and I'm your mom in law!" She shouted intoxicated and loud as I bit my lounge to keep from sighing out loud.

"Yeah, we met at Woodstock in 99." He said and she laughed, putting her hand on his chest. He told me about her trying to sleep with him back in the day, and when he denied her she took off her shoe and hit him with it, her heel catching his arm and cutting him- a gnarly scar proof of the story.

"Probably, I was pretty heavily using dope those days!" She answered laughing and I shook my head. "When's the wedding, what do you need?! The bride's family is footing the bill!" She replied and Corey raised his eyebrows, his lips tight as he wrapped an arm around my waist, stepping back from my dad's psycho widow. "Oh! Look Bean! Billys over there! I'm gonna go say hi!" She said and quickly walked away, swaying as she went.

"Uh.... I should join her. It's so good to see you Mia..." Frances said as she pulled me into a hug. "Let's get together okay? I wanna get to know you." She whispered in my ear and I nodded. "Corey, I'm sorry. She's a little.....well....yeah...." She shrugged as she reached out and gave him a quick hug then shook her head as Courtney fell into the pool. "I gotta go... Congratulations you two. Seriously!" She added, jogging off, passing Dave on the way and giving him a high five.

"That was.... unexpected, to say the least." Corey said quietly into my ear as he pulled me into a hug. "What the fuck...."

"Yeah.... I know....." I replied as Dave said hi to Corey and I got pulled away by Billys wife. I wanted to process this information but I was so busy, people almost waiting in line to talk to me I didn't have time right now.

****

"I could be in Metallica..... I'm good enough..." I yelled as Skye, Mark, Dave, Matt and Corey all laughed. James Hatfield, lead singer of said band, gave me a dirty look and laughed.

"You don't got what it takes...." he replied and I scoffed.

"What?! A dick?!" I asked and everyone laughed harder as he nodded and walked away.

"Bands beg me to do vocals for them.... thank you very much...." I continued, Dave shaking his head.

"Would you leave him alone?" Dave asked and I shook my head. "Why was he here anyway?"

"Friends with my stupid fiancee...." I replied as Corey threw his hands up in defense. "Just because you have a penis....." I pouted.

I wasn't being serious.

Not really.

To be honest, Metallica was one of two bands that I always wanted to work with but never did. Hatfield wrote ALL their music, so there wasn't much need for me, especially when I was starting my career. The other was White Zombie- but the band broke up before I really got around to trying to work with them. Other than that, my reputation proceeded me and if I asked a band to collaborate, I was always greeted with a hell yes, not to mention when most bands needed a vocalist I was a first consideration. Many bands that I worked with swore whatever album I worked on was their best one- and that made all the difference in the world.

"You ready to go home?" Corey asked and I nodded. "Yeah, me too...."

The party had significantly died down, only twenty or so people remained. There was six of us outside, Billy busy writing in his drunken state at the other table. The sun was beginning to rise as we smoked another joint and I smiled at the fact I was with the people that matter.

"You're leaving?" Skye asked and I nodded as I stood up. "Ah. Okay. Do you wanna do lunch next week or something?"

"Yeah. Absolutely. Call me okay?" I replied, pulling her into a hug."

After saying goodbyes as we walked thru the house and got into the car, both Corey and I sighed in relief of being alone. He held my hand as he drove thru the valley and back towards our house to be in our own personal solitary confinement once again.


	105. Zzyzx Road

Mia's P.O.V.

"So..... mother in law huh?" Corey said the next morning as we sat in the office we shared, both of us working on schedules. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, making him laugh.

"Oh god.... like, what was that?!" I replied as I looked at him, my eyes meeting his own as they sparkled at me with amusement. "She is a fucking train wreck! Now all of a sudden she's off the dope and wants to be a part of my life or something. After twenty five years....." I rolled my eyes as he laughed. "Fuck outta here!"

Hey.... give her some credit. Maybe she is being genuine. You never know baby. I do know your sister seemed really happy to see you." He replied and I shook my head slowly.

"Yeah but being around Bean means Courtney is in my life. Like....are we doing this? Letting her try and take over our wedding?" I asked and he shrugged.

"Do you honestly care about the wedding? Does it actually matter to you?" He asked and I laughed.

"Honestly I could give a fuck less. I wanna marry you- but I don't care about the fancy shit. We could go to Vegas right now and get hitched, only one I really need there is Dave."

Corey immediately had a stupid smile plastered on his face while his eyes sparkled as he looked at me. I don't know what I said but damn- he was happy about it.

"What about your friends?" He asked and I shrugged.

"I don't care if they are there or not. I mean obviously Travis and Mark are my closest friends- but if they weren't there I wouldn't care, it's not about them- it's about you and me. It never made sense to me how people have these huge weddings full of music and dancing, seating and dress rehearsals, paparazzi and guest lists and on and on...... Spending all this money and being so stressed- it should be done differently."

"You never cease to amaze me, you know that?" Corey asked, beckoning me over to him with his finger. I obliged, sitting in his lap as he wrapped an arm around my waist. "I had two super crazy huge weddings..... running off and marrying you actually sounds perfect. You want to?" He asked me and I raised my eyebrows at him in disbelief. I didn't know if he meant right this second or what, but I did know I was down with it- long as he was.

"You asking me to run off to Vegas with you Mr. Taylor?" I asked and he chuckled, nodding.

"Just saying if you don't wanna do it right now we are touring with Sound City in a few weeks and we will be there. So will Dave and I'm thinking, why not?" He spoke quietly, looking at me carefully as he mentioned it, like I was an abused animal who would run if he moved too fast so when I squealed a little and kissed him- his face was one of total surprise.

"Corey Taylor, I would follow you into hell if you asked me- I can't wait to fucking marry you!" I said excitedly as I wrapped my arms around him and he chuckled, kissing my neck. He was serious and as I held him I waited to be terrified of the commitment, I waited for dark thoughts to tell me this was wrong- but my brain had been quieting down ever since I started seeing him and all I could see is more happiness in the future.

"So, you wanna call Dave and go today or wait till we are touring? That's the question....." he asked and I answered him by pulling out my phone, then chuckled, thinking back to the conversation I had with Dave when he found out the news.

"Just so you know- I would of married you the night you proposed. You are a sure thing." I said and his smile grew wider than I thought possible. I quickly texted Dave before kissing Corey again.

*Heyy.. so are you busy today? Can I kidnap you until tomorrow afternoon? Come on a trip with Corey and I to Vegas.....*

"You know, I was originally going to do it on the stage, but you looked so freaked out I called it off. I also considered asking you to marry me and then getting married that night, but I wanted you to have time to process. You looked a tad overwhelmed." He replied when the kiss broke and I nodded as my phone went off.

*Vegas?!? I'm so fucking in. I'll even drive. Pick you up in an hour*

I laughed, showing Corey who laughed and nodded. In a little over five hours I was going to be someone's wife. Not just someone, Corey's wife. I was getting ready to become Amelya Taylor? Amelya Ricci-Taylor? The hyphenated version sucks, maybe instead....Corey Ricci?! I laughed at the thought and dismissed it. 

"Did you wanna call anyone?" I asked him and he shook his head as I stood up. "You sure babe?"

"Yeah- Jason's in Vegas so I'm good. My grandmom went to the last two and told me she wasn't coming to this one. But if you wanna call Mark or Travis I don't give a shit. I'm so fucking happy we are getting married tonight. It's literally all I care about. Imma go throw some clothes in a bag. I love you!" He shouted as he left the room and I chuckled, pulling out my phone to call Mark, wondering if he would in fact come on such short notice.


	106. Big News

Lauren's P.O.V.

I stood in the living room, tears running down my face as I thought about what I've done to our family. Travis stood on the other side of the sofa, Jacob in his arms, as he kissed his sons cheek goodbye and told him how much he loved him. It had been nearly three weeks since the fistfight and due to Travis and I's issues we were talking about me moving out- in the meantime he was staying elsewhere. The problem being, neither of us wants to give up our son and every plan we could come up with was bad for one of us or bad for him, so instead, we were trying one final time to make it work with this solution- which wasn't a solution at all.

Lizette took Jacob from Travis, bringing him upstairs to have a nap and I wiped my eyes, willing myself to pull it together. I had to move past this- I had to accept what is and try to move forward but it was so damn hard. Even Lizette was angry with me. When I go into town people come up and try asking me questions about it- my social media is a graveyard of 'I hate Lauren' comments and much, much worse. No one was talking to me except Travis and most of those conversations were how about how he wishes he could move past it.

I watched him grab his jacket, prepared to head back to Matts house (where he's been staying) when I grabbed his hand, making him turn around in surprise.

"Travis, please stay. Let's have lunch or something. Please?" I asked with an underlying desperation and he nodded as we headed to the kitchen- pulling out leftover pizza and eating in silence on the sofa.

After we ate he lit us cigarettes and turned the television on, watching a rerun of family feud. We quickly got into it and were shouting answers at the tv and laughing hard. By the time the show was over we were holding hands. No words were exchanged as he chose another show and we settled in- his hand began rubbing my thigh and by the commercial break he pulled me into his lap and as our lips crashed together for the first time in weeks, I moaned.

Instinctively we started ripping each other's clothes off in a desperate frenzy, our mouths and hands exploring each others bodies in urgency. He was being rougher than normal as he yanked my hair back and bit my neck but I came right in my panties as I cried out, feeling blood trickle down my shoulder.

He pushed everything off the coffee table with a crash, dropping me onto my back on the glass surface, pulling off my shorts and panties, pulling out his cock. Grabbing my hand he pulled me back into his lap, forcing me down hard onto his rod and as we both cried out in pleasure- telling me to ride him hard. I grinded my hips against him expertly as he yelled my name, grabbing my ass hard with one hand- pulling my hair with the other as we both rode to a quick unanimous orgasm.

Putting a hand behind my head he pulled me close and kissed me deeply- feeling him soften inside me as our fluids ran out around it. It was a good kind of nasty feeling and one I always enjoyed after sex.

"God I fucking missed you...." he groaned in my ear, his hand going around my waist and pulling me tightly against him. "I love you so fucking much."

"I love you too Travis..." I said, begging myself not to cry. "Come home. Please? I need you...." I said breathlessly and be nodded.

"Okay..... I will. But only if you still come on tour."

"Absolutely. Consider me there. I will do anything you ask. I promise." I replied and he smirked at me.

Standing up and using the baby wipes on the floor I wiped myself and him up, then bent down to grab my shorts off the floor just as the door opened.

"Travis! Guess wha.... AHHH! NOT AGAIN!" Mark screamed as I looked up at him, my panties in my hand because I was showing Travis just how soaked he made me. Skye walked in behind him and gasped, Mark covering her eyes with his free hand as they stood in the open doorway.

"Dude! Why is your girl naked and showing you panties again?! Is this like.... a thing you do?!" Mark asked- his face red and Skye laughed.

"Dont. Answer. That." Skye added and Mark nodded.

"Yeah. We don't actually wanna know. Lauren- get dressed I got news." Mark said and I laughed as Travis threw me his shirt to throw on after I slipped on my shorts.

"All Clear Mark..." Travis said and I laughed, sitting on his lap and watching our friends walk over to the loveseat and sit down, looking at us carefully.

"So Mia just called. Skye and I are headed to Vegas. You should come."

"Why? What's going on?" I asked and Travis laughed, kissing my cheek.

"Holy Fuck. They are doing it. Give me twenty minutes. I need a shower. This is so fucking huge!" Travis said and we got up, him grabbing my hand and pulling me up the steps with him.

"Why are you going to Vegas?!" I asked again and he looked at me like I was dense as he got naked and started the water.

"You mean WE? Because my best friend is getting married! Tonight!" He replied excitedly and I gasped in surprise. I expected at least a year before she even set a date. For someone so against committing, she was rushing into this with Corey.

"What about Jacob?!" I asked and he shrugged.

"I'll call Shanna. Lizette can keep him till she gets here. You wanna be together? Let's start tonight."


	107. Tangled Up In You

Mia's P.O.V.

I took a deep breath as I looked at myself in the mirror in the back of the chapel. My hair was braided to one side with red roses interwoven, my makeup was simple but flawless, I wore a short red sleeveless dress and heels. Skye kissed my cheek and sighed in happiness as she rested her chin on my bare shoulder, looking at our reflection in the mirror.

Jordyn, Dave's wife, knocked on the open door, pulling us from our moment of reflection. "Hey, Amelya, it's time sweetie." She said softly, walking into the room and pulling me into a hug as Dave entered looking proud.

"You ready for this kid?" He asked and I nodded. I had never in life life been so sure of anything. The entire drive here, while sitting in the back beside Corey, holding hands and joking around- I waited to feel nervous- but I wasn't. When we chose a hotel and checked in, getting rooms for Mark and Travis as well, I thought I would be scared but it never came. Here I was, dressed and ready to walk down the aisle to vow my heart to Corey forever, and all I feel is excitement.

Skye and Jordyn left the room and Dave smiled at me as I checked my phone one last time, turning it off and handing it to Dave. "Okay, I'm ready to rock this marriage thing." I said and he laughed.

"Do you remember your dad's wedding?" He asked and I shook my head. "That was precisely what he said to me before going into the chapel. You two are so much alike."

I laughed, thinking of my dad and wishing he was here for a moment, but thankful I had Dave who had filled in Kurt's shoes so well. "Thank you again for this..." I said quietly to him and he nodded.

"Hey, look at me kid- there is no where else I would rather be. I'm so fucking proud to be a part of your life."

We stood in the doorway and I took my arm as the music started and I locked eyes with the love of my life- seeing nothing but devotion.

Jason was directly up front, followed by Johnny and Shawn, some members of his bands were their with their wife's, as well as Travis, Mark and their women. Jordyn sat up front and I saw she was crying and I chuckled a little as we headed down the aisle. "Okay, who picked this song?!" I asked and Dave laughed. 'She's Got A Way by Billy Joel was playing instead of traditional wedding music which made me happy but this song was so..... sappy, not that I could stop myself from singing along in my head. Dammit. This is a sappy occasion.

As we got up front Dave hugged me and Corey, sitting beside Jordyn and rubbing her back. I smiled as Jason walked up from his seat and hugged us both before sitting back down.. I couldn't stop smiling at Corey as the music stopped and I breathed a deep sigh of excitement and nervousness.

The wedding officiant, dressed in a black suit like Corey, cleared his throat and began speaking.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, the joining of two hearts, and to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love, and to add our best wishes to the words which shall unite this couple in marriage. Should there be anyone who has cause why this couple should not be united in marriage, Shut your fucking mouth cause they don't care!!"

Everyone laughed for a few minutes before he continued.

"Today we have come together to witness the joining of these two lives. For them, out of the routine of ordinary life, the extraordinary has happened. They met each other, fell in love and are finalizing it with their wedding. Now, because they are both brilliant writers, they decided to say their own vows, let's listen up. I'm talking to you Hoppus!"

Mark quickly stopped talking to Skye and everybody laughed again. We specifically chose this place because every member of Blink has gotten married here.

"I'll go first" I said, grabbing Corey's hand. "I didn't fall in love with you in the normal sense. I ran into love with you- eyes wide open. It was terrifying to say the least but I chose you every step of the way. This is our fate and if I had to go back and remake the choices in my life I would do them all the same because it all brings me to you- and you are worth it." I felt my eyes tear up as he squeezed my hand and I watched a tear fall from his eye.

"Amelya Ricci.... you just made me fucking cry..." Corey said to me, wiping his eyes and smiling. We gave him a minute to compose himself as I wiped my own eyes carefully- so I wouldn't wreck the makeup- and grabbed his hand again. "Dammit. I love you woman. I have for a long fucking time. I crave you like you crave cigarettes- we are both addicted to things that leave us breathless. You are the strongest person I have ever met- no matter the storm you thrive and you maintain that positive energy that no one else has." He stopped for a second, biting his lip and wiping his eyes again. "You..... your my best friend. My addiction. My obsession. You are worth every shitty mistake I've ever made."

"You asshole. Now I'm crying..." I replied and he laughed along with everyone else. 'Sorry' he mouthed as I wiped my eyes.

We exchanged rings (that we bought on the way) and lit the unity candle, laughing as I burned myself with the wax. This had to be the funniest wedding I have ever attended that wasn't Elvis themed. Finally, we hit the end and we both looked at the officiant as he said the words to make it official, holding hands tightly.

By the power vested in me, by the state of Nevada, I now pronounce you Rock Star King and Queen! Go ahead and make out!"

Corey grabbed me and dipped me backwards, kissing me long and hard as everyone yelled in celebration and clapped. This was insane.... I just married the love of my life.


	108. Marry Me

Lauren's P.O.V.

When Corey kissed Mia for the first time as her husband both Skye and I were crying. It was so beautiful- and completely them; honestly the entire wedding was. We all took pictures with them- group photos, singles and couples. It was so much fun celebrating with them- I was so proud of Mia for how much she has grown since we met.

Afterwards, Jason left for a meeting, Dave and his wife headed to their hotel room while the rest of the group headed to the bar to celebrate. It was weird trying to get to know members of other bands. I felt uncomfortable knowing they all knew the drama I brought on my family and the band. Johnny passed out ecstasy pills and we all took one- then I just sat back with Skye and sipped on drinks and enjoyed the high, while Travis and Mark mingled. Corey and Mia were the life of the party for a little while but they ran off around 1am, to consummate their vows. Soon after Corey's band mates and their significant others took off- claiming it was time to gamble.

Now that it was just the four of us, my sipping turned into guzzling and it started getting crazy as the drugs hit in full force. The music was bumping, me and Skye were dancing- Travis and Mark were talking to fans and getting completely wasted. Eventually we sat down to do Mexican Car Bombs, and I was pretty sure after this my legs wouldn't be working.

"Ready?!" Travis asked and we all nodded, counting to three and shooting them back. By the time the glass hit the table- I knew I was ripped.

"You know what you should do?!" Skye asked Travis and he shrugged. "You two should just get married!" She said loudly and I looked at her with my eyes wide. "You heard me. You have the kid. And he's cute. But you two should do.... DO IT!" She yelled and I looked over at Travis who shrugged while Mark laughed, saying Skye needed a nap and trying to get her upstairs.

"No... I mean.... let's go do it." Travis said grabbing my hand. "Lets go get married!" He said excitedly and I laughed.

"You're serious?!" I asked and Skye ran over to the table- pointing back into the doorway- Mark looking flustered.

"We did! We went to Vegas on tour and just fucking got hitched. And then Tom and Jen did right after- on impulse. And then Travis married what'shername..... hmm... what is her name? Shit.... but anyway.... fucking do it Travis! Don't be a pussy!" She said, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling his face into her own as Mark grabbed her around the waist.

"Common Skye.... let's go...." Mark pleaded but the seed was planted. It was too late. She wasn't giving up.

"Fuck it. Let's go!" I said and Skye high fived me, Mark sighed and Travis kissed me sloppily on the cheek.

"Mark. I'm getting married!!" Travis screamed and the whole room applauded as I laughed.

"Dude...." Mark said, looking worried as we all went out front of the hotel and hailed a cab. Thank god for 24 hour wedding chapels I guess.

****

I groaned as I opened my eyes.

I was in a room I didn't recognize, something pressed up against my back hard and Travis snoring in front of me. I tried to move but I was stuck. I pulled my arm out from around Travis's waist and gasped when I saw the tribal tattoo on my ring finger.

Holy shit.

I forgot I got married last night.

I shook Travis's shoulder and he groaned in response, opening his eyes and smiling at me.

"I have to pee!" I whispered and he laughed, getting up and putting out his hand, helping me to my feet. I looked back to the bed and saw Skye and Mark in their underwear only, the memories of the crazy foursome as the sun came up hitting me like a brick wall. Travis chuckled as he followed me to the bathroom- closing the door behind us.

"Go pee.." he said, turning the sink on and splashing his face with water. I wanted to wait but I was desperate as I went quickly and flushed. Travis walked over and kissed me, wrapping his arms around me.

"Morning..." he said smirking and I smiled in response. "How's your finger feeling?"

"A little stiff...." I responded as I examined it.

"You need some cream. I'll get you some, okay?" He asked and I nodded.

"So.... last night was......"

"Crazy?" He asked and I nodded, thinking about how me and Skye made out while Travis and Mark took us repeatedly.

"We're married!" I said squealing and he laughed. "Holy shit!"

"I fucking know, right?!" He said smiling. "I'm gonna run to get cigarettes. I'll pick up breakfast. Get a shower baby girl." He kissed me gently and winked, opening the door and closing it behind him.

My mind was in shock. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. A few days ago I was convinced we were over but now- I was Miss Travis Barker.

My life was perfect.

Thank god for drugs.


	109. With You

Mia's P.O.V.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

"Mia! Let me in!"

I heard Travis yell as Corey smirked at me from across the table where we sat having our room service breakfast. I stood up, tied my silk robe and walked over to the door as the knocking started again.

Travis looked disheveled to say the least- wearing only jeans and sneakers with a hoodie in his hand. His hair was stuck up in all different directions and he smelled like liquor and sweat as he kissed my cheek and walked inside, avoiding a girl in the hallway calling his name in excitement.

"Hey Barker, what's up? Ya hungry?" Corey asked as Travis sat down at the table and shook his head. Something was definitely wrong. "Imma shower babe..." Corey said as he stood up and kissed my cheek, disappearing into the bathroom. I guess the look on my face said it all.

I was worried.

"I need your help Mia. I fucked up royally..." Travis said quietly as I sat down next to him and he sighed, stealing a piece of toast and eating it quickly. I know we left early last night but how much trouble could they of gotten into last night?! They were with Mark and Skye- the voice of reason.

"What happened? It can't be that bad...." I said gently as he started to cry.

"Well.... we were rolling on E and Skye started talking about marriage and one thing lead to another and......."

"Jesus Travis.... you didn't?!" I said in surprise and he nodded, hugging me and sobbing. This was a fucking mess. He just told me two days earlier he and Shanna rekindled, and he was letting Lauren have the house and working out custody arrangements for Jacob.

"I fucked up....." he said again, sitting back into the chair and wiping his eyes while I nodded, "I totally fucked up. I was there yesterday, she asked me to stay for lunch. I did and then we hooked up and I don't know... before I knew it I was asking her to come to Vegas. I love her Mia... I just...."

"Didn't wanna marry a cheater?" I finished for him and he nodded. Travis and I have had this conversation so many times since Jacob was born I knew by now marrying this girl was the last thing he really wanted. "You could get it annulled..." I said softly and he sighed again, putting his head in his hands.

"There's more. We kinda had a foursome with Mark and Skye....." he mumbled, still hiding his face and I gasped, smacking his head.

"What?! Holy shit! Travis!" I said loudly and he laughed. "So her and Mark....." I asked and he nodded. "That's just..... that's..... oh my god!. No more drugs for you four. Your grounded!" I declared and he forced a smile.

"So...what should I do?" He asked again and I shrugged, winking at Corey as he came back into the room freshly dressed and showered. "I gotta tell Shanna. Jesus....."

"Well, you need to do a few things. First, call your lawyer. You were so high it might not be legal. Second, call your publicist. If that shit is out there already Barker.... you're in trouble. Thirdly- make a decision on which woman you wanna be with before you call Shanna or talk to Lauren. If you stay with Lauren you got two kids and an ex to contend with- if you choose Shanna, well.... that didn't work last time. But next time you talk to both of them they should know your decision."

"Yeah..... okay......" he said quietly and pulled out his phone and heading out to the balcony, shutting the door behind him.

I pulled some clothes on in the bathroom and joined Corey back at the table to finish eating. He was smirking at me as I chewed on a piece of bacon and it made me slightly self conscious.

"What?!" I asked as I swallowed.

"Did I hear that right? He married Lauren?" He asked quietly and I nodded. "Well..... that sounds like a whole lotta not our problem..."

"You ain't kidding. He should leave soon. Then we can get outta here." I replied and he nodded. Dave and Jordyn left this morning- offering us a ride but we had other plans. After some pretty great newlywed sex, Corey and I stayed up all night talking and making plans for our future. We were both tired but, like our love- our plans were a sure thing, starting with heading to his grandma's to tell her the news.

"Our flight isn't until tonight. Technically he could hide here all day. I just selfishly don't wanna deal with drama on our first day as a married couple."

"We are in agreement. Did you wanna go catch up with Johnny and Shawn while I deal with Travis?"

"Nah. I'm good here for now. Not done grinning at you yet. I think I'm still in shock from marrying you."

"Same....." I replied, leaning over the table and kissing his lips as Travis came back inside, reclaiming his chair at the table.

"So how's married life?" Travis asked and I chuckled.

"It's fucking perfect man. But I could ask you the same thing...." Corey responded before I could, making me laugh harder.

"Ah..... God..... I don't wanna talk about it. Seriously. I now know not to take ecstasy from your boy Johnny....." Travis groaned and both Corey and I raised our eyebrows at him.

"Travis..." I started to say and he sighed, nodding his head, already agreeing.

"You two didn't take any?" He asked and we both shook our heads.

"Nah man. Drug free ever since we moved into our new place. Gotta stay straight. For each other....." Corey said as he winked at me. We made the pact to stop ruining our bodies but it wasn't a major deal.... we still drank a few times since, but we were cutting that out too. Something about the thought of not being able to grow old together terrified us both.

"Wow. You too?" He replied looking at me and I nodded. "That's a huge deal. Shit Mia..... your gonna be so boring now."

"Aww... Fuck you Travis." I replied laughing as there was a knock on the door.

God dammit.

More visitors....


	110. Hit The Floor

Lauren's P.O.V.

Skye burst in while I was getting dressed, running into the room and throwing up in the toilet, flushing then pulling off her panties and t-shirt and stepping into the shower.

"Morning...." I said and she chuckled.

"Morning sweetie. I'm feeling particularly shitty. Give me a half hour okay? Then we can order breakfast."

"Yeah. Sounds good...." I responded as Mark walked in and asked if he could pee, I nodded as I put my bra on and flashed him a smile. He looked away quickly as I grabbed my shirt and left the room, giving them privacy.

In the living room I picked up my phone and turned it on, almost screaming when I started going thru my gallery and realised we took pictures of last night's sexcapades. I didn't remember sleeping with Mark but clearly, we did it. I also didn't remember that it was Travis who tattooed me, but..... there it was.

Opening instagram I smiled at the picture Mia posted this morning. It was a picture of her in his arms, their first kiss as husband and wife, one hand on her ass, his other in the ' you Rock' symbol- smile on both their faces. Her caption made me laugh so hard:

***Our first kiss as husband and wife. He's a maniac even when he's being romantic. I love you Cor. Forever and After. :)***

I scrolled thru the thousands of comments, geeking when I saw major celebrities like Norman Reedus and Jensen Ackles commented on the picture with various forms of congratulations, not to mention the friends, family and fan comments. Everyone was so happy for them I couldn't believe it.

Corey posted a picture also of him and Mia snuggling in bed this morning, with the caption:

***The greatest thing about waking up is this face. Morning wife. Day one of forever..***

These two were so damn cute sometimes.

I liked both the pictures and opened my notifications, gasping at the vast amount. Clicking on the first picture I cursed openly as I realized I was tagged in a picture Travis posted twenty minutes ago of a TMZ article titled "Did Barker tie the night again?" to which he captioned 

***Yes we did. @laurenscott and I are officially married. Mia and Corey inspired us..***

Damn.

Another surprise announcement.

To be fair once I clicked on the article and realized they have pictures of us saying our vows- it's hard to dispute the fact. I just wish we could have one single thing to ourselves for just a little while.

Dammit.

"So.... ready to have awkward after drug induced orgy breakfast?" Skye said as she joined me on the sofa and I laughed. "That uh.... I never.... never do that. That was....."

"Oh god can we just not talk about it right now?!" I asked and she laughed as I showed her the article, her smile dying almost immediately.

"Oh. Shit....." she said quietly. "I forgot you guys got married last night. Shit. Sorry about that. I basically forced you into it."

"No. I mean. Travis freaked and ran out of here this morning.... but then he posted on instagram that we were in fact married, so yeah... it's gonna be fine. We love each other."

"Marks hiding in the shower.... let's order some food and maybe he will come out, okay?" She asked as she picked up the menu.

****

After breakfast I journeyed up the elevator to the honeymoon suite, giving Mark and Skye privacy- hoping Travis was up here with Mia and Corey. I knocked several times before the door opened, Mia looking annoyed.

"Hey is Travis here?" I asked and she rolled her eyes, opening the door and letting me in. I knew they probably wanted to be alone so my plan was to bring Travis back to our room and spend time alone before we were in the car with Mark and Skye.

Travis was on the balcony- talking on the phone and smoking a cigarette. Mia sat at the table with Corey, talking quietly as I stood there awkwardly by the door. I didn't want to disturb Travis but I felt weird, standing here. I missed my husband.

Husband.

That's weird to think.

"Its weird to say husband isn't it? Like.... we haven't been married long enough. The word feels foreign on my tongue..." I spoke quietly, more to myself than anyone- only Corey acknowledged me, glancing in my direction before locking eyes with the love of his life.

Husband. Am I the love of his life? Does he look at me like Corey looks at Mia? Did we make a mistake last night?

The sliding glass door opens and Travis looked surprised when he saw me, but smiled warmly and walked over, kissing my forehead. I noticed he rubbed tears from his eyes as he pocketed his phone and I wanted to ask him if he was okay but I didn't want to anger him. Instead I flashed him a smile.

"Hey baby girl. You wanna go grab some alone time? I'm gonna rent a car to drive home. This morning was hella awkward. When I came out of the bathroom both Mark and Skye looked like they were beaten. Maybe they need time to lick their wounds."

"Yeah....sounds good." I said softly and took his hand as we waved goodbye to Cor and Mia- who were still ignoring us.

Down two floors and in our own room I immediately took off yesterday's dress and laid on the bed, Travis crawling up beside me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I gotta talk to you....." he said and I sighed. That was never a good sign. "And then I can ride back with Mark and Skye if you want. Or we can stay here. Or we can drive home. You tell me okay?" He asked and I nodded slowly.

"Whatever it is hon.... it doesn't matter... we promised last night. And we're married now. We can handle anything." I said and he sighed.

"Wish that was true..." he said sadly. "I got Shanna pregnant...."


	111. What The Hell Was I Thinking

Lauren's P.O.V.

"Wait. What?" I asked and Travis sighed, tears forming in his eyes. "You what?"

"I got Shanna pregnant..." he said again and I quickly took my hand and placed it over his mouth, my hands trembling with new fears.

I shook my head quickly. "Shut up. I need to think." He nodded in response, my hand still filled the space over his mouth.

My chest hurt. I repositioned my legs several times but I just felt uncomfortable. Like my nerves were on fire. "You what?!" I spoke again, more in shock but I didn't recognize my voice- making me laugh. "You.. you wait... you what?!"

I removed my hand and he raised his eyebrows, licked his lips and whispered the words I couldn't unhear. "I got Shanna.."

My hand went back across his face, this time in an open palm smack. I didn't mean to, it just kind of slipped out.

Just like his dick I guess.

He grabbed his cheek as I stood, walking over to the dresser and staring at my eyes in the mirror. "You got... Shanna. Shanna. You got Shanna..." Opening my eyes wide I stared into my own soul and smirked.

I deserved this.

"I'm sorry..." he said softly and I laughed again, harder this time- the noise escaping my throat like a stampede of elephants. I watched him behind me in the mirror, watching the beginnings of my mental breakdown with guilt and concern- forcing more loud laughter to escape my throat.

This is what we deserve. Happiness is not for us. This is all we deserve. More hate. More anger. More fighting. Neither of us can stop hurting the other. I have to break the cycle.

I pulled myself together and sat down. He looked terrified as I reached out and grabbed his hand, smiling at him. His eyes told me how much regret he had in his soul.

"I forgive you." The words flowed out of my mouth as easy as oxygen and his face was full of relief. "I don't care. I wanna be with you. I love you. It doesn't matter."

A tight embrace encompassed me as he held me close, the smells of last night still filling my nostrils reminding me of our adventures. "I want you. Only you. I'm so sorry I don't know what I was thinking..."

"All that matters is... we survived the storm. The hurricane to come, we will survive that also. Our love is worth it."

****

We slept soundly until it was dark outside, the day passing over us. When I awoke, I felt right with the world as he ran his fingers across my back and kissed my arm as I laid on my stomach. I was in love with an incredible man and everything else would be okay. I didn't care how we were going to make it all work- only that we would. We were a team.

"Wanna get dressed and go get dinner?" He asked softly after clearing his throat and I nodded.

Smiling at him, "That sounds perfect. Can you check on Jacob? I hate how we basically dumped him off on Shanna." The thought of her carrying his sibling was momentarily distressing, but I couldn't let it get to me.

"Already did Miss Barker. He's fine. Playing with his sister." He cleared his throat, clearly this was all still bothering him but the fact that I wasn't upset seemed to somehow bother him more. "Uhh... we really should talk..." he began as I reached down and grabbed his cock, stroking it hard and bringing it to attention, my lips quickly working their way down to take over, despite his lack of shower. He moaned as my tongue massaged his most intimate area, my hand caressing his balls.

That shut him up.

He came quickly, then kissed me deeply, his mouth tasting his own juices that I swallowed. "Lets get a shower together, Mr. Barker. I want to recap last night."

"Alright baby. But then we'll talk?" He questioned but I was already leaving the room, stripping off my clothes and humming to myself.

We can avoid this issue for another day at least. I'm sure of it.


	112. Kill 4 Me

Travis's P.O.V.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Shanna smiled kindly as she opened the door and stepped inside letting me into my former home. She hesitated for a moment before closing it again, waving to Lauren who opted to staying in the car while I picked up the kids. Jacob was fast asleep in his car seat, Alabama and Landon playing video games on the sofa- not even looking up as I watched them. I quickly made a mental note to get them out of the house this weekend.

"Travis!" Shanna exclaimed as she grabbed my hand and pulled me into the other room so we could talk. "What did you tell her?! If looks could kill...." Her eyes were wide, her arms crossed and I could tell instantly that she was annoyed.

"That I got you pregnant." I replied smirking and ducked as she quickly tried smacking me.

"You fucker!" She yelled and I shushed her, looking around the corner to ensure the kids were still distracted. "Why would you do that?! I told you I was late and it scared me. I took a test and it started next day. Jesus!"

"I'm sorry!" I whispered as she sighed in annoyance, her foot tapping impatiently. "I had to be sure she was sure about us. She is. We are staying married."

Taking her hands she pushed me backward, clearly done talking. "Well, that's good cause I was just sleeping with you for nostalgic purposes anyway. I never took your shit talk seriously. Now, get out of my house, okay?!"

I followed her back to the kids- more frustrated than ever. She was full of shit. Of course she believed every word I spoke to her. She begged me repeatedly to get back together, she wouldn't of said it unless she meant it.

LIAR

"Hey guys come on, let's get outta here. Kiss your mom goodbye, okay?" I asked and they nodded, jumping to their feet and kissing her quickly, running out the door. I grabbed the car seat and rolled my eyes at my ex wife- ignoring her beauty and all of our history.

"Do me a favor and don't cheat on this one constantly?!" She snapped at me as I walked thru the door. I turned around quickly to respond but the door was already shut and locked.

Yep. Definitely locked. I checked.

What a smart mouthed little pain in my ass! I thought angrily as I got Jacob into the car and slid back into the driver seat, listening to a conversation between the kids about a game they wanna get but their mom won't let them have. After her shitty attitude, consider the game bought guys- screw her.

****

It was late as I held Lauren in my arms and ran my fingers across her naked back while we laid in bed, exhausted from our alone time together after the kids went to sleep.

I cleared my throat and she looked up at me, only admiration in her eyes. "So, I just want you to know she's not pregnant. She told me she was late and I jumped to conclusions. Sorry for scaring you baby." The look of relief washed over her face as she pulled her body tighter against mine and I kissed her temple. This is good, this is comfortable, this is what life is all about.

****

"An orgy....and two weddings? Dude, I need a fucking drink...." Matt said as I sat on his back porch two weeks later. He had just returned from Italy and couldn't believe all that had transpired as I told him, in detail, all the gritty details. "Does this mean you don't wanna party tonight cause I could use a wing man- Mia is still on the road with Sound City, makes LA dreadfully boring..." Matt paused as he took a large drink from a bottle of whiskey before passing it to me and I followed suite. "...or maybe you are the man for the job after all..."

I shifted uncomfortably in the seat but smiled at my long time friend as a few girls walked outside. "Just bring on the party man, you know me, I'm always ready for a good time..." I winked as a girl sat on my lap, but my thoughts were on my wife and baby at home.


	113. Dancing With Myself

Mia's P.O.V.

It's been six weeks since I got off tour- five weeks since Corey left for tour and I was officially bored. Blink was in Europe until September- I almost went over myself, but work beckoned here at home. It was an up and coming punk band- their songs were pretty standard and it all just seemed so.... blah. I needed a challenge. I needed to write. For the first time since my dad died I wanted to sing. Performing live with Corey awoke something in me I forgot existed, and although it was exhausting- I loved performing. I also decided it was time to start writing my story, and for weeks have been putting memories and ideas in my phone's memo pad.

But, for the next two weeks I was stuck here in the studio, where I have been since Cor left. God....I was so damn bored. I felt like I heard these songs before- it wasn't new or different- just younger guys telling the same story. My phone went off as they ran back thru vocals and I rejoiced when I saw it was Billy.

Beej: Heyyy..... wanna hang out? I'm bored.

Me: Stuck in studio- looking at future of punk.

Beej: Send me the location. I'll come by.

Me: You don't need to do that.... Feldy's....

Beej: I'm THAT bored. I'll bring booze.

Day drinking with him sounded like fun, although I had a feeling these guys would freak when he got here. The first few days were basically a game of twenty questions on what this celebrity was like and what jobs I have done. They had only been in LA for three weeks- hailing from Vermont- and this life was very overwhelming for them. I did tell them they reminded me of Good Charlotte- both their writing style and personality, which seemed to keep them in good spirits.

"Should I run thru the vocals again?" Dan, the lead singer, asked me and I nodded as he sighed, putting the headphones back on as Feldy, the studio producer and lead singer of the band Goldfinger, gave the cue. The rest of the band sat on sofas behind us and listened intently as Dan ran thru the song flawlessly.

The door opened as the song ended, Billy instantly hugging me tight and grabbing a chair, ignoring the wide eyed seventeen year olds who sat behind us. He quickly handed me and Feldy a beer each and then smiled wickedly.

"Can I get a playback guys?" He asked and we nodded as he hit the button. Listening intently as Dan came into the lounge area, eyes wide and jaw dropped, he winked at Dan- handing him a beer when the song ended. "This reminds me of early... and I mean early.... Green Day. Good vocals man, but drink more before you record. Or take breaks. I could hear your voice cracking." Dan simply nodded and drank the beer quickly.

"Look at you Beej, coming in and giving the future of punk tips. Not even Feldy offers that." I responded and they both laughed.

"Well you get your ass in there, show 'em how it's done!" Feldy responded, pointing at me and I shrugged. "Beej pick a song...."

"Oh! Do Hallelujah. You kill it, every time...." Beej said excitedly and I groaned. He knew how much I hated that song. Too many memories.

"Fuck you! Do 'kick it' with me." I responded and he laughed, shrugging and agreed.

"Only if you do it live with me tomorrow night." He shot back and I nodded quickly, eager to get back on stage.

************************************************

It was nearing seven p.m. when we wrapped for the night. Beej had left hours ago- getting called home by his wife. Dan and the guys were aching to do something other than sit around their apartment or grind in the studio so I told them I would take them to a few spots and show them the best spots to hang out. Two opted out but Dan and his brother Mac were thrilled.

"Is this a Lamborghini Aventador?" Mac asked excitedly and I nodded, running my fingers over the white hood.

"You know your cars...." I replied, winking at him. "This is my new one. I got bored and bought it the other day."

"Holy shit! This is amazing...." he said quietly, touching it like glass. "She's beautiful." Shaking his head he looked up at me and frowned. "You got bored?!"

"Yeah- it happens from time to time. I donated my mustang to charity a while back and needed a toy. I don't normally go so frivolous- but I saw her in the showroom and had to have her."

"How we both gonna go with you?" Dan asked and I laughed.

"Obviously.- meet me there. I gotta run home first." I replied as I got behind the wheel. "Head down the street to Club Ion. I'll be there in a half hour. Tell the bouncer your waiting for me, he will show you where to go."

They thanked me as the engine roared to life and I pulled out of the gated fence, waving to the security guard as I drove out of the city and thru the hills, back home to drop off my car and pick up my escalade.

I noticed the lights to my home were on as I pulled into the driveway, more worried when I realized the gate was opened. I parked in the driveway, pulling out my phone and dialing 9-1-1, groaning when I got a busy signal.

"Who the Fuck is here?!" I muttered under my breath as I stepped out of my car, instantly getting grabbed from behind.


	114. Killing Me Softly

Corey's P.O.V.

"You punched me in the fucking face!" I exclaimed loudly as I held my jaw, standing in the driveway- staring at Mia in bewilderment and anger. Flowers that were in my hand for her were now all over the pavement, the red pedals blowing in the wind.

"You grabbed me from behind! What did you expect?!" She said, still shaking her hand from the pain. Who the fuck did she think she was, Chuck Norris or something? That was an epic punch. Part of me wanted to hug her, the rest of me wanted to punch her back. 

"I'm sorry baby! You scared me.." She exclaimed and I chuckled.

"Ovbiously."

Walking inside I grabbed an ice pack and laid on the sofa, laying it on my jaw, she sighed as she came in behind me and sat beside me, running her fingertips over my chest.

"I hate to punch and run but I'm supposed to meet those kids at club Ion. They haven't gotten to do anything since they got to town. They are burning out."

"Want some company?" I asked and she smiled. "Cause honestly I came home to see my girl."

"The punch was just a bonus then..." She responded, raising her eyebrows and winking at me making me laugh. "Of course I want your company. I could always use arm candy."

"Pretty sure you are my arm candy.....I mean.... I am Corey Taylor after all...." I boasted and she hit me with a pillow.

"Keep telling yourself that babe....."

***********************************************************

Tom's P.O.V.

She won't talk to me.

Ever since she got married she has been working- performing in front of crowds.... she's confident, she's beautiful and she seems to have forgotten me.

I have engrossed myself with my alien research since the wedding. I have to make my life count or I won't make it. Jen had me go see a shrink again but I stopped going after one visit. I just..... I cant. I am making my life count.

I still look at her pictures every day. I can't wait till she is mine again. This project will be huge. I will get her involved and we will be able to work together again. Its,going to be amazing.

***************************************************************

Travis's P.O.V.

I look at my kids sleeping on the sofa across from me and I know life is worth living. Then I look over at my wife and my soul aches all over again. I have cheated on her twice since we started tour. She is right with me and hasn't got a clue.


	115. Impossible

Mia's P.O.V.

I laid on a towel, digging my toes into the warm sand, enjoying the California sunshine as it covered my body like a blanket. Corey and I just celebrated our six month wedding anniversary last night- as unbelievably corny as it was. Our relationship was more than corny- but I loved every single second of it. He called me his queen- and he was my king. He brought me out of my comfort zone and I embraced it. I'm starting a band, writing my book and making art. 

We have had Corey's kids since we got home from his tour that I accompanied him on. The great thing is- the kids didn't just accept me- they were crazy about me me too. Being a step mom was even better than having my own kids somehow. His sixteen year old son Griff and I were close as hell and his six year old daughter Ava was glued to my hip.

"New intern today huh?" Jason asked me as he sat down beside me and I chuckled, sighing. "You ever gonna say no?"

"Well, my book is almost done so I didn't have any more excuses. I'm gonna be in and out of the studio for a few months before we go on tour." 

Jason was happy as hell to be my bassist in my new band. He came out on tour to hang out and we brought him back with us to stay. Travis was my drummer and a guy named Mike, friend of Corey's, was my lead guitarist. 

"Any details on the fresh meat? What are they doing for the studio?"

"Oh god... so the girl has a marketing and a law degree. Rick's hiring her as a in-house publicist." I rolled my eyes, sitting up as I watched Corey fall in the waves with his kids. The water was freezing. They were insane. 

"Why the hell are YOU stuck with her?!" Jason asked, lighting a cigarette. 

"Apparently Rick wants her to understand the kind of people she's representing. Worse is that she's twenty years old. Half my age basically. Born in 98. Grew up in some tiny town in Georgia and listens to country music. Her name is Daisy."

"You can't be serious!" He replied laughing. "Rick... he's gotta be fucking with you! Is she staying at the house?"

"Nooo... not this time. The studio got her a place. With luck I will barely have to deal with her." I chuckled, taking his cigarette and stealing a drag. 

************************************************

It was nearly four p.m. when Daisy walked thru the terminal. This my first time being in an airport and looking for my intern- normally I just pull up and tell them to get in- but Corey boarded a plane a half hour ago to fly the kids home, so I just hung out inside after saying my goodbyes.

I knew it was Daisy from the first moment I saw her- and not just because Griff spent the evening before combing her Facebook and showing me pictures, although it helped. She was wearing a white tank top with a plaid long sleeve shirt over it, tied up in the front and a jean skirt, with brown cowboy boots and a cowboy hat to match. Her long blonde curly hair framing her face and her smile plastered on her face as she approached me was friendly.

"Howdy. Oh my goodness you must be Mia! You're just as purrty as Rick described you!" She said quickly, kissing my cheek and pulling me in for a hug.

"Nice to meet ya Daisy. Shall we go?" I asked and she nodded excitedly. We walked out to the parking area and she squealed as I walked up to the escalade and opened the door. She stood in front of the car, jaw dropped as I beckoned her towards me. After a few moments of hesitation she slowly slid into the leather seat. In minutes we were on the road, green day playing quietly as I lit a cigarette.

"This is a really nice car. I can't believe I'm riding in it." She said and I smiled. This girl was too sweet.

"It's practical...." I said quietly and she sighed in happiness. "So what are you looking to accomplish while you're with me?"

"Not sure..... Rick said this was a very long job interview."

"What has Rick told you about me or what I do? What do you know?" I asked her and her eyes lit up.

"Rick told me to look you up so I googled you darlin... so what wiki told me? And your social media of course."

"Okay, well, Ricks an idiot. Do you know much about music- other than country?"

"Umm whatever comes on the radio. Sometimes I will hear something at the gas station or something.... but mostly everyone plays country where I live.

This poor intern is going to have the worst culture shock of her life.

************************************************

"Hi honey! I'm home!" I yelled as I walked thru the front door of Travis's house, being greeted by the dog as they licked my face. "Hi buddy. Where's daddy hiding huh?" I asked; Daisy laughing as he jumped all over her like a madman. 

I slipped an arm around her waist as I placed my purse on the counter, her following suite. "This is my best friend Travis's place like I said on the way over. He is the drummer of the band Blink 182 as well as a ton of side projects. He's been on the road all summer so we are catching up tonight."

"Sounds great. This space is awesome. Who's the designer?" She asked looking around and I shrugged.

"Honestly I think he just threw it together himself." We walked thru the doors and into the gigantic back yard. Travis was skating on the half pipe- music blaring from the speaker system. He jumped off when he saw me, running over and giving me a sweaty hug.

"Hey! What's kicking Miss Taylor?!" I shrugged as he stuck out his hand. "Hey, I'm Travis."

"Daisy....."

"You look beautiful." Travis said, kissing my cheek and hugging me again. "I fucking missed you this summer."

"Yeah... yeah...." I said chuckling. "You're gonna miss me so much worse when I'm on tour...."

"True...." he laughed. "So I was wondering if you would maybe.... possibly go pick up my son for me tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I got ya......" I agreed quietly and rubbed his back in sympathy. "But right now I wanna do something adult...."

"Well you don't drink, don't do drugs...your just.... boring... now....."

"Listen here Barker.... I'm picking up Skiba's and then we are going to Marks and we are drinking... okay?"

"Sounds great to me Ricci.... you down Daisy?" He asked and she nodded, high giving him. "Ya know... this can be a restart of your last intern...." he added quietly in my ear as I shoved him, shaking my head. 

Just what he needs.... another disaster.


	116. Revenge

Lauren's P.O.V.

"I'm a terrible person..." I said, sighing as I collapsed back on the bed, Winston panting beside me chuckling.

"Quit beating yourself up. You separated.... it's not like your cheating on him..... again." He responded and I shrugged.

"Hey my son is gonna be up soon. Can I be an asshole and ask you to leave? It's too soon for him to meet you...." I asked and he nodded his head.

"I got ya baby. Will you be over tonight after he gets picked up?" He asked and I agreed, standing up to pull a robe over my naked body. He pulled his clothes on and kissed me goodbye before exiting the room.

I really liked this guy....

Travis and I tried so hard to make it work.... but all we seemed to do was hurt each other. I ran off when my fiance died. Then the fighting while I was pregnant. Then... Fred Durst happened... after which of course we broke up, got married, went on tour and I swear we spent a good month just fighting and cheating on each other before I just.... kissed him goodbye and left him the ring- took our son and flew home. I loaded up Jacobs clothes and my stuff and left. Stayed at Marks for a few days then rented a condo ten minutes from Travis's house. I got my studio job back and immediately got assigned to producing the new Parkway Drive album.

Winston and I clicked instantly and by the end of the album, which took about a month, we were spending every night together hanging out after Jacob fell asleep. Our relationship progressed and recently we started sleeping together. I felt terrible- but any idealation that Travis and I were gonna get back together was tossed out the window. It wouldn't do Jacob any favors for me and his daddy to spend his life fighting.

Today Travis was coming to pick his son up for the week, starting our week on week off routine. It's not ideal but for now it was gonna to have to work. Lizette was traveling back and forth with him, since she was his nanny.

My phone alert went off as I stepped into the shower and I shrugged, grabbing and checking it real quick.

*Hey. Mia is picking up Jacob. We will talk later in the week. I'm not ready to see you yet. I don't know how it's gonna be. Sorry.*

Bastard. I thought as I stared at my screen. I knew he would chicken out. Typical fashion, sending Mia in his absence. I have not seen her in five months at least, aside from social media that is.

*Let's make time for each other this week though ok? We need to figure out where we go from here.*

***********************************************

The doorbell rang at noon. I was on the floor with Jacob, holding his hands while he practiced walking from the coffee table to my lap. He was nine months old and developmentally ahead of schedule, despite his doctor saying there would be delays.

"Come In!" I hollered and the door opened, Mia and a girl I didn't know stepping inside. Mia lit up when she saw us and immediately sat down on the floor beside me and put her hands out to Jacob who basically threw himself into her hands.

"Hey buddy! I missed you!" She said excitedly, kissing his chubby cheeks and holding him close. "How ya doing Lauren?" She asked, giving me a quick side hug with one arm and I shrugged. Mia was still exquisite- her hair was all black again and she had it straightened. She was wearing a tank top and basketball shorts that were clearly Travis's, since I could see the tear in the side that I stitched.

"I'm okay. Been busy with work and being a mom." I replied and she smiled, tickling my son and laughing along with him. She was so good with kids. "Hi, I'm Lauren, and you are....?" I said to the pretty blonde who was still standing awkwardly by the door.

"Hi ya... I'm Daisy, Mia's intern. Pleasure to meet ya." Her southern accent was thick, her green eyes sparkling. 

I smiled- but a million alarms went off in my head. Mia was with Travis and if this is her intern... I guess Travis will work his magic on her if he hasn't already. I mean he did pull me in on day one. She kind of looks like me.... he does have a type.

"I was Mia's intern a few years back..." I told her and she nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah, your husband mentioned that last night. I know you two are separated but... she replied softly, looking uncomfortable and Mia sighed, sharing a look with me as it was confirmed that Daisy was, in fact, with my husband all night.

"Ok, we are heading out. Lizette is already there and I have a car seat." Mia told me, standing up and letting me kiss Jacob goodbye before she walked thru the doors behind Daisy.

Watching them walk down the sidewalk and get settled in Mia's escalade I sighed briefly, thinking of Travis and wondering if this would ever get any easier.

************************************************

"Hey... what are you thinking about?" Winston asked me as he squeezed my hand and I looked up at him from across the table. We were in one of the nicest restaurants in town- both of us were dressed up and just left the premier of a new action movie.

"Nothing really, just wondering how Jacob is doing. He hasn't seen Travis is over four months I'm not sure if he remembers him." I said quietly and he nodded in understanding. I love how much he cared about what was going on in my life.

"Baby, I'm sure he's fine. Did you give Travis the divorce papers today?" He asked, his face hopeful and I shook my head, causing him to frown.

"He didn't come to pick up his son. He sent Mia, Jacobs godmom, in his place. He's delaying the inevitable.... and he knows it. I don't know why he's hanging on."

"Corey Taylor's wife?" He asked quickly and I nodded. "I didn't realize you knew her. We toured with Stone Sour last year and she came to a few shows. She's a damn good musician and really sweet- the small amount I interacted with her."

"Yeah, everyone worships the ground she walks on....." I responded and he laughed. "What? It's true. I used to also.... but, I dunno.... she's hard to get to know. She doesn't let anyone in. I was so happy when she finally got with Corey but when I cheated on Travis she never forgave me."

"Well... you know where her loyalties lie. Corey catches a bunch of shit cause he is seeing her. The musicians I know either worship her or think she's a glorified groupie who only has pull in this world because of her dad, uncle, godfather and now of course Corey."

"You mean... the muse? She bangs a guy and he all of a sudden can produce this perfect album?" I asked and he nodded. "Why would that be a bad rumor? She let them use it in a season of Califorication. She doesn't mind people thinking that....."

"Look.... all I know is.... if people were constantly thinking horrible shit like that about me and I had a way, like a tv show, to take the power back.... I would. I feel for Corey because he wants to be taken seriously and always has been. But now that their married people think he's getting special treatment. Ozzfest, tours, special projects. It's not because of her but that's what they all say...."

"I didn't know all of that...." I said quietly and he shrugged.

"I don't know her well but I know Corey well enough to know.... he deserves to be happy and he has worked really hard to get everything he has built. It's a shame he has to fight to hold his reputation. People talk... it's what they do."

I nodded.

What else could I say. A conversation about Travis turned into a conversation about my ex friend and her husband- a relationship that I helped set up. They were perfect together and complimented each other so well. I had no idea they had to fight for their happiness.

What are people gonna say about me and Winston?! What are they gonna think about what Travis and I have been thru? It makes you never want to have a relationship again. Too much work. Too much drama. Skye and Mark have not spoken to me since I left Europe and it's probably for the best.

It's all for the best right?


	117. Vengance

Mia's P.O.V.

"Goodnight London!" I yelled into the mic as the last song of the evening ended. Corey winked at me as I smiled at him and he wrapped his arms around my waist as I approached him off stage.

"You fucking killed it tonight." He exclaimed as I kissed his cheek and squeezed him tightly and I mumbled a thank you. Random rock music was blaring from the speakers as the roadies rushed around changing the stage for Slipknot to come out in less than a half hour.

We had been on tour for almost three months and I never wanted it to end. Vengeance was my baby and I was more than proud of my band.. Jason smacked my ass as he passed me,, Corey high fiving him as i squeeled. With the support of my husband and friends I let the whole world know what I was thinking- and I loved it. The album was dark.... real dark.

Travis and Corey bumped fists as we walked backstage and went to veg out and eat something before Cor had to gear up. I loved my life so much. I was surrounded by all my favorite people and life couldn't get better. Mike, Corey and Jasons friend, pulled out so Chad Ginsburg- guitarist for CKY, filled in and I was more than thrilled. He was loving spending all this time with Corey, since he hadn't seen him since we visited West Chester together. 

"Just think... tomorrow we will be home in our own bed. Oh my god I can't wait." Corey said into my ear as he held me close and I chuckled. I missed our house but I didn't care I was away from it. Corey made it a home and he was with me.

"Not looking forward to flying home though. I don't know why we need a commercial flight..." I whined dramatically and he smirked as he pulled the mask onto his face.

"Quit. Your spoiled rich girl is showing..." he stated as he kissed me again with the mask on and left the room as I stuck my tongue out at him, Jason laughing at us. 

"You happy Mia?" Travis asked as it quieted down and I nodded, sitting on the sofa and wrapping and arm around his waist- laying my head on his chest. "Tomorrow I have to sign divorce papers...." he responded and I sighed, my smile fading.

"Well... you gave it your best shot...." I said quietly and he chuckled.

"Look, we made that album in a month... right? And during that month I successfully avoided her thanks to you. I know she's dating- I'm not stupid. I'm forty five years old and I'm single. My closest relationship is you and you're married. But I know when she drops Jake off tomorrow I'm gonna be signing papers.... and I don't know how to keep it together after that happens."

"I know Barker. But I'm here. And I won't let you out of my sight if need be. You will make it thru this."

"Thanks baby girl. Let's go watch the show." He said and i nodded, standing up and walking out to the side stage to wish Corey good luck one more time. 

***********************************************

"Griff!" I said excitedly as I hugged Corey's son in a happy greeting when he came into the house three days after we got home from tour. Corey was more than happy to get his kids this year for Christmas break- and even invited Avas mother Stephanie who politely declined. His oldest daughter Lanie did come with her husband Trevor and his granddaughter Shellie, who was three and her newborn son Taylor.

"Hey Mia what's new?" Griff asked and I shrugged. "Watched you killing it on stage via YouTube. You give dad a run for his money... soon you will be headlining." He said and I chuckled and shook my head.

"Watch it dude or I'll ship your presents back to Santa." Corey added making me laugh.

I hugged both of Corey's daughters. I hadn't seen either of them since summer and it was great to have everyone back here. Lanie, is a preschool teacher and working on her master's degree in early childhood education. This was my first time meeting Trevor, who was doing a surgical residency at a hospital where they lived in Des Moines. He smiled politely as Shellie hugged my leg.

"Your welcome to get settled in your rooms and what not..." I told them all and they nodded. Griff didn't have to worry about settling in- he was here every single chance he could possibly get. If his dad didn't tour so much he would live here full time.

"Soon as everyone's settled we are going out to dinner still right?" Corey asked and I nodded. "Thank god I'm starving." He added and rubbed his belly for dramatic effect as I giggled and laid my head on his shoulder.

He was so happy to have everyone here and I was thrilled as well. Jason went to his girlfriends for the weekend- he had a baby on the way and they were trying to figure things out. I knew he would be back before long- they lasted about a day before they started fighting again. I smiled at the chaos around us as Corey wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my temple. 

"I love you my queen." He whispered. 

I love my life so much.


	118. Don't Give Up

Lauren's P.O.V.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

I said to myself as I looked myself over in the full length mirror. My hair was black now and my skin so tan from my daily trips to the beach in San Diego. My eyes were full and alive- completely different from months earlier when I was shooting drugs into my arm.

These last few months were real dark for me but I got better, every single day.

I was wearing a black tank top and shorts over my white bikini, sandals on my feet that matched my manicured toes. My body was back to a healthy weight and I felt like me again.

The me I was before I got pregnant, went crazy, killed a dog, had an affair, lost my husband and ended up on drugs.

Help for me came almost two months ago from the most unlikely person. I walked out of my room and down the wooden steps into the living room and smiled at Jacob who was walking around in his swim trunks- pull up sticking out the back. He was on a play cell phone hollering 'Ma! Cheese!'

I patted his head as I walked thru the beach house we rented and out back to the patio where a small pool was set up for Jake to play. Bam sat outside on the steps scrolling on his phone and laughing to himself while Nikki breastfed their one year old son Pheonix.

"Hey! There she is. I thought you were gonna sleep all day!" Bam said as I sat down beside him and lit a cigarette from his pack.

"Yeah sorry. I was up till almost dawn doing final revisions. The publisher wanted it by eight a.m." I replied and he nodded.

"Want me to get Jacob ready for you? I don't mind...." Nikki asked and I nodded. "You sure you don't want one of us to go with you?" She added after a few minutes, asking cautiously and I shook my head.

"It's time to face the music. I'm terrified as it is- but I keep telling myself it's time. I'm nervous he's going to fight for Jake..." I said sadly and Bam nodded, rubbing my back.

"Look, don't tell him everything. He misses his son and you know that. Focus on him and not your personal life. He doesn't need to know everything. Okay?" Bam told me strictly as I nodded. I hated lying to Travis but at the same time- withholding is not the same as lying, is it?

***********************************************

The drive down Jacob napped and it allowed me time to reflect on everything that had happened in the last few months. Winston and I were using drugs and partying together. I almost never saw my son. Three days after Travis left for yet another tour I was at a party sticking a needle into my arm like I had so many time in recent weeks. Just as the euphoria hit me Bam appeared in front of me, shaking my shoulders and cursing. I knew I was higher than I had ever been as I smiled and the world went black.

I woke up the next day in an apartment I didn't recognize. There was someone wrapped in a blanket with their back to me at a computer and two small dogs playing with toys on the rug below me. I sat up slowly, holding my head and moaning.

"Bam! She's up!" I heard the voice shout and I held my mouth as a trashcan was shoved in front of my face and I lost the contents of my stomach for several minutes.

"Hey, let me take that one." I heard the stranger say as they handed me a towel. "There is a clean one beside you if you need it before i get back."

I tried to say yes but it barely came out a croak. I did look up and see Bam talking to the guy who was shirtless with a giant tattoo of a man giving a thumbs up on his back. I wish I could say I was excited when it clicked it was, in fact, Steve-O, but I passed back out moments later.

The next few days were a lot like that. I was throwing up, my body hurt, I ran fevers and on occasion had a hallucination. By day five the worst of it had seemed to pass and I spoke my first words, scaring both Steve and Bam.

"I don't know where my son is." I muttered before passing out again.

They found him alive and well at home- with a super pissed off Lizette who didn't call Travis only because she didn't want me to lose him forever. Bam had April fly out and tend to Jacob in a nice hotel- telling his mom and Lizette I had the flu.

By week two I was eating and drinking- visiting my son in the afternoon and going back to Steve's with Bam. Not much was said except they were gonna get thru withdrawal with me and help me kick it for good. Steve took me to a few meetings a day that he knew wouldn't rat out I was there and we went to Tony Hawks to skate since anywhere public ran the risk of paparazzi.

Around the middle of week three Steve was leaving for his comedy tour so Bam decided we needed to get out of LA. I quit my job, broke it off with Winston, changed my number and we traveled down the coast to San Diego- renting a small three bedroom beach house right on the water. Nikki came out with their son and April came with Jacob. April eventually went home but we all stayed- and I took every ounce of pain and anger I have been feeling and wrote a book in less than two weeks. Bam did me a solid and called a publisher friend and just like that- it was going to print. I could literally never thank him enough for all he did to save me.


	119. Seriously, Don't Give Up

Lauren's P.O.V.

It was nearly four in the afternoon when I pulled up outside Travis's house. Living here felt like a million years ago. I could hear music playing as I knocked on the front door, Jacob on my hip. I was so nervous to see Travis again. I knew I still loved him but there was so much tension and bad blood between us- I didn't know if we could ever come back from it.

"Hey buddy!" Travis said happily as he opened the door. He held the door wide, giving entrance for us to come inside. The dogs greeted me happily and Jake hollered "Dog!" over and over while kicking his feet till I put him down, immediately he set to chasing them thru the living room.

"Damn, he's talking good." Travis said as he walked over and pulled me into a hug. "Thanks for, once again, keeping him long term Laur." I inhaled the smell of his cologne and tried to fry it into my memory so I could recall it later.

"It's no problem." I replied as the embrace ended. "It comes with who you are. I knew that going in."

"It's still..... I missed his birthday. I missed almost all of his firsts." He replied sadly, turning the music down and sighing. "You busy this evening? Thought maybe we were due to catch up..."

"Nope I'm free. All my time is devoted to Jake so..." I replied as I sat down at the bar stool in the kitchen beside Travis.

"Yeah. Heard you requit your job. Rick reamed my ass about it. Said you didn't have a job this time." He glanced up and judged my reaction, probably trying to figure out what my move was without steady income. I wanted to tell him, but not yet.

"Well....don't worry.. I'm fine on money. That job kept me away from home twelve hours a day. It drained me and kept me from being a mom. I'm glad it's over." I replied and he nodded, deep in thought for several minutes.

"You want child support? You never ask me for anything and we haven't gone to court or done the lawyer thing or....." his voice trailed and I noticed his face was bright red, his hand shaking that was on the table. This conversation really seemed to be bothering him and I didn't know how to help him. I was still learning how to help myself.

"I don't want to...." I said quietly and he looked up at me with surprise, not understanding what I was trying to say.

"What.... umm..." he tried asking and I felt my bottom lip quiver.

How was I going to say the words in my head. No I don't want to get divorced. I want him back. I want to be a family. I messed it up and he has every right to never forgive me but...... I feel like myself again and I want him in my life.

"You sure?" He asked quietly, finally speaking again and I nodded, grabbing his hand.

"I'd be lying if I didn't hate myself for messing things up between us Travis. I regret every bad decision I made between us." As I spoke I watched his muscles tighten, his leg shook as if he had to pee and his jaw was clenched. He didn't say a word, but he did hold my hand tight. His action with my hand told me he felt the same way but his body language screamed how much he wanted out of this conversation.

"Da! Da!" Jacob screamed as he ran up to Travis, stretching to be picked up which he got instantly. Travis spent several minutes tossing him in the air and tickling him, tickling his tummy making them both crack up. I was happy to have him as a pause button in this conversation. It didn't seem to be going anywhere.

"You wanna go get some dinner?" Travis asked and I looked at him in surprise. Not only was he asking me to spend more time with him but requesting to go with him into public. The press would have a field day.

"Like... out?" I asked and he nodded.

"Yeah I'm meeting Shanna, her new fiancee and the kids at his new restaurant across town. Wanna come?"

Soon as I nodded, he smiled.

"Your momma said yes. Yes she did. She said yes..." He whispered to Jake making him laugh.

**********************************************

"Lauren!!!!" Alabama screamed when I walked into the restaurant, hugging me and her little brother that was in my arms. "I'm so happy to see you and Jakie!!!"

"We missed you too honey." I said as I squeezed her back, then greeted everyone else before sitting down between Travis and his daughter. Jacob was placed in the high chair next to his daddy but I knew it wouldn't last long. Everyone seemed to want to hold him after not seeing him for so long.

We ordered quickly and I refrained from ordering wine- even though I really wanted some. The food didn't take long to arrive and during the course of the meal I barely spoke. I wanted to- but I didn't have much to say. Luckily for me Alabama was never at a loss for words and kept it going all night, talking about school, boys and her friends.

After dinner I excused myself and went to the restroom, just needing a minute to breathe. Alabama had just convinced her mom to keep Jacob overnight so she could have a sleepover with her brother. I knew this was more for Travis so we didn't have a distraction. I wasn't sure we were ready for that.

I called Bam and told him where I was- letting him know I would call him again when I got in my car to go home. He agreed but I could tell in his voice he was worried about me.

Once back at the table everyone was standing to leave and I hugged my son tightly, afraid to let him go. I came so close to losing him two months ago and the thought of losing him if they found out terrified me. My brain was screaming they knew and this is a ploy to take him away!!! but I ignored it as best I could.

Travis and I posed for a few paparazzi pictures out front of the restaurant with the three kids before heading out. On our way back to the house he held my hand and talked about the band The Fever 333 that him and Feldy produced and he played me the ep. I recognized it from his house when I arrived and realised I hadn't seen him this excited about new music in ages. Maybe something was different about him too.

Back at the house we sat on the sofa and sipped on bottled water, talking about his recent tour. "Blink will always be my main lady but I'm telling you something is different when I'm playing with Mia. She is one hell of a performer on stage and kills it every single night. Not to mention how happy she was."

"Well, I'm sure that had something to do with Corey and you being there." I said and he shrugged, nodding after pondering it for a few minutes. "I'm glad your home." I said and he looked me in the eyes, our smiles fading as we both knew the time for small talk was over.

"We could be great friends. Be good parents to Jake..." Travis said and I nodded, trying hard to hide my disappointment. "Neither of us wants to hurt the other one."

"You're absolutely right....." I agreed wholeheartedly as he grabbed my hand. "I don't want to fight with you and hate you and hurt you." I took a deep breath and leaned in, kissing his lips for the first time in six months. "I just can't stop loving you."

"You are such a bad idea...." he muttered and I nodded. "We are so toxic together..."

"We should really get divorced then..." I moaned as his hand roamed up my thigh and he pulled me easily onto his lap, our lips crashing together in urgency and we were pulling our clothes off as if our lives depended on it.

"Or we could go upstairs..." he whispered sexily as I moaned in agreement and he carried me up the bedroom.


	120. Like My Band?

Mia's P.O.V.

Knotfest.  
Warped Tour.

Interviews.  
Talk Shows.  
Touring.

This is what I think about. It's all my life has been since forming Vengance. It was all overwhelming but I was trying hard to take it all in stride and not let it get to me. The reason I never wanted to be in a band was for this reason.

With Cor's kids here I figured I would give them the day to spend time together and head over to Travis's. He hasn't called me since we got back and I was worried about him. Taking the lambo, I drove the twenty minutes to his place and parked in the driveway, using my key to let myself inside.

The dogs were excited to see me and greeted me with ample enthusiasm. I spent a few minutes petting them and settling them down before feeding them. After examining the clutter I decided to clean, turning on the music and lights. My plan was to surprise him with breakfast and convince him to go with me to Oakland for the day, where Billy was living.

Twenty minutes after I started, I heard footsteps on the stairs and was surprised to see Lauren, hair a mess in just panties and a bra. I smiled at her gently, knowing I needed to make amends with her for sake of Jacob. Part of me still hated her for the past, but I also remember a time before the bad when I saw her as a friend.

"Hey." I said, pouring a cup of coffee and sliding it over to her as she sat on a barstool. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Yeah...." she said quietly, obviously not knowing what to say to me. "Where's your shadow?"

"Ah. Daisy you mean? I'm still technically training her... but honestly she's been working at Feldys studio for months. I did a song there and she loved doing the work so I passed her along. She is even living at the apartment above it."

She chuckled but said nothing as I grabbed myself a cup of coffee and sat beside her, putting creamer in my cup and stirring. There was so much I wanted to say to her but I didn't know how. We sat there in quiet silence for several minutes till finally she sighed.

"Mia... I'm so fucking sorry. I'm sorry about coming out here and hooking up with Travis instead of learning from you. I'm sorry about running away and scaring everyone. I'm sorry about cheating on your best friend. I'm sorry about Ringo."

"I'm sorry too...." I said sincerely, pulling her into me and hugging her tightly for a long time. I felt her crying as we embraced and I felt the tears in my eyes as well.

"I miss us being friends..." she whispered and I nodded as I let her go.

"I never really allowed myself to be friends with you. Not really. But I would like to be friends Laur. Let's start over."

"I would like that Mia. Thank you..." she said happily, hugging me again as Travis came downstairs.

"Hey! Why are you two crying?!" He asked confused as he hugged us both and we laughed.

"Cause we are friends..." I responded and he laughed.

"Girls are fucking weird." 

"So, bestie..... wanna drive with me up to Oakland today? I have to do vocals on a new song for Beej and I really don't feel like making the drive alone." I pleaded, pouty lip and all but he just laughed.

"Two hours?! In a car?! With you?! I just toured with you! Don't you have a husband to harass?" He laughed as I looked sadder and shook his head. "Not happening- hopefully Laur and I are gonna go pick up Jacob and take him to the zoo or something."

"Actually, I gotta run. I have a meeting. But I'll call you tonight okay?" She said quickly, standing and pulling her clothes on, kissing Travis briefly on the lips and leaving before he could object.

"Uhh... what the hell was that?!" He asked me and I shrugged. "We had a great time last night."

"You have barely seen her since you got married. You barely know who she is anymore. Don't rush it." I offered and he sighed.

"Well... looks like my schedule just opened up. Let's go to Oakland." He muttered and I smiled, hugging him as I stood up.

"Thank you bestie..."

"Don't mention it......" he replied. "Seriously. The amount of time we spend together is borderline creepy."

**********************************************

It was nearly midnight when I got home and I was greeted by everyone, still wide awake and watching the a horror movie. Corey smiled as I sat on his lap and kissed him hello. Shellie was asleep between Lanie and Corey on the sofa, everyone else was scattered all over the floor. Travis came in a minute later, waving hi to everyone.

"Hey Travis, what's happening man?" Corey asked him, bumping his fist and he shrugged.

"She roped me into working today. I swear Mia doesn't know how to take time off." He laughed as I stuck out my tounge at him playfully. "I'm headed home. Love ya Mia."

"Love you Barker."

**********************************************

It was a good forty minutes later that the movie ended but I was glad to spend time with everyone. As the lights came on I stood up, going out front with Lanie while Corey carried his granddaughter to bed.

"I love this spot." She said quietly and I nodded in response. "I love how much happier he is now. You two deserve each other. I mean that sincerely."

"Thanks..." I replied and smiled at her, pulling her into a hug. She was an incredible human being.

"When do you go back on the road?"

"Oh god- don't talk about it..." Corey muttered as he walked out back with us and flopped beside me, sticking this feet in the pool.

"Yeah. It's tragic. We are home till March then on the road till December."

"Touring together?" She asked and we both sighed.

"Umm... June till August no... rest of time yes. I'm doing Stone Sour and she's doing warped tour because Travis is also doing blink and transplants at warped tour."

"Yeah... it's gonna be a nightmare. I can't even think about it. And... we are shooting for another album done by March so I will spend most of the next three months in studio. Travis has it worse though... he's doing a new blink also."

"So I guess I shouldn't ask if your gonna have any kids?" Steph asked us hopeful and we both laughed.

"Who's got time for kids?" We both asked, shrugging our shoulders.


	121. Mission Beach

Lauren's P.O.V.

I woke up to the familiar sounds of Bam and Nikkis laughter coming up the steps as well as Pheonix's baby babble. I groaned, my body still sore from the sex with Travis the day before. I was happy to have started anew with Mia but as Nikki pointed out- her and I could never truely be friends ever again. I was too damaged... too broken... and the things I have done will make her hate me forever.

Unfortunately, the same went for Travis.

How could I ever tell him what I have done? I couldn't. He would never understand my weakness... my sacrifices... how I almost lost Jake... how I almost lost myself. If I would of died.....

But I didn't.

How selfish am I to put myself right back into a place that inevitability led me to stick that needle in my arm?! But... at the same time, as I lay here I wish I was in his arms. It's Christmas eve. We should be celebrating together.

God dammit.

I walked downstairs and my eyes went wide when I saw Tom sitting on the sofa, holding a brightly wrapped large box on his lap. I said hello but moved past him and into the kitchen, grabbing a cup of coffee and my cigarettes before returning- sitting across from him on the loveseat. This was definitely a surprise.

"So I'm guessing you are surprised to see me here...." he began and I nodded as I lit a cigarette. "I live across the street. Jen and the kids live in the other house but I'm out here in seclusion so I can focus on writing. I have been watching you for weeks. When you left the other day I came over and got the scoop. You okay?"

"Peachy....." I said quietly and he nodded.

"Well... listen. This is for your son. It's a racetrack thing for little guys. My son had one and loved it. But... I'm guessing Travis has him for christmas?"

"Yeah. He thinks I am avoiding him. He doesn't know I'm an addict. I don't think he will let me have Jake back if he finds out."

"Give him a chance. Believe it or not we were all bad on cocaine for years. Mark quit first, then me- although occasionally I would dabble. But Travis did it constantly. It wasn't till the plane crash that he got a hold of himself. He's not a bad guy."

"I can't....." I said quietly and Tom nodded.

My phone rang in my hand, making me jump in surprise and answer it without thinking. "Hello?" I said quickly after seeing it was Mia.

"Hey girl! We are having a thing tonight at our house. Wanna come? Travis is bringing the kids...."

"Uhh...." I stuttered, unsure of what to say. "I can't. I have plans."

"On Christmas eve?!" She asked in surprise and I stayed silent. "Well.... ok. Ill send you pictures?"

"Alright. Thanks."

I hung up before she could push for more info. I knew she was confused and it would surely get back to Travis but I honestly didn't care. How could she ever understand?!

"Lemme guess... Mia?" Tom asked and I nodded.

"Yeah she called Nikki this morning. Something about Pheonix needing a special outfit. She's on her way to LA now. Bam's out back if you need him though."

"Wait... she's going?" I asked, jumping up from the sofa and heading out back- stopping when I saw Bam laying on the lounge chair by the adult pool with his shirt off and sunglasses over his eyes. "Hey. Where's Nik?"

"Spending the day at Mia's. Just us babe. Wanna grab food or something?" Bam asked, sitting up some and pushing his sunglasses up onto his head while he looked at me.

"Uh.. yeah I just gotta...go.... and.. ugh...." I turned to see Tom walking towards me and I sighed. This is not how I wanted to spend my day. Just as Tom reached out to grab my arm I backed up, almost falling down the deck steps as I escaped him. Bam looked confused as I ran past him, thru the back gate and down the sidewalk to the beach a few hundred feet way. Once I started running I couldn't seem to stop. My lungs burned, my eyes ached and my thoughts were racing in my head. I could feel my eyes leaking tears as I panicked.

The secret was out and Tom was going to tell everyone. Nikki was going to Mia's and if she told Tom she was going to tell everyone. No matter who told, Travis was going to find out and I was going to lose my son forever.

***********************************************

It was dark when I got home and I stumbled thru the back yard, falling up the deck steps and landing thru the back screen door with a loud thud. Bam jumped from his place in the living room and ran to my aide, pulling me up and helping me to the sofa.

I was wasted.  
And I hated myself.

"You smell like a fucking liquor store..." he muttered and I nodded. "What the fuck did you get into?" He scolded me more like I was one of the kids- and not his friend. 

"I drank a lil...." I whispered and he chuckled, shaking his head.

"No shit...." he replied, watching me pull off my cold shirt. "Well, your soaking wet so I'm hoping you went swimming and this isn't piss."

I lifted my ass and pushed my jeans and panties off, laying back on the sofa and frowning. "Bambi... the sofas all wet and cold..."

"Gee. I wonder why..." he said, chuckling to himself as he stood over me before pulling off his shirt and helping me to my feet. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

I smirked, all of a sudden wondering what it would be like to sleep with him, my hand running down his muscular chest as he stood there. "Are we home alone?" I asked and he nodded, grabbing my hand and walking towards the stairs. "Lets go to your bed then."

"Fine... but it's bedtime ya alcoholic..." he smirked, winking at me.

************************************************

Ring. Ring. Ring.

"Hello?" I groaned into my phone, my head pounding as I struggled to open my eyes.

"Merry Christmas!!!!!" A voice shrieked and I realized it must be Alabama. "Are you on your way? I want to wait till your here to open my presents!! Dad said it's okay."

"Go ahead honey I'm a few hours away and I gotta shower first." I stated quickly, my eyes finally open as I realized I was naked and not in my own room. I rolled over to see Bam sleeping beside me, his arm around my waist.

Oh god what did I do?!

"I'll wait. Promise. It's only seven you will be here by lunch!" I sighed, knowing I was losing this battle. I was angry with myself, angry with Nikki and angry with Bam.

What is wrong with me?!

"Dad says he's got something special for you." She said and I shook my head, wondering if Travis knew the meaning of breaking up. I knew he wanted to be together.... but I was clearly no good to anyone.

"Bama... I'll be there in a few hours okay?" I promised and hung up quickly, trying hard to remember the night before.

After checking social media, text messages and photos I realized whatever I did was without my phone. I blacked out- this much is obvious but I slept with Bam?!

Showered, shaved, hair done and working on my makeup an hour later Bam appeared in the doorway, a smirk plastered on his face.

"So... about last night....." he started and I looked at him with horror.

"Can we not?" I said quickly, cutting him off and he chuckled. "We uh.... we....." I tried to ask but it wouldn't come out.

"We didn't hook up. I helped you get a shower and put you in my bed... you fell asleep talking about Travis."

"Really?!" I asked in surprise and he nodded.

"Yeah. Really. I'm not a fucking asshole. I wouldn't take advantage of you. You tried... trust me.. I was a gentleman... Just glad you came back here. No more drinking Lauren. Seriously. You are a fucking mess..."

"I know... I mean, I don't. But I can imagine."

"No. Seriously. Fucking nightmare...." he stated flatly... "I love you.. but goddamn.."

"I know... dude... I know...."


	122. Christmas Cheers

Mia's P.O.V.

"If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas. You know where to stick those jingle bells."

Corey looked over at me as we drove down the road towards Travis's for dinner and smirked as I shrugged innocently. I knew what the look was for but I was doing my best to keep my straight face.

"Seriously?" He asked and I heard Griff stiffle a laugh from the back seat.

"What?!" I asked innocently as I accepted the phone call and said hello.

"Hey it's Bama. You almost here?" She asked and I could hear in her voice she was stressed.

"Yeah sweetie I'm ten minutes away. It's just me, Corey and Griff. Everyone else flew home to do second Christmas at home in the morning."

After hanging up I noticed Corey was still looking at me and I started giggling as he shook his head.

"You gonna change your ringtone?"

"Hey man. If you do a Christmas carol I use it as my ringtone. That is the rule. I'll change it tomorrow." I replied matter-of-factly and then muttered "...as soon as Griff shows me how..."

We spent the morning with everyone before they caught their plane, exchanging presents and enjoying each other. I was going to miss everyone terribly but knew we would see them again soon. I loved his kids so much and even though I was a 'grandma' now (holy shit!) life was good. Griff decided to stay with us for the foreseeable future and we were more than happy to keep him. 

The afternoon we spent with Shawn and his family. Shawn is the drummer and founder of Slipknot- one of Corey's oldest friends. Jason and his girlfriend came, fighting the entire time, but it was good to see them too. Christmas dinner we agreed to spend at Travis's house- after much pleading from him. 

We were greeted by Mark and Skye minutes later in the driveway who exchanged hugs with me and followed me inside. I could see Travis out back thru the glass doors playing with the dogs and kids. Lauren was dressed to kill beside him and looked beautiful. I excitedly hugged her when she came inside, Skye smiling tightly as she hugged her secondly.

"I didn't know she was back..." Skye muttered as we watched her talk to Mark and I nodded, not knowing what else to say. It's their life.

"I'm headed out front to make a phone call. Be right back." I said to Corey and he nodded, kissing my cheek before I took a few minutes for myself.

Ring. Ring.

"Hello?"

"Merry Christmas April! I miss you!" I said excitedly and I heard the excitement in her voice when she heard it was me.

"Oh hi honey! How's your holiday going?"

"Good. Nikki and Pheonix came to the party we had last night. I was so happy. Missing Bam though, how's he doing? He never answers my phone calls."

"Well you know him. He gets distracted. He's right in San Diego I'm surprised you haven't seen him."

"Well... we were on tour." I responded and I heard her sigh. "Wait. San Diego?"

"You know.. with a friend of yours. She's real pretty. Has a young son. Came here with you once." She had to mean Lauren. But why....?

"Why are they staying together?" I asked and I heard her sigh again.

"I don't think I should of said anything. Forget it. Just know I'll tell him to call you. And Phil and I miss you. Come visit soon. London crashed Kelly's car into a fence. Did you hear?"

"Yeah Ava texted me pictures. I couldn't stop laughing." I responded and she chuckled.

"Merry Christmas sweetie." She said and I smiled, happy to have her in my life.

"Love you Ape. Merry Christmas."

*************************************************

It was around eight when dinner was over and we said our goodbyes. Once heading home I spilled my guts to Corey and Griff about what April told me on the phone. I tried Nikki and Bam one more time since I got there but they both had their phones off.

"So best case scenario it's some weird threesome...." Griff told me excitedly and I shook my head. "Uhh... I don't know then. It sounds really strange."

"Yeah. But a whole lot of not your problem babe. We are free to be happy and not stress about other people's issues. Remember?" My husband, voice of reason, reminded me. 

"Yeah but....don't you think that.."

"No." He said sternly and I sighed.

"But maybe I should..."

"No. Not your circus. Not your clowns." He responded. "Stay out of it."

"But..."

"No."

"Maybe....."

"Seriously?!" He exclaimed and I sighed loudly making him laugh.

"I hate it when your right." I pouted and he shrugged. "I'm so leaving that song as my ringtone. You cheesy little Christmas song. It's fucking ridiculous."

"Whatever keeps you out of their problems babe...." he said calmly, ignoring my pouting and squeezing my hand.

"I hate it when he's right too..." Griff added, sighing along with me. "We need resolution dad." He muttered as Corey smirked, kissing my fingers.


	123. Shiny, Happy People

Lauren's P.O.V.

It was barely dawn when Travis kissed me on the cheek, waking me from my sleep. I smiled up at him as he looked down at me, love in his eyes.

"I love you but I gotta run. Blink is doing a show in Vegas tonight and I won't be back for a day or two. We set some things up for while we are out there. You are welcome to stay here while I'm gone."

"Yeah... I might. But I have to head back to my place for at least today. I don't have any of my things."

"Yeah okay. Well.... I mean you still have a key so.... I'll call you tonight if I can. Love you."

"Love you too." I said quickly, sitting up as I heard Jake begin to cry from down the hall. I would be the first to admit it was nice to be back here- and the more time I was here the less I wanted to go home.

Unfortunately, I knew I couldn't keep looking to my past to find my happiness. Being here lead me to my issues with drugs and alcohol. I was already slipping- I was wasted just two days ago.

I needed to find a way to sit Travis down and tell him I was an addict so we could work it out and move past it. Then again.... I haven't thought about heroin in a month at least and maybe... I was cured after all.

I made the bed and walked down the hall, happy to see Lizette had already gotten him up and dressed and was now feeding him breakfast.

Perks of being married to a rich guy. A nanny. I thought as I said good morning as well as asked her to get him ready to leave before heading back into the bedroom, taking a shower and getting dressed for the day. Black yoga pants, t-shirt and sunglasses was good enough. I was having anxiety about sticking around here too long. I needed to be home- out on the beach and relaxing on the sand.

With Jake in my arms I walked outside and stopped dead when I saw Tom parked out front, his arms crossed over his chest.

Fuck....

"Hey Lauren. Where ya headed?" He asked as I plastered a small smile on my face, pretending his arrival didn't totally fuck me over.

"Back home. My book comes out in a few days and I have to get ready for the release party." I replied and he snorted a laugh. I ignored him, putting my son in the car and strapping him securely in, turning on his tablet and handing it to him before shutting the door. "What do you want Tom?"

"To talk to Travis...." he stated and I sighed in relief. "He around?"

"Nope. New York. Won't be home for a week."

"How did he take it?" He asked and I shook my head as I opened my door, but he quickly pushed it shut again. "Seriously.... you okay?"

"I.....I..... I didn't tell him yet okay? I wasn't gonna ruin Christmas....." I replied quickly and he sighed.

"Word of advice?" He asked, opening my car door. "Tell him. If it's in your book he will want to hear it from you."

"The girl in my book is fictional....." I stated and he chuckled as I got in.

"Sure. Sure she is....." he stated as I shut my door quickly and drove away.

**********************************************  
After going to my publisher meeting at noon and sitting in almost four hours of traffic on the 405- getting back to San Diego took all my patience and time. The day, as well as Tom's visit to the house this morning, were all but gone from my head.

I was thrilled to walk inside my own house- quickly wrapping my arms around Bam and hugging him tightly. He kissed my cheek as I squeezed him and Nikki laughed as my son hugged her tightly.

"Did you miss us?!" Nikki asked Jacob and he laughed, wrapping his arms around her neck again and snuggling into her as she held him. Phoenix was asleep in the pack and play but it was so nice to see him here. I missed them all so much.

"We were just getting ready to order dinner. You hungry?"

"Starved." I responded and Bam laughed. "So I was thinking about something on the way here and.... tell me if I'm overstepping.... but how bout I go home with you?"

"Seriously?!" Nikki said and I nodded, prompting her to stand up and hug me tightly. "God I would love that!"

"Bam?" I said and he smirked, hugging us both for a few moments and I realized all the stress I have had in my body was slowly fading away.

*****

Over dinner we discussed sleeping arrangements with the boys and my book tour. Bam called Jess and told him our plans which excited both him and Kelly a bunch. My idea was crazy- but once I had it I couldn't shake it. I had to do this.

As I put food containers in the fridge and did dishes Nikki put the boys to bed and Bam straightened up the downstairs. We worked together so well as a team and I loved being with them. I was so grateful to Bam for saving my life and I knew eventually, they would go home and obviously I was not good at making decisions if I stayed here.

"Come outside with me. Let's go for a walk." Bam said and I nodded, turning off the sink and drying my hands.

We walked along the beach, the full moon lighting it up perfectly as the sand below us cooled with the darkness. I had a cigarette in my left hand and my flip flops in my right hand, enjoying the cool breeze from the ocean.

"I love it here." I said quietly and he nodded. "It's so pretty."

"It's cold in PA. Phil said it won't stop snowing." He replied and I sighed. I forgot about snow.

"I grew up in New York. I'm not afraid of snow..." I mentioned casually, causing him to put an arm around my waist while we walked. I became lost in his gentle movements- his fingertips caressing my skin so lightly it was borderline annoying but still so comforting. It gave me a flashback of Travis's rough fingers and I small pang of guilt hit me but I swallowed it down and concentrated on Bam's touch and the moonlight once again.

"I know you aren't..." he chuckled and my brain scrambled, trying to remember what I said to him. Something.... about snow.... being afraid maybe? Had to be. I simply chuckled and laid my head on his shoulder as we stopped walking- my mind lost in the world around me. "Are you sure about this move Laur? You know we love you but if you leave- be certain."

"I am sure about you...." I said softly and I could see him studying my face from my peripheral vision but I ignored him and contained to look out to the ocean- watching dolphins swim by on the horizon, illuminated by the bright moonlight.

"Tell Travis. If he freaks... well.... we are leaving anyway. But you gotta know for sure if this chapter is closed. Right?" He asked and I nodded, turning to face him. "And if you work it out- we will always have San Diego." He added with a smile, kissing my lips briefly and walking back the way we came.

Maybe we did sleep together after all.


	124. Everybody Hurts

Mia's P.O.V.

I sat in the kitchen, up on the counter, eating bacon from a plate and watching Loudwire videos on YouTube on my phone as Corey cooked. Griff was outside in the pool with his friends splashing around and as I watched them momentarily I smiled. If things were different I would of had a rugrat or two. I'm pretty fond of Corey's kids. They make me happy to be their step mom. Shawn and Jim sat at the island across from us and listened intently as the video played.

"Hey it's Toni and I'm here with the latest in Rock news. It seems that the fans are flocking to the new opening Slipknot act that accompanied them on their last tour. Tickets went on sale this morning at midnight east coast time and twelve hours later most venues are sold out. Many claim they want an up close view of not only the new Slipknot stage setup but their new opener- Vengance. It features Travis Barker, drummer extraordinaire, guitarists Chad I Ginsburg from CKY, Jason Christopher and the amazing vocals of Mia Taylor- wife to Mr. Corey Taylor himself. If you think her voice sounds familiar- that's because she has done vocals on over two hundred songs since 1996. She is also recently revealed to the world that she is, in fact, Kurt Cobains daughter in a book she wrote that came out several months ago which have been taken off the shelves pending a lawsuit from Cortney Love. I know many of you will be trying to find videos of the last set of stage performances but to no avail. The band has a strict no recording policy and has security confiscating phones both before and during the show. They want the audience to spend their time enjoying the show instead of recording it. Let us know in the comments if you bought a ticket and where you are seeing them on their run this spring."

I laughed as the video ended and Jim smirked at me, shaking his head. I knew the news of no video or pictures would travel fast.

"You realize people are gonna be shoving phones in their cooch right?!" Shawn asked and I nodded, laughing.

"Well... no... listen. I know we're old people but when I look out in the crowd and just see phones.... it's a mess. Enjoy the moment." Corey came to my defense and I laughed, nodding in agreement. "Let me finish these eggs for the kids and we'll get going."

"No rush man. Happy to see ya relaxed at home for a change. You both work too hard." Jim chimed in, smiling at me again as the front gate buzzer went off. I looked at Corey curiously before hopping down and walking over to the screen- seeing it was Tom. My body was flush with heat for a moment before I hit the button to let him in.

"Who is it?" Corey asked and I frowned, my brows concentrating on the screen as his car drove by.

"Its Tom....." I said quickly, walking out onto the deck and down the stairs to the driveway, stopping a few feet from his car. He smirked as he stood, looking just as handsome as he always was. Closing his door he pulled the hat on his head down over his eyes and smiled wide, holding out his arms for a hug.

"Mia!" He shouted and I shook my head slightly, walking up to him slowly, the heels of my boots making noises on the brick till I stopped to give him a quick hug. He still smelled exactly the same.

"Tom. What are you doing here?" I asked and he shrugged.

"I was in the neighborhood." He responded as I shook my head. I knew he was full of shit but I couldn't help but invite him inside- even against all my better judgement. He followed me back up the steps and past the pool- into the living room where Corey, Jim and Shawn all stood. Tom didn't miss a beat, sticking out his hand and politely introducing himself to all three of them. I could tell Corey was baffled but seemed just as curious as I was by this cold-call visit.

"So, what's up?" I asked as I sat down on the loveseat, Corey sitting beside me. Jim stood over by the door with his arms crossed while Shawn went outside to smoke.

"First I wanted to apologize for everything. I treated you like shit and was a total asshole to you for years. So... for that... I'm sorry. But I miss your creative wisdom and hope one day we can collaborate."

"Maybe... one day. I have been really busy lately." I shrugged and he nodded in understanding.

"Secondly, Lauren. I know you hate gossip but Travis is your best friend and now bandmate. He needs to know Lauren overdosed on heroin a few months ago. On Christmas Eve she missed your party because she was drunk. She's struggling."

"Wait... how do you know?" I asked as Corey grabbed my hand which made me look over at him. He looked worried and I think he realized maybe I should of gotten involved.

"She's staying with Bam and Nikki in Del Mar right across the street from where I live. Bam is the one who saved her life. Nikki said she was a heavy user and it took them weeks to detox her. She won't tell Travis. I think she's scared of his reaction."

"Where is she now?" Corey asked, finally getting on board, and Tom shrugged. "Where is Travis?"

"In Vegas recording." I responded and Tom sighed.

"Where's Jake?" Corey asked and Tom sighed.

"Wherever Lauren is....." he said and stood up. "Look, I just wanted you to be aware there's a problem. I better go. It was good seeing you Mia. You look beautiful, as always."

Jim walked Tom out as I sat there in stunned silence. Lauren had a drug problem? But she looked so good the other night at the Christmas party.

"Shit." Corey muttered and I nodded in agreement. "Maybe he is blowing it out of proportion. We both did a lot of drugs in the past. We were both fucking disasters in our own ways. Travis will understand. He's been there."

"Yeah. He has. But where was his son while this shit went on? He's gonna lose his mind." I replied, wrapping my arm around his stomach, laying my head on his chest.

"Jesus that guy has some nerve! Just come over like he wasn't a dick to you for years and fuck shit up for your friends. You can't sit on info like that because what if the kids in danger?! What an asshole!" Jim said loudly and I couldn't help but smile. He was saying what I was thinking.

Corey left a few minutes later, after I promised him not to tell Travis without him being there. I called Nikki- who told me she was in San Fransisco. I asked her to have Bam call me and she agreed- hanging up quickly.

An hour later my buzzer sounded and I smiled to see Bam on the screen, with Lauren beside him. I hope that meant Jake was along for the car ride.

After hugging Bam for several minutes I invited him inside, then said hello to Lauren who I kissed on the cheek.

"Jesus I love this place!" Lauren said loudly as she looked around.

"Haven't you been here before?" I asked and she shook her head. "Oh yeah, it's been like... a year? Well... this is it."

"Its almost as cool as my place." Bam responded and I shook my head. "I said almost."

We sat in the living room and I cleared my throat, noticing they were holding hands as I began.

"So Tom came to see me....."

"Oh Jesus." They said at the same time and I chuckled.

"Tell me Jake is taken care of and you kicked the habit for good. Tell me something cause Travis is going to lose his mind."

"He's good- with Nikki. She's telling him tonight and was worried about Travis trying to take him from her."

"Not gonna lie. The thought crossed my mind...." I said quietly and she began to cry. "Hey. Hey. Look, I'm sorry. I don't want that to happen. He's just gonna freak out. He loves you. He loves his son. Are you clean?" I asked and she nodded. "Are you gonna stay clean?" She nodded again.

"I'm moving to PA. I need to get away from this. All of this. Travis won't want me anymore. I just want my son. We can work out visitation. But I just.... I gotta go." She said and Bam looked up at me sadly. I could tell he was trying to take care of her but she was so damaged. It sucked.

"Just.... promise me you will talk to Travis first? Give him a few days to calm down and then talk to him again. Tell him this when he demands to have Jake: 'He is safe. He is secure. He is happy. I will tell cops his location to do a well check.'" I sighed, knowing he would hate me for this. "He doesn't have custody of him honey- there is no custody. Stay here for the three days- okay?"

"I don't want to leave Bam." She said quickly and I sighed.

"Then he's staying here too." I said and shook my head.

Corey was gonna love this.

Instead of staying out of it I'm now directly in the middle of it.


	125. The Day of the Humans Is Gone

Travis's P.O.V.

I got home around dinnertime, my phone ringing as I got out of the car. I checked the screen- unlocking it when I saw it was a text from Corey.

*Hey man, you need someone to talk to later hit me up we can go do something. You aren't alone.*

I could feel myself frowning as I pocketed my phone once more- not understanding what he was talking about, but knowing I would ask later. Right now I wanted to see my wife and son. I have only been gone four days, what could of happened in that time frame?

As I opened the door I saw Lauren sitting on the stool at the breakfast bar, tears running down her cheeks. I could feel my heart instantly racing as I try to understand what I am seeing. The house was completely clean from what I could see- and smelled of lavender. It was almost completely dark aside from the lights above where Laur sat. The panic didn't subside- instead increasing when I glanced around the room once more and noticed Jake isn't here.

"Hey.... where's Jake?" I ask and she quickly forces a small smile to her face.

"Hes... okay. Umm... with my friend. God Travis... don't worry so much, you look like you've seen a ghost."

"Yeah..... alright......" I replied flatly, now more confused than anything, as I dropped my duffel bag on the floor and approached her. There was an unopened bottle of wine in front of her and a glass, as well as two stacks of papers and a black pen. I frowned as I came closer and realized it was our divorce papers.

"Seriously?!" I said loudly when I realized she had signed them.

"Travis.... just sit down. Hear me out. And after I say what I say we can toss them or you can sign. But... I need you to hear me first."

I ran my hand across my face and sighed, knowing it was gonna be bad from her shaking body in front of me. I had to keep my temper under control or I was going to lose the woman I loved. Nodding, I sat down beside her and pulled her to me, hugging her for several minutes. She was terrified of me.... terrified of what I would do.... and it made me hate myself so much to think I made her this scared. I have put her thru hell. I have treated her badly. I have never truly forgiven her for anything and have punished her for every wrongdoing while cheating on her endlessly.

I had to hold it together.

How bad could it really be?

As long as Jake was safe and taken care of there is nothing that couldn't be fixed.

"I'm in recovery" she blurted out and I pulled back from her, studying her face carefully.

"Like... you're slowing down because it was getting out of control?" I asked and she shook her head.

"No.... like..... I take a pill everyday to keep myself from using heroin again. I'm a heroin addict. I overdosed a few months ago."

Without thinking, I jumped up from the stool, hearing it fall to the ground with a loud bang and she wrapped her arms around her chest, tears falling down her cheeks again.

"What?! Where was I?!" I asked, mentally kicking myself because I knew where I was- on tour like always. Not that I even knew she had become a junkie.....

"Tour. Travis. Tour....." she said quietly, almost at a whisper and I gasped at the words being spoken. As if I was the bad guy here. Before I could stop myself I was immediately defensive, and even though I didn't want to know the answer- I asked the question anyway.

"Well one of us needs to earn an income! We can't both just quit our jobs! Where was our son?!"

"Umm....." she said and I could see her body shaking but the fact that she didn't answer set me off worse.

"God dammit Lauren! Where?!" I screamed and she stood up, glaring at me thru the tears.

"You know what Travis?! I'm trying to tell you this horrible thing that happened and your temper isn't helping! You know he's fine. You saw him recently. It's only the fourth time since he was an infant but ya know... that's your fault. I'll come back in a few days. Maybe then you will listen. Then again, maybe it really is for the best if you just sign the damn papers!" She screamed, her body shaking as she poured salty tears from her eyes. But I didn't care. My anger was running my actions now.

"Get out!" I screamed, picking up a fruit bowl and throwing it at her- watching it smash into a million pieces on the wall as she dodged.

With one last glare she stormed out the front door, slamming it behind her and I sat down on the sofa and cursed.

What the fuck is wrong with me?!

Corey had to of known- which means Mia knows. Pulling it out of my pocket I dialed his number and he picked up almost immediately.

"Hey man."

"Hey you and Mia should probably come over before I destroy my house....." I said angrily and he sighed.

"Dude I'm pulling up now. Mia said twenty minutes ago we needed to come over."

"It's unlocked...." I said as I ended the call, laying back on the sofa and sighing. "I fucked everything up...."


	126. Sugar

Mia's P.O.V.

Once Corey sent the text we sat in the car around the corner and waited. We told Lauren we would be there for backup but I was pretty sure once the bandaid was ripped off we could talk some sense into him. She only used for a few months. It could be worse. I definitely think that the illusion of a life in Pennsylvania sounded good to her but I felt a little.... weird about it.

"So... if she stays here with us what happens when we go on tour in three months baby?" Corey asked me and I shrugged. "We can't babysit her forever. Not trying to be a dick it's just..."

"No. I get it. And I don't know. Honestly. I'm too old to raise her. I got my own baby to handle." I replied and he frowned for a good minute before a sudden realization followed by a wicked smirk.

"You're talking about your band aren't you?" He asked and I nodded, making him chuckle. "I was almost positive but.. it still got my heart racing."

"That would of been a strange way to tell you I'm pregnant...." I responded, laughing as I held his hand. "I'm not.... just so we're clear." He kissed my lips for a beautiful moment which made me smile. I had no idea how how amazing it would be to be married.

"Why are you smirking baby?"

"Cause I feel ridiculously happy to be married to you. You're hot. Plus I'm super happy performing. I love this band. And I love you."

"What about the court case. It's out. Unplugged is off the shelves and Courtney....." he stopped as I put a finger to his lips.

"It's okay. It's all okay. I'm happy. The rest is just noise. Sorry about offering our place to Lauren and Bam.... I should of asked you first...." I said and he shook his head.

"No. It's our place. I'm cool with it. And I love you too...." he responded, kissing my lips again- us both getting lost in each other for several minutes, making out like two horny teenagers.

Travis called soonafter, and we were pulled in and parked- walking into his home. He was sitting on the sofa crying but I could tell from the flipped coffee table, broken bowl, discarded fruit- these were angry tears. I approached slowly, sitting beside him and laying my head on his arm while he stared at his broken television in silence- tears contained to fall down his face. I could hear Corey behind us picking things up in an attempt to normalize the chaos.

"Fuck man...." Travis cursed and I sighed. I knew what he meant. After twenty years of being friends and working together we could relate without saying much.

"Love you..." I whispered, wrapping my arm around his bare stomach and I felt his hand grab my arm, squeezing it briefly and then resting upon it.

"She's a junkie...." he said quietly and I nodded. "They are never done...."

"Give her some credit. She told you. And, she love you. If you fight her Travis... she's leaving. She wants to move to Pennsylvania. Bam is the one that is getting her thru this; believe it or not. He found her at some sketchy party he was attending and realized she was overdosing. He saved her- got her to Steve-O's, helped her detox, then moved her to San Diego. Jacob is fine, she's fine, it's all fine. But now she's worried if she stays and you two don't work out its gonna send her down the rabbit hole. She needs to stay sober. She has to."

"So you want me to say goodbye to my son, right? You want me to tell her to leave...." he said angrily and I sighed.

"I'm not the enemy Travis. I'm speaking as to what's best for her soberity and what's best for Jake. Tell the press she's working on a project in Philly. Let her get a year sober and try to start again. But, if you take Jacob from her...she will relapse. You two can do the long distance thing. Go out there and visit Jake. You know.... you tour ten months a year, it's cruel to expect her to stay here for you."

"Yeah... okay."

"Okay...." I said standing up. "I'm taking off- I love you Barker and I will see you in the studio in three days. Call her tomorrow. Let her go...." Travis nodded as I kissed his forehead and left with Corey, basically falling back into the car. As Corey drove we didn't speak for several minutes while he held my hand and I cried. I felt horrible for telling him to do that but it was for the best.


	127. Good Goodbye

Lauren's P.O.V

"You promise to video chat me every day? I don't want him to forget my face." Travis asked as I laid naked in his arms. I nodded and he sighed deeply. "I'm sorry....Laur I'm really fucking sorry if I drove you to...."

"No. Travis. Don't. Don't do that. This is on me. No one else." I said softly, kissing his lips gently. My phone rang and I grabbed it off the nightstand- reading the text and showing it to him. "They're here...." I said, almost at a whisper- and I watched his eyes clench shut as he laid his head back on the pillows.

We dressed quickly, kissing one last time before walking downstairs to where Bam and Nikki stood beside Jacob and Pheonix. Travis picked his son up and held him tightly for several minutes while I gathered up our bags.

"I promise bubba. I will come see you in three months. We will have a whole week before I'm back on the road. I love you." Travis said to Jake as he squeezed him and Jake pulled at his dad's ear.

"Bam" Jake said loudly, holding out his arms to him and Travis sighed loudly, handing him over and wiping his eyes on the back of his hand.

"Laur.. we will be outside in the car..." Nikki said and I nodded as they grabbed our bags and walked outside with the kids.

I stood awkwardly in the middle of the living room, staring absent mindedly at the door left ajar, not knowing what to say. When he called me yesterday morning and urged me to leave I could hardly believe it. I didn't know what this meant for us but I do know I needed to do what's best for me and Jake. I hated taking him away from his dad and I felt so guilty as I stood there- unable to know what to say.

"You better get going...." Travis said softly, his back to me as I nodded. I sighed and began to walk out the door slowly, glancing back once as I stepped thru the threshold and saw the pain in his eyes as tears ran freely down his face.

It literally broke my heart.

My brain wanted to run back to him and vow to stay, wrap my arms around him and allow him to carry me back upstairs. But.... I didn't listen. I contuined to walk outside and into the car, where I got in the front seat and closed the door.

The second the house was out of view I lost it, tears burning my eyes as Bam held my hand. I felt awful... but I knew I was doing what was best.

One day this would be worth it.

************************************************

Travis's P.O.V.

I spent three days wallowing in my own self pity. Bottle of liquor in my fist at all times and no hope beyond that next fix. I was low- lower than I ever have been before. Laying in bed at three a.m. watching some stupid sitcom rerun on cable television, I realized I needed to get it together. We both fucked up our relationship and it was best that we left it broken. I signed the divorce papers from so long ago and at six in the morning I mailed them to her new address in PA.

It was time to truely, honestly, let her go.


	128. Time Keeps Flying

Lauren's P.O.V.

"I can't believe Jake is so big !" Mia said excitedly as she held him tightly in the living room of April and Phil's house as Nikki laughed, tickling Jake's feet and nodding in agreement. "I missed so much!"

"Well godmommy Mia... maybe you should visit more! Huh Jake? Tell her!!" Nikki said, taking him from Mia as Pheonix raised his arms to be picked up. "Aww but Pheonix knows you well. We just saw her in Denver last week, didn't we buddy??"

"Yes he did..." Mia responded, kissing his cheeks. I smiled as I stood there, looking at my family and wishing I felt less awkward.

It has been almost a year since I left Travis, as well as California, seven months in fact. He came out to see him for a week in March, and a week in June right before warped tour began, but now that they are thirty minutes away he isn't visiting. Apparently his new girlfriend isn't a fan of mine. No worries.

"I can't wait to go to warped tour tomorrow..." Nikki said and Bam nodded, wrapping an arm around Mia's waist.

"Gonna see our girl rock it out again. The show in April was so kickass. Me and Nik were blown away."

"Thank you. Thank you." She replied politely and then glanced down to the coffee table as her phone rang. "Gotta answer that- my better half is calling from Europe." She said quickly, handing Pheonix to his dad and heading outside.

She looked better than ever before. Her body was toned, tan, much more heavily inked and fit. Her black jean shorts hugged her body perfectly- accompanied by a Slipknot t-shirt that left more to be desired. Her hair was bright red with blonde tips now- not to mention almost to her butt. I have no idea how she managed it. I watched her thru the glass as she smiled and laughed, talking excitedly to Corey for several minutes. I don't remember a time she ever looked like that talking to Tom. Hopefully that is how I look now- because I don't think I ever looked like that when I was around Travis. Or Mark.

"Wanna go for a ride with me?" Mia asked, suddenly in front of me, as if appearing from nowhere. I had no idea where my mind was- but I did not realize she was walking towards me. Looking to Nikki for approval I nodded, following her out of the house.

"How ya been?" She asked after several minutes of silence, the engine of her rental car the only buffer between us.

"I'm good. Went to Rio with Bam last week for some PR stuff but mostly just been here since the book tour ended. You?"

"Uh, good. We have Griff full time now- he's sixteen and he chose..." she said, smiling at me. "We also left LA." She added, looking a little less confident, but only for a moment.

"Oh... where did you move?" I asked, assuming San Diego or maybe San Francisco.

"Vegas. Both of us wanted to get out of California. We have a three bedroom, two bath house with a fenced in backyard and a pool. It's not extravagant or flashy, it's nice and it's us. I love it."

"You left Travis?" I asked her, wanting to take it back instantly from the look of anger on her face and after a minute she simply nodded.

"Right after you did. Like... within a week. We were getting Griff and didn't want him in California any more than we wanted to be there." She said quietly and I nodded. "Plus his girlfriend is a total bitch. She would have driven me nuts."

I quietly nodded. Alabama told me in a late night phone call that her daddy was dating Hollywood radio dj Jamye Foxx, and the girl was rotten. Her daddy liked the arm candy that was half his age and the relaxed relationship status. "Wheres Griff now?" I asked and she smiled.

"With Corey. I swear I can't stand being away from either of them. Fourteen more days and we are back together." She said happily, pulling into Bam's driveway and parking out front. Novak smiled as he walked out of the door and she chuckled, looking over at me. "And I know you have been dating Novak. I'm happy for you. I was worried you were trying to steal my backup plan..." she said, winking and opening her door.

"You mean Bam?" I asked with surprise and she nodded.

"It's always good to keep a plan b Lauren... just in case..." she replied as Novak pulled her to her feet and pulled her into a tight hug, winking at me as I got out and watched them embrace, nodding slightly in approval.

**********************************************

"Whats up Philly?! How we doing out there tonight?!" Mia screamed into the microphone and the crowd roared in response. "I feel so honored to be back here tonight for the second time this year, can I get a hell yes?!"

"Hell yes!" The scream roared loudly around me and I smiled as Travis laughed at the crowds response. We shared a brief look of amusement before he frowned as Novaks hand interlocked my own.

"We got one more song for you crazy mother fuckers and I need the help of my friends Mr. Jess Margera from CKY and the infamous Bam Margera to come out here!" The crowd roared again as the two ran past us and hugged Mia, grabbing mics to sing along to CKYs 'shippensburg'.

I watched Travis as they sang, he didn't bother to look at me again until the last song was finished and he was off stage. Novak briefly squeezed my hand and followed Bam as I stood there in awkward silence.

"Wanna go back and talk for a few?" He asked and I nodded, unsure of what to say. Other than talking about Jake we have not spoken. Once I received those divorce papers I knew it was over. I moved on and I was not going to apologize for that.

"Travis...." I groaned as he put his hands over my eyes in front of a closed door and he simply chuckled, telling me to open it.

"Lauren!!" A room screamed and I smiled big when he let me go and I saw Alabama, London, Mark, Skye and Matt. This is freaking awesome.

************************************************

"Were you surprised?" Travis asked as we sat out back by the trailers on a crate we found. We were both smoking, even though I gave up the habit months ago. He brings it out in me- the compulsive smoker, drinker, user... all of it.

"Hell yeah I was. I missed the kids so much. Skye and Matt too!" I replied as he smirked, his eyes shining as he looked at me briefly. "So, how ya been?"

"Good. I'm vegan now, quit drinking and using drugs. I haven't been avoiding you... I just...." he threw his cigarette to the pavement and sighed. "I think I'm always going to love you. It's hard to know your are happier alone."

"I'm not alone. I'm still living at Bam's, and I have a great support network out here. Plus Novak is really good to me. Did you read my book?"

"Yeah. About ten times. I'm so fucking sorry...." he muttered and I sighed. "I know you don't want an apology but I really did put you thru hell. And I am sorry. I hope we can be friends."

"I'd like that...." I said, waving to Nikki as she approached me.

"Hey, we are ready to head out if your coming along. I'm starving and dinner is calling our names."

"Sounds good." I hopped down and smiled at Travis, seeing his age for the first time since I met him. "It was good seeing you Barker." I said quickly, winking at him and walking away as he smirked at me.

God I still loved him....


	129. Hammertime

Mia's P.O.V.

"So, before I got married- my interns always just crashed at my house but you are lucky- you get to stay at the awesome apartment five minutes away from me. We will be working five days a week for the next four weeks, then you get two weeks off while I go to Europe to do a few music festivals. If you want you are welcome to come along but you don't have to."

I smiled softly at the young girl in the truck beside me and she simply nodded. I think she was more than a little overwhelmed but they always were. I studied her features- long black hair, freckles, blue eyes, full lips. She was beautiful in every sense of the word- but again... they almost always were. This particular intern was the biggest deal, since the contest entries had to jump thru a bunch of hoops to even enter. Then again, now that I was performing it was a much bigger population trying to work with me.

"We have a four hour drive to Vegas, why don't you tell me about yourself and how you ended up with me. I don't even know your name." I stated, trying to get a conversation flowing and she laughed nervously.

"I'm a huge fan....." she said, looking up at me and smiling, swallowing hard. "I'm Hannah and I'm twenty five years old. I have a degree in anthropology and another in psychology, currently freelance writing for Rolling Stones magazine. I am not in a relationship, no kids and no parents telling me I'm screwing up my life. I play piano, guitar and clarinet. While in high school and college I taught others how to play guitar... uhh... that's basically it. Oh! And I tattoo. I got my licence when I was eighteen and fall back on that when I'm broke."

"Nice to officially meet you. I knew the contest thing had a ton of entries. It was a little bizarre." I replied and she nodded.

"Oh god- yeah. Personality tests, an essay, video audition tape and a three thousand dollar submission fee." She stated and I sighed. Rick was getting rich as hell off my current fame.

"So... I have to swing by Travis's house and then we will be on our way. I hate to throw you in the deep end but they are doing blink rehearsal there and I need to drop off the Europe schedule." She nodded as I spoke, breathing fairly regularly so maybe this won't be such a big deal.

"No worries. I'm not a huge fan of pop punk. Travis is a great drummer though." She offered and I nodded. Maybe me and Hannah would get along just fine.

***********************************************

"Mia!" Jake yelled as I opened the door and I smiled, picking him up easily in my arms. "I'm three now!"

"Not yet dude. Your birthday isn't for a few weeks. Where's your dad?" I asked and he shrugged, his bottom lip stuck out from me calling his bluff. "This is Hannah, she's gonna be working me with me for a few months. You show her the bathroom I'm gonna go find daddy okay?" He nodded as I put him down but he wasn't happy. His hair was buzzed and Travis had him dressed in jean shorts and a tank top. I couldn't believe how old he was already.

"Mia!" Travis said excitedly as I walked out back, standing up and hugging me tightly. Lauren smiled, waving as I hugged him back. Lately she has been working on a Showtime tv show as a writer so her and Jake were staying here last I heard. I almost never came here anymore, just saw Travis in the studio and on the road.

"Schedule is on the counter in the house. I just wanted to say hi." I said and he smiled, pulling me in for a second hug before sitting down beside Lauren and putting an arm around her shoulders.

"Well sit. Relax. Band practice got pushed to sound check in four weeks cause Mark is still in London. You know bama graduates in two weeks right?"

"Yes, I RSVP'd. Wouldn't miss it." I replied, winking. "So are you heading to Vegas on Monday? They are shooting part four of the new Jackass movie."

"Uh... I was but I can't. I gotta work..." Lauren stated and I nodded. "Novak is on his book tour anyway. This morning he was in London and sounded really happy."

"That's good...." I said quietly, not knowing what else to say. As I watched Travis rub her arm I realized I was never really sure where her and Travis stood anymore. I looked up as Jake lead Hannah outside by the hand right over to his dad.

"Thiss my girlfriend.." he said quickly, smiling proudly as she giggled, stretching her free hand out. "Hi. I'm Hannah- the new intern."


	130. Sleepless In Vegas

Lauren's P.O.V.

"Unkleee Coreeeeeee!!" Jake yelled loudly as he got out of the car and ran up the driveway into Corey's arms. 

"Hey little man. What are you doing here?" He asked and Jake giggled.

"Spent da night!" He was frowning in confusion, not understanding why Corey was not already aware of this information but still sounded both entitled and excited in his voice.

"I dunno..." He replied, looking confused and turning his head smiling at Mia as she came outside, wearing a beautiful white dress. "Do we let little boys sleep over at our house Aunt Mia?"

"I dunno...." she responded and Jake immediately looked back at me, his eyes full of tears ready to burst. "I guess if I can get a big bear hug you can stay." She added and Jake laughed as she walked over and hugged him and Corey at the same time.

Travis has been in the studio out here for a month working on the third Vengance album and I had wrapped at Showtime. I was out here to go see Novak, Bam and Nikki. I was a bundle of nerves after so much time apart. Mia agreed to keep Jacob for the night while I went to the Jackass set. 

"Hey! How are ya Lauren?" Griff said from beside me and I jumped slightly, being startled by his sudden presence. He was so much taller and more muscular- he looked so much like his dad it was crazy.

"I'm good.... how about you?" I asked and he shrugged.

"Come inside. I'll show ya the house. The parentals said you haven't been here before."

"I would love to but I gotta...." I started and then... I just shrugged. "Alright. I got ten minutes."

The house was incredible.. and totally them. Handwritten song lyrics of theirs were framed and hung on the walls in between band pictures and pictures of the two of them. The color scheme and furniture all reminded me of Mias house in LA but had Coreys horror movie posters and their weird collections of comic book heros all over. As I sat on the sofa a German Shepard jumped up on the cushion beside me and laid its head on my lap. Sadness of the past came flooding back as I ran my hair down its neck and Mia smiled, sitting beside us.

"This is Tardis." She said softly, running her gentle hand across his shiny soft fur. "Once we settled in here the three of us went to the shelter to consider a cat or something. In the lobby was a nine week old puppy someone found in the backseat of a car where a John Doe overdosed. We got to take him home that day."

"Yeah, Lauren, it was meant to be. Dad said we had to name him Tardis because her dog Ringo traveled thru time and got a new body just to live with her some more."

My heart was heavy as Mia held my hand and smiled softly at me. Everything was so fantastic here for them. I was so glad Tom broke her... because these last four years made her shine so bright.

Just then- Travis walked inside from the back door, water in one hand and Hannah's waist in the other. Of course he was sleeping with the new intern.... why wouldn't he be. I calmed my shaking nerves as he kissed her forehead as she walked out of sight and sat down next to Griff. I glad to still have Mias hand in mine.

"Hey babe, you working tonight or coming back to my place?" She yelled from the other room and Travis shot me an apologetic look before answering.

"Yours- and let's leave now, I just wanna go say hi to Jake." He shouted back and stood again, looking confused to Mia as his eyes fell upon her hand in mine.

"You and I both know he's in the basement rocking out with Uncle Corey.." Mia told him and he smirked.

"Bye Laur!" He yelled and I simply waved goodbye as he went out of view, Hannah appearing moments later in a bra and black jeans holding up two shirts. I looked over at Griff but he hadn't even looked up from his phone.

"Which one?" She asked us and Mia shrugged, looking at me.

"Uh.. the blue one. Travis is a sucker for blue." I stated and she smiled, slipping it on and waving goodbye. "So they are...."

"Yep..." Griff and Mia answered at the same time, sharing a chuckle as she stood up, Tardis hopping up too.

"Now, you have something to go do Laur and I am super excited for it. So, go be amazing and I wanna hear all about it tomorrow." Mia said excitedly. "Griff is going with me to go pick up dinner and we are just gonna hang out here tonight. And I will see you tomorrow. Okay?"

"Okay....." I said quietly, standing and hugging her goodbye. I walked outside and got in my car- beginning my drive to the set in the dessert where the last day of filming was happening for Jackass 4.

************************************

"Good evening..." Novak greeted me as I got out of the car almost an hour later. "You look incredible tonight baby." He whispered as he kissed my lips and pulled me into a gentle hug. I got lost in his embrace, glad to have him back after four long months.

"I can't wait to go home with you and Jake tomorrow." I said and he nodded, putting an arm around my waist and grabbing my bags for me as we walked thru the parking lot and onto the set grounds.

"I can't wait to have you home. You have been missed desperately. Trust me...." as we stopped by the trailers and he put my things in the open door. He pulled me into him and I excitedly kissed him again as we embraced. I was so proud of all he has accomplished.

"Lauren!" I heard someone scream and I looked over to see Bam pointing- Nikki immediately spotted me, jumping off Bam's lap and running the quarter mile to me, wrapping her arms around me tightly, Novak chuckling as he got pushed aside.

"I fucking missed you! No more LA jobs okay?!" She said quickly and I nodded. "I need you at home... Bam is annoying without you around."

"Pft. He's annoying when I am around!" I declared, smirking as he approached me and pulled me into a long tight hug. I could smell his aftershave and a hint of vodka. Smells I missed so much.

"I heard that..." He said huskily into my ear as he rubbed my back and I smiled. God I missed him. He let go slowly, his fingertips lingering on my waist as my eyes stayed locked on his. "How did she look?"

"Like a zillion bucks...." I responded and he nodded after a moment of contemplation.

"Good. I'm glad. I haven't seen her much- when she's not touring or writing she's with Corey. She came to set a few times...but it wasn't the same."

"I got ya...." I responded and he smirked, leaning in and kissing my lips briefly. "Miss me or something?"

"Wait till tonight..." Bam said, grabbing my ass briefly as Nikki smiled, taking my hand and walking me away from them so we could be alone.


	131. Boom Chicka Boom

Mias P.o.v.

"He's proposing to her?" Corey asked as we sat out back in the hot tub, the kids asleep upstairs.

"Yup. Probably already did- I dunno." I responded with a shrug.

"But aren't they in some weird four way Fuck fest?" Corey asked me and I laughed as I nodded. "Fucking weird babe. I would cut a mother fucker..."

"Yeah no. I'm good. I have no desire to venture elsewhere... your old. I have plenty of time once you die."

"Bitch!" He declared laughing, splashing me with water. "I love you."

"And I love you...." I responded, smirking at him as he watched me.

The sky was light up by stars and the faint glow of the city as I curled up into the love of my life's arm and rested my head against his muscular body. This life was incredible- I had all the love and joy I never thought I deserved right here at my fingertips. I couldn't remember the last time I felt lost or alone, undeserving or hopeless. Giving him a chance literally saved my life.

"You ever miss it?" He asked, breaking thru my thoughts as he wrapped his arm around me and kissed my head.

"Miss what babe?" I asked and he was silent- but I could hear his breathing change slightly.

"... ya know. That life." He said softly and I sighed, sitting up and facing him. Part of me couldn't believe he was asking- the rest of me knew it would happen one day.

"You mean the life where I banged married men, did a ton of drugs, drank till I blacked out and was completely self destructive? That one?" I asked with a small smile and he chuckled, pulling me back into him- a look of embarrassment slowly going over his face.

"Okay... Okay.." He said as he rubbed my back.

"I was actually just thinking of how happy I am. You, Griff, this house, this place, our friends, our life together. I am really fucking happy. And I love you to pieces. No Mr. Taylor.. I don't miss it one bit."

"Yeah.... me either. Drinking and drugging and staying in a fucked up marriage was wrecking me. I had no idea life could be this good."

"Me either." I whispered, as I turned and faced him, kissing his lips.

***************************************

"Look what the fucking cat dragged in!" I heard Tremaine yell as I walked onto set the next afternoon. "Holy shit girl you look beautiful!"

"Thanks." I said with a wink before hugging him. "Me and this handsome man are looking for his momma." I pointed to Jake and Jeff smiled.

"Her and Nikki are over there under the tent- Bam is setting up for a shot and Novak is at the hospital. He broke some ribs this morning when we shot with the bulls."

"You and fucking bulls...." I stated with a smirk.

"Hey dude!" Steve-O said as he walked up, hugging me tight. "I didn't know you were coming by!"

"Bringing the kid back to his momma. Now that they are going back to PA I won't be able to see him all the time."

" You hear they got engaged?" Bam asked as he walked up, hugging me from behind and then picking up Jake who was screaming his name. I nodded, a smile on my face as I watched Bam play with Jake.

"Bam where is Phoenix?!" I asked and he chuckled.

"Hotel with Ape and Phil. He's got an ear infection and running a fever." He put Jake down, pointing in the direction of the tent and sending him hollering for his mom. "I gotta go shoot this scene then we are wrapped. I just wanna go home- honestly." He stated, looking at Jeff. "Let's do it man. I'm tired."

I walked with Steve over to the tent where I sat next to Nikki and Jake. Lauren was standing up on the phone, furiously texting someone. She was covered in fresh hickeys and although she looked upset in her face, her body language said she was less stressed. I admired the ring on her finger and was happy for her- despite its unconventionalness, it was her.

"Travis is losing his shit...." Nikki whispered to me and I nodded. Of course he is. He always had it in his head those two would rekindle. Even though the whole time they played house in LA he was sneaking off and banging my intern. Fucking Travis.

"Will you fucking talk to him?!" Lauren snapped, handing me her phone. "He was custody of Jake. He's going crazy. I just don't... I can't... I just...."

"Chill. I got it. Go hang out with your son. No worries." I reassured her calmly and she nodded, taking Jake and heading towards the trailers.

"What are you gonna do?" Nikki asked and Steve sat next to me, reading the messages between them as I pulled out my phone.

"Call his dumbass...." I responded, shrugging my shoulders.

The phone rang once- Travis's aggressive voice greeting me at the other end. "What Mia?" He barked and I shook my head before responding.

"Dude.... stop it. Say your sorry... leave her alone. You aren't taking Jake."

"She loves me. I know it." He said in a low voice and I chuckled.

"Hannah is in the next room right? You are really fighting with her over having a happy ever after with a girl in the next room? Really?"

"So?" He asked and I smirked.

"Holy shit. You are her Tom. I bet if I messaged him he would immediately try the same shit. Leave her alone Travis. Seriously."

"Whatever." He grumbled, hanging up on me right after. I rolled my eyes, rotating my phone in my hands as I watched the monitors. Bam and Knoxville were shot with no kill weapons and they were laying on the ground crying.

It wasn't funny anymore.  
This just wasn't my life.

My phone vibrated as I waved to Knoxville, his tear stained face lit up in a pleasant smile as he saw me. I missed Corey and Griff. I missed out house. My head wasn't in this today. I wanted to be home working on music and spending time with my family. I momentarily thought about how I couldn't have kids and it made me sad for the first time in my life. What a weird time to think of that.

*Hey what time you heading home? Griff and I were thinking of heading to the movies and wanted to know if you wanted in or if you were catching up with everyone?*

I smiled, feeling my eyes burn. There is nothing I wanted more than to be with them in this instance.

*As much as I wanna come I don't wanna infringe on guys night. Griff has been looking forward to tonight all week.*

"Hey darling, how's things as a rock and roll star going?" Knoxville asked, leaning down to give me a slow hug. "I'm fucking wrecked. We wrapped yet Tremaine? I think I have internal bleeding!" He yelled and Jeff shook his head.

"Sorry dude we forgot to record. You ready to go again?" Termaine responded, walking under the tent, watching as Johnny groaned and spit blood onto the dirt. "I'm just kidding......" He added with a shrug as Bam flipped him off, heading towards the trailers- Nikki up and heading after him, Laurens phone in her hand. I laughed as everyone cheered- glad to finally be done with filming what promised to be the bloodiest and grossest Jackass yet. My phone vibrated again and I smirked as I read the text.

*Baby.... it was Griff who asked if you could come. Even offered to do it later tonight if your gonna be awhile.*

My family beckoned and I couldn't wait to see them. Letting Corey know quickly I would be home at six, pocketing my phone and turning my attention to Knoxville who was hunched over, blood dripping from his nose.

"Hey! We need medical over here!" I yelled as Steve-O quickly jumped up, making room for the paramedics, who quickly put him on a stretcher- taking him away in minutes.

"Anyone check on Bam?" I heard someone say at the same time Lauren was running towards us, Bam close behind her.

"Someone drive me to a hospital. Novak in surgery!" They both yelled at almost the same time.


	132. Surgical Gloves

Lauren's P.O.V.

Bam held my hand as we sat in the waiting room, my body unsettled as my leg bobbed up and down in impatience. Termaine sat across from us with a few others but none of us were talking. Novak had been in surgery for hours- the doctors thought he must of thrown a blot clot and it made him start seizing. Mia offered to come but Bam told her to go home and we would call soon as we knew. She was minutes from the hospital if we needed her.

The surgeon came out and I stopped breathing for a moment then squeezed Bam's hand as we stood, walking up to get news.

"He's in the icu. I was able to get the clot but he has a lot of swelling in his brain and his organs aren't functioning correctly. He's not responding. Someone will get you if he becomes conscious. I would get his family here if possible.." He said and I felt tears running down my cheeks.

"Come smoke with me..." Bam said quickly and I nodded, following him out of the hospital and over to the bench where he keeled on and puked behind. We both stared at the blood in his vomit and he frowned, as if he wasn't sure what he was seeing. "I love you..." He said, grabbing my hand as he breathed heavily., "go get a doctor..." He added, his words slurred as he fell back onto the concrete.

***************************************************************

"I promise I'm not leaving you. I'm okay. You see?" Novak asked as I hugged him, tears falling freely down my cheeks and I nodded my head quickly, his mom on the other side. "I'm fine. The doctors said they couldn't believe it. They thought I was a goner." I smiled as he kissed me and squeezed my hand.

"Bam had emergency surgery. He had internal bleeding. Johnny too. Both are fine now but for six long hours I was lost. You two can't leave me."

"We won't baby. I promise. We both love you so much." He said gently and I nodded harder, trying to will myself to believe it. I would die without their love.

****************************************************************

"Yeah. Okay..." I heard Corey's voice before I entered Bam's room the next morning. Mia was beside Bam in his bed while he ate breakfast, Corey and Griff sitting in chairs near them.

"No! I'm serious! I did lots of the dumb crap they did- I just refused to be on the show so they had to edit me out."

"Half the crazy shit was her idea. She loves torturing my mom just as much as I do!"

"I see you in a whole other light..." Corey said with a smirk and they all laughed. "Hey! Mornin Lauren. We just stopped by to check on Novak and found out this one was also injured."

"Yeah. Yesterday sucked. But everyone's good now. They just released Knoxville. You might be next...." I said softly to Bam and he shook his head.

"Nah I volunteered to stay an extra day. I flatlined on the table so they want to be sure I'm okay."

I nodded, not knowing what to say.

"We're heading out- got lunch plans with Corey's daughter. You behave yourself Margera!" Mia exclaimed, kissing his cheek and standing up, giving me a quick hug and leaving the room, her family behind her.

"Come here...." Bam said once the door shut and I walked over, getting into bed beside him carefully. He kissed my forehead as I snuggled into him- trying hard not to hurt him. "How's Novak?"

"He's good. Up... showered.... dressed in normal clothes. They are doing an mri soon but if it looks good he can go home tomorrow."

"I love you...." He whispered and I nodded, looking up and kissing his lips briefly. "I know I promised myself if you and Novak got serious I would back off... but I just...."

"I love you too." I responded, kissing him again. "We work. We all work. I think we all just need to stay honest and it will be okay." I whispered and he closed his eyes. "Do you want me to leave so you can sleep?"

"No I want you to stay so I'm not alone anymore...." He mumbled, holding my hand and snoring moments later.

I laid there, holding him, my fingers in his hair. I knew our relationship was unconventional. I knew what we all had was not typical. But I so fiercely loved him and Nikki when I moved to West Chester it just worked. I finally understood what Mia saw in this for so long. The only difference is... she held back- kept them at arms length. She allowed them to love her on her terms only and only when she wanted it. I found all the love and support I could ever ask for in two people. 

Novak eventually came into the mix when Nikki began feeling jealous. The triangle was not working and she wanted Bam back. She learned that Mia worked because of her limited availability.... and she began to resent me. Bam and I promised to cool it and Novak and I began... but love is complicated. Bam was almost constantly jealous of Novak with me... angering Nikki more. After some time we kind of fell into a werid four way love fest. Everyone had someone all the time and we were all happy. 

"You're here?" Novak asked, walking into the room as I nodded, shushing him. 

"I just got him to sleep." I whispered, smiling as he kissed Bams head and then my lips. 

"He's gonna be okay baby. We love you so much... you know that right? You're gonna be married twice..." he chuckled as Bam nodded his head without ever opening his eyes. 

"Hes right baby. We are all just gonna wear three rings forever." Bam chuckled, groaning as the pain shot thru his body. 

This might not be everyone's life but its my life and I was so happy to live it. Forever.... and after....


End file.
